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When Christianity & Adoption Intersect


ElizabethAnn

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Some points to ponder:

Are Christians called to different (or higher) standards, when it comes to adopting or placing a child?

How did/does your faith impact your preferences/choices/actions within the adoption process?

When it comes to open adoption... what would Jesus do?

How can we apply standards of "good stewardship" to adoption today?

There are no "right" or "wrong" answers, only yours. Want to share some of them?

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It took me awhile, but I finally put together some thoughts on this subject … ^_^

Are Christians called to different (or higher) standards, when it comes to adopting or placing a child?

- The Bible says that Christians are called to the highest standards as parents – whether by adoption or biology. We have the awesome privilege and responsibility of raising that unique person created by God’s own fingerprints in the womb (whether ours or a birthmother’s.) In the Old Testament, Jewish parents were reminded that they were to teach their children about God at all times, and He still expects this of us today: (Deuteronomy 6:5-7) "You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up."

How did/does your faith impact your preferences/choices/actions within the adoption process?

- For us personally, our understanding of God and how He loves “red and yellow, black and white” (as the children’s song goes) enabled us to open our hearts to children of any race. Certainly, life experiences such as being raised on the mission field and ministering in an African American church also played an important part. Our faith in God and His sovereign plan for our lives didn’t make the heartache go away when we experienced a failed adoption and failed matches, but it definitely carried us through those heartbreaking times. The Holy Spirit also gave us peace when our daughter Isabel was born unexpectedly facing a lifelong disability, and allowed us to proceed with her adoption in faith despite the circumstances – and to rejoice when God allowed her to recover far beyond what the medical professionals believed was possible!

When it comes to open adoption... what would Jesus do?

- This doesn’t exactly address the question “WWJD” but in the Bible, there are two examples that could perhaps be called “open” adoptions. Moses’ mother had to make an adoption plan for her child in order to save him from certain death, yet God in His wisdom and love allowed her to continue to be Moses’ nursemaid for a time until he was weaned and moved into the palace permanently with his adoptive mother, Pharaoh’s daughter. Samuel’s mother gave him back to the Lord, placing him in the care of the temple priest once he was weaned, and visiting him on her annual pilgrimages to the temple. In both cases, the children were raised by “adoptive” parents but the “biological” parents had the opportunity to see them and know that they were being well cared for and loved … I just think this is so cool, and a reminder that God loves and wants the best for each member of the adoption triad!

How can we apply standards of "good stewardship" to adoption today?

- My first thought, in short, would simply be – keeping our promises … proving ourselves worthy of the precious trust given to us.

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Elizabeth, thank you for starting this topic. These types of questions have been on my mind a lot lately. Because we are in the ministry and are now adoptive parents, I feel like people expect us to have all the "correct" answers to any questions such as these. Yet, it's such a complex issue, to put it lightly!

Stephanie, I appreciate your responses. I feel as if you and I are on the same page most of the time!

One thing that I hear a lot from people outside the adoption community: "I think adoption is a beautiful picture of what Christ did for us by adopting us into his family." I would be interested to hear what you all think about that statement. Something about it just doesn't make me feel right. Any thoughts?

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  • 3 weeks later...

Here's an interesting theological study for those with a Judeo-Christian philosophical leaning:

The Doctrine of Adoption.

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there are two examples that could perhaps be called “open” adoptions. Moses’ mother had to make an adoption plan for her child in order to save him from certain death, yet God in His wisdom and love allowed her to continue to be Moses’ nursemaid for a time until he was weaned and moved into the palace permanently with his adoptive mother, Pharaoh’s daughter.

When Jesse and I started looking into adoption, open adoption was NOT something we were looking for. I did six months of research on adoption and adoption agencies - which ended up leading me to Abrazo. When we came down for orientation, we still weren't quite "in love" with open adoption, but we were very intrigued by it. When we left orientation, we saw the benefit of open adoption and decided that it was definitely the way we wanted to grow our family. It wasn't until I was in the hospital, though, with Jonas' birthfamily, that we became full believers in open adoption. Not only did we fall in love with our little man, but we fell in love with his birthfamily also.

My family has not been through all those experiences. They are still a bit leery of open adoption - even though we've tried to explain the benefits to them. They definitely support us in our decision, but they are also very concerned for us. None of this affects the way they care for Jonas, though....the adore him!!!

