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Celebrity Adoptions

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I guess I am missing something here. For most of us, whether we verbalize it or not, adoption was our last option to become parents. Trying naturally, using fertility treatments, and then following the adoption path, they are all avenues to have children. Isn't that clearly what our hearts desire? It does sound a bit crude to put it so bluntly, but that seems to be it in a nutshell.

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Amanda, I wonder if perhaps the problem is that adoption isn't "supposed" to be a fix for infertility or childlessness, but rather (and primarily), a resource for children? and that Rihanna's thoughtless comment seems to indicate that her primary motivation for adoption (at this point, at least) is centered around her own need(s)?

I think for some persons who were once adopted, hearing their parents say they "had to adopt" in order to become a mother or father is very painful. It's akin to hearing one's parents say your adoption was a mere contingency plan on their part, a last-ditch effort to achieve their goal of parenthood.

Perhaps the experience might be parallel to hearing one's adopted child say "my birthfamily couldn't keep me so I ended up having to be yours"...?

It pains me to contemplate any child Rihanna one day adopts having to grow up thinking his or her adoption (and the primal loss it represented) was merely an antidote to Rihanna's fear of childbirth, and a means to her own ends.

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I guess I am missing something here. For most of us, whether we verbalize it or not, adoption was our last option to become parents. Trying naturally, using fertility treatments, and then following the adoption path, they are all avenues to have children. Isn't that clearly what our hearts desire? It does sound a bit crude to put it so bluntly, but that seems to be it in a nutshell.

Well, yes and no. We did try to achieve a pregnancy on our own and then did some fertility treatments, but once IUI, one surgery, and medication didnt result in a pregnancy, we started looking at adoption. I got so excited about adoption that it was not difficult at all to realize that adoption was what we wanted to pursue. Not more IUIs, not IVF, not additional surgeries, not surrogacy. At the point we started our paperwork to adopt Azucena, I was so gung-ho about the prospect of adopting a baby that I would have actually been disappointed to find myself pregnant. I feel the same way now. If I were given the choice of What would you rather have happen: a. You get a call from your doctor saying you are pregnant, or b. You get a call from your adoption agency saying youve been matched with a birth parent," I would absolutely choose B!

Edited by erin

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Apparently, the ex-wife of Sir Paul McCartney is also giving adoption some thought: http://tvnz.co.nz/entertainment-news/heather-mills-considering-adoption-3569296.

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The only thing I can add here is, most of us have been through alot of pain through/with infertility before (and even after) we came to adoption. Our infertility paved the way to adopting and being accepted by an agency, and ultimately becoming the family we are today. Different paths, yet just as fulfilling to the parents we are today.

So maybe it comes across as Plan B, we failed at conceiving but are successful at adopting.

For me, it's how our family was mean't to be...yet could not fully explore/embrace this option until we journeyed to it.

But to trivialize that "adopting" is an option for anyone, for any reason...is an insult to my family.

I do think that celebrities tend to think that adoption is always an option for them.

And maybe it is?

Karen

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So maybe it comes across as Plan B, we failed at conceiving but are successful at adopting.

For me, it's how our family was mean't to be...yet could not fully explore/embrace this option until we journeyed to it.

But to trivialize that "adopting" is an option for anyone, for any reason...is an insult to my family.

I like how you said this Karen.

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At the point we started our paperwork to adopt Azucena, I was so gung-ho about the prospect of adopting a baby that I would have actually been disappointed to find myself pregnant. I feel the same way now. If I were given the choice of “What would you rather have happen: a. You get a call from your doctor saying you are pregnant, or b. You get a call from your adoption agency saying you’ve been matched with a birth parent," I would absolutely choose B!

Erin - I feel exactly the same way. Steven and I had a talk about this just the other night. We're so in love with the miracle of adoption that now we can't imagine growing our family in any other way.

