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Baby Step: Start-Up Advice for Newbies


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Hi Christina,

Congratulations of getting your paperwork in the mail!!  I know that is a huge step.  I was so happy the day we did that.  My husband and I attended the April 2003 orientation.  There are so many happy families from our orientation already!  

To answer your question... the book that you should read before orientation is the "Open Adoption Experience".  I bought two books for both my husband and I to read.  I thought I'd read it quickly, then hand it over, but that didn't happen.  It is full of information!!  

Also, if you are doing a lot of reading now, you might want to prepare a write up on the book.  Texas requires waiting parents to read adoption related books and submit a book report on them.  

You might also want to start collecting pictures of you and your hubby.  If you don't have a lot, keep a camera with you and start shooting!

Have fun and really, enjoy this time!!  

Cheers, Kim

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  • 1 month later...

Does anyone know how to go about starting to adopt older children (ie: step kids).  Do I still need to go through an agency?  Or is it a totally different realm?

Thanks

-Angel

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Hi, Angel! In order to adopt stepchildren, their biological mother would have to consent to terminate all of her parental rights first. (And in some states, the children may have to reside with you for a certain period of time before you could even file to adopt.) You would probably want to check with their mom first as to how she feels about this plan, then if she's in agreement, get some good counseling for the children involved and contact a certified family law attorney to go from there.

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Their mother already signed away all her rights as their mother.  My husband has sole custody of all three children.  Is this good enough or do I have to get MORE paperwork?  Thanks for the help.

-Angel

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Not sure about the law in your state, but giving someone sole custody of the children in a divorce proceeding typically is not the same as termination of parental rights, which is required in an adoption proceeding.

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Guest njdonna

Hi, this is my first post.  I've been checking out your site, and I think it's great how supportive you are to "newbies" and your forum buddies.  

My name is Donna and my husband is Tom.  We live in New Jersey and wondered whether anyone from our area has adopted or is currently "waiting" ???

We've been doing the infertility roller coaster for over 4 years now and are attempting to learn all we can about adoption.

Been reading some good books and alot of surfing.  I can't believe how many agencies are out there.  So far we are inpressed with Abrazo.

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Hi njdonna and welcome!  My husband and I also live in New Jersey and adopted through Abrazo close to 9 years ago.  If you want to talk, private message me.  We've referred several other couples from NJ who have become families through Abrazo too!  I look forward to hearing from you!  :D

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Hi njdonna,

We are one of the couples that weadoptedthree referred to Abrazo and we are so happy she did.  We are happy parents of a beautiful 5 month old daughter and Abrazo made our dreams come true.  Abrazo builds families which includes our daughters birthparents who we have a great relationship with.  We live in PA but are originally from NJ and spend a lot of time in NJ since our families still live there.  If you ever want to talk feel free to private message me also.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi Donna,

My husband & I are the parents of an awesome 5 yr old Abrazo Boy.  I can only say positive things about this agency.  We would have used them again but fate had placed a beautiful Jersey girl with us.  Please feel free to E-mail me @LAKacso@aol.com if you would like more on our experience.

Good Luck!!

Lori

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  • 5 months later...

Hi Dolores!  

My husband and I are waiting to match with a birthmom right now with Abrazo.  I can tell you what I have learned so far.

You have to attend an orientation that informs you of all the steps that you have to complete before recieving a child.  You do have to have a home study done before you are able to bring home your baby. Costs vary from different areas.  We have paid $625, but you have to have follow ups that will make it a total of about $1125.  They visit with you and your husband individually and together.  They visit the home as well. (don't panic, they do not look at if the house is spotless.  They check for you having the space for another child. It really was painless.) 

I am not sure on other adoption agencies requirements; I can only speak for the requirements for Abrazo.

(for what it is worth, the staff at Abrazo are wonderful)

Brandee

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Guest robyncook

Hi,

We have submitted our preapproval and are awaiting contact from Abrazo.  We are very excited.

For some of you who have been through the process before can you explain the approval process at the pre-app stage and at the app stage?  Also when do we send in our homestudy?  What criteria is used for approval?

We are interested in adopting a Hispanic (full or bi) child.  

We are hopeful that we will be approved and invited to the orientation.

Any advice about what we should do in the meantime???

Thanks,

Robyn

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Get ready to be parents because at Abrazo things move along very quickly!!  Congratulations on choosing them.  Of course, the more open you are to race, gender, etc, the faster your match usually occurs.  Look at some of the previous posts and you might want to check out some of the posts on Rainbow Families.    Abrazo is very good about looking at their needs in relation to the babies that will be born and needing placement and the needs of the adoptive families.  I wouldn't be surprised if you heard from Angela or one of the other ladies in the office just any day.     Good luck future mommy and daddy and welcome to The Forum!  Keep us posted!

Jean

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When we went through it we had to give prooof we couldn't get pregnant on our own,, that we were OK with open adoption, I think they also look for who is most open to the most things.   And if you don't have kids yet, I think most Birth-moms wants people with out kids yet.  I don't remember how long it took, but it seems like it went really fast.

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Hi Robyn!

Congratulations on deciding on Abrazo!  We adopted in October and it went so fast so get ready!  

