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Is Adoption the Wrong Choice?

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What an important dialogue! Many thanks to all who have the courage to share their views; the variety of opinions expressed and the personal experience of each writer can only make this discussion even richer.

The older I get, the more I struggle with the sense that "family" is too important a life concept to happen accidentally, if it is to pass the test of time-- and I say that as a self-admitted member of the "been there, done that" crowd. I don't think the ability to conceive is any guarantee of parenting skill, nor do I believe that everyone who wants a child automatically "deserves" one-- regardless of their material assets. I don't believe that love is all it takes. And I know that neither blood nor water can truly define who should or shouldn't be family.

The Amanda Davis story really bothers me, for a number of reasons. I don't think any amount of handouts to help her keep her brood together will significantly "improve her situation", no matter how well-intentioned her donors may be. If so, all the contributions and taxpayer funds that have supported them since long before birth through today should've worked by now.

I think parenting in its purest form is about accepting responsibility, whether you birth or adopt, and that means putting your children's needs before your own. I don't think that means failing to seek child support from your kids' father, nor following the birth of quads you can't handle on your own with yet another baby before the first 4 are out of diapers, nor spending your kids' SSI money on things like piercings, etc., etc., etc. One can only wonder if perhaps her own kids may one day question why their mom didn't consider adoption for them?

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Food for thought...

The Trouble with Accidental Families

Americans in particular think of mar­riage primarily as a relationship between two adults. Two adults decide to make public their love and com­mitment in a ceremony that these days makes Marie Antoinette look like a piker. The impact of the break­down of marriage on children—and on the rest of society—proves that it is a great deal more than that. It is what social thinkers like to call a social institution but that I've begun to think of as a little like software for the human brain: It gives people megabytes of nec­essary info about how to live.

Let me explain what I mean. Marriage exists in every known society; it is what social scientists call a human universal. As a human universal, it defines the rights and responsibilities of parenthood. In addition, it has specific cultural meanings arising out of local history, economy, religion, and ideals. American marriage pro­grams people to organize their lives according to a mid­dle-class life script: childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood preparing for work through schooling, at least high school; marriage; and only then children.

The American marriage program also carries with it a set of ideals and beliefs that help promote our national identity: that children need their mothers and fathers and vice versa; that children need a great deal of nurturing; that parents need to devote them­selves to their social and emotional and cognitive development—what I call the Mission; that people raise their children in a home which they will work absurd hours in order to try to own. Western marriage, particularly Anglo–American marriage, has always been tied up with private prop­erty and the accumulation of wealth. Historically, to marry, young men had to have a plot of land to set up independent housekeeping; this was very differ­ent from other cultures where the young couple joined the clan and moved into the extended family home. In America, nearly 70 percent of households own their home, and the large majority of them are headed by married couples. In this sense, we might think of the Marriage Gap as consisting of an unmar­ried proletariat and married capitalists. According to a study by an Ohio State economist comparing mar­ried couples and singles and divorced, the average net wealth of married couples increases 16 percent a year; after 15 years, their net worth is 93 percent higher than singles or divorced.

Let me give you an example of what happens when someone grows up without the program, a number of whom I describe in my book. His name is Ben, a young thirty-something African–American whom I spoke to at America Works, a welfare-to-work program.

Seven years ago, Ben, who had never finished school and had trouble holding down a job, had a casual affair with a Dominican woman. She needed a place to stay, and he decided to help her out and gave her a key, and one thing led to another. She had a child, a boy, and Ben, remembering his mother's words—"when you make a baby, you raise a baby”—and also remembering his rage toward his own absent father, tried to stick around. But the rela­tionship foundered. The couple broke up. They got together, and she became pregnant again. They broke up. They got back together. She had another child. Now Ben had fathered three children with a woman he had never married and whom he not only didn't love, but also saw as an inadequate mother. It should be evident that Ben was no thug.

Ben is a very handsome, serious man who clearly had a sense of duty and responsibility. He struck me as bright, though deeply troubled by the situation he had creat­ed without meaning to. He had a dim sense of the Mission, though between his lack of money and his tumultuous relationship with his children's mother, he was unable to see it through very well. He wanted to buy his kids toys—"I never had any toys as a child,” he told me—and take them to Boys Club, but his children's mother had no interest in any of that. I don't think the problem is simply that Ben did not marry this woman, the mother of his children. Ben's problem started way before he had his first child. He grew up without the program and without the script; and without those things, Ben drifted into an Accidental Family.

