Jump to content
ElizabethAnn

What Made You Call?

Recommended Posts

Just a quick survey question!!  

The very first time you picked up the phone and called for information on adoption, what made you dial that number?  How did you find the courage to talk to someone, or did you have to hang up and try again a few times?

What was your first "adoption call" like (whether it was to Abrazo or someplace else)??

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I wish I could remember....it's been a bit over 15 years since I made that call but I don't think the memory has faded over time, I think it was just something I didn't want to hold onto.

Anyway, what gave me the courage to call the agency I went with....no other choice.  I knew I wasn't able to parent my child, I knew I wasn't comfortable with terminating the pregnancy...I was going to be a senior in high school and school was starting soon (I found out I was pregnant the summer before I started my senior year) and I knew I didn't want to start a new school pregnant (I got pregnant in California while living with my dad & his wife but went to visit my mom that summer (who lived in Texas) which was when I found out I was pregnant and so I knew I would be staying in Texas (also because my living situation with my dad & his wife was a nightmare but that's another story...).  Anyway, school was getting ready to start and I needed to go to school but didn't want to start a new school pregnant and basically was faced with needing to do what I had been dreading to do.  My mom was also basically doing everything for me - she probably even made the call to the agency and I remember we met with them at their office soon after that and she did pretty much all the talking (can you imagine...me...speechless???)  

So - courage?  No...not something I had...at that time, I had no courage whatsoever - I was scared to death.  On top of everything else, I then had to go live in their dorms (in order for me to be able to go to the school they had on campus) which made it even worse - I was so homesick - it was not something I wanted to do...but felt there was no other choice so I did what I felt I had to do with a lot of hand-holding from my mom.

As for what made me call them?  Well, my mom lived in Euless, TX - this agency was located in Ft. Worth so it was close enough for my mom to visit me often.  Also, I guess the primary reason was that when I was about 15, this agency had come to my school and did this presentation to my health education class - they brought a couple of girls who were pregnant and placing through them and they had their outreach person there and did this song and dance thing and that was my first and only exposure to adoption agencies.  I did look in the yellow-pages before anyone knew I was pregnant - I remember there were 2 agencies listed - one was run by nuns or had some Catholic type name - I didn't call them because I thought that they wouldn't talk to me since I wasn't Catholic - there was also another one...I think it was Hope Cottage.  I was scared to call them (and I guess anyone at that time) because I was scared that if I called them, they'd be able to trace my phone call and come to my house or something and I hadn't told my mom I was pregnant so I didn't want there to be any way that someone could "spill the beans" so to speak.  I didn't want to give them any information about myself either and I was afraid they'd be able to get all that just from my phone call...

Oh yes, and what the call was like...well, now that I'm thinking about it - I'm pretty sure my mom is the one who called (which is probably another reason I don't remember it).  I do remember parts of the meeting with them and it was horrible.  Tons of paperwork - millions of questions about me and the father of the baby - (not to mention the horror of finding out that I would have to contact him and tell him I was pregnant and ask him to sign some papers to relinquish his rights - oh, that was the worst part!  I hate to admit this but had I known that by saying I knew who the birthfather was that I would then have to contact him or he would have to be contacted by the agency...I would have listed him as unknown.  At that time, he was the last person in the world I wanted to have contact with...especially to tell him I was pregnant).  Back to the meeting though - it was very unpleasant, very intimidating, very long!  The person I met with (I guess a social worker?) was really fake and very much like a "oh you poor thing, what have you got yourself into" kind of attitude - very condescending.

-Lisa

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Been There... There Again?

Lately, we've gotten several calls from birthmoms who placed babies for adoption in the past, and found themselves facing the same decision again, but waited until the last minute to contact an agency, due to embarassment or shame.

Please!! if you are trying to gather the courage to call for help after having already been through the adoption process before, know that you are so welcome here! We know that lightning can and does strike twice (or more) so don't be afraid to reach out.

You're not alone (and you've got nothing to be ashamed about, because sometimes, fertility can be as big of a problem as infertility. Let us help you through this, again. We're (still) here for you, and as they say--old friends are the best of friends!  ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As you all know, I've been there and there again......and my again came 5 months after the first......the first thing I did was contact the AP's of my first child to see if they had friends that were trying to adopt.  I wanted first and for most for ALL my children to know eachother and to be friends.  Since that is what Open Adoption is about, knowing where you came from right?  Yes it is embarrasing a little.  And I got quite a few jokes like, "you do know how it happens right?" etc.  But I perservered...and I now have 4 beautiful birthchildren who know each other (Sierra talks about Fiona to me)  and love each other.

Awesome!!

Loriahn-

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Actually I just called less than 15 mins ago, but only got an answering service. I'm awaiting a call back sometime. The minutes seem like hours. I have already had my child and he is 3 and half. I called, because my husband and I are separated, he broke his promise to me. He has started a new family without a divorce. I had to come back to my Mother's who is emotionally abusive, and somewhat physical. I'm on welfare and have not been able to get out of it. I have no family or outside support. I am alone. What I had in mind for my son, has not happened. I called because, I want better for him. I want him to have family who is close, as well as extended. I have none of these things. I cry now b/c I feel I failed myself and wasted his time.

Edited by kimimelaeve

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hang in there...I know from reading a post in "Abrazo News" that the Director's mother passed away a few days ago, and the funeral was today at 11. Abrazo's a close-knit family, so I expect some of the staff probably went there. Trust me, these folks are wonderful, and your call won't be overlooked.

