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Guest Gabbi

I am pregant &  I wanted abortionh but no money so what else?  my freind told me about adoption. I am not ready for a baby (can't even take care of myself yet, how would I take care of a baby) ? The father  he is not ready neither. I can't tell my parents, they would kill me, my sister had a baby and they kicked her out and she can't barely get by. I  I have so many questionss I don't know. What if I give up my baby and it hates me later? How do you know the people you give up your baby to are really good?What if the people who adopt it hurt it or child abuse? What if the father wont sign the papers. What if the people who adopt it say I can  keep in touch but  but later they change their mind and then what?What if my parents find out? How do you know what to do. What if I felt bad all my life for this? Sorry so many questions but  don't know who else to talk to, thank you for listening to me  good luck everbody!

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Guest Mark and Catrina

Hi I don't know if I can answer all of you'r questions.  But I would like to try so if you need some one to talk to.  You can feel free to e-mail me at any time.  I will try to hep.  

     Good luck to you.

       Catrina Rodriguez

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Guest ourbiggestdream

Hi Gabbi , If you need someone to talk to , I 'm a good listener and would be glad to answer any questions you might have about our biggest dream..adopting a baby ..and why we think open adoption is the best for all involved . You will be in heart and in mind as you try to find the answers you are searching for. Feel free to email us at Teresa-Slap@msn.com......Teresa and Danny

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Gabbi, I would suggest talking to someone at Abrazo.  They have a wonderful staff that I am sure can help answer some of your questions.  Just remember, you must do what is right for you and your baby.  Good Luck!

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Gabbi, I know you are probably feeling pretty overwhelmed with questions about now, and if you think it might help to talk with a professional or sit down with a objective counselor who's trained to listen, call our office and we'd be happy to help you sort through your options and put together a plan that feels right to you (whether or not that includes adoption). Your questions are good ones! Maybe more birthparents on the Forum can offer you insight from their own experiences, so you can learn from others who've been where you are and can tell you how it was for them. You're not alone!

Catrina, thanks for offering the kind of listening and friendship that only another birthmom can! And Teresa, if you and Danny are interested in pursuing your biggest dream, perhaps you'd like to apply to become Abrazo parents-in-waiting, thus joining the ranks of great families like Shawn and Jill, who are going to make fabulous parents--not if, just when!

Gabbi, we're glad you found us! because the Abrazo community is a caring family like no other. Keep on thinking this over and let us know if we can help.

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Gabbi,Hello! I'm not sure if I can be much help or give you the answers you want but I can try. I am a birthmom of 2. I will be honest with you it was a very difficult decision for me and my husband. But we know it was the right choice. If you honestly believe you are not ready for a baby then adoption may be a good choice for you. Open adoption is not a guarantee that everything will go perfect but it can help reassure you that things are going good for your baby. You can stay in contact with the adoptive parents and recieve pictures and maybe even have visits. I am sure if you have an open adoption your child will not end up hating you later on. They will know that you made your decision out of love and you only wanted what was best for them.I am sorry I can not help more but I think it would be a good idea to talk to the people at Abrazo and let them know what you are looking for. They can be a great help wether you choose adoption or not. Lots of luck to you and let me know how it goes. Jada

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Gabbi,

I hope that I can give you some insight into your questions (probably not as well as those at Abrazo but here's a try).  Adoption can be a very scary thing for not only birth parents but adoptive parents as well.  I can tell you from the perspective of an Abrazo adoptive mom, that Abrazo makes sure that they have adoptive couples who are willing to go the distance with an open relationship with birth parents.  Your fear of losing touch is not felt by you alone, we pray that we hear from our daughter's birth mom.  She has lost touch with us but we still send her letters and pictures hoping that she will some day contact us in return.  As an adoptive mom, I can say that we thank God everyday for our daughter's birth mom.  Without her, we would never be parents and never experience watching her grow up.  This is why you should not worry that your child would hate you if you chose adoption.  We, as adoptive parents, pass on this love to our children.  What greater act of love can you express to a child than to do what is best for them.  We love our daughter with all of our heart and soul and tell her every day how special her birth mom is (her picture is framed in our daughter's room for her to see everyday, too!)

Talk with Abrazo and if you have any questions, just e-mail me at VaGreek@juno.com.

Good luck in whatever decision you  make!  God Bless You.

Tina Darby

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Guest Gabbi

I just wanted to come back and say say thank you to everbody, I never knew such nice people were out there.  I told my mom this weekend and suprize, she was not as mad as I thot she would be, she   does not want me to tell dad yet but we called my oma and she 4even said she is proud of me for thinking out everthing, I was so shock, I almost fell over! Still have lots of f questions but I like what you all said.My mom read over it all too.I think it made her fell better too. If   she wanted to know the adopted parents too would that be ok do you think? I know they need to feel like its their kid but how does that work, jsut wondering?

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Guest Peggy Wilkerson

Gabbi,

My husband Keith and I were matched with a birth mom about 3 weeks ago.  Her mother wanted nothing to do with us or the adoption.  Keith and I went to visit our birthmom last weekend and much to our surprise we also met her mom and sisters.  What a blessing.  We now feel like we are adopting not only a child but a family.  It is the greatest feeling knowing that our child will know our birthmom's family and be able to visit with them through out her life.