This is the situation for many single parents. When you ask a 24-year-old, low-income, single woman whether she planned to get pregnant, what you'll frequently hear is "kinda, sorta.” When I asked the men I spoke to where they imagined themselves being in 10 years, they looked at me blankly. What I'm suggesting is that without a program, people lose a way of organizing their lives, a life script, a means of orienting themselves toward the future, and a way to build wealth. It's remarkable that only 8 percent of those who follow the script (that is, who graduate high school) are poor; 79 per­cent of those who do not are poor like Ben. The script is vitally important not just for people of mar­riageable age, but for children and adolescents. It tells them where they are going and what matters.

The pursuit of a (hopefully) permanent partner is an essential project for the young. It forces them to try to know themselves, to consider how they want to live, to plan their careers, to think about how they want to build enough wealth for a comfortable life or, if the urge is there, for penthouses and limou­sines. It builds self-restraint and self-knowledge. So what happened to create the Marriage Gap, to cause men like Ben to lose any inkling of a script that might have led him to a more stable life for their chil­dren, who might in turn have pulled their way into the middle class?

In the 1960s, Americans began a radical, historically unique experiment. Marriage and childbearing were really two separate life phenomena. Marriage was about adult happiness. People started saying, "Don't stay together for the sake of kids.” Meanwhile, the question occurred to many: Why do you need to be married when you have children? Some people conclude from this that Americans started to lose interest in marriage. Not really. Cen­sus Bureau numbers have it that 90 percent of American women will marry at some point in their lives, and close to the same percentage of men.

In fact, compared to other Westerners, Americans are marriage-nuts. Ask them in surveys, and they say a good marriage and family life are extremely impor­tant to them. No, what our out-of-wedlock birth rate means is not that people don't care about marriage; it's that they see marriage as simply a committed adult love relationship and not an arrangement for rearing chil­dren. You may want to get married, but that doesn't mean you want to have children with the guy. In other words, Americans took one of the most fundamental messages of the marriage program— that children should be born and raised by their two parents—and threw it into the dustbin of history.

Very few people questioned what was happening in the early decades of this revolution as the number of single-parent households began to rise. Those who did learned that they were going to be ridiculed and shunned. Even today, people are uneasy confront­ing the problem of the separation of marriage and childbearing with any honesty. They are willing to make education a national good, a route to a better life, but not marriage.

My final point is this: This lack of clarity and cul­tural consensus about the decline of the American marriage program is a dangerous mistake. Think of the past decades of rising divorce and illegitimacy as a kind of natural experiment testing what happens when you unravel the institution of marriage. The results are now in. Changing the institu­tion—specifically, erasing the bond between mar­riage and child rearing—leads to a weakening of our country's ability to carry out its promise: its promise of fairness, equality, opportunity, and pros­perity. Instead, we see separate and unequal families as far as the eye can see.

Kay S. Hymowitz is author of Marriage and Caste in America: Separate and Unequal Families in a Post-Marital Age (Chicago: Ivan R. Dee, Publisher, 2006). A Senior Fellow at the Manhattan Institute in New York City, she is also a Contributing Editor of City Journal.

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I don't think the ability to conceive is any guarantee of parenting skill, nor do I believe that everyone who wants a child automatically "deserves" one-- regardless of their material assets. I don't believe that love is all it takes. And I know that neither blood nor water can truly define who should or shouldn't be family. The Amanda Davis story really bothers me, for a number of reasons. I don't think any amount of handouts to help her keep her brood together will significantly "improve her situation", no matter how well-intentioned her donors may be. If so, all the contributions and taxpayer funds that have supported them since long before birth through today should've worked by now. I think parenting in its purest form is about accepting responsibility, whether you birth or adopt, and that means putting your children's needs before your own. I don't think that means failing to seek child support from your kids' father, nor following the birth of quads you can't handle on your own with yet another baby before the first 4 are out of diapers, nor spending your kids' SSI money on things like piercings, etc., etc., etc. One can only wonder if perhaps her own kids may one day question why their mom didn't consider adoption for them?

I must admit I agree with your thoughts here and have had some of the same Elizabeth.

Cathy

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Elizabeth,

I have to say that I agree to a point. I think the thing that resonates with me is the idea that "handouts" are not what this society needs to solve many of its societal problems with poverty, I think the problem goes deeper than that. Obviously if that was the solution, the way in which welfare was created would have solved more problems that it actually did. However, I do not believe that there is not a place for the sharing of assets either. I think that as a matter of principle, our society is very self-centered and we do little to care for those around us who are not as priveleged as we are. IF we were'nt, maybe we would make and support much different policies at the public policy level, in the workplace, and in our personal lives.