My mom used the story of Moses' adoption but in a completely different way. She brought out the fact that when Moses grew up, because he knew and had that relationship with his birthfamily, he decided to go back to his birthfamily and completely shunned his adoptive family. I honestly did not know what to say to this. We ended our conversation there and it hasn't been brought up again.

Stephanie, when you used this passage from the Bible, it brought that conversation back to memory. So I thought I'd see if anyone had any thoughts on the subject.

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My mom used the story of Moses' adoption but in a completely different way. She brought out the fact that when Moses grew up, because he knew and had that relationship with his birthfamily, he decided to go back to his birthfamily and completely shunned his adoptive family. I honestly did not know what to say to this. We ended our conversation there and it hasn't been brought up again.

I'll have to think about this some more, but my first reaction is to point out that Moses' going back to his birthfamily was obviously part of God's sovereign plan for His chosen people, the Israelites. Also, the Bible does not say that Moses "shunned" his adoptive family; rather his choices (murdering the Egyptian who was beating the Hebrew slave) drove him away from them and when he left, he was fleeing for his life. So in that sense, I think comparing the end result of his "open adoption" with yours is like comparing apples and oranges ... :huh:

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I agree! I don't think Moses shunned his birthfamily; I think he rejected the value system that enabled their culture to justify the mistreatment of his people. If there's any adoption parallel to the story, perhaps, it's that of adoptees who are forced to "take up for" their birthfamily in the face of continued denial and disenfranchisement of them by the adoptive family. No kid (of any age) should ever be forced to choose one over the other-- and they don't have to, in the most open of adoptions, when the birthfamily and adoptive family geniunely care for and empathize with the other and continally allow the adopted person to witness this, firsthand.

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I think he rejected the value system that enabled their culture to justify the mistreatment of his people.

Yes, exactly. I was talking to Pedro about this and he pointed out that nowhere does the Bible teach that this was about Moses turning his back on his birthfamily but rather his rejecting the "pleasures of Egypt" (a very sinful, hedonistic society at the time) in order to pursue GOD:

Hebrews 11:24-26 (NIV)

By faith Moses, when he had grown up, refused to be known as the son of Pharaoh's daughter. He chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a short time. He regarded disgrace for the sake of Christ as of greater value than the treasures of Egypt, because he was looking ahead to his reward.

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  • 1 year later...

From my father's seminary alma mater comes this fascinating reading on The Theology and Doctrine of Adoption.

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"When Sam and Peggy at last had an adopted son, the moment of the child's baptism arrived. As part of the service, the parents were asked to affirm that the child was not theirs but God's. After all that he had been through, Sam wanted to shout: "This kid is mine." At the same time, said Sam, "It was the most freeing experience I've ever had to realize there's a God that doesn't desire for this little kid's hairs to be harmed, whose arms are so much sturdier than [my] shaky arms." Adoptive parents have a keen awareness that children belong to God, not to their parents."

Thanks for the articles, Elizabeth. I quoted the part that stuck out to me the most. This concept of "ownership" is one of the most intriguing realizations of parenthood in general (adoption or not), in my own opinion.

Edited by MarkLaurie
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"When Sam and Peggy at last had an adopted son, the moment of the child's baptism arrived. As part of the service, the parents were asked to affirm that the child was not theirs but God's. After all that he had been through, Sam wanted to shout: "This kid is mine." At the same time, said Sam, "It was the most freeing experience I've ever had to realize there's a God that doesn't desire for this little kid's hairs to be harmed, whose arms are so much sturdier than [my] shaky arms." Adoptive parents have a keen awareness that children belong to God, not to their parents."

Thanks for the articles, Elizabeth. I quoted the part that stuck out to me the most. This concept of "ownership" is one of the most intriguing realizations of parenthood in general (adoption or not), in my own opinion.

I'll have to go back and read the articles, but I wanted to comment on this quote. I think one of the reasons choosing to adopt was not a difficult decision for me was because I had been taught and seen through the example of my mom that your children are not your "own." You have the privilege of raising them for 18 or so years, but ultimately they do belong to God and they are also their own unique individuals...totally separate from their parents.

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Sam later preached a sermon titled "Is There Life After Barrenness?" He concluded: "I have come to think . . . that it is from the barren places of our lives that we hear God most clearly."