Keep the faith and know that God will give you a  peace about your decision.

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Gabbi, You are so courageous...way to go girl. Things always have a way of working themselves out, and sometimes the people we least think will understand, are indeed our saviors...I for one, am very proud of you, for looking for the right answers for you and your baby, and for reaching out to your Mom(I know how scarey it is)Keep your chin up...you are on the right path, whatever you may decide. Please feel free to send me a message if you ever need to chat..and that goes for anyone else here too...Good luck Gabbi, You are most definately in my prayers..Smile everyone, K.T.

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Gabbi,

 I just wanted to get online here one more time today, and tell you...you have been in my thoughts and prayers...I keep thinking about you, and your very tough situation...I hope you come back to this site, and some how or someway, find peace for you and your baby....I wanted to re-iterate that I am here for you if you ever need to talk...and I will continue to send good wishes your way...as always, good luck, and smile...K.T.

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Guest LISA J

Gabbi....

I am a birthmom as well as a single parent. My daughter is 6 and my son, who i choose to place is 2 now. I have been down the road both ways and would be glad to try to help you figure things out. feel free to email or message me here on the forum... I know how confusing and difficult it is to have all these decisions.... Thanks for the curage to ask for help...thats the hardest step of all.

lisa

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  • 4 weeks later...

Gabbi,

       I was just going through and reading on here again and was just wondering how you are doing? Please keep in contact here on the forum. There are many of us here who would like to continue hearing from you and know how you are getting along. If you need to talk please send me a message.

                                                     You are in my prayers,

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  • 10 months later...

Just wondering if anybody has heard from Gabbi? Her baby has had to of come by now. Hope she is doing OK! Gabbi if you are out there please let us know how you are!

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  • 1 year later...

Just a hint... There's a new law out regarding patient records and confidentiality, so if you are planning on working with a licensed agency such as Abrazo, please be sure to ask to sign a "HIPPA" compliant medical release (1) at your doctor's office and (2) at the hospital, allowing the agency full access to both your records and your baby's, to ensure that your adoption records are complete and that your baby's adoptive family has all the medical history they need to provide good care, as well!

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Guest Quietly Wondering

What are the best reasons to choose adoption over parenting?  Are there any bad reasons to choose adoption over keeping the child?

Just wondering

-

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Hi Quietly Wondering,

I'm not sure that I'm actually going to answer your question - it's hard to know if there is a right or wrong answer to your question - it's such a personal decision to make and for me anyway, I had to just do a lot of soul searching and asking myself a lot of questions about whether or not parenting my child was best for me and also best for my baby at that time.  To be honest, in the beginning - my answer to those questions were the easiest - I knew that adoption was the best decision for me at that time.  It was further into it that it kept getting harder and harder for me to "know" if I was doing the "right" thing.  And, once I gave birth to my baby - that's when it was a really tough thing to know what to do.

I did end up placing my daughter for adoption - and I do know that for me, I made the right decision and I hope and pray that I made the right decision for my birth-daughter too (I placed through an agency that only did closed adoptions so I have very little information on how she's doing other than she's healthy and happy, etc).

Everyone is different and everyone's circumstances are different and it's just so hard to know what is the right decision for you - only you will know.....in a nutshell, my 2 big reasons for placing were #1 - money (we had none...I was 18 & in high school and lived with my mom who worked 2 jobs) #2 - I wanted to go to college so I could have a different life than my mom & I had - there were other reasons I came up with as time went on and I had more time to think about everything but in the beginning - those were the drivers of my decision.  But, money isn't everything - just because a parent (or parents) raise their children without any money doesn't mean they're not doing a good job as parents - that is soooo not true!  I grew up with little to nothing and if someone were to ask me, "okay, if you had everything to do over again and you had a choice of being adopted by some really wealthy family who would love you very much or you could stay with your mom and you would struggle and do without and be left alone a lot while she's working all the time...which would you choose?"  Duh!  I'd choose the life I had - I had a good life - I wouldn't want any other life so that's why I think it's good to have other reasons just than wanting your child to have a better life than you can provide...

Just my thoughts.....

-Lisa

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I wonder, what is it you're wondering about this?  [You must have lots on your mind because that's a very good question you brought up.]  Maybe 1 bad reason is, if it's just to get back at someone else.  [We'd feel awful if our boys first moms could have kept them but went with adoption just to hurt their boyfriends or parents.]  Also, if it was just all about getting $$ in exchange for giving up a baby like in shady blackmarket adoption deals, that would seem wrong.  Good luck to you!

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  • 1 year later...

Just reading back over old posts like this one makes me wonder. Where is Gabbi now? How did things turn out for her and her baby? Every so often at Abrazo, we hear back from moms who made other choices but later refer their friends or sisters or nieces to us for services, and I'm just so thankful for all the brave and wonderful women we are privileged to get to know, working in this area! smile.gif

Adoption isn't the right choice for everyone, but I think there's something truly special about the women who do make this decision for the children they love so...

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