Stork Central Posted June 18, 2004 Report Share Posted June 18, 2004 For those of you who are just starting out and haven't even sent in your inquiry (the "pre-app") yet, here are helpful pointers from the Home Office and also from the "been there, done that" crowd!!! For starters: 1) DO read everything you can beforehand--it'll put you that much further ahead, right from the start. It will also help you better understand Open Adoption, so that you'll know whether Abrazo's program (which does advocate for fully open adoption, with ongoing, direct contact between birthparents and adoptive families before and after placement) is suited to your needs! 2) DON'T apply for admission into Abrazo's full-service placement program if you can get pregnant or have been advised not to have a biological pregnancy. As noted on the inquiry, the full-service program is only for those who are infertile (unable to achieve pregnancy) and have medical verification of this condition. Those without infertility may adopt instead through Abrazo's designated or special needs programs, which are open to those who could get pregnant but have chosen not to, for personal or medical reasons. 3) DO remember that in accordance with policies (as printed on our forms) all service fees are nonrefundable (i.e. (inquiry, application. agency deposits), and the orientation fee is nonrefundable and nontransferable upon agency confirmation of your reserved weekend. 4) DON'T start a homestudy for Abrazo's program without giving your social worker a copy of Abrazo's required homestudy standards (available under Professionals Corner, here on the Forum!) This will save you money, time and aggravation in terms of addendums later on. 5) DO talk openly with your spouse and explore all your options upfront. Abrazo isn't the "right" program for everyone... we need the best possible parents for our precious babies. Be as expansive as possible in your placement preferences (remembering that Abrazo's most common placement need is for childless couples open to full Hispanic infants) to allow yourself more choices down the road. The more limited your preferences, the more opportunities you are rejecting (and every "opportunity" is, in fact, a child in need.) Kids out there need loving homes... how ready are you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MotherGoose Posted December 14, 2004 Report Share Posted December 14, 2004 (edited) I wanted to add a piece of advice. For parents to-be, start a journal or diary when you get home from orientation!! Even though it seems like a days between Birthparent calls are years, the time does go quicker than you think. One day you'll be home with your baby and wish you remembered more of the details along the way! There's lots of special things you and the Birthparents of your baby chat about during pregnancy that will be too soon forgotten. There's those dear moments when you get the signs that this is the right thing. Also, copy the monthlies you send the agency once your home with your baby, too! Put the reports in your baby book, you'll be glad you did. And don't forget to take your camera along, everywhere. When you go to orientation, when you meet your Birthparents for the 1st time, outside the Hospital where the baby is born, when you go to the agency for Placement Day, when you go to the final court hearing. Save everything! Even little things like parking receipts or the front page of the newspaper on the day the baby is born or their first outfit, that little stuff means so much more as the years go by. (IMHO. ) Good luck! Edited December 14, 2004 by MotherGoose Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marthaj Posted January 25, 2005 Report Share Posted January 25, 2005 There is so much more information out there about adoption now then when we first started exploring our options in the mid-1990's, especially with the growing number of adoption agencies and resources available via the world-wide web. So, for those of you interested in Abrazo's program, I'm bringing this topic back to the forefront so you can review the agency's guidelines and determine if Abrazo is right for you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stork Central Posted August 30, 2005 Author Report Share Posted August 30, 2005 Here's a thought... while it is not necessary to launch your homestudy before coming to orientation, prospective parents may find it helpful to begin the process of obtaining FBI clearance in advance, since the processing time can take awhile and hold up completion of the homestudy even after the interviews with the social worker are over and done. Anybody else out there have helpful do's and don'ts to add? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted August 30, 2005 Report Share Posted August 30, 2005 I agree. The sooner you can launch your homestudy the better. Also, start checking out Peds in your area. Getting to know those that accept your insurance and are taking new patients is a plus. Ask others with smalll children for references too. * Pray for the children (already born and in the womb) that are in need of finding their "forever family". Pray for the women and men struggling to make the right decisions for their baby and themselves. Pray for the ones longing to finally be called Mommy or Daddy. * Keep a diary of your pre and post adoption experiences. * Start reading adoption books. * Get your family on board. * Check out adoption grants. * Start thinking about how you would like to decorate the nursery. * It's never to soon to start "baby proofing" your home. * Take an Infant CPR class. * Start trying to find a reputable social worker. * Subscribe to a parenting and/or adoption magazine. * Take lots of candle lit bubble baths before you are in high gear" Mommy Mode"!!! (now a 5 minute shower is a luxury... ) * Become a regular on the Abrazo Forum as it is a great place to find support, advice, and encouragememnt!!! Elaine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KimI Posted September 29, 2005 Report Share Posted September 29, 2005 The obstacles I found with my homestudy were: 1) Getting a doctor's visit for the physicians report. It took a few months to get into the doctor. I wish I made my appointment before I started the homestudy. 