Profiles: Presenting... YOU!

[Brian and Cathy]

Our Golden, Siena, has been a faithful pet and will be a great friend to our child I'm sure. We included a picture of her in the profile (maybe this one below) to let any birthparent know that we are a pet friendly family.

Our wedding pics were nearly 10 years old so we left ours out. Space was at a premium on the 6 pages of our profile and that one didn't make the cut.

-Adam

Siena is a very pretty

Our draft includes a photo of us in a limo at our senior prom, a wedding photo and a current photo on the second page. We'll see if the Abrazochicks approve. We started our profile out like this since we've been together since before then. We think it's okay, but we'll get the pro's opinions next weekend

Cathy

[jnholzem]

Elizabeth, good advice! I personally took a lot of good advice away from the orientation as all the Abrazochicks have a great eye for the profiles. And something, in each of our eyes, looks different to each one of us.

Kygirl and Cathy, we used one picture of us at our wedding in our profile...but it was also of us holding our neices and nephews so it included a 'kid-shot' if u will. We also included 1 picture (I believe) of our dogs even though our dogs are a huge part of our lives. We wanted to keep the main focus on us and to try to show how much a child would enrich the lives we are already living.

My other suggestion would be to show it to a friend and get their advice if you feel comfortable with that.

Best of luck with it, it sure sounds like you guys will have a huge jump-ahead for orientation already!

Nichole

*Always include a house photo, preferably one taken on a sunny day.

*Avoid numerous photos of unnamed relatives; despite how important all these people are to you, to others, they're just lots of strangers using up space that could be showing off more of you.

*Opt for interesting photos with "energy"; too many posed pictures or "couch potato" shots send the message that you are sedentary people who don't "do things" and may not have energy for small kids.

*And for againers, remember: no matter how darling your child/ren is/are, you need to always have as many or more photos featuring you and your spouse as you do of your kid/s.

Finally, if a picture's worth a thousand words, then keep your text brief but worth reading! and don't forget to sign your names at the end if it's in letter form-- because what personal correspondence ends with no signature?

[Adam & Beth]

Adam, your Siena is gorgeous! (now, how do you post pics in your reply???)

Thanks.

For pictures, you will need to have a digital picture and upload it to a photo sharing site like Photobucket (www.photobucket.com). There are many other sites too that will allow you to share photos but more importantly that will give you the URL (the internet link) to the picture.

Btw, Photobucket is a free site.

So, once uploaded, you would copy the URL Link assigned to your specfic photo and then go to your post.

There is a little colored "insert image" button with a picture of a mountail landscape that looks like this:

Push that button and paste the URL into the box that opens up. Click "Ok" and the link will be posted in your Post.

Once you submit your final post, the picture should appear along with whatever text you added during your post.

Hope that helps. Let me know if you have any questions. Feel free to PM (private message me).

-Adam

[KeithandErika]

Finally, if a picture's worth a thousand words, then keep your text brief but worth reading! and don't forget to sign your names at the end if it's in letter form-- because what personal correspondence ends with no signature?

I definately agree Elizabeth! Most birthmoms that I have talked to and even matched with have told me that they chose us based on the pictures. Some even said they just skimmed over the wording so definately put in great pictures that tell your story!

[tami]

What great advice everyone has given about the profiles! I wish I would have had such wonderful advice as I was starting our profile with adoption #1. I completely agree, the photo profiles are VERY important. They are one chance you have to give birthparents a glimpse of who you are and why you would be wonderful parents.

Our profiles got progressively longer with the adoptions of our first, second, and third children. I guess we just had more to "show off" We never included a wedding photo (we've now been married 14 years), but we did include lots of photos of Devin and I together, having fun. We did put in a photo of our two dogs (labs) as well as a photo of our house. We were torn about whether we should put in a photo of our house since we didn't want to seem conceited (we live in a very nice,large home). After much debate, we did include a photo of our home. Birthmothers told us they liked that fact that our kids looked so happy and that we obviously did so many fun family activities.

Good luck to all of you as you begine this very exciting journey!

