gmschnei Posted December 22, 2003 Report Share Posted December 22, 2003 Hi We are new to the org. and are just now getting friends to write letters for us. What should be included or excluded? Any advice or old letters would really be appreciated. Thanks! Gary and Kim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FeelingBlessed Posted December 23, 2003 Report Share Posted December 23, 2003 If my memory serves me correctly, the letters should include (at a minimum): How the writer knows you, i.e., what is your relationship? Friends? Co-workers? Relatives? How long have you known each other? Description of the characteristics they have seen in you that are positive/would make you a good parent Description of the attitude you display toward adoption in general Description of your home life/marriage (if possible) A statement of their recommendation about you, i.e., "He/she is someone I can fully, and without reservation, recommend to your program as an adoptive parent." I'm sure there are some other things, but these pretty much cover what is needed in most circumstances. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linlacor Posted December 23, 2003 Report Share Posted December 23, 2003 Hi Gary & Kim, Welcome, welcome, welcome to the forum!!! I was kind of nervous about the recommendation letters - I just felt weird asking people to write them for us - as it turned out, this was one of my favorite parts because our friends wrote the most beautiful & touching letters and I just cried and cried when I read them - thanks for giving me an excuse to pull them back out again to re-read them. (By the way, my friends were all too happy to write them (I was just afraid they'd be so busy with things going on in their lives, etc and they wrote them super quick for us...all within about a week of my request! ) Okay, I'm probably repeating alot of what FeelingBlessed said but anyway...here's what my friends wrote in theirs... How long we've known each other How we met/how they know us (i.e. the nature of our relationship - through work, friends, etc) Why they think we would be good parents (how we've been around their children, how they've seen us behave toward each other, their knowledge of our desire to become parents, etc) And just some other information they provided about our character, personalities, and homelife. -Lisa If you think of any other questions - feel free to throw them out here....this part is so exciting for those of us who have gone through it!!! At least for me, I can say I really enjoy re-living all of this through someone else's experiences (the nervousness, the excitement, the anticipation of what's to come...) and reading your posts brings back memories that I otherwise don't think of on a regular basis because I get so caught up in what's going on now with Kayleigh (she turned 1 on December 5th). Back when I was asking questions on here right and left, others said the same thing so I don't think I'm the only one here who has fun trying to offer advice and help too because of all the memories of our own experiences it brings back. Best wishes to you!!! It's not if, but when!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
S&L Posted December 23, 2003 Report Share Posted December 23, 2003 Hello All the above - ditto, ditto, ditto. I have a friend who is a director of a children's home for battered/abused children. She wrote a letter for us and it stated pretty much how she knew us, etc. The special thing she wrote is how we react with her kids (over the last 10 years) and what we mean to them. She even stated that we were the only adults that her 18 year old son really liked and would "hang out" with. It made us laugh. Just have them be genuine and it will come out in the letter. S&L Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElizabethAnn Posted December 28, 2003 Report Share Posted December 28, 2003 Letters of recommendation are required in the homestudy process and by T.D.P.R.S. (Licensing), to provide confirmation of prospective parents' readiness/suitability, from the perspective of those nonrelatives who know them best. Without suggesting that these all sound alike, remember that there are only soooo many positive adjectives in the dictionary, and the best letters are the most candid ones. The letters that tend to hold more meaning are the ones that acknowledge applicants' limitations, yet provide realistic insight as to how they have managed/overcome adversity in the past and how they will likely incorporate such skills or use such experience/s to benefit in their day-to-day parenting duties. Agencies know no one's perfect; what we need to know is, who's really ready, and why? True story: Abrazo once received a peculiar letter of reference, recounting humorous college hijinks and goofy character quirks, questioning whether the couple in question could be entrusted with a puppy, never mind a child! Curious, we contacted the letter writer--and the mortified applicants--only to learn that he was, in fact, fully supportive of his friends' efforts to adopt! He'd written two reference letters, a glowing recommendation meant for Abrazo, and a silly one, to be sent to them in fun. Obviously, the letters accidently got switched, but being an agency that