2) Starting the homestudy before orientation. In my state, homestudies take at least 2 months to process. We were ready to go, but completion of our homestudy made us wait. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Elly&Matt Posted September 30, 2005 Report Share Posted September 30, 2005 Contact some good friends and ask them to write reference letters for you. Sometimes it takes a while to get them back so if you get them started on them it won't hold up your homestudy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa2 Posted December 3, 2005 Report Share Posted December 3, 2005 I may not be an adoptive parent, but I do have a suggesstion. Remeber when getting your family on board to remind them that the birthparents are not second class citizens for considering adoption, and neither are you for adopting. Relatives have a way of forgetting their manners when it comes to placements. They are unaware that they are using "a tone" and that the words do need a ton more finessing when people are stressing or emotional. So start keeping those you love in check and it won't get out-of-hand as easy. And by the way congratulate yourselves on making a comitment to yourselves, a child and a birth-family! It's a big thing and you should remember that you are special for even considering it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dbernados Posted January 11, 2006 Report Share Posted January 11, 2006 What does Abrazo consider 'Infertile'? I have had several artificial inseminations with one pregnancy but it was etopic. The following inseminations did not work. At that point, I decided not to put my heart and body through the torture anymore. Would I qualify? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrendaMikeGabe Posted January 11, 2006 Report Share Posted January 11, 2006 Donna, I would think that Abrazo would consider that infertile. It's been awhile since we began our journey with them, but I'm pretty sure that you had to have documented evidence of fertility problems. We just had our doctors send us a letter stating why we were being seen and how we suffered from infertility and then we sent that on to Abrazo with our packet. Best of luck and welcome to the forum! Brenda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dbernados Posted January 11, 2006 Report Share Posted January 11, 2006 Thanks for the information. I am excited by how responsive everyone is with questions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stennison Posted January 12, 2006 Report Share Posted January 12, 2006 Hey Donna - Welcome to the forum. The other qualification is being married for 1 year. And yes with what you have been through you do qualify as infertile. The agency just wouldn't want you to match with a birthmom and then get pregnant and have to break the relationship with the birthmom so it kind of protects everyone involved. If that makes sense. Best Wishes. Abrazo is the best. We have 2 Abrazo Tots..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dbernados Posted January 31, 2006 Report Share Posted January 31, 2006 Thanks Sherrie! Sorry it has taken me so long to respond. We went to the Orientation a few weeks ago so we have been busy trying to get everything together. Abrazo should have received our first packet of information and 1/2 of the fee today...so we are official! My husband and I have been married for 10 years so we have that taken care of. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElizabethAnn Posted March 22, 2008 Report Share Posted March 22, 2008 Just wanted to bump this up, since we've had upwards of 125 more families take placement since anyone posted here last, meaning there are now that many more folks available to offer their own ideas of "do's and don'ts" for those who are now following in their footsteps!? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tonycpa and Linda Posted March 22, 2008 Report Share Posted March 22, 2008 All I can say is trust the process and the ladies at Abrazo. They know what they are doing and you have to be truthfull to yourself about Open Adoption. Read some of the other posts on this thread very, very informative. PS- Rest, Rest, Rest because after Orientation your wish to become parents may come true sooner than you think Linda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DPJ Posted March 22, 2008 Report Share Posted March 22, 2008 Start Journaling.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