Tamra

[Brian and Cathy]

Most birthmoms that I have talked to and even matched with have told me that they chose us based on the pictures. Some even said they just skimmed over the wording so definately put in great pictures that tell your story!

We took a copy of our profile with us when we went to some friends last night. It ended up getting passed around. One person who was especially impressed was an adoptee. She looked at our cover picture and said from that photo alone she could tell we were a nice and sincere couple. The interesting thing was that we had never met her before, this was our first introduction We also pointed out our wedding photo and told her that sometimes it's suggested that you should leave that photo out if it's an old photo. Well, having been married over 17 years it's obviously an out-dated photo. She glanced at it again and said we didn't look old Now, if we can just find a BP who agrees with her

Cathy

[Adam & Beth]

I definately agree Elizabeth! Most birthmoms that I have talked to and even matched with have told me that they chose us based on the pictures. Some even said they just skimmed over the wording so definately put in great pictures that tell your story!

That is interesting because of the roughly 12 birthmothers we spoke with during our adoption journey, only 3, maybe 4 had even seen our profile. We matched with "J" earlier this year without her even seeing our profile We did later get pictures to her and met her in person so she'd know who we are and what we looked like.

But, I will say that our successful match with "C" later this year did start by her choosing 3 couples to speak with based on the profiles. I was happy ours was in there and that she felt comfortable with it.

I agree that the pictures are worth MUCH more than the words for first impressions.

Just my 2 cents

Adam

[Brian and Cathy]

That is interesting because of the roughly 12 birthmothers we spoke with during our adoption journey, only 3, maybe 4 had even seen our profile. We matched with "J" earlier this year without her even seeing our profile We did later get pictures to her and met her in person so she'd know who we are and what we looked like.

Adam

Just curious. . .what information were the BMs given if they weren't given your profile? I guess I'm curious as to what they based their decision on?

Please don't take this wrong--from what I know you and Beth very much deserve to be selected

Cathy

[ElizabethAnn]

We often set up phone calls with new moms who call in about placing, even before the profiles go out, in response to their need to find the right family right away. Many times, if a call goes particularly well, prospective birthparents choose a family with whom they felt a connection of the heart, even before they see what the family's profile looks like.

[karen&scott]

We often set up phone calls with new moms who call in about placing, even before the profiles go out, in response to their need to find the right family right away. Many times, if a call goes particularly well, prospective birthparents choose a family with whom they felt a connection of the heart, even before they see what the family's profile looks like.

Yes, this is how it happened with our second adoption. We spoke with Lexi's Birthmom while she was still in the hospital after delivering the most precious little girl in the world. I was so nervous about calling and talking with a Mom that had just given birth, what was I going to talk about? I am not sure what we actually talked about... but we talked and talked. I realized she needed to talk and I needed to be a good listener.

Then I was alittle nervous because even though the phone call went great, I knew Elizabeth was on her way the next day with profiles (and not just ours).

Now that is all a blur because I had nothing to be nervous about. This precious little baby girl is our Lexi!

The connection of the heart is forever.

Karen

[Adam & Beth]

That is interesting because of the roughly 12 birthmothers we spoke with during our adoption journey, only 3, maybe 4 had even seen our profile. We matched with "J" earlier this year without her even seeing our profile We did later get pictures to her and met her in person so she'd know who we are and what we looked like.

Adam

Just curious. . .what information were the BMs given if they weren't given your profile? I guess I'm curious as to what they based their decision on?

Please don't take this wrong--from what I know you and Beth very much deserve to be selected

Cathy

Oh, no worries. No offense taken or anything. I too wondered the same thing when we started the birthparent call process.

This is my perception of the process:

As far as what information was the birthparent given? I don't think they got much information about us other than perhaps Abrazo advising them "you will be contacted by a couple of prospective adoptive couples who we feel may be the right fit for what you are looking for, based on what you've told us. You can talk to as many different couples as you wish, but we recommend talking to 3 different ones first so you get a good feel for how the process works and that you may find that one that just feels like "This is the right couple for me and my baby" ".