I think that there are many things that would need to change for poverty to significantly change. For one, we would need to have a more equal valuing of everyone's contributions, not a limited few. For example, like you pointed out, why would Amanda want to go and get a minimum wage job when she would not be able to financially support her family with it. As a society we say that these jobs are not worth much as highlighted by how much they pay. However, where would we as a society be if no one took out the trash, cleaned the floors, cooked the food, took care of the kids (many of the jobs that garner minimum wage). Also, who is she surrounded by that has had the experience to say- here is how education would benefit you, here is how you can attain it, and here is how I am willing to help. I grew up with a strong message that education was important for everyone, but it was probably most important for women. That as a woman in our society, education may make a bigger difference in whether I would be able to support my family myself if I needed to. I wonder how my life and choices would have been different if I had been exposed to different messages.

I think about a conversation that I had with a family in therapy once. There was a strong history of teen-age parenting. I remember the mother of the family telling me that she could not wait for her son to make her a grandmother. He was sixteen. It was difficult to understand, but this was all she ever knew. I am not sure that adoption is necessarily the answer to this problem. Will adoption necessarily give Amanda the hope and support that she needs to change her life? Will it make her see her options that much differently? Will it allow her to see herself as a person of value, even outside of her role as mother? Do we know enough about birthparent experiences after placement to say that it makes the overall changes that we hope it does?

When I think about Amanda not asking for child support, I cringe. Then I think about her reasoning. She abstains from asking for this in the hopes that her children will have contact with their father. Now I can poke all sorts of holes in her logic, but ultimately she may be trying to make a decision for the good of her children- even though it does not appear to be the best. What other resources would assist her in this situation. What set up might help her to make a better decision? I agree that she has not even tried to get child support, but I will point something out. For many women who try very hard to get child support, the system seems more set up to help non-custodial parents avoid paying than to assist custodial parents with receiving the funds that they so desperately need. Many women do not even "go through the hassle of trying" because it really feels like more trouble than it is worth. Are they the problem or is the system the problem?

I do not mean to say that I am blind to the experience of the children in this situation or that I think that she is making the best choices as a parent. But I worry about ignoring the overall system that is at play in her life and others. I think also of situations where abuse is taking place in a family. I believe very strongly that children need to be removed from a situation in which they are not safe. However, removal is not enough. How do we solve the overall problem of abuse in families in the first place.

So I come back to my original point. How do we solve the problem of parents not being a position to keep the children that they desperately want. I think even if we solve that problem, there will still be those who will have the option and will take the option of adoption, but at least it will feel like more of a choice to them. Perhaps it is my training, the way that I was raised, or who knows what else, but I struggle with making the decision for someone else of how they should live their life.

Last, let me make very clear that I am not attempting to be anti-adoption here. Adoption has been a wonderful and irreplacable part of my life. However, I am reticent to tell someone when they should place their child. Our birthmother experienced a lot of pressure NOT to place her child for adoption. It still bring tears to my eyes when I think about how hard that pressure may have been to deal with during an already difficult time. I also would not want to place a mother in a position in which she felt like the message (subtle or otherwise) is that she should place her child for adoption. I agree that I hope that Amanda knows her options and can make a decision based on those. But at what point are we telling others that we know better than they do, how they should live their lives?

Just my thoughts. Thank you for starting such a thought provoking topic. It has given me plenty of time to procrastinate grading today!

Bobbi

P.S. This does not even begin to take into consideration the assumption that we often make that the children will be in a better overall situation in their adoptive family. IN the same way that we can point to situations like Amanda's where is seems fairly obvious that the children deserve something better- we can find situations like the little boy in the other thread (can't remember his name) who experienced awful treatment at the hands of his adoptive parents. It always leaves me with the question- how do we balance both sides of the coin.

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Points well taken, Bobbi! I agree wholeheartedly with the idea that "adoption does not always ensure that an adopted child's life will be "better"-- only different."

Having been one who has often felt compelled to urged prospective birthparents to consider options other than adoption, it's interesting to find myself feeling so differently, in this particular case. I searched all day for updates that might report how Amanda is now doing with her five young children (or whether she'd added more?) but could find no further info.

