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Choosing Domestic Adoption Vs. International?


Guest cathyskala

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http://oneroofafrica.blogspot.com/2008/10/story.html

This is an amazing blog about this couples hope for family & for their adopted son. One Roof Africa!

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  • 6 months later...

For all those who adopted from outside America and think that openness and/or birthparent reunion is not possible, think again! Here's a wonderful story from the L.A. Times that proves that True Love Know No Boundaries.

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Elizabeth,

This is such a wonderful story! It almost brought tears to my eyes when I saw the picture of Christian's birth father hugging him as he went to his knees. I can't imagine the pain they must have gone through over the past years wondering what had happened to him and his pain wondering why they abandoned him. Now that question is finally answered for both of them and I am sure it is such a relief. Hopefully this will be the beginning of a new relationship with his birth family. Kudos to his adoptive mother for being so diligent in locating them for her son.

This is one of the main reasons why we choose 'open' adoption. Hopefully along the way, with an open relationship, our boy's questions will be answered instead of stewing in their minds with the possiblity of making it much worse than it really is.

Thanks for sharing this inspirational story with us!

Donna

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  • 1 year later...

A Madison County attorney and his wife are suing the Lifelink adoption agency for nearly a million dollars, charging conspiracy in response to rising program costs in their efforts to adopt internationally: read the story here.

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  • 2 months later...

The adoption process IS a "burdensome blessing"! I never heard it described that way before, but it's certainly fitting.

Bethany Family Shares Their Experience

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  • 4 months later...

Sad... I can't help but wonder how many other children there may be out there, whose stories are like this one: Dutch Adoption Upheld in Indian Kidnapping Case.

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What do you think of the proposal that all children placed for adoption should have DNA tests done, on file before placing? This way the child's identity/relations is known from the start, whether they ever want or need this information, later in life? Is this ethical, from an adoptees point of view? Would it help keep adoption's more ethical?

It certainly would eliminate a Judge from allowing a child to make his/her own choice about undergoing DNA testing, as what happened in this case.

Too bad these two families could not find middle ground. Both families are innocent, but are sadly affected from the illegal action of others.

Karen

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  • 4 weeks later...

In the beginning we weren't sure if we wanted to go domestic or international. It was very helpful for us to talk to people who had gone through both. In the end we decided domestic because we wanted a newborn. After learning about Abrazo we realized the importance of an open adoption. In the end, I think all children need loving families so it's up to each individual family about what is right for them.

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  • 2 weeks later...
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That is so incredibly sad. There seems to be so much exploitation of children in China and it is sick. It is so sad when you hear of these abuses because there are true orphans there that DO need a home but instead those who don't are being bought and sold.

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Thanks for posting, Elizabeth. It is so sad and just a disgrace to humanity. I spent a summer in China- there are legitimate orphans who have no home or who were given up because they wanted to have a boy. That the govt and other people would exploit children in this way.

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The picture of the little girl is heartbreaking. Why did I think the one child ban was lifted two years ago? I couldn't believe what I read.

Everyone has different stories on how they joined the Abrazo family and I enjoyed reading others comments. I always wanted to adopt from China before knowing we had infertility problems, but when we decided to travel down the adoption road and began researching, we decided to go with domestic. The long wait, stay overseas, and financial cost was too much for us at this time in our lives. We thought adoption was out for us. We considered foster care and didn't think that was for us either. I then read about open adoption and liked the idea of forming a relationship with the birth family. I think this is beneficial for all involved.

We are excited to have a baby join us from Texas and who knows how we will expand our family in the future. We are focused on getting baby #1 first :)

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  • 6 months later...

This makes a lot of sense to me... whether one is adopting from China or Texas or Ethiopia or Haiti or wherever: don't take a child from a culture or environment without some investment in maintaining a connection and/or returning there.

ADOPT A CHINESE BABY, MOVE TO CHINA.

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This makes a lot of sense to me... whether one is adopting from China or Texas or Ethiopia or Haiti or wherever: don't take a child from a culture or environment without some investment in maintaining a connection and/or returning there.

ADOPT A CHINESE BABY, MOVE TO CHINA.

Makes perfect sense, right? I think that's why so many of us out-of-towners want our kids to have Texas pride. That's why we invest in the Longhorns gear, Don't Mess with Texas t-shirts, etc. And it's why we plan our annual trek there! I know it's to a much lesser degree, but it's still parallel. As good adoptive parents, you should want your child to be proud of where they came from - their heritage, their roots, their culture. Kinda hard to do that when the child hasn't experienced their place of birth first-hand!

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  • 11 months later...

Troubling reports are arising out of Ethiopia, suggesting that the problems reported in Guatemala and Vietnam are impacting Ethiopian adoptions, as well:

http://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2011/12/how-ethiopias-adoption-industry-dupes-families-and-bullies-activists/250296/#

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This makes a lot of sense to me... whether one is adopting from China or Texas or Ethiopia or Haiti or wherever: don't take a child from a culture or environment without some investment in maintaining a connection and/or returning there.