Because our homestudy was already complete from our previous private adoption attempt, we actually got our first call 5 days after Orientation. We had barely even started putting together a profile. I was like "Hey, How did this call happen? They don't even have a profile from us". Then I remembered that once your homestudy is complete, you are eligible to get the calls because you can technically take placement should something happen fast.

I think Elizabeth explained it well in her response above, which was the basic understanding I had of how the process works.

So, your questions are natural. There were times that I thought, I wonder why I didn't get a call to talk with "Them" or did they not like my profile or why are things working out for couples in the new orientation groups and not for us, we've been waiting much longer ? The thing to remember is that the Right birthmother/birthparents will find you when the time is right. We can't rush these things which is hard because we all (PIWs) SO want to be parents...NOW!

I have said it before, probably on this thread, but for ME the key to the profile was to be both Happy & Proud of our work (profile). If I felt good about it, that is all I could do and I just had to let nature take its course. Our baby would find his/her way home to us when the time is right. It's much easier to say that now as new parents, but it is the truth.

[Brian and Cathy]

Oh, no worries. No offense taken or anything. I too wondered the same thing when we started the birthparent call process.

I think Elizabeth explained it well in her response above, which was the basic understanding I had of how the process works.

So, your questions are natural. There were times that I thought, I wonder why I didn't get a call to talk with "Them" or did they not like my profile or why are things working out for couples in the new orientation groups and not for us, we've been waiting much longer ? The thing to remember is that the Right birthmother/birthparents will find you when the time is right. We can't rush these things which is hard because we all (PIWs) SO want to be parents...NOW!

Thanks, Adam and Elizabeth for your explanations. I do understand that we can not go forward until our homestudy is done. I completely understand that. I even told Angela that this past week when we spoke about how far along we were with our homestudy. I was just curious because I thought the profile was how a BP was informed about an AP. Based on what I've learned so far, I didn't think about those who have their homestudy done before their profile

Thanks, again to you both!

Cathy

[Adam & Beth]

I was just curious because I thought the profile was how a BP was informed about an AP. Based on what I've learned so far, I didn't think about those who have their homestudy done before their profile

Thanks, again to you both!

Cathy

For some birthparents, the profile may be a first 'meeting' of the PIWs they will speak with. But for many who live farther away from San Antonio and thus haven't had the opportunity to meet one of the Abrazo folks in person yet, a phone call from a PIW is their introduction to a set of PIWs.

When the profiles have to be mailed to a birthparent, it takes the mail or express delivery a day or two to arrive. During that time, Abrazo is typically actively setting up calls between the birthfamily and the PIWs. I know many of the birthmothers we spoke with were really surprised how fast the process starts once they've made their initial call to Abrazo. One or two have said "Wow, that was fast. I wasn't expecting to hear from you guys TODAY"

So, don't be surprised if in more cases than not, you speak with a birthmother who has not yet received your profile. As I mentioned, for us, that was the case majority of the time. But never fear , in each case, the birthmother always eventually receives a copy of the profile(s) so that they can put a face with a voice

So, all the work you are putting into your profile WILL go a long way in your relationships with birthfamilies.

-A

[Tonycpa and Linda]

With both of our children they had not seen our profiles first and actually that was fine with us because We had a good hunch when we got off the phone there was a connection.

Since our second happened so suddenly there was no time for a profile but we emailed some pictures of us with Andrew to her with a little description about us so when we talked or met she knew what we looked like.

I have to agree that it has to feel right and to just be real and honest.

When it happens it is the most wonderful feeling.

Good luck.

Linda

[melissamerritt]

Bumping this up for Laural.

Make sure you start at the front of this thread.

[Garden of Hope]

The new profiles are beautiful. You all have created a fantastic glimpse of who you are for the birth families.

As in so many other cases, Nathan's birthmom did not see my profile either. In fact, it wasn't finished when I learned about him. I had a home study from a previous adoption attempt that just needed to be updated and about 1/4 of the profile left to do. I did finish the profile after placement so that if Nathan's first mom ever wanted to see it she could and so that Nathan would also have a copy in his life book.