I also wanted to add that for us, despite problems with fertility, adoption wasn't anything second best. True - something in my biology craved being pregnant myself and carrying a child, but my family says I started talking about wanting to adopt at the age of 12. My mom says it was God preparing my heart for the infertility that laid ahead, but who's to know? Steven and I had always said that even if we had a biological child of our own some day, we'd still adopt. It's always been so strong in my heart.

To be honest, I'd be more disappointed if I found out we couldn't adopt vs. how disappointed I felt when we discovered I couldn't get pregnant!

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The discussion that's arisen here reminds me of this poster, which I think is rather thought-provoking on a number of levels...

adopt.jpg

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I guess I am missing something here. For most of us, whether we verbalize it or not, adoption was our last option to become parents. Trying naturally, using fertility treatments, and then following the adoption path, they are all avenues to have children. Isn't that clearly what our hearts desire? It does sound a bit crude to put it so bluntly, but that seems to be it in a nutshell.

Well, yes and no. We did try to achieve a pregnancy on our own and then did some fertility treatments, but once IUI, one surgery, and medication didn’t result in a pregnancy, we started looking at adoption. I got so excited about adoption that it was not difficult at all to realize that adoption was what we wanted to pursue. Not more IUIs, not IVF, not additional surgeries, not surrogacy. At the point we started our paperwork to adopt Azucena, I was so gung-ho about the prospect of adopting a baby that I would have actually been disappointed to find myself pregnant. I feel the same way now. If I were given the choice of “What would you rather have happen: a. You get a call from your doctor saying you are pregnant, or b. You get a call from your adoption agency saying you’ve been matched with a birth parent," I would absolutely choose B!

Well said, Erin, I agree!!

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Rihanna Fears Childbirth, Is Contemplating Adopting

"Even if I have to adopt, I'll be a mom someday"...?!?!?! :o

Ugh. I feel more like :angry:.

I just hate to hear people describe adoption as a "last ditch" or "even if I have to..." situation.

...adoption isn't "supposed" to be a fix for infertility or childlessness, but rather (and primarily), a resource for children? and that Rihanna's thoughtless comment seems to indicate that her primary motivation for adoption (at this point, at least) is centered around her own need(s)?...

As a man, I've never had the desire to be pregnant... I don't believe that all women desire to be pregnant either, as I have met some who have had no desire for children. What if there are certain women who don't desire pregnancy but do desire children? Should there be a bias against Rihanna if she were to fall into that category? What if she were not a celebrity? And what if her “quote” wasn’t said with the same harshness that comes across in written communication? What if there were a thoughtful pause, a reflective stare, then, with the realization that there are no guarantees that every woman can give birth, a softly spoken statement of the deep desire to be a Mom? Maybe it wasn’t even a sensational comment until the “news reporter” put it on paper?

And I don't believe adoption can be distilled to being a "single purpose" relationship - especially for open adoption. It is a unique way of addressing both needs and desires. Prospective adoptive parents have a desire to parent. Some children need adoptive parents. In most situations the child's first parent(s) have a desire for what is in the best interest of the child, and for some reason that isn’t always revealed, believe adoption meets that best interest. In other cases children are orphaned. Regardless, the child needs parents and the adopting parents desire to parent.

Just like the child's need may have a multitude of reasons behind it, the desire to parent may come from a variety of reasons. The most common "reason" expressed on this forum is infertility - but is it really a "reason"? Could it be that infertility is sometimes merely a catalyst to take action, not "the reason" behind the action? That said, I would not fault anyone (willing to endure the rigors of the home study, background, check, etc.) who desires to parent and pursues adoption out of that desire.

… and please forgive me if I haven’t used all the appropriate terminology. I do not intend to insult, slight, or offend anyone by my choice of nouns and adjectives.

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Dale, I just love your posts, and this is another thought out one as well. You make some very good points.

You're right, we hear comments all the time, that we can choose to take either way.