At Abrazo, we always tell parents that money (or the lack of it) should never, ever be anyone's sole (or even primary) reason for placing. Every parenting decision (including whether or not to place) should necessarily be made by each parent, on the basis of what they truly believe is best for their child. But obviously, this discretion is in the eye of the beholder. Adoption isn't always the "right" choice; neither, in some cases, is parenting, for some people.

Out of Australia, here's a story of another single mom, who finally decided adoption wasn't the right choice: click here. One can only wonder whether her child might still be alive (and unbitten) today, had she come to a different conclusion?

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Truly heartbreaking...

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Ok,I think I need to clarify some of my thoughts that may have been taken wrong. First of all I know that not everybody who adopts is greatly priviliged,I was saying that maybe all adoptive parents SHOULD HAVE TO BE. If somebody truly believes that money makes things better for the child,then there is always somebody with more. Not everybody places for money reasons,some do it because they just aren't ready to be parents,some have dreams of going to college and can't do that with a child(which is related to money if you look at it) some just have too much stress or abuse problems or addictions to deal with etc.... So many reasons,and that is my point. Money shouldn't be an issue but it is. My two children were placed for money reasons and money reasons ONLY!!! We were NOT on any government assistance ,we refused. Keeping my children would not have put us in a much different situation,I would have had more kids to take care of,that isn't a bad thing. Placing my two children did not improve our situation either. If anything it continued to get worse(not because of placing). If you place your child for financial reasons because you truly believe that is what is best for them then that is fine,that is your decision and nothing at all is wrong with that. What makes it wrong is if you place for financial reasons because you feel you have no other choice and don't know where to turn and there is no help to keep your family together.But it happens all the time and in that situation it is not right. I am not denying that adoption is needed and is important and a great thing. I think it is. My husband and I hope to adopt some day. Probably not an infant,maybe through foster care,or a sibling group or older child etc... Also I was not implying that I think adoptive parents should financially support BP's etc... I don't think that at all. What I was saying is there aren't many people out there willing to help a family in need stay together if they aren't going to get the baby in the end. That is the sad truth. I know there are many of you who would give your right arm for your birthparents,no doubt about it. But not many of you who would have given them financial help,found counseling for them,taxi'd them to and from work and babysat their baby for them to find a job if the baby was never going to be yours. I think the thought of this is unimaginable for most people to think of. There is a program out there that does that. Through foster care you can take in a pregnant woman,and her children and baby and help them as if they were a part of your family etc.... It keeps families together,builds and extends new families and children get to stay with their biological mothers. But that is not the main goal of our society. For the most part we still think it is easier for us to just place a baby for adoption and give it to a more privileged family than to work on trying to improve an imperfect sysytem. Ok,I digressed. Sorry,maybe I should just stop and keep my mouth shut because sometimes I feel like I am not getting my point across the way I would like.

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Jada,

I'm very interested in the program you mention. Can you provide any more information about it? Like what is it called? I've never heard of it, despite 10 years of interest in the foster system.

Thanks, Kay

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I am not sure what it is called. They briefly mentioned it when we were taking our classes,I think you have to go through other courses to be able to do it. It had something to do with the adult foster care program. Most I believe may be pregnant teens also in the foster care program. Unfortunately we haven't been to any classes in awhile because my daughter had her babies and we don't have any room to foster right now. We will be retaking all of our courses once she leaves in March and maybe they will mention more on the program then.

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In an update to the story Elizabeth posted here, Amanda Davis can be found here (may require a myspace account to access).

It appears Amanda, 22, is now pregnant with her seventh child, another boy, having birthed two more boys following the quads.

Married now to man who is not the father of her first five children, they have one son together and are undoubtedly busy, with a family of nearly nine!

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Jada I hope you continue to post your true feelings. I really enjoy reading what you have to say because you bring up lots of valid points that get me to think about. Congratulations on your new grandbaby.

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It may be shocking to see that she has 6 children now with one more on the way,BUT the children appear to be happy. The man she has in her life looks like he is at least their for her and ALL her children. She appears to be very happy with her kids. Their financial status is unknown but who am I to judge? My sister-in-law has 6 children. My husband is one of 9 kids as am I. Many people look at this woman and judge her but why? Her situation does seem to have improved even if just a tiny little bit. Adorable,children!!! I wish them all the best.

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Wow Renee. How did you find her. I swear half the time I can't even find my friends on myspace!

