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Finding the Right Agency For You


Guest Plano Parents

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Guest Plano Parents

Hello All!  What a wonderful forum this is!  This is my first time to post - anywhere!  My husband and I began the adoption agency search January 2003.  I need some major guidance.  How do you know when you have found the right agency?  What if you thought you found the right agency but now you feel like they are not the "right" agency?

I think I am beginning to lose my mind!!  Help! :(

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Welcome, Plano Parents!  I think you will find many of us Forum-ites will tell you that if you feel the agency you are with isn't right for you ... DON'T stay there!  Of course, in some cases you may have such a monetary commitment that you are hard-pressed to make a change, but if that's not the case, and if your "gut" is telling you that it doesn't feel right, then don't be afraid to act on it.  Developing a relationship with an agency is really important -- there has to be trust, open communication, and mutual understanding.  After all, you're working with them to form a family ... what could be more important than that!

So, carefully consider what you are feeling and why ... and if you still believe you may be working with an agency that is no longer right for you, move on and find one that is!  (And, most of us here will tell you Abrazo is a GREAT choice!;)

Best wishes!

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Guest Plano Parents

Thanks for your response FeelingBlessed!  You are absolutely right!  This is a major decision and we should feel confident with our choice.  We have submitted our inquiry to Abrazo.  Hope they accept us and we can get into their next seminar.  I feel like a kid on Christmas Eve but I guess patiently waiting is part of the process. ???

Thanks again for your response!

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When we first started looking for an agency, I think I requested information from about everyone in the state.  Every packet I received, I would read it and throw it away.  Then one day the information from Abrazo arrived and I couldn't wait for my husband to get home and read it.  We knew immediatly that this was the one for us.  Go with your gut reaction!  Good luck!

Jill

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We had much the same experience as Jill and Shawn. We requested information from agencies from Texas and Louisiana. We visited several. When we submitted our inquiry to Abrazo (after a referal from a friend) we felt like, please let them like us!  From the initial inquiry phase thru orientation, we know Abrazo was the choice for us!  Now two boys later, we thank Abrazo every day and consider the staff part of our family!  Good luck to you!

The Miles

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Hi Plano Parents,

Abrazo was the first & only agency we contacted....however, I'd read several, several books about different agencies and different types of agencies.  I had a really good feeling about Abrazo because the daughter of my mom's friend had adopted from Abrazo, had a fabulous experience and had nothing but glowing things to say about their adoption experience.  When we made the decision to adopt, I was so nervous about finding an agency (this was before my mom reminded me about her friend's daughter...she'd told me about them about 2 years prior to our decision to adopt but we were starting our in-vitro stuff and we weren't ready to think about adoption yet).  There was a person I had worked with who had worked with a Texas agency and had been on a "waiting list" for something like 2 - 3 years with no contact from the agency whatsoever.  They said it was a nightmare (and had already paid the agency quite a large amount of money which would be forfeited if they decided to sever their relationship with the agency....this is a pretty standard practice so that part of it isn't so off-track....it's the other part (the agency's reluctance to have contact, etc during the wait...and the wait itself).  Anyway, they decided to end that relationship and work with a different agency (and they're now parents of a baby girl born a few days after our Kayleigh was born) - but - just hearing their story sure made me worry and wonder about whether we'd get stuck in a situation like that.

So, to me...word of mouth and positive experiences from others meant the world to me when it came to making a decision on an agency.  Then, that first phone call I had with Elizabeth just did it.  I just knew this was "the one" - she seemed so "real" and down to earth and honest.  And throughout everything - I never, ever doubted that we were with the right agency.  They may not always tell you what you want to hear (which isn't such a bad thing - I'd rather hear the truth and have honest feedback...even if that means their response sometimes is that they don't know (there is often a lot of uncertainty with adoption and there are no guarantees - I think that's just the nature of it).

So anyway, I think it's perfectly okay to have certain expectations, etc about the agency you want to work with...just make sure they're realistic and attainable.

