Jump to content

Choosing Domestic Adoption Vs. International?


Guest cathyskala

Recommended Posts

  • 1 month later...
  • Replies 75
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Posts

Makes perfect sense, right? I think that's why so many of us out-of-towners want our kids to have Texas pride. That's why we invest in the Longhorns gear, Don't Mess with Texas t-shirts, etc. And i

Six years ago when we found out that we could not have kids. We talked it over for a few days and then decided to look at adoption agencies. I spent hours and hours pouring over 100's of adoption agen

Dear Cathy,     I would like to add my thoughts and perhaps some words of encouragement for you.  I too struggled with your same decisions.  At 39, married just 3 years, I started researching and t

Another sad story of foreign mothers being deprived of their children by traffickers exploiting their ignorance while profitting from the adoption fees paid by desperate would-be Westerners: Another Reason Openness Could Benefit in Overseas Adoptions.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

Good news-- those 103 would-be "adoptees" wrongfully labelled as orphans who were caught up in the Zoe's Ark international adoption scandal have finally been returned to their rightful families, back in Chad: read the story, here. And for more on these tearful homecomings, click here.

For anyone who may be thinking otherwise, let this sad tale stand as yet another reminder of an age-old truth: the ends don't justify the means, even/especially in adoption!

Link to post
Share on other sites

An encouraging reminder that the benefits of openness in adoption are beginning to pervade international adoptions, as well: More International Adopters Seeking Their Child's Birthfamilies Out.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I am glad to see this kind of news story. Our son came to us through international adoption, and I have been surprised at just how many adoptive families are currently or are making plans to search for birthfamilies. Unfortunately, this is often outrageously expensive and sometimes dangerous (at least for the birthmothers who face shaming by their own families). I know our friends who have begun searches have had to do so with utmost caution--but they (and I)--think it is wonderful that this is even an option. I hope that as technology spreads even in developing countries and as we become more aware of the long-term issues facing international adoptees, the option for "openness" will be something that can be arranged before the fact, not only years after an adoption is completed.

Ashleigh

Link to post
Share on other sites

I have a question..... We have a friend of a friend who is beginning to explore the prospect of transracial adoption. They are particularly interested in adopting from Ethiopia or Liberia. This couple does already have three biological children of their own but are feeling the "call" to adopt transracially. Anyways, does Abrazo accept families for their domestic transracial program who do not have documented infertility? There is such a strong need in Abrazo for families open to race, I would LOVE to send them your direction.

Let me know....

Thanks,

Tamra

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 3 months later...

Tami- our apologies for the delayed response to your question, which we didn't see until now, but yes, Abrazo's special needs program does do some transracial adoptions with families lacking infertility and we welcome referrals of any families ready and willing to welcome home full African-American children, for whom qualified adoptive homes are often (and sadly) harder to find.

-------

A joyous reunion between a Guatemalan mother and the child who was stolen from her, to be adopted by Americans: Happy Homecoming At Last!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 3 months later...

The Lie We Love

New Article to be published next month about the history and problem with International Adoption. Warning it migth be painful for those with children adopted outside of the US.

Thoughts?

Link to post
Share on other sites
The Lie We Love

New Article to be published next month about the history and problem with International Adoption. Warning it migth be painful for those with children adopted outside of the US.

Thoughts?

Ugh, that article was hard to read because it was so biased and obviously written by someone who is opposed to international adoption. I have a daughter from Guatemala and I have done and read so much about this. They were shut down due to Hague Convention and because the Government wants to take over adoptions so they can MAKE the money. The babies who are adopted from there are the next set of 3 to 4 year olds you see there on the streets begging for money. Also, another HUGE part of Guatemala adoptions is the BIRTHMOTHERS had the choice, which they are trying to take from them. Many birth mom's there have 3, 4, 5, 6, or even more children they all ready provide for and they cannot take care of another baby, so they relinquish them and know they will come to the USA (most likely), why is it unfair to banish them, demean them, threaten them and call it corruption when we do it here in the USA every single day. There were over 2,000 cases left when the Hague ended adoptions and every single one is being reviewed and extremely looked at, birth mom's were brought back in (some for the 3rd, 4th, and 5th) time and asked over and over again and they cannot care for these babies. I think they found 3 or 4 cases so far that they were "concerened about" and they didn't even claify the birthmom didn't actually do the relinquishing.

