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A Good Read for Birthgrandmothers


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A good book we recommend for moms of birthmothers is Mary Lou Stephenson's "My Child Is A Mother," which is the real-life story of one woman's experience when her teenage daughter became pregnant and made a loving open adoption plan for her baby girl.  

Birthgrandmothers often find themselves in an awkward place when it comes to helping their sons and daughters through untimely pregnancies... they want the best for both their children and their grandchildren, but it can be heartbreaking to support adoption knowing this "solution" will require very painful losses in their own son or daughter's life, even for the good of the child involved.

Mary Lou Stephenson's story is important to us all because it helps illustrate the healing powers of open adoption over the years, when promises are kept and birthrelationships are honored, and it reminds us that honoring the best interests of the adopted child requires everyone to work together, not just until placement but for the lifetime of that child, happily ever after.

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  • 4 years later...

Would this book be good for my mom even though I placed 3/4 years ago???

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  • 10 months later...

Just plugging this book again as Elizabeth did several years ago - I just finished reading it, posted about it under a different thread Suggested Reading and thought I'd share here as well.

I also ran across a quick article on P.A.C.T.'s website by the author of this book, Mary Stephenson called A Birthgrandmother's Perspective in case you don't have time to read the book - but I highly recommend the book, especially if your daughter has or is planning to place her child for adoption.

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I posted this elsewhere, but thought it would be appropriate here as well. A book I am reading that might also be helpful for Birthgrandparents is "In Every Pew Sits a Broken Heart," by Ruth Graham (the daughter of Billy Graham). It is her personal story and includes her grief as she walked with her 17-year-old daughter Windsor through the pregnancy, birth, and placement of her first grandchild for adoption. Here are two excerpts...

At the time, I could only imagine the storm raging in Windsor's heart. The Bible says, "Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends" (John 15:13). Windsor had laid down her health, figure, and reputation to carry her baby to term. She had walked through the valley of the shadow of death to give birth. She was falling desperartely in love with her baby, knowing she would have to release her to the arms of others--a completely unnatural act. I realized I had never sacrificed as much as my daughter, and watching her caress her newborn child, I stood in awe of her.

As the adoptive couple departed, Windsor wailed and sobbed with unbelievable passion. Hers was pure grief. Pure despair. She was in agony. I was in agony. My heart broke doubly--first for the loss of my grandchild, then for my own child as I watched her disintegrate in front of my eyes. I could do nothing to comfort Windsor, nothing to help her. I could not make the pain go away. There was now a permanent hole in my daughter's heart, a hole I could not fill. Her grief was deeper than what many people experience in a lifetime, yet she was only seventeen. Most of her friends had just learned to drive.

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As the adoptive couple departed, Windsor wailed and sobbed with unbelievable passion. Hers was pure grief. Pure despair. She was in agony. I was in agony. My heart broke doubly--first for the loss of my grandchild, then for my own child as I watched her disintegrate in front of my eyes. I could do nothing to comfort Windsor, nothing to help her. I could not make the pain go away. There was now a permanent hole in my daughter's heart, a hole I could not fill. Her grief was deeper than what many people experience in a lifetime, yet she was only seventeen. Most of her friends had just learned to drive.

Sue, I too read this book before we chose an agency for adoption. It's definitely one I will go back to and read again!

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