This part stood directly out for me. I can not agree with it any more. The more our infertility became a reality, the more i could hear God calling me to Transracial Adoption. The more I did to fulfill our adoption, the more the world, finally, became at peace for me. It felt more right than when we first started trying biologically....for one of the first times in my life I felt like I was being carried...I FELT God's call and his hands leading me.

Don't get me wrong....it still is a grief process, infertility, to me. I still at times pang for the experience of pregnancy. But, these times are very few and far between and virtually non existant now that Cooper is here. I think now, going through everything and looking back, I can see God's hands working through my life...through all my tears during infertility I can see him trying to whisper to me "I have a bigger plan for you, please trust in Me." It is sad that it took that long for me trust God & his timing...but now I do completely and Thank Him for that. I think in Adoption we have to trust in God...because there is no growing belly to see God's work...we constantly have to trust that things won't just fall apart, we have no choice but to put it completely in God's hands or go insane with stress. Maybe that is why I said a total of 12 rosaries on the way to pick up our son Cooper (I still have the rosary bead bracelet that I used that my grandma gave me in his momento box) :P If you know what a rosary is you know how crazy I was with stress...LOL

Many times through the process I thought to myself "Turn this stress over to God...TRUST in God, Trust that he will be sure everything will turn out the way intended." Funny though...I could pratically feel someone lifting something off of me every time....prayer is a beautiful thing!

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Guest julie

Natalie,

First of all, I loved your post. You always have a great way of stating your emotions, and I love your perspectives. (sp?) I can't ever seem to get my thoughts in order enough to post something meaningful. I think that the level of trust in the Lord that it takes to go through the adoption process, or even begin the process, automatically grows your faith. I don't understand how people who have no faith/belief go through something like this. I know that their are "good" people that don't believe in God that adopt, but without my faith, I would be lost in this process.

It is sad that it took that long for me trust God & his timing...

Second, if you believe in the Sovereignty of God, even the time that it took for you to actually trust God was ultimately part of His plan for you. So to me, that isn't sad at all, it was just part of His timing. (Not an easy part, but still part.) :) I understand what you meant, I just wanted to give you another way of looking at it.

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Natalie,

First of all, I loved your post. You always have a great way of stating your emotions, and I love your perspectives. (sp?) I can't ever seem to get my thoughts in order enough to post something meaningful. I think that the level of trust in the Lord that it takes to go through the adoption process, or even begin the process, automatically grows your faith. I don't understand how people who have no faith/belief go through something like this. I know that their are "good" people that don't believe in God that adopt, but without my faith, I would be lost in this process.

It is sad that it took that long for me trust God & his timing...

Second, if you believe in the Sovereignty of God, even the time that it took for you to actually trust God was ultimately part of His plan for you. So to me, that isn't sad at all, it was just part of His timing. (Not an easy part, but still part.) :) I understand what you meant, I just wanted to give you another way of looking at it.

Awww thanks Julie!! :)

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Maybe that is why I said a total of 12 rosaries on the way to pick up our son Cooper ....prayer is a beautiful thing!

That is some serious rosary prayer....

And I agree, prayer is a beautiful thing, whether it be structured in the form of Hail Mary, Our Father & Glory Be or a less formal one-on-one with the Big Guy :)

The good news is, He always listens. :)

-A

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  • 8 months later...

Something interesting to think about...

Open Adoption: What Would Jesus Say?

Dr. Laura Christianson

I often hear Christian leaders proclaim, “Open adoption is bad for the child. It’s bad for the adoptive parents. It’s bad for the birth parents. It’s bad for everyone.”

They make blanket statements about the danger of openness without backing up their statements with concrete explanations. Remind me again…exactly why is openness bad for everyone?

“Uh…because it confuses the child. He doesn’t know who his real parents are” (I hear that one all the time).

I’ve had many conversations with adults who run screaming the other direction when they hear the words “OPEN ADOPTION.” I’ve come to the conclusion that children aren’t the ones confused by openness; adults are.

Kids intuitively “get” openness. They live with their adoptive family. They maintain contact with their birth family. Everyone loves them. They love everyone. They get double the presents at birthdays and Christmas.

Adults, on the other hand, fume and fret. “It’s unnatural! It’s scary! It just isn’t right…I don’t know exactly why; it just isn’t.”

I wonder: What would Jesus say about open adoption?