While I do think the system there did need some restructuring AND oversight, a lot of what happens in Guatemala happens right here in the USA but for some reason it never draws the same attention. Why a Guatemalan woman who relinquishes a child is any different then a birth mom in the USA, blows my mind. Don't all women deserve the choice of what they do with their body and child? Who are we to judge or tell her? We have just as much corruption and money passed here in the USA, if not more and I have no doubt greed plays a part in that as well. It's just funny too me, how a few bad people and bad cases (which is all that's been proven) can cancel adoptions, options for birth mom's and health and education for thousands of children across the world.

These one-side anti articles always drive me crazy. Plus, UNICEF has been trying to shut international adoptions down for years and has been successful in many countries, Romania being a perfect example and they (the children) are worse off now then they were before and atleast many children (before UNICEF) might have had a chance at having a family and love. Guatemala will be the next Romania and ending adoptions does nothing for the desperation of many women who found solace in giving life and families to their babies, and it sure doesn't end the EXTREMEM POVERTY in these countries that causes it to begin with. Also, if you think the Guatemala government cares or does anything for thier abandoned children, you would be sadly disappointed to know the truth of their very corrupt system.

I guess my point is, remember to read these articles as "opinion and biased pieces" and not truth and facts.

Jenny

P.S. Hi Heidi!!!!! :) I've been so swamped with Louisa, Maggie, work, homelife, I haven't got to post but I still check in and this thread still gets emailed to me. Hope you and the boys are good! :D

Link to post
Share on other sites

Also, why do we see so many couples here waiting in the USA for "infants only?" and they pay $30,000 to $100,000 for them, but when it's done in another country it gets such negative feedback. How many PIW here at Abrazo (or any agency) are open to an older child? Isn't it the same principal when they shun parents for going to these countries and adopting young babies or young toddlers instead of older children? Think of all the homes that could be open to foster children, or children of other races. It's so backwards sometimes it makes my head spin.

Also, I would have loved to help pay some bills of Louisa's birth mom or given her some money for financial support, but it is ILLEGAL to help them financially in anyway. How come here in the USA in many states we can pay rent, car payments, etc. It don't make sense why we hold some adoptions to certain restrictions and not others. I understand the coercion behind the money, but that very well happens here too and is a sad part of adoption. I also know that just because it is bound to happen doesn't mean we should close our eyes, but I don't think all adoptions need to be banned because of some bad people, or there would be NO ADOPTIONS anywhere!

I think it comes down to finding a good, legit agency and a bad one and we all know of one that resides in Texas, and thankfully there is Abrazo, who I would definitely consider a good one and refer anyone I know might adopt too or to their forums to start reading what adoption should be about.

Sorry, just a couple more thoughts. ;)

Link to post
Share on other sites

Pamela and I attended a seminar in Sydney just months ago at which we heard a woman named Julia Rollings, who'd adopted in India through a legitimate agency, but later learned her children were stolen from their birthmom. She talked with great emotion about her agonizing search to find their mother and seek to make amends. CLICK HERE to read her blog or find out more about her book detailing this experience, which she wrote to help raise money for her children's birthmother.

We had very mixed feelings upon hearing that she now sends regular payments to her children's birthfamily, to help support them because they live in poverty, because to do so in an open domestic adoption would be terribly inappropriate and would skew the equity of that relationship in a very negative way. Still, it made us very thankful for the transparency of open adoption in America...for all its faults, at least it still enables both sets of parents to know where that child's come from, and where they're going, and why.

P.S. Jenny, I think paying "$30,000-100,000" for any adoption should be cause for review by authorities, no matter where a placement that pricey may occur?!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Big hugs to my friend Jenny

I am SO uneducated about the International adoption process, but this is certainly a good topic for discussion. I wish that mothers in every corner of the world had the ability and resources to care for the children they bring into the world. That includes a safe and ethical adoption process if that would be her choice.

I admire your passion Jenny

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 4 weeks later...

I am posting this link - not to give any of the families that have adopted Internationally a hard time - I was just so impressed by this woman's quest to do the right thing for the child she loved so much. Do I think kids are taken from birth families HERE and OVERSEAS...I do..and it has got to stop.

To Save a Adopted Girl

Link to post
Share on other sites

If anyone out there knows how to reach Todd and Jennifer Hemsley (and if their dedication to adoption ethics extends to openness?) I know a Texas adoption agency that would be delighted to add them to our fold of responsible, conscientious (and legally-placed) families!?

Thanks for posting this story, Heidi. It really does restore my faith in those who seek out international adoptions.

Link to post
Share on other sites
"...I didn't want a child that was going to disrupt my family and disrupt my marriage and make my relatives turn against me. I didn't want children that would make us feel like outcasts in our own neighborhood, isolate us and make us feel humiliated."