Best of luck to you in your journey - I guess I'll just close by saying once your baby is with you, you'll probably feel like everything you went through to get there is worth it 100 million percent and if you had to do it all over again, you would.  However, it helps to work with the best agency in the entire world and of course, I think Abrazo is that place - they were just fabulous!!!  I can't say enough about how much they just made everything feel right and I felt as though they truly are doing what they do for the right reasons - and they're all just so cool too, they're a blast to work with and get to know.

-Lisa :D

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Guest Plano Parents

I just knew this was the place for me!!!  Thank you EVERYONE for your responses.  It is so comforting to know I am not losing my mind!

Now, the wait begins for Abrazo to accept or decline! :(   Wish us luck!  Have a great day ladies!

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  • 1 month later...
Guest VERONICA GARCIA

Hi, Everyone! Well my husband and I have started with Abrazo too. So far so good. This Friday we will send in our application and application in. Does anyone know whats next? Let us know. Thanks

:)

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Hi Veronica!!

Welcome to the forum.

Let's see - I'm trying to remember if I remember all the steps...it hasn't been so long ago for us but long enough for it to start to seem blurry to me now so my apologies if I don't get everything correct.  We sent our inquiry in to Abrazo in July 2002.  We were contacted by them shortly after and discussed some of the concerns I had regarding open adoption and a few other things.  Then, we decided (Abrazo and my husband & myself) that this was a good fit (meaning the kind of agency Abrazo is and the kind of parents we were hoping to be and our feelings regarding adoption, etc) and we were invited to their Orientation in August 2002.  We attended the Orientation along with 8 or 9 other couples and had a fabulous weekend!!!  One I'll never, ever forget.  We went home, finished up our profile (I'd already been working on it), sent it in, got with our homestudy person and got that ball rolling and then - we started talking to birthparents.  On December 6, 2002 - we received a call from Abrazo about a baby girl who had been born the day before - that little girl turned out to be our daughter and she came home with us and we're living happily ever after!  We finalized our adoption July 25 of this year - Kayleigh will be 11 months old in November.

Now, there's quite a bit of other stuff that goes along with that stuff - lots of paperwork, some homework, some reading material, etc but that's kind of the outline of the process.

I told someone once, it will take longer than you want it to but sooner than you expect.

Keep us posted and please feel free to ask any questions at all you think of.  Sometimes this board is hard to navigate so don't worry about whether someone has already asked the question, ask away and I'm sure you'll get plenty of responses.

I could speak volumes on my experience with Abrazo though - they are absolutely without a doubt the most wonderful group of people to work with and to know - I feel so fortunate to be a part of their family - it was a wonderful experience and all because of those Abrazo angels you hear us all talking about all the time.

Best wishes!!

Lisa :D

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  • 11 months later...

There are so many available adoption resources, and so many factors to consider, but what seems most important may change, depending on where you're at in the process...given what you know, what is most essential to you now?

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My vote was for the reputation of the agency - however, I wanted to also respond because I wish there was a way we could give these things a rating rather than picking just one thing.

So, given what I know now - here's how I would rate the things I find most important:

1 - Reputation of agency (always has been top of my list - even when we started)

2 - Placement Style (Open/Closed)

3 - Average Wait Time for Placement

4 - Estimated Adoption Fees/Costs

5 - Availability of infants

I'm sure there are things that should probably rank higher than what I feel but if I'm honest, these are the things that I would choose as my top 5.

-Lisa

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There was a great post initiated by q2bt here recently under this category (post title was Questions???) as well as some really interesting responses (and hopefully helpful as well).

One response in particular prompted me to post this topic regarding expectations and how someone's expectations of Abrazo and expectations of what they should do and how that can determine how someone views their experience with Abrazo (hopefully that makes sense - I've got Jo Jo's Circus going on in the background making it hard for me to concentrate).

Anyway, I completely agree with that comment. I think it's important to determine early on - when making a decision to work with an agency what your expectations are from that agency and to decide whether or not you feel the agency is able to meet those expectations and if not, perhaps gathering information from other agencies & considering them would be a prudent thing to do. You will also learn during that process (provided the agencies are honest with you) whether or not your expectations are realistic.