Bobbi

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Ok,I think I need to clarify some of my thoughts that may have been taken wrong. First of all I know that not everybody who adopts is greatly priviliged,I was saying that maybe all adoptive parents SHOULD HAVE TO BE. If somebody truly believes that money makes things better for the child,then there is always somebody with more. Not everybody places for money reasons,some do it because they just aren't ready to be parents,some have dreams of going to college and can't do that with a child(which is related to money if you look at it) some just have too much stress or abuse problems or addictions to deal with etc.... So many reasons,and that is my point. Money shouldn't be an issue but it is. My two children were placed for money reasons and money reasons ONLY!!! We were NOT on any government assistance ,we refused. Keeping my children would not have put us in a much different situation,I would have had more kids to take care of,that isn't a bad thing. Placing my two children did not improve our situation either. If anything it continued to get worse(not because of placing). If you place your child for financial reasons because you truly believe that is what is best for them then that is fine,that is your decision and nothing at all is wrong with that. What makes it wrong is if you place for financial reasons because you feel you have no other choice and don't know where to turn and there is no help to keep your family together.But it happens all the time and in that situation it is not right. I am not denying that adoption is needed and is important and a great thing. I think it is. My husband and I hope to adopt some day. Probably not an infant,maybe through foster care,or a sibling group or older child etc... Also I was not implying that I think adoptive parents should financially support BP's etc... I don't think that at all. What I was saying is there aren't many people out there willing to help a family in need stay together if they aren't going to get the baby in the end. That is the sad truth. I know there are many of you who would give your right arm for your birthparents,no doubt about it. But not many of you who would have given them financial help,found counseling for them,taxi'd them to and from work and babysat their baby for them to find a job if the baby was never going to be yours. I think the thought of this is unimaginable for most people to think of. There is a program out there that does that. Through foster care you can take in a pregnant woman,and her children and baby and help them as if they were a part of your family etc.... It keeps families together,builds and extends new families and children get to stay with their biological mothers. But that is not the main goal of our society. For the most part we still think it is easier for us to just place a baby for adoption and give it to a more privileged family than to work on trying to improve an imperfect sysytem. Ok,I digressed. Sorry,maybe I should just stop and keep my mouth shut because sometimes I feel like I am not getting my point across the way I would like.

Jada - I have been thinking ALOT about yur comments the past few days ...and I am churning your thoughts around in my head. One thing for sure- PLEASE don't stop posting your ideas, ...........you represent an amazing point of view - so needed here and everywhere

heidi

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While I may have been "out of the loop" on this topic for the beginings, I have read the amjority of what was said, & am familiar with the original story that began it all. I would like to begin by saying that no matter who's toes get stepped on the point is that we are discussing it, and no ill will was meant, nor taken, from what I can see. I firmly believe the benefit of this country I call home is that it is a melting pot for all our own ideas and beliefs. that we are allowed to have these opinions, and share them. thank

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I would like to begin by saying that I am greatful to live in a country where we are allowed to have the opinions we do and express them with others, without fear of repression. THANK GOD FOR THAT. Also, I am glad we all have the guts to share, as it does "put us out there" in a way. I truly believe no ill will was meant or taken, and that by posting we enter into an unstated agreement to listen and care for others, and not be mortally wounded either. I hope all of us, JADA THIS MEANS YOU TOO, will continue to have a discussion on this and other topics, even if we have to rearrange our thoughts for others to fully grasp it. I feel blessed to be here, with the freedom to read what we think. The discussion is the only way to a better brighter tomorrow for everyone in this world, if no one ever spoke people like Jesus would not have even made a dent into our reality. I for one am glad people allowed that discussion through the years, or my world would be much more bleak, as would yours.

My thoughts on the topic are a mix. I feel that money can be the deciding factor to place or to adopt, and while that is a sad reality, for some. That is the stark reality in a nation where everything is not free and "taken care of" just by mere existence has us all. I believ that all good things come through an effort, or one of many other things, like love, loss, grief, chance, commitment, and many more. The least of those is choice. By choice we determine the want to be a parent within us. By choice we decide to make that a reality, some through typical bio-ways, and others through non-conventional ones and by adoption. By choice we are able to become the people we want to be, and by choice we determine we are unable to reach goals that once were our entire future. By choice I placed 2 children. That choice was not solely for financial reasons, but it was a factor. Both for me and my toddler. It was a choice that my children deserved to have more choices than I did. wheather those were financial choices or otherwise, I choose to place for their choices to be different. AND THEY ARE! Heck, mine are as well, I am able to choose to make my life what it is and can be because I am not a momma to 3. I am a momma to 1 daily, 1 by the grace of God and the joy that is open adoption, and 1 by connections so deep it is surreal, we are apart now, but one day we will find our connections and make our own choices at that time. I am able to choose things I would not have had even a thought of had my previous choices not been what they were.