Some of my suggestions are:

         1. Get all financial paperwork ready. (house, bills, savings, cars, insurance)

         2.  Start interviewing pediatricians.  We did not have a chance to do this.  It went so quickly.

         3.  Read, read, read.  There is so much to learn.  We did quite a bit of reading before hand, but in hindsight we still feel like we know so little.  

         4.  Get the nursery ready.  You will need the furniture and it can take some time to come in depending on what you get.  You don't have to decorate if it makes you feel odd, but it WILL happen so the more prepared you are the better.

         5.  Talk to your family about the process so they can understand things.  A good book for them is Dear Birthmother.  It does cover most things, but it does not smack you in the face with the reality.  I guess it just smoothly introduces you to the process and the myths.  

         6. Start baby proofing the house.  When he/she comes, which can be very fast, you will not have the time to really work on it.  You will have many months once he/she gets here, but honestly you would rather be playing with your little one than moving glasses, cleaners, and putting safety locks on things.

        7.  Take time to be a couple.  Being a parent is the most incredibly wonderful thing I have ever experienced.  Having an addition to the family is however very different from just the two of you.  We would even just take walks and wonder if this would be the last one.  It is amazing what you remember from those times.

        8.  Pick out who will do reference letters for you.  In our experience we had to have ones for both Abrazo and our home study.  There were different requirements for each such as being a couple or knowing us for a certain period of time so have your options open.

        9.  Don't be afraid of getting a few cute baby clothes.  They will be put to use some time over the next 6mo to a year!

       10.  Subscribe to an adoption magazine or two.  They cover topics thay you may not have thought of or if you have how to deal with them.

       11. Get appointments for complete physicals.  Abrazo was ok with just a normal physical, but our home study wanted a gyn as well.  It was quite amazing to me because we had just finished having every test and procedure done.  They wanted it to be within a year for placement.

       12.  Sign up for parenting classes and infant CPR classes.

       13.  Think about your autobiographies for your homestudy.

Well, I have rambled on long enough.  Every time I reread this I think of something else so I am not going to proof this edit.   If you have any questions just feel free to ask.  We all have been where you are and you will soon be where we are!  I know it is very hard to do, but just sit back and enjoy the ride as much as possible.

Lisa V

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ok,ok ya'll caught me lurking again....

I am a birthmom and just from my conversations with AP's (my son's and others) I have learned that you should address your fears. Talk out those fears based on myths and the horror stories. Talk out the fears about 'how the conversation will go with a birthmom", and will she like us. Talk about them, pray about them, and never forget that what is supposed to happen will and we (like it or not) can't change that.

one more thing... SLEEP!!!! Babies tend to decrease our quality of sleep and that means you need to stock up now.

lisa

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  • 3 months later...

I just sent off my application this afternoon and I am so excited! biggrin.gif I have so much to learn and I dont know where to start. I will just have to roll up my sleeves and surf the forum. Is there anything or anywhere I should start for newbie info. I am so glad to be able to read all these wonderful stories!. I cant wait to get started. Best wishes all and have a good day! biggrin.gif

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CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!! I am so excited for you ... it brings me back ten years ago when we first mailed in our application paperwork. This is a very exciting time in your lives. One of my favorite places to look on the Forum is under Joyous Journeys and then "The Day of the Call". It's a good place to start and then just continue from there. All the stories are great to read and one day we'll be reading yours!!!!!!!!!! I'm sure other Forumites like linlacor will direct you on the right path on what to read on the Forum to get you prepared ... Lisa is Queen of the Forum and a great Mommy to Kayleigh! She knows the Forum topics like the back of her hand! She has written reams on every subject you can think of ... she's amazing! Good luck and God Bless. biggrin.gif

Edited by weadoptedthree
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Dawn,

I am so glad you finally listen to me( tongue.gif )and sent off your paperwork!!! As I have told you before, it won't be long until you are holding your child. Have fun during the rollarcoaster ride called adoption, and if you need any help at all just call me or email me.

Warmest Wishes,

Melissa

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Congratulations Dawn - to you and your husband both.

Abrazo is an excellent choice in agencies. They will be there for you through the entire journey to becoming a family. We first turned in our inquiry paperwork on February 12 of this year. Today, we are now holding our 8 week old daughter. I would suggest getting started on your home study right away. In talking with other couples in our orientation group, this appears to be the one thing which drags on and a completed/approved home study is required before you can take placement of a precious little angel. I would also suggest taking an infant CPR course and new born class. Good books to read (if you are a reader) Dear Birthmother by Kathleen Silber, the Open Adoption Experience by Lois Melina, and Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew by Sherrie Eldridge. We found these books very helpful and still refer to them. Also, I second what We Adopted Three posted. Linlacor has the best advise and support. She was very supportive when we first began. Good luck and remember . . . Abrazo's matra is "it's not if anymore, but when"!!!! Keep us posted.

Rhonda

(proud AP to Alana Gail)

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Hi Dawn,

You're on your way! I remember being in your shoes just a few months ago, then going through the whirlwind of home study and orientation in May. Now we're matched with a Bmom due in August. So keep that excitement going! There are ups and downs ahead, but it's all worth it. I keep thinking about the fact that as an infertile couple, this is just our version of "labor pains"!

Linda

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