I do think the grief work and loss that many experience through infertility, pave the transition to adoption, especially open adoption. Possibly gifting us with a greater understanding of the losses which are borne in adoption too. (I know for me, it did.) But I suppose it should not be an absolute prerequisite to adopting, because every situation is personal.

In fact, most life experiences gift us with better understanding and compassion (I believe).

Anyway, just wanted to say thanks for your post.

Karen

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Dale, What a great common sense reply! You write a book and I'll read it :)

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Awesome post Dale! As woman who begged God to be a Mom, but had no really desire to experience pregnancy I would your post perfect! I would have attempted the pregnancy route had I found the right man, because thats what people do...right? :huh: But only as the means to an end - parenthood. But I have to agree with you - whay can't adoption be the 1st choice- no matter the reason.

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The adoptive parents of the late and troubled child star Gary Coleman are in the news lately, as they seek to uncover the truth of the in-home accident that reportedly precipitated his untimely passing: Gary Coleman Dead at 42.

Despite a lawsuit Coleman had once filed against his parents, they say they'll always be proud of him: read story here.

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Just read that Neil Patrick Harris( Doogie Howser, How I Met Your Mother) and long time partner David Burtka are expected to adopt twins this fall!!!

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Just read that Neil Patrick Harris( Doogie Howser, How I Met Your Mother) and long time partner David Burtka are expected to adopt twins this fall!!!

He's gay??????? Really? He was my childhood DREAM watching all those doogie howser episodes. I feel like I just learned about Santa.

*deep exhale*

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Just read that Neil Patrick Harris( Doogie Howser, How I Met Your Mother) and long time partner David Burtka are expected to adopt twins this fall!!!

He's gay??????? Really? He was my childhood DREAM watching all those doogie howser episodes. I feel like I just learned about Santa.

*deep exhale*

Too funny! How I Met Your Mother is totally misleading (or ironic) too because he plays a huge womanizer. Believe it or not someone had to tell me that Elton John was gay - and George Michael for that matter - and I was twenty-something!

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That's funny!! I just assumed everybody knew he was gay. Sorry for the shock!! And I may need to clear up something,I don't actually know if they are adopting. After re reading the article it just says they are "expecting" twins. So maybe somebody they know has been artificially inseminated or something of that nature. Not sure. Either way, congrats to them.

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Just read that Neil Patrick Harris( Doogie Howser, How I Met Your Mother) and long time partner David Burtka are expected to adopt twins this fall!!!

He's gay??????? Really? He was my childhood DREAM watching all those doogie howser episodes. I feel like I just learned about Santa.

*deep exhale*

Too funny! How I Met Your Mother is totally misleading (or ironic) too because he plays a huge womanizer. Believe it or not someone had to tell me that Elton John was gay - and George Michael for that matter - and I was twenty-something!

Okay Elton John and George Michael I knew...but Doogie! Had no idea.

That's funny!! I just assumed everybody knew he was gay. Sorry for the shock!! And I may need to clear up something,I don't actually know if they are adopting. After re reading the article it just says they are "expecting" twins. So maybe somebody they know has been artificially inseminated or something of that nature. Not sure. Either way, congrats to them.

The article I just read said "via surrogate."

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Reportedly, Madonna has elected to NOt allow daughter Mercy to have a visit from her alleged birthfather (read story here). While the rape allegation and the late birthmother's age at time of birth may certainly seem to justify her decision, we can't help but wonder whether Madge ever made good on her promises to take son David (Banda) back for visits with his birthfather, in his homeland? Hmm...

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Liza Minelli says she wanted to become a mother but chose to not adopt in order to help others more:

Not Adopting: Selfless or Selfish?

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Oops-- sorry! I always forget that the system adds the "http://" part, so when I copy the link and don't delete the prefix, it creates a double posting and deactivates the link. I've fixed it, now, however: Minelli / Adoption Link

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I saw this on the People Magazine Website about Kristin Chenoweth Possibly Adopting. I did not know that she was also Adopted!

My link

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