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Things Infertile Folk Hate to Hear


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Celeste,

I love your reply to your friends "labor" commet. Thank goodness I have not had anyone make a commet about that, but when they do I will be ready!!!!

Nancy,

Way to go on your answer too. I plan to use that one when that occasion comes up as well.

Gosh I love the fourm smile.gifsmile.gif

Jan

Our neighbor kids are adopted too and when someone asked "where did they get their dimples, color of hair, etc." Their mom tells them "God gave it to them!" biggrin.gif

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They also say what a lucky little girl Makayla is.  I tell them very quickly that we are lucky!  Lucky to be a family, lucky to have our health, etc.

I have also had several people tell me they admire me because they could not do it (raise someone else's children)!!!  ph34r.gif

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Elaine,

We've heard those comments too. Very, very, very annoying!!! I know the people who have said it to us mean well, but these comments so grate on my nerves! dry.gif Fortunately, usually when I say that we are the lucky ones, they seem to get it.

I look at Avery EVERY day and think how blessed we are and how very, very lucky we are to have HER in our lives! smile.gif

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My pet peeve, is when my pregnant friends tell me that I should be happy that I don't have to go through the whole pregnancy 'thing' as it isn't easy or wonderful. I have one friend especially that complained the whole time during all three of her pregnancies. Every time she was pregnant she had to cataloge all of her woes everytime I saw her. It got to the point where I dreaded going out with her because she would just complain nonstop. I am sympathetic and know it isn't easy (especially when your 9 months pregnant in the middle of summer - eek!!) but her complaing just riled me at times. Here she was experiencing something that I had always wanted and instead of viewing it as a wonderful blessing it was considered a trial.

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  • 2 weeks later...

One of my all time favorites was, "you get to do this the easy way!" :o Yeah....cause adoption is easy, yeah thats what it is!!

and I loved the "so, you couldn't have your own?"

Why is it that people feel your family planning is up for discussion? If infertility is what eventually led us to think about adoption....why in heavens name would we want to discuss it with just anyone? I mean, is the conception of their children on the table too?

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I second that KatieB!!

One comment that really smoked my goose was when we finally got pregnant a close relative said,"You think you love Trenton but just wait until you hold your own baby." Now maybe I'm naive but if Trenton isn't my baby, then whose baby is he?? Mind you he's 4 years old now, but he will ALWAYS be my baby!!

Our match was first made in heaven whether it was to be by biology or adoption!

Jacquee

Edited by Travis and Jacquee
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... and what a HANDSOME babe he is, Jacquee!!! You must be so proud! :D

Nice to see you on the Forum again... as always!

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Jacquee!

I've missed you!!!! Trenton looks like such a grown up guy! He's so precious. I think congratulations are in order. Please pm me and tell me all about it!!!

Hugs,

Jean

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Jacquee,

We have to agree with Elizabeth and Jean. Your young man is looking very handsome and soooo grown up. I don't think I'm ready for Samuel or Abigail to be that grown up, but they seem headed there despite my misgivings.

I second Jean's congratulations, too! And I, like every other mother through adoption here, know that Trenton will always be your "firstborn", whether you bore him, or not. (I know I bore my kids :P ) We're just happy for your family to be growing as God sees fit. Couldn't happen to nicer people.

Check in more often!

Christina

Edited by cgrace
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  • 2 weeks later...

Geritol?

Eat more peas???

I would love to know how that's supposed to work!!! :lol: We never tried either of those...........

I wanted to echos everyone's sentiments and add....

We met with our insurance agent this past weekend. He knows we are adopting. That is why we were meeting with him-to find out about infant coverage. He just had a baby two weeks ago. Congratulations! That's wonderful! We were happy for him; but he kept complaining about how he "hates it when they're babies"; His exact words. "They don't do anything and are no fun until 6 months or so. I hate the puking and diapers and they just lay around. They spit up on you, it's awful. Really you don't want to deal with any of that."

Ahem. :angry:

Don and I kept looking at eachother and biting our tongues. If he had said it once; okay, whatever. But he kept going on about it. Don shut him up when he said how he looks forward to up all nights and would be grateful and thrilled to have a little spit up on his shirt. :)

People don't think................

Edited by Don&Andrea
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Ha ha - I did the geritol thing. I tried the bottle a couple of times, couldn't handle it, so I bought the tablets instead. Much better!

Still nothing happened for us! :lol::lol:

I even tried the cough syrup! :lol::lol:

Memory lane! The best decision was finally realizing it wasn't going to happen and start to interview agencies.......

I still laugh every time someone mentions geritol! I ask them have you ever tried that stuff? That stuff is nasty!

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I remember after I adopted Teyler several people said to me "don't you just hate that you can't have your own?" WHAT ???? I would just smile and reply..."He is my own.....Heaven sent!!!"

I also got several times are you gonna try to have your own later??? Yeah just call me Mary...I am gonna have an Immaculate conception(sp?)" HELLO I am single ...not married! These things were always said by people..I THOUGHT were intelligent!

Sabrina

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  • 11 months later...