I'm sorry to read about the difficult situation you're in, and I'll keep you in my prayers.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Kim,

I am so sorry you feel so alone - I am thinking of you and your baby boy right now - I wish I could sit with you and give you a shoulder to cry on or a hug or just something to help you feel better - I know you will get a call soon from Abrazo - you will be embraced by them - you have found the right place - they will help you and your son - if adoption is something you feel is the right thing for you and him at this time - then you will meet the most wonderful people or person who will also embrace you as a part of their family if that is something you want (but be choosy!! don't be afraid to ask them lots of questions and to make sure it's the right match).

I am a birthmother - I placed my infant daughter for adoption almost 16 years ago. I finally got things going in my life like I wanted them and met a wonderful person who I married 6 years ago - we were/are soulmates. We weren't able to create our family through the "normal" way (i.e. getting pregnant) and were fortunate enough to find Abrazo through a recommendation from a friend of my moms. Those girls (women, whatever) there were just the best people I ever met and they helped us meet our wonderful daughter Kayleigh who is now 20 months old. I can't even imagine how you're feeling right now - it's hard, I do know that. Take some deep breaths, try to just breathe and take your time - you will get a call from them - they will be there for you, you will be helped and most of all, you won't feel so much like you have no support - they are just amazing human beings.

Please feel free to message me if you need to talk, I'd be happy to give you a call if you just need an ear or anything - I'm a good listener.

With warm thoughts,

Lisa

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hello all my name is Teresa and I'm a birthmom. I was 7 mos. pregnant when I

called Abrazo. It took me that long to finally make the call. I was considering all my options. I was desperately searching for a way to keep this baby and raise him myself. I have a 4 yr old and I get plenty of help from her Daddy and his family, but I was still struggling with just her. I spent countless days and sleepless nights trying to find a solution. The father (sperm donor is what I like to call him) of this child refused to be a part of his life. In addition, I would not have the help, or the much needed emotional support of my family. I kept telling myself, I would

give anything to keep him and raise him with his sister. But, with my heart's desire came the underlying reality. I knew I could not allow my son to begin his life with the disadvantages I was facing. It was so hard to make that decision on my own. It felt as if all the negative circumstances were overwhelming me. The truth within them became the driving force in my decision. When I finally called Abrazo, I spoke to the most amazing woman. (she knows who she is wink.gif ) She made me feel like what I was doing was okay. She arranged for a few parents in waiting, to call and speak with me. The second phone call I received was from Craig and Maralou. I would never have imagined that, talking to two strangers on the phone would be so comforting. In their eyes I was an angel, and the child I was carrying was the answer to their prayers. In my heart, they were the unexpected answer to my prayers. The more we talked, the more I believed in this wonderful couple. I knew they would give my son all of the things I couldn't. I had more love for him than the heart could hold, but every child deserves more than that. In the following months, we continued to contact each other. We soon began an open and honest sharing of thoughts, feelings and emotions. In doing this, we created a communication so natural, and a trust so complete. The one thing that burdened my very soul, was the thought of giving my son up. To me, the word "adoption" meant something final. I knew Craig and Maralou would be wonderful and loving parents. But, I was already feeling the pain and just didn't know how to prepare my heart for more. Well, I didn't have to, something wonderful happened---they suggested an "open adoption," and explained their reasons for doing so. They said, they would not only be adopting my son, but gaining me, my daughter, and my family as their extended family. In turn, they would become an extension of my family. My son would be mine and theirs. He would have two Moms and a Dad. This would be a giving and sharing of two families, joining together and becoming "one." They will share him with me, my daughter and my family. This was like a dream come true, I could hardly wait to meet them. A week before my son was born, Craig and Maralou were here, and we finally got to meet in person. My daughter liked them from the moment they met. My family, friends and everyone who met them, felt the same. With each passing day, we were sharing past and present moments of our lives, talking, laughing, and dreaming. I was feeling the love and kindness they possessed. I experienced much more. They went with me to my last and final appointment. That day the doctor told us that they will be enducing labor the following monday. I had to show up sunday night at 10pm. They checked my cervix to see if I dialated any and sent me home, only to return monday morning at 6am. Every step of the way they were there. They both took turns holding my hand. They were both there to experience new life being delivered. To see their face when Tyler Luis was born was the greatest feeling. We spent 3 days in the hospital, all 4 of us, together in a room. Those 3 days were a real roller coaster of emotions. I know it was there in that hospital room was where we made the bond stronger. I was able to see how much they really did love and care, not only for Tyler but love and care for me as well. In todays society it's really hard to trust and believe in anyone. Wacthing Craig and Maralou take in Tyler as their own, was an amazing experience for me. I had no doubt in my mind that I picked the best Mom and Dad for Tyler. Our relationship is one that will last a lifetime. For any future birthmoms reading this please know that you are not alone. Know that you can trust and depend on the abrazo women to back you up in any decision you make. Ultimately, in the end it is your decision to make but know that you don't have to do it alone. I Love You Tyler

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Teresa,

Thanks for having the courage to share your story. You are showing the world what open adoption is all about... allowing two families to join as one with respect and love.

Claudia

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Teresa,

that was a wonderful testimony of love, faith, and trust. We are so happy that you found each other.

God bless you, your children, and your extended family.

pkk

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Teresa -

That was such a great testimony. You have such a wonderful way of expressing your words. It brings tears to my eyes. Please know that Tyler loves you too! In addition, you can trust your new family and know that Tyler will always know you love him.

Remember what the nurse said, she has so much respect for Birthmothers like you. Strong and giving! God will always be there by your side.

Maralou, Craig, and Tyler

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Teresa,

I am so choked up I don't know what to say. Thank you for sharing your beautiful story. I am so happy for you and your expanded family. I am praying for that kind of relationship with the birthmother who choses us. Again, thank you for sharing, it is a truely heart warming story.

Kristen

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×