Would he tell adoptive parents: “You’d better work really hard to pretend that those people who gave you their baby don’t exist. Be only as nice them as you have to be.”

I don’t think so.

I think Jesus would say: “Rejoice in the child who has been entrusted into your care. Understand that this child doesn’t belong to his birth parents. Neither does he belong to you. He belongs to ME. I’ve gifted you with the responsibility of raising him for a few short years. What are you going to do about it?”

I think Jesus would say: “Pray for the woman (and man) who gave you their child. Grieve for them. Befriend them. Love them. Honor them by faithfully fulfilling the terms of your communication agreement. Go the extra mile.”

What do you think Jesus' would say about your open adoption?

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Loved the article because we are ALL HIS children if we think about it. This is why we did a Blessing Ceremony or Placement Ceremony for Ty and his birthparent and family. It was interesting when we did this we asked Shauna what "she" wanted and "how" we would do it and shared ideas. She keep going back to it's not about me- it's about TY.

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What do you think Jesus' would say about your open adoption?

I feel Him saying, "as I promised, trust in Me. Let me take care of it, love one another, forgive weakness in yourself and others, hold "L" close to you in these turbulant times..."

I beleive that He is walking with me, He brought me here, and if "L" decides to change her adoption plan, this long match with us will be comfort for her...

the journey is part of the gift, I know I keep saying that, but I am starting to believe it with all the cells in my being!

Edited by waiting for a miracle
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I feel like my Christian faith has helped me with open adoption, and my sincere hope is that Jesus would say, "Well done."

Because of my faith and following the teachings of Christ...

  • I try to treat others the way I would want to be treated.
  • I try to consider another's needs more important than my own.
  • I can turn the other cheek if necessary (with God's help!).
  • I can weep with those who weep.
  • I'm learning to judge not, lest I be judged.
  • I believe that love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

As far as it being confusing for the child...that is simply not true. Children are very smart and perceptive. Joshua is almost 8 but he definitely gets it! He loves having more people in his life to love him!

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I feel like my Christian faith has helped me with open adoption, and my sincere hope is that Jesus would say, "Well done."

Because of my faith and following the teachings of Christ...

  • I try to treat others the way I would want to be treated.
  • I try to consider another's needs more important than my own.
  • I can turn the other cheek if necessary (with God's help!).
  • I can weep with those who weep.
  • I'm learning to judge not, lest I be judged.
  • I believe that love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

As far as it being confusing for the child...that is simply not true. Children are very smart and perceptive. Joshua is almost 8 but he definitely gets it! He loves having more people in his life to love him!

You are awesome!

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I feel like my Christian faith has helped me with open adoption, and my sincere hope is that Jesus would say, "Well done."

Because of my faith and following the teachings of Christ...

  • I try to treat others the way I would want to be treated. (Matthew 7:12)
  • I try to consider another's needs more important than my own. (Philippians 2:3)
  • I can turn the other cheek if necessary (with God's help!). (Luke 6:29)
  • I can weep with those who weep. (Romans 12:15)
  • I'm learning to judge not, lest I be judged. (Matthew 7:1)
  • I believe that love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

As far as it being confusing for the child...that is simply not true. Children are very smart and perceptive. Joshua is almost 8 but he definitely gets it! He loves having more people in his life to love him!

What I was trying to do was edit my original post to add the Bible references. Somehow I quoted instead! Oh well...

Eileen,

My family would tell you I'm far from awesome...but adoption/open adoption has definitely helped me become a better person!

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Hooray for our Baptist friends, for this great series on "The Spirituality of Adoption."

See also: Christians Advocating for Adoption in Word and Deed

And don't miss: Finding Providence Through Infertility.

"Good news" indeed!

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Yesterday I was pleasantly pleased when my pastor's sermon was on adoption and how the church as a body should support birthfamilies and adoptive families.

Grace Ann and Jack were part of the special music, as someone sang the two of them sat on the stage quietly playing. After the song, a friend spoke a little about our journey as a family.

Beautiful service if I do say so myself.

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Hooray for our Baptist friends, for this great series on "The Spirituality of Adoption."

See also: Christians Advocating for Adoption in Word and Deed

And don't miss: Finding Providence Through Infertility.

"Good news" indeed!

Awesome stories Elizabeth. Thanks for sharing. Positive adoption stories are indeed "Good News"!!!

Melanie

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