Bumping this up for some of the newer groups...........There was some talk on 'curious to know you' about nails and chalkboards and such :P so I thought you guys might get a kick out of some of the things shared here and even add your own "tips and advice"! :lol:

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I am sure this is on here somewhere but the classic is "Watch, you'll adopt and then get pregnant." One, that one was just plain annoying and two, they said with a sense of hope as if adopting was a means to getting pregnant. Yah! OK! I even read somewhere years back that couples that end fertility treatments and go the "child free" route had the same chance of conceiving on their own as did couples who went on to adopt. I guess because us "wonderwomen" and "supermen" who actually adopt bring it more attention, who knows. <_< (blah)!

Bumping this up for some of the newer groups...........There was some talk on 'curious to know you' about nails and chalkboards and such :P so I thought you guys might get a kick out of some of the things shared here and even add your own "tips and advice"! :lol:

Thanks Andrea!!!! :)

Edited by LovingBoo
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Great idea, Andrea!

Mine was "Just relax and it will happen"

Another one..."Now that you've had one baby, it should be easy to have another one" I even had it described to me and the body being flushed clean!

Hope

PS...I've heard that one too, Jenny..."Just wait, you'll adopt and then get pregnant" My response was usually, "Bring it on!"

Edited by HJBurken
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OK, I'm not a member of a new group, but one of the craziest things said to us was neither insulting nor annoying. It was just plain funny.

Pre-Hendrick, we were discussing our "issues" with some friends at a party. They had just had a beautiful baby girl.

"You know what you need to do?" said the woman. "Get really, really drunk."

Then the couple, dear friends and former coworkers, proceeded to tell us they did just that when their little girl was conceived, even confessing to us, while cackling hysterically, that they got "kinky."

I'm not sure what that meant, and I really don't want to know. But it gave Nina and I lots of jokes to tell each other on the way home...

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OK, I'm not a member of a new group, but one of the craziest things said to us was neither insulting nor annoying. It was just plain funny.

Pre-Hendrick, we were discussing our "issues" with some friends at a party. They had just had a beautiful baby girl.

"You know what you need to do?" said the woman. "Get really, really drunk."

Then the couple, dear friends and former coworkers, proceeded to tell us they did just that when their little girl was conceived, even confessing to us, while cackling hysterically, that they got "kinky."

I'm not sure what that meant, and I really don't want to know. But it gave Nina and I lots of jokes to tell each other on the way home...

Hmmmm....wonder if they'll share that with their daughter!

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Someone who will remain nameless told me something similar at a recent event in the hill country. Amazing what margaritas and nachos will do to you!! :lol: Of course, the results are just precious!

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....they did just that when their little girl was conceived, even confessing to us, while cackling hysterically, that they got "kinky."

I'm not sure what that meant, and I really don't want to know.

:lol:

Ah, if only it took a little booze to grow the family :rolleyes:;)

Hmmmm....wonder if they'll share that with their daughter!

Probably not till she's in her 30's ;):P

Then it will still be a TMI! TMI!!!! (too much information) moment. :lol:

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..."You know what you need to do?" said the woman. "Get really, really drunk."

This is actually what my doctor first told us when we initially started suspecting there was a problem. She told us to go have a bottle of wine and hop in the back seat of our car!

My husband was instantly sold!! He still mentions this when ever he talks about our journey - he just loves my doctor :lol: !

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Well that explains why we have booze at orientation weekend :P:P:P

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

Are there any statistics on that one?!

How about this one.....

"Well at least you don't have to experience all the pains of pregnancy" And in our case of surrogacy... "someone else will have too"

UGH!

Edited by HJBurken
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How about this one.....

"Well at least you don't have to experience all the pains of pregnancy" And in our case of surrogacy... "someone else will have too"

UGH!

UGH is right! I bet it was hard to bite your tongue them ones!!! They make me cringe just reading them.

Jenny

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And when it (pregnancy) does miraculously happen to you, you just hate to hear that almost "I told you so - Adopt and see you get pregnant." --- Nevermind the fact that we hadn't had any birthcontrol for 5 years and the doctor said it was a less than 1% chance it would happen. It's like people don't see adoption/babies/pregnancy for the miracle that God has made it!

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And when it (pregnancy) does miraculously happen to you, you just hate to hear that almost "I told you so - Adopt and see you get pregnant." --- Nevermind the fact that we hadn't had any birthcontrol for 5 years and the doctor said it was a less than 1% chance it would happen.

It's like people don't see adoption/babies/pregnancy for the miracle that God has made it!

I was thinking of this the other day and thought of you Toni. I was wondering how many times you must have heard that line by now. Your preganancy is a blessing of course, but I imagine you hear that phrase about "SEE!...." a lot.

I mentioned we were adopting to someone I did not know well yesterday but who heard me mentioning our nursery. They said "Adopting huh? That's Hard. That takes a long time" They were completely in the mindset that we were in the 1-2 year wait for a baby from overseas :rolleyes: . I would gladly have taken a "Oh, okay" or "Oh, that's great. I hope it works out for you" as opposed to a "oh, that's hard".

I already know how 'hard' it is. If only I too could get people to see the bigger picture.

-A

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