I can honestly say I had the most wonderful experience with Abrazo - I can not think of a single thing that happened during our adoption journey (from 8/02 - 12/02 and the present) that left a bad taste in my mouth or anything I would like to have seen handled differently. I found out about Abrazo through a friend of my mom's daughter - she and her husband had adopted from Abrazo a few years before me and had a good experience with them and had offered to speak to me to share her experience, etc. We talked for quite awhile on the phone and she was very forthcoming about her experience - telling me pretty much everything from the beginning to end. I remember one thing she said that really stuck with me - she said "There will be days when you'll love Elizabeth and days when you'll be extremely frustrated & upset with her". I asked her to elaborate on that and she explained what it was Elizabeth had done to upset her so much that she would say something like that to me. Her child wasn't a BOG but pretty close (I think she matched a week before the baby was born) and it had something to do with them getting the call and she (the Adoptive Mom) not dropping everything to get to the hospital to be with the birthmother while she was in labor (because the birthmother had really wanted her there). See, to me - I can totally see where Elizabeth is coming from on that because my expectation would also be such that an adoptive parent should pretty much drop everything at that point in time and their only priority is their child and his/her birthmother. So - it actually made Abrazo even MORE appealing to me when she told me that (of course, I'm also a birthmother so maybe that's why I liked that so much - it spoke volumes to me about Elizabeth's integrity).

Anyway - so, I can say that I've worked with Abrazo and I can't rave enough about them - I don't have a single thing I would complain about or feel a little negative about. How could my experience with them be related to my expectations of them? I've been thinking about this and I feel the relationship betwen my experience & my expectations is quite strong. My expectations of the agency we worked with were simple -

First & foremost - Integrity, I only wanted to work with an agency that I felt I could trust - completely, wholeheartedly trust.

Second - Not a long time waiting. Sounds awful I'm sure but that was true - I'm not a very patient person and also, I was way beyond my threshold for waiting to be a mom - too much time spent wanting to be a mother so I was soooo ready - I didn't want to wait 2 or 3 years - the sooner the better. I did have an expectation for Abrazo to help us become parents within a year.

Third - Fees/Cost of the adoption to be reasonable (I had done quite a bit of research on fee structures and adoption costs and I wanted the agency we worked with to be in the ball-park of what most adoptions run. Not because it was about the money, but because I didn't want to feel as though I was getting taken advantage of just because I was in a situation where I could be taken advantage of (that being that I desperately wanted a child but had limited options on ways that could happen)

Other than that, anything else I considered to be "gravy" - which I guess is why I just sing Abrazo's praises so much because they so far and above exceeded my expectations of what an agency should do/offer an adoptive parent (and birthparent).

I'm not saying that my expectations were right or someone else's are wrong - it's totally a personal decision - I'm just saying I think it's really important to recognize what your expectations are and also realize that everyone's expectations are different which can result in very different types of feedback.

Abrazo met & exceeded my expectations - I have a beautiful, 25 lb, 23 month old living proof of that.

-Lisa

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Lisa,

I will have to totally agree with you. We came to Abrazo after being on another agency's waiting list just to attend their first meeting for almost a year. Come to find out the agency "lost" our info, but not our money so we got lost in the shuffle.

At Abrazo I never felt lost. I felt like the ladies at Abrazo were doing everything in their power to see mine and my husband's number one dream come true.

That's why when we are ready for number two, we will be coming back to Abrazo

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Every agency has it's "pluses" and "minuses". Do your homework to ensure the agencies you are contemplating are ethical! Then, my advice is, "trust your gut". If you do not "click" with the people at the agency, then regardless of their placement rates, you may not be happy! Make sure that you have the same morals and values as the agency! For example, if you do want a true open relationship with birthparents, then an agency who advertises "semi-open adoption is not the agency for you. Also, discuss your expectations before "signing the dotted line". For example, my husband and I wanted to feel comfortable calling every other week just to check in. This made us feel better regarding what was happening at the agency. The two things that Abrazo has over many other agencies are this forum and the orientation weekends! My husband and I have made life-long friends from the orientation weekend! Many of us still keep in touch and we are thrilled with this!