ADOPT A CHINESE BABY, MOVE TO CHINA.

Makes perfect sense, right? I think that's why so many of us out-of-towners want our kids to have Texas pride. That's why we invest in the Longhorns gear, Don't Mess with Texas t-shirts, etc. And it's why we plan our annual trek there! I know it's to a much lesser degree, but it's still parallel. As good adoptive parents, you should want your child to be proud of where they came from - their heritage, their roots, their culture. Kinda hard to do that when the child hasn't experienced their place of birth first-hand!

I would definitely agree there. I think I should send my kids some UT gear lol Hook 'em Horns!

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  • 3 months later...

Texas is getting an unwanted starring role in the continuing debates over the Russian adoption shutdown, as an Ector County adoptive couple is being accused in the tragic death of their three-year-old Russian-born adoptee:

http://www.huffingto..._n_2713295.html

Max, adopted along with a younger Russian boy by Alan & Laura Shatto in early November of 2012, died of unreported causes in January, 2013, just after his third birthday.

Holiday photos posted online by a relative showed Max with facial bruising and swelling, lacerations and subconjunctival hemorrhaging in both eyes.

http://www.capitalbay.com/latest-news/310570-russian-authorities-claim-maxim-shatto-3-was-killed-by-american-adopted-mother-who-beat-him-and-gave-him-psychiatric-drugs.html

Russian authorities allege that Max was being medicated by the adoptive mother with adult schizophrenic medication.

Reports allege that Texas' Child Protective Services was notified by Russian authorities. The Ector County sheriff's office reports that a criminal investigation is still ongoing and that no conclusions have been reached yet.

Rest in peace, sweet Maksim. Whatever happened... you're Home, now.

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Heart breaking

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So, so heartwrenching! Not adoption related, but there is a local story about a 15 month old killed so the dad could collect life insurance he'd taken out on the child. All these children who die far too young just break my heart and to hear of multiple on the same day....

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Wow, poor little Maksim. At least he is at peace now. I really detest child abuse but since it is just an allegation right now and I don't want to wrongfully accuse anyone, I will say that my heart hurts in situations like this. It's no wonder so many people see adoption in a negative light... the media never gives anyone a positive report because that's just not good news. Sorry if I'm ranting but geez. Not all people who adopt their children (domestically or internationally) are horribly abusive or even slightly negligent... I really hope that is a huge exception rather than the rule... *sigh*

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  • 8 months later...

Six years ago when we found out that we could not have kids. We talked it over for a few days and then decided to look at adoption agencies. I spent hours and hours pouring over 100's of adoption agencies all over the US. We landed on an agency that was near our home and worked with Domestic and International adoptions. We signed up for thier information meeting and attended it. After careful discussion, we decided on an international adoption. We filled out our inquiry paperwork and it was approved. We then filled out the huge packet they sent us, we chose a country, and started learning as much about Columbia as we could. We fell in love with the kids there. My cousin works there every summer teaching kids. He loves it. Everything was perfect, except for this feeling we had. We had everything ready to send in, but neither of us could do it. We couldn't explain to anyone what was holding us back. It just didn't feel right. As the months, then years went by we wondered if we would ever have kids. At the beginning of this year, Justin was on night shift, so I started looking at adoption agencies. I made a comment on Facebook and it lead a high school classmate of mine to tell me about her friend who had adopted thru Abrazo. The rest is history from there. We ended up choosing a Domestic adoption, because it felt right. We wanted the chance to know the birth parents. We wanted our child to know their first family. We wanted to see "her smile" or "his eyes" when we look into our childs eyes. In the end, we wanted more than International adoption could give us.

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We originally had thought international as well. My family is from Sri Lanka, and I thought that we could easily give a Sri Lankan child a sense of his culture and context. But the more I looked into it, I just started getting really uneasy. Sri Lanka is actually in the minority of countries where baby-trafficking doesn't SEEM to be a huge problem, but I started feeling really squicky about international adoption in general and being a part of a system that is so fraught with horrific abuses. And then we found Abrazo, and felt much better about Abrazo's commitment to ethical, transparent adoptions.

Add to that the financial risks of international adoption, the fact that any country could close without warning, and that you don't get the adoption tax credit for international unless the adoption actually goes through, and it just seemed insane to gamble away tens of thousands of dollars. We have friends who have been waiting to adopt from Ethiopia since 2011. Every six months, they are told that their wait for a referral has been extended another six months. Adoptions from Ethiopia are slowing way down, for very good reasons, as the Ethiopian gov't tries to put a stop to the kidnappings and child trafficking. They might never adopt from Ethiopia. They are middle class folks who really don't have a ton of money to burn on an adoption that might never happen.

We had to tell them about our match, and it was hard. We all know what it's like to get pregnancy announcements from ecstatic friends, which shouldn't make us sad...but they do. I never knew what it was like to be on the other side, sharing good news with people who have been waiting much longer than we have been for their own good news.

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