From ABC News: Families' Struggles with Integration of Internationally-Adopted Children.

Obviously, adapting to the loss of one's homeland would be a huge challenge at any age.

But why would people adopting older children with whom they are unable to even communicate, whose histories they cannot verify, find subsequent adjustment problems surprizing?

(After all, by removing these children from everything and anyone that was in any way familiar to them, right down to the language, didn't these well-meaning parents isolate these Russian children from their own neighborhood--land and culture?)

Seeing the ideal match as any arrangement that could provide them white-skinned children with blonde hair who wouldn't require late night feedings or diaper changes or contact with birthparents might have been just a bit misguided?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Obviously they were not educated or informed about the risks. But RAD and other issues are very real. There is always a risk in adoption whether international or domestic. Sometimes parents cannot cope or do not have access to the right support. I had heard about this camp in Montana but did not know all the details. The woman who runs it obviously gives children and families hope.

Heather

Link to post
Share on other sites

Dale and I watched as well and wondered why agencies don't require the parents to learn some basics in the language of the child??? I thought that the language barrier issue was insane since it isn't exactly an instant placement when you do international.

I am so thankful for the ranch that the children can go to and for the woman that seems able to handle these children so well.

Link to post
Share on other sites

The agency that the Mulligans are suing (read court documents here and here) is the Frank Foundation. That's the international program that had proposed a working relationship with Abrazo several years ago... until we went to D.C. for a visit and saw all the photos of FAS kids in their lobby photo albums. We asked them about the high number of special needs children pictured, only to have the agency director insist they'd never handled a single FAS case in their agency's history?! We didn't walk, we ran from that proposed partnership, and I've never regretted our decision, for obvious reasons.

That said, however, I find it somewhat incredulous that any family nowadays who adopts internationally wouldn't do their homework first; the risks of RAD problems in Russian adoptions (reactive detachment disorder) are no secret and have been publicized for well over a decade now, so for a family who undertook two separate placements just 4 years ago to claim ignorance seems far-fetched to me.

The irony is that had the family in question sought to adopt American-born children of the same age in state foster care, they would've incurred fewer placement costs and been required to complete a course that educated them as to these challenges before they could be approved to adopt. More importantly, they would've had the linguistic ability to better communicate with the child/ren in question-- before and after placement.

The fact is, nobody ever knows, when they take on parenthood, what they're "getting into," whether they birth or adopt. It's a leap of faith in any instance, but how prepared you are to deal with all the unknowns should depend on you, as the parent and adult-- and never get blamed on the kid/s.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't usually support suing over anything because I think that some do it out of greed, I am hoping that this case can change some of the garbage agencies out there that are only out to make money.

I am constantly amazed by non profit agencies that employ people that say they do things for the greater good of others, but they get in their high-end cars with their designer clothes and bags and take great trips...at the expense of couples/families that really need the services that the organization provides.

I'm glad that Abrazo didn't partner with the Frank Foundation and made a great decision in this instance!

Link to post
Share on other sites

That is true. If they would have gone through the foster care system they would have been warned and educated. I think private adoption agencies need to do a better job of educating would be parents if the child placed with them is older than a newborn. I think it would be nice if they had referrals for services that they needed. I'm greatful that Abrazo does alot of this educating and post adoption support. :)

Heather

Link to post
Share on other sites

I will say that not all agencies involved in the foster care system are honest and upfront about issues, either. You can be just as ill-equipped working with them even if you have done PATH training. Foster parents need to be told honestly about a child's issues so that it can be handled properly from the beginning instead of having to find out by experience.

Link to post
Share on other sites

It's so sad because being up front and honest is in the best interest of the child and the family and to not give that info doesn't make sense. I wonder how many issues could be avoided in placements that went wrong because of hidden info. I guess they hide it cause if they think the parents know they won't adopt the child (domestic and international)??? I don't know, but it is sad. The radio station here at work always plays Wednesday's child and it's always so heart wrenching. So many people take their families for granted not even thinking twice, fighting over silly things or holding grudges and so many children out there without one, who just want parents who will be there for them. What always makes me the saddest when I hear the "Wednesday's Child" is they say how they love to "help around the house" and they "behave", like they have to try to convince someone why they are worth it. It's just so sad.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 months later...

An amazing account of the reunion between an Australian family and their children's first family in India, proving that even against all odds, international adoptions can be opened, for the best interests of all the children: How the Rollings Righted a Terrible Wrong.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...

×
×
  • Create New...