enjoys a good joke, the family was accepted by Abrazo (upon receipt of the right letter) and soon took placement of a child whose new home is filled with laughter and supported by good friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Robert Ditmer Posted September 24, 2004 Report Share Posted September 24, 2004 My wife and I have been asked to write a character letter for some close friends who are thinking on adopting with your agency. I was wondering what is required in the letter, or if there is a formal letter that we just fill in the blanks? Your assistance would greatly be appreciated. Robert robertditmer@earthlink.net Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stork Central Posted October 15, 2004 Report Share Posted October 15, 2004 Abrazo does require original and current letters of reference for each applicant, and we prefer formal letters from applicants' references, rather than using a certain form. (There are enough forms in the adoption process without us adding another!) Thanks for your willingness to offer important insight on the folks you know and their capacity to welcome a child into their home and lives through an open adoption plan. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stork Central Posted February 15, 2006 Report Share Posted February 15, 2006 This week, we received one of the best reference letters of all. It was on behalf of a couple who adopted a baby from Abrazo a few years ago and now wish to begin the process to adopt a second child... and the letter came from one of the most wonderful and wisest possible sources: the birthgrandparents of the couple's first child!! What a tribute they wrote, and how honored they must have been, to be asked to submit such a special testimonial: explaining why a second child would be so blest to be able to join their birthgrandchild's home. Loving thoughts go out to these gracious birthgrandparents, and our highest commendations to the adoptive couple who have so proven themselves to the folks who mattered most! You know who you are! (And we're proud to know you, too.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarceloandClaudia Posted February 16, 2006 Report Share Posted February 16, 2006 I think that is awesome! It's nice to hear that your Birthfamily thinks the world of you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angie Posted February 19, 2006 Report Share Posted February 19, 2006 Now that is what I call a stamp of approval!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linlacor Posted April 17, 2006 Report Share Posted April 17, 2006 Hi there, I have a question, I probably should be directing this to Angela/Abrazo but thought I'd throw it out here first in case anyone has run into this and already knows the answer.... Okay, the letters of reference - Abrazo requires 3 from non-relatives. Check! Our homestudy person (Texas person this time) requires 5, and I think 4 have to be from non-relatives). I'm wondering, do these 5 need to be different from the 3 we had do our letters of reference for Abrazo (i.e. 8 different letters of reference) and furthermore, our homestudy person sent me and Lance separate information sheets to complete (with requests for 5 references) so I'm wondering, do my references need to be 5 people different from Lance's references? Therefore, there's a total of 13 different people doing references for us? Thanks! Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jan and Greg Posted April 17, 2006 Report Share Posted April 17, 2006 Lisa, Just ask your social worker. Ours required 4 references and we could use the same ones we used for Abrazo. She called them on the phone and spoke with personally. Hope this helps. Jan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linlacor Posted April 17, 2006 Report Share Posted April 17, 2006 Thanks Jan - yes, I just spoke to him (and to Abrazo) and they both said the same thing - fine to use the same people although the letters of reference that he requires needs to be mailed and addressed to him, not to Abrazo. Anyway, thanks... Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeyandTy's Mom Posted April 20, 2006 Report Share Posted April 20, 2006 That's funny you mentioned that! Although I knew my friends who wrote references would be nice......I had no idea how nice.When I actually read the letters I was overwhelmed. I am so grateful for their role in my adoption process. Sabrina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garden of Hope Posted April 20, 2006 Report Share Posted April 20, 2006 I believe some of the people who wrote recommendations made me a copy to have, but not everyone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted May 15, 2006 Report Share Posted May 15, 2006 All of the people who did letters of recommendation for us were very close to us and either told us it had been sent or sent us a copy of it. Elaine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tonycpa and Linda Posted May 15, 2006 Report Share Posted May 15, 2006 All the people we asked for recommendations from gave us a copy also.... They are people we have know for a very long time.... Linda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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