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Need help dealing with teenage pregnancy


Guest christophersmom

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Guest christophersmom

My 15 year old niece is pregnant. Her mother (my sister-in-law) says "we will not consider adoption.  She has to take responsibility for her actions."  

I suggested to my niece that she should at least talk to an agency and get more information before she decides adoption is wrong for her. Her mother said, "no, I don't want her calling anyone. There's no point because if she gave the baby away, I would keep it."

The problem is this: The grandmother had an abortion when she was 15 and has lived with the terrible guilt her whole life. It is obvious to me that she is glad her daughter is pregnant so that she can correct her mistakes through her daughter.  The entire time we were discussing the situation, she kept saying how she felt and how she was going to deal with "our baby". She did not allow my niece to finish a sentence about how she felt or what she wanted.

Any insights? I told my niece in private that I didn't care what anyone told her, she was going to make the decision she feels is best after looking at her options and after discussing it with the father and his parents.  If her mother disapproved, that was too bad.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest Vonda

Lauri,  I understand where you are coming from, but your neice is only 15.  While there is no younger age limit in Texas as to when you can give consent to terminate your parental rights, it sounds like her mom is very much involved.  I agree that she should have access to all avaliable information (parenting, adoption and yes, even abortion), but she will probably need her mom's support, not opposition.  Maybe you could gather information on all of her options and sit down and talk with her and her mom.  If your neice does decide on adoption,  she will need your support and not just behind her moms back.  I don't mean to sound rude, but she's just a child herself, and if she does go against the wishes of her mom, she will need someone in her corner. Would that endanger your relationship with your neice or her mom?  How would that affect the relationship that you and your husband have with the rest of the family? And there is the possibility that with education and counseling (some agencies will help with professional counseling for family) that her mom will back off and let her make her own best decision.  :)

I know you mean well, but you and your family should support her no matter what the outcome.  :)

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Guest Mark and Catrina

Hi, I'm a birthparent I have 3 wonderful children. ;) Two with us and one (placed).  I too was a pregnant teenager (15) so I kind of know what is going on here.  Honestly I wish someone would have told me about adoption,  But I am also glad they didn't.  All the advice that I can give is to try to convince her mom and her.  Tell them that it is not easy to raise a child in the presant day.  She will need to find a sitter when she wants to go out,  She is going to need to get a job and with that more then half will go to daycare.  Well I hope things turn out for the best. :):):):)

            GOOD LUCK

PS. tell them that two wrongs DON'T make a right !!

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i am also a birth mother i have 5 children and i placed  1 6 wks ago .i got pg when i was 15 worked and went to school had another at 17 and another 18 and one more at 21 i was sure i wouldnt have anymore but i did this year i am now 23  .its very hard to take care of kids i manage but i wish someone would have informed me of other options the father of my first 2 is not around.im glad that i finally found someone to take care of us my currenty boyfriend and father of my other children.i would tell my daughters (3)of my struggle to work ,be a mother,  finish school so they could make better decisions in life .well i hope this helps good luck

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Guest christophersmom

Thank you for your input.  My niece is going to parent the baby. She was never really given any other choice and I was told to stay out of it.  The thing is, I had already given her baby items, bought her maternity clothes and started planning the baby shower when I was told this.

I think what bothers me the most is to find out what they really think about adoption. Not just in their situation, but they lump all adoptions, including ours, into the same negative category.

It's not that I even think she should make a choice one way or the other.  I just wanted her to have the facts. That made me the bad guy.  My husband says to join their pathology so I can be there if she needs me later.

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Guest Mark and Catrina

Well I guess congatulations are in order. Also some good family members,Good luck to you and your niece.I'm also sorry that her mom thinks that way just keep in mind that not every one thinks that way.:):):)

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  • 1 year later...

Just curious... how have things turned out for your niece and her child?

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  • 3 months later...

We're wondering too.  Christophersmom, Is every one ok now?  [still think you were in the right to offer the info.]  Hope the neice + her child are alright.  Maybe she wishes she had listened to you by now.  Raising a child is so much harder than it looks.  Especially when you are young.  Knowing ALL the choices is important.  [it's not just about abortion or keeping a baby before you really are ready for it!!!]

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i need help can someone help me. ok im 20 years old and i have a 11 months old baby. im pregnant agin im 17 and a have weeks. i live with my mom and dad and i cant have a nothing bay in they houre. i cant have to babys right now cus i dont hav  a job and im trying to see about adoption but i dont know how this works out. the father dont thank it is his and that is a big problem. u can email me at babiegurlO729@aol.com. thank you

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Kathy,

I would highly recommend that you call Abrazo at 1-800-454-5683 and talk to them about your concerns. They have a wonderful, understanding staff and would be more than happy to talk to you. I wish you the best in whatever you decide for you and your baby.

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Kathy, I am a birthmother. I have placed two babies for adoption. I also recommend that you call Abrazo. They will help you no matter what you decide. They are just great people to talk to! They can tell you everything you need to know about adoption.  Good luck and keep us posted!

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Hi Kathy,

I'm so glad you found the Abrazo forum!  This is such a great place for support and as you're seeing already, there are people who care and who want to help you.  I am a birthmother (I placed my baby daughter for adoption about 14 years ago, I was 18 at the time) and now, my husband & I are working with Abrazo to adopt our baby.

I want you to know that you found a good place to try to give you all the information and support you need to make the best decision for yourself and your baby.  The Abrazo girls (I call them girls, I guess they're really ladies, anyway - it's just women who work there) are sooooo easy to talk to and they will try to answer any questions you have (they even have birthparents who placed their babies for adoption too working there so they understand what you're going through).  Abrazo won't pressure you into doing anything, they'll make sure you understand all the options you have and will just try to be there to help you and support you and make sure you have enough information to decide what to do.

I think some of the other people who responded to your post gave you Abrazo's phone number, you can call them anytime and it's a free call, just call 1-800 454-5683 and if you don't live in Texas, you can call them collect (for free) at (210) 342-5683

I really really hope that everything works out for you and I know this can be a really scary thing to be faced with - I remember when I first found out I was pregnant (I was 17) and I was just so upset, I can't even describe how scary it was for me.  You'll be in all of our thoughts and prayers and we hope you keep coming back to the forum to let us know how things are going.  You'll make lots of friends here, believe me (whatever you decide to do, everyone is always very supportive of whatever decision you make so even if you decide not to place your baby for adoption, please know that you're very welcome to keep coming back and keeping in touch with all of us, it will be nice to hear from you and know how you are doing).

Take care,

Lisa

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  • 2 weeks later...

kathie...

i placed my son.. even though i am parenting his older sister.. the timing was not the best when i got pregnant but i sat back and looked at all my options.. call abrazo and talk to the gals there.. some have placed others have adopted.. they all have very caring hearts and minds and will give you the info you need to make the best decision possible.. i couldnot have made an informed decision with out the facts.. and you need those facts too.. please call them and allow them to give your info.. they do not pressure people nor do they "decide for you" like some agencies seem to do.. just think this all through then make a decision... best of luck...

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  • 3 years later...

To read the story of one teen mother who made an adoption decision for her infant son, and how she and her mother came together on that choice, click here.

For help talking with a teenager you know and love about the adoption option, call Abrazo.

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