Good luck and please do trust your gut!!! I believe your instincts are a way for God to lead you in the right direction!! biggrin.gif

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So many adoption agencies are "done" with their clients after the adoption is finalized. Some friends of ours, who adopted their infant daughter (three years ago) through another local agency, asked us if we had sought out a support group for adoptive parents. We told them "No," we didn't feel the need to, because our agency hosts a reunion weekend (Camp Abrazo) each year, and we receive enough positive affirmation from that weekend to last all through the year!!! They thought a reunion weekend was a terrific idea!!

Their agency, on the other hand, dropped all contact with them after their adoption was finalized. They had so many unanswered questions about raising an adopted child that they had to join an adoptive parents support group through a local family services organization.

Two different families, two different adoption experiences, two beautiful daughters....but only one Abrazo!!! Guess which one of us is most satisfied with our agency experience??? biggrin.gif

P.S. O.K. ...just in case you haven't figured it out...WE ARE! Abrazo has continued to "embrace" us as part of their family, which attests to their firm commitment to ensure loving "forever" families for the precious children placed in their care!!

Edited by marthaj
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Guest Adoptive Dad

Gosh, I didn't realize that 'adoptive parent' and 'parent' were mutually exclusive...would you really need a support group if it weren't for Camp Abrazo Martha?

Maybe their agency figured they had completed the job they had been paid to do and it was time for these new parents to raise their child.

But you're right on one thing Martha...there's only one Abrazo. At least I pray that you're right.

God Bless...

p.s...you never replied to my PM... biggrin.gif

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Adoptive Dad,

Get off the forum and stay off!!!! I have had enough of your belligerent attitude towards Abrazo! Remember what the movie Bambi has to say "If you can't something nice, don't say anything at all."

I kept thinking if everyone ignored you, that you would go away, but I guess not. You should be thankful for Abrazo and that you even have a child.

Jill Fogo

For everyone else out there, sorry to even acknowledge his existence, but I can't stand it anymore.

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My only response would be (since you asked) why is your screen name "Adoptive Dad" and not just "Dad"???????????????????????????????????????????????????????

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pResident Bush has said "there ought to be limits to freedom." And while that displays an alarming lack of comprehension of the American dream, it makes sense for this Forum. We continue to encourage members and anonymous passersby to participate in the discussions here, and to ask tough questions and offer criticism. But I haven't invested hundreds of hours in the forum just to see it dragged down into the muck by someone who obviously has a personal axe to grind.

Good-bye, Adoptive Dad. Please go focus your efforts on being a good father, and find another outlet for your seething anger. You're no longer welcome here, and you won't be missed.

And yes, God bless you.

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I'll second that. I cannot understand why Adoptive Dad, instead of appropriately dealing with his issue directly and confidentially, felt the need to attack happy clients of Abrazo. I'm glad we'll no longer need to deal with that. Thanks, Webmaster!

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Actually, a major caution flag for me would be ANY adoption agency who doesn't offer a forum such as this where people who have adopted (and haven't adopted) can come and share stories, support, guidance, etc. I'm not aware of many, if any, agencies who have anything like this where people can come and post negative comments about the agency on an agency supported forum.

I'm also curious as to why someone who has chosen to adopt through another agency is compelled to come back to Abrazo's forum anyway, why wouldn't you simply log on to the agency you're working with's forum and discuss things with other parents there?

As for horror stories - there are 2 sides to every story - So, I guess I would just say that if someone has a horror story - they would have one regardless of where they adopted from - some people start this process with a grudge to grind and will find fault with anyone.

It's really getting annoying that this forum is becoming a free-for-all for people to come on and post negative things - there are so many families who love this agency and what they do and how they do things. If people have an axe to grind - I wish they'd do it elsewhere - when I was looking into agencies - I didn't log on the forum to dig up dirt on the agency - I was logging on to get information about how they do things and to hear people's adoption stories. If I wanted to hear bad stories, I certainly wouldn't have come here to do that - I would have found some other adoption forum not supported by the agency.

Lisa

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