The selection process is so individual and you never know what will trigger that bond/match. As Adam said, just put your best foot forward on your profile and wait for the magic to begin!

[ElizabethAnn]

I ran across an amazing poem today, that says so much about what expectant parents look for, in seeking the "right" home for the children they contemplate placing... and what prospective adopters should actually be focusing on, when preparing themselves for matching with the "right" baby and birthfamily:

THE INVITATION

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.

I want to know what you ache for

and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.

I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love

for your dream

for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon...

I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow

if you have been opened by life’s betrayals

or have become shrivelled and closed

from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain

mine or your own

without moving to hide it

or fade it

or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy

mine or your own

if you can dance with wildness

and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes

without cautioning us

to be careful

to be realistic

to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me

is true.

I want to know if you can

disappoint another

to be true to yourself.

If you can bear the accusation of betrayal

and not betray your own soul.

If you can be faithless

and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty

even when it is not pretty

every day.

And if you can source your own life

from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure

yours and mine

and still stand at the edge of the lake

and shout to the silver of the full moon,

“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me

to know where you live or how much money you have.

I want to know if you can get up

after the night of grief and despair

weary and bruised to the bone

and do what needs to be done

to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know

or how you came to be here.

I want to know if you will stand

in the centre of the fire

with me

and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom

you have studied.

I want to know what sustains you

from the inside

when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone

with yourself

and if you truly like the company you keep

in the empty moments.

© Mountaindreaming, from the book The Invitation (published by HarperSanFrancisco, 1999) All rights reserved

[mbell]

Thanks for posting this Elizabeth. It is definitely good food for thought.

[MarkLaurie]

Love the poem, Elizabeth.

[waiting for a miracle]

Love the poem, Elizabeth.

this poem is absolutely beautiful......sigh

[glasshouse]

Maybe this is old news to y'all, but a few weeks ago there was a story on This American Life where one of their reporters sat with a woman planning to place her child for adoption as she sifted through profiles. I'm not sure her responses were "typical" in any way (if such a thing as 'typical' even exists), I found it to be really interesting.

Their description of the segment:

Act Three. Yes, No or Baby.

There are some situations where making judgments about people based on limited amounts of information is not only accepted, but required. One of those situations is open adoption, where birth mothers actually choose the adoptive parents for their child. TAL producer Nancy Updike talks to a pregnant woman named Kim going through the first stage of open adoption: reading dozens of letters from prospect parents, all of whom seem utterly capable and appealing. With so many likeable candidates to choose from, Kim ends up focusing on tiny details of people's lives. (6 minutes)

You can stream the whole audio of the show at their website. (Incidentally, I also recommend the first two stories in the episode even if they have nothing to do with adoption.)

[ElizabethAnn]

For anyone out there who is agonizing over the necessity of creating a profile (also known as the tool by which prospective adopters find an expectant mother with whom to match) or who doesn't feel their profile is presently working to their advantage, our friends at Adoption Learning Partners are offering a new online training course on how to create an eye-catching piece that truly reflects who you are! It's being presented at a reduced cost for a limited time: click here for more information.

[Stork Central]

How would a truly honest adoptive parent profile read?

One blogger gives us his/her take on how one candid couple's Dear Birthparent letter might unfold: Why We Deserve Your Baby.

Your thoughts?

[HeidiK]

offensive, ----a little

Funny----- a little

How some people really might feel??? Maybe

[suziandben]

How would a truly honest adoptive parent profile read?

One blogger gives us his/her take on how one candid couple's Dear Birthparent letter might unfold: Why We Deserve Your Baby.

Your thoughts?

My brain is not in place tonight to debate the harsh realities and moral injustices etc etc... tonight I read this from the entire standpoint of an exhausted mom who needed a good laugh and boy did this deliver. I thought this was hilarious - totally inappropriate humor and hilarious.

name the dog and the kid the same name???? husband plays catch by himself in the back yard???????? Why is he picking the ball up himself when the dog could do that for him?