Did my choices then create all my problems now? Or even solve the ones I had at the time? NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS! But, I made them based on what I knew to be an inherent right of a God fearing human being. I had the ability to choose to make their lives differnt than what they could be in my home. I was blessed to have those choices, and would have been blessed in other ways had I parented, that I do know.

Gov't assistance was NOT the reason either way for me, so I can in no way speak of it. But I do know I was not forced into that cycle because I choose to place. Had I had 3 kids, as a single mom, I would have been. What kind of life does that allow for? The future of those families, tends to be bleak-er than others, at least from my view of the lives I have witnessed. Those were the choices of those parents, and who am I to say they should or should not place? I am designed to pray and serve in all the ways I can based on my assignments from God. I pray He puts me in a place to influence those that are needing a voice of the "been there done that" crowd of adoption, and I pray that the media is not the voice of reason to those souls. I pray I can make that kind of impression, no matter the choice being to parent or place, or God fear abort. I know that adoption is a tough road to hoe for all sides, and even the ladies like at Abrazo.

We all have our crown of thorns, it is all in how you wear yours. Make your choice. Is yours a burden or a blessing today? How can you choose to allow that crown to be for you tomorrow? It is all about choice, yours, mine, theirs, and may your choices change your world for the better, and may yours not change mine or anyone else's for the worse. Make a positive influence be your goal, and all the other worries and craziness of your day will be a wash, merely a background to the brilliance of your impact.

Go! Choose! Impact! Discuss! But never be silenced by the fear of misunderstood views! We are family here, and our feelings are not a glass window that gets broken. And if it does the soul is only better seen without the fog of our clouded one-sided view.

No offense intended, not to anyone, but sometimes we all need to stop being so politcally correct. After all Jesus was the most politically incorrect person, and look at his impact on our souls! I for one will be eternally greatful! I place my crowns at his feet for guidance on my choices daily, may you be so bold as well.

Lisa

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Lisa,

I really enjoyed reading your post. I especially liked your last two paragraphs :)

Cathy

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I also agree that Jesus was incredibly politically incorrect. But he also stood for the rights of those who were underpriveleged- and was constantly challenging those with more privelege about the responsibility that their position in society placed upon them. Thank you for your thoughts Lisa. It is invigorating to me when we all feel that we can share our thoughts and opinions! :)

Bobbi

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Adoption is NOT the right choice if you are forced by others, against your will, to place a baby you are truly and fully prepared to parent by yourself. Click here to read a rare account of how one Guatemalan teenage mother was able to retract her coerced surrender, and get her baby back.

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How awful...and sad...and...

I am so happy that this mother was reunited with her child and they have a life together.

Stories like this make me appreciate Abrazo even more.

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Definitely a story to get you thinking.....and reinforce the troubles that can occur with closed adoptions. I am glad she has been reunited with her daughter... her choice and her right.

Adoption is NOT the right choice if you are forced by others, against your will, to place a baby you are truly and fully prepared to parent by yourself. Click here to read a rare account of how one Guatemalan teenage mother was able to retract her coerced surrender, and get her baby back.

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Out of Indianapolis, a sad story of a teen mom who was adopted by relatives, bounced around the state juvenile and CPS system, then opted to reunite with her firstborn (a daughter the State had removed from her care) rather than permit the adoption plans proposed by the State back in April/May of last year.

This pregnant-again mother and the father of her second and third children now stand trial for the tragic death of her three-year-old daughter: Could Adoption Have Saved TaJanay's Life?

See also the Indianapolis Star's Special Report of this case, including the state's own investigation on what went wrong.

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How very sad. Sometimes the CPS system takes way too long to get help for these children. Sometimes the system is too tolerant on parents who neglect and abuse their children. Sadly this is the outcome of so many.

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What a tragic story for everyone involved. May God bless TaJayna and watch over her troubled parents.

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An interesting look back at life in one children's home, from the perspective of a man whose parents would not permit him and his siblings to be adopted and instead left them for the nuns to raise: 'Circumstantial Orphan' Remembers Growing Up in Care.

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