juliem7 Posted March 22, 2008 Report Share Posted March 22, 2008 Here are some of my Do's (ok that is the teacher in me that I have to phrase a don't into a do to keep it positive!) -Do start getting your nursery ready to go! -Do start researching a pediatrician so you have one lined up. -Do have realistic expectations about what cases you will consider. Do keep your heart open to cases that might not fit your preconceived notions of what would be an "ideal" situation. -Do spend time with your spouse before AND after baby arrives doing non-baby things. One of the greatest gifts you can give your children is a happy, healthy, loving marriage! -Do let everyone you know you are adopting so you have a wonderful support system there to cheer you on, to help you through the process, and to celebrate your new arrivals (or arrivals in our case!!). -Do enjoy putting your profile together and reliving and reflecting on your life. It is a lot of fun if you let it be! Oh I am sure there is so much more but these are my initial thoughts. Enjoy this wonderful journey:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul and Michelle Posted March 22, 2008 Report Share Posted March 22, 2008 My advice... 1) Trust your instincts If something doesn't feel right, ask questions If it does feel right, don't fight it!! 2) Be honest to others. Tell people how you are feeling. The general public does not understand open adoption fully so don't second guess your commitment to open adoption based upon advice from others. 3) Believe...don't compare yourself to others. Your child will find you in his/her due time... 4) Have fun with your spouse! Good luck and God bless!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
julieandjonathan Posted March 23, 2008 Report Share Posted March 23, 2008 I have to say, I wish I had read a few of these before my orientation! I have found it CRAZY how long it takes to get in with a doctor for a physical!! We called to make our appointments in January...and the earliest they could see Jonathan was March 18, and for me it was April 2!! Craziness! Also, I would have started my homestudy earlier! Our social worker is the best...but because of that she is very booked......and the earliest date she had to complete our 5th visit was April 7!! I'm just very surprised!! But, I also am completely aware that it is ALL in God's timing....so I am certainly not complaining! He is so good! Julie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheEnglishes Posted March 23, 2008 Report Share Posted March 23, 2008 I have to say, I wish I had read a few of these before my orientation! I have found it CRAZY how long it takes to get in with a doctor for a physical!! We called to make our appointments in January...and the earliest they could see Jonathan was March 18, and for me it was April 2!! Craziness! Also, I would have started my homestudy earlier! Our social worker is the best...but because of that she is very booked......and the earliest date she had to complete our 5th visit was April 7!! I'm just very surprised!! But, I also am completely aware that it is ALL in God's timing....so I am certainly not complaining! He is so good! Julie Julie, If it is taking too long to get in with your doctor you can always go to a walk-in clinic or Minor Med center. They will see you that day and you will be done! Just a thought! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
julieandjonathan Posted March 23, 2008 Report Share Posted March 23, 2008 You are exactly right, and we looked into that...but our insurance would not cover it! The clinic where we checked out would have cost us $500+ each for the physicals our homestudy forms requested! Since we didn't have an extra $1000 laying around, we decided to wait it out a few weeks! So it would be free! (Well, after $20 in copay!) Julie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tksimmons02 Posted March 23, 2008 Report Share Posted March 23, 2008 My advice 1. God's timing is PERFECT. Your child will come to you EXACTLY when he/she is supposed to and not a moment before. RELAX. You will not "miss" your child because of a homestudy glitch or badly timed vacation. 2. Talk to your families now about what open adoption is and isn't. Get them ready for it. Talk about it often. It is a difficult concept for most people, and a simple explaination really won't do it. Live it before your child comes home. 3. Read parenting books. Adoption is great, but you need to know how to care for a newborn AND what to expect before you can talk about adoption! 4. Don't think about it too much. You can drive yourself CRAZY contemplating possible scenarios. Take each day as it comes, and BREATHE! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheEnglishes Posted March 23, 2008 Report Share Posted March 23, 2008 You are exactly right, and we looked into that...but our insurance would not cover it! The clinic where we checked out would have cost us $500+ each for the physicals our homestudy forms requested! Since we didn't have an extra $1000 laying around, we decided to wait it out a few weeks! So it would be free! (Well, after $20 in copay!) Julie OUCH! That's terrible that insurance wouldn't pay! I guess if you get in a pinch it would at least be a possibility. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
julieandjonathan Posted March 23, 2008 Report Share Posted March 23, 2008 You are exactly right, and we looked into that...but our insurance would not cover it! The clinic where we checked out would have cost us $500+ each for the physicals our homestudy forms requested! Since we didn't have an extra $1000 laying around, we decided to wait it out a few weeks! So it would be free! (Well, after $20 in copay!) Julie OUCH! That's terrible that insurance wouldn't pay! I guess if you get in a pinch it would at least be a possibility. You are exactly right! Julie 1. God's timing is PERFECT. Your child will come to you EXACTLY when he/she is supposed to and not a moment before. RELAX. You will not "miss" your child because of a homestudy glitch or badly timed vacation. Could not agree more! I have never had so much peace about anything!! Thanks for the advice and for the reminder!! Julie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
julieandjonathan Posted March 26, 2008 Report Share Posted March 26, 2008 (edited) Do keep a copy of everything you submit to Abrazo and to your social worker! Do track every piece of mail you send! I have learned all of this the hard way! Julie Edited March 26, 2008 by julieandjonathan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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