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Hello

Im a single, 45 y. o. female beginning the process. I am divorced and tried for many years to become pregnant, however due to severe endometriosis, it wasn't meant to happen from the biological option.  I live in Wisconsin and have heard nothing but good things about Abrazo. I would love any tips, support or guidance anyone can give me with the adoption process through Abrazo especially from the single perspective. I would love to hear your story and experience...

Feel free to email me at home, tb626@athenet.net

Thank you and I look forward to hearing from you.

Tamara

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Hi Tamara,

I am also a single mom. I adopted Gabriel 3 yrs ago froman agency in California. I am hoping to adopt a 2nd time and have been waiting 20 months with the same agency that matched Gabe and I. So I began a search that lead me here. I have just submitted my initial paperwork and am waiting for it to be reviewed. I hope that I will make it on the list in a few weeks. How far along in the process are you?

May all your dreams come true,

Heidi

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I loved the article. I have had very little support for my plans to adopt a 2nd child, except from my mom. And it's scary for her. The story is my Mom retired in June and moved from Florida to California to live with Gabe and I, knowing full well that I was on the wait list for a 2nd baby. So now I am financially responsible for her ( I get to claim her as a dependent..stranger things have happned), Gabe and the little one that will find its way to our family. The pressure and stress has changed. I have a few freedoms that I didn't have before, like going out to the store after he is in bed or getting a haircut without finding a sitter...and she makes dinner 3 nights a week while I am at work. But its hard to live with your mother...bottom line...I wouldn't change a thing.

Hugs

Heidi

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  • 4 weeks later...

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Hello Sabrina, Heidi and to everyone who responded to my post in November....

Its so great to see all of the support. I have been approved from my initial application and now Im working on the big application and getting all the requirements in place. The orientation weekends are available, I have to rank which I would like... so of course Im excited to be a mom but yet as a single mom....I think well if I wait until the Sept one, then I can save more $$$..... any advice? I really want to start sooner than that....

Im excited, nervous, apprehensive...to name a few....but Im oh so sure this is the right path...My family and friends are extremely supportive but of course the unknown is scary at times... but its great to know I can turn to all of you.

Have a great day... I look forward to your advice and continued sharing and will keep you up to date....

How long after submitting the full app does it take to hear anything?

Tamara

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You have to remember that every situation is different and when you begin, you may not even make it to the orientation weekend. I didn't. Heidi didn't! Look within and pray about it. You'll find the timing that is just right for you and for your precious son or daughter. I am very excited for you and hope that you will continue to keep us posted!

Jean

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  • 2 weeks later...

Money is really such a small part of the process, mind you its important but a small part. I never stopped to save any money with either of the boys, but so far we have been doing just fine. Once I made up my mind to get going with the process, I just kept going.

I never made it to the orientation, and I haven't heard from any of the single moms who did. Maybe Sabrina went..uumm. I know that I would have had a completely different experience had I been able to attend one of the weekends. It would have certainly helped me to feel the connection to Abrazo and the team and I would have had a better understanding of the whole out of state process. However, Elizabeth is a wonderful guide thru the craziness and you can certainly trust her and her staff. I wish I would have had the luxury of the orientation but then again...I won't have had Parker, and he was just meant to be my son..

Bottom line. Once you decide when to get the clock ticking...your baby starts finding his or her way to you. You start when you feel ready to parent...because that's the most important thing you need to have. The rest is stuff and green paper with pictures of dead people on it...Follow your heart and then JUMP IN

May all your Mommy dreams come true

Heidi

Edited by HeidiK
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  • 2 weeks later...

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Hello everyone,

Thanks again for support and sharing your experiences. I just mailed in my second large application as well as my application for my local homestudy, I was a little overwhelmed by the paperwork but its done. Youre right about the money Heidi, money can always be made and borrowed.

I have also connected with some other families here in Green Bay who went through Abrazo and are supportive and have great words of wisdon., great to continue to hear such great things. Im curious though how it happened that some of the single women didnt get to orientation? Did things just happen so fast?

Have a great day

Tamara

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Hi Tamara,

Since I was looking for a 2nd full African American child, the process went alot faster than expected. At the time that Parker was born, Abrazo was looking for a family to place him with . The more open to children of different ethnic backgrounds you are, the more likely that you would be placed sooner rather than later. I believe that most of the singles I have "met" on the Forum are raising children of color. I am excited that you have "jumped" in...

May all your adoption dreams come true,

Heidi

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I have to agree! Once you open yourself up to other ethnic backgrounds you may see things happen more quickly. I did attend orientation for my first adoption. I think you should definately attend. I think the only way you would'nt is if there is a birthfamily ready to deliver immediately or has already delivered.

Orientation is a learning experience...very helpful in your adoption plan.

Congratulations on getting tht paperwork in. Your are right it is a bit overwhelming...but, the payoff is your baby is out there somewhere just waiting for you.

Good luck

Sabrina

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Congratulations Tamara. It was my case that Nathan was placed with me prior to the orientation weekend. He and I attended some of the Saturday session and were able to tell our story, which was amazing. Good luck on your journey and keep us posted!

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I am a single adoptive mother of two AA boys. The first adoption was about 2 months. The second adoption from start to finsh was about a month and a half. However, I was open to any ethnic background which probably played a part in the time frame.

Just my two cents!

Sabrina

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  • 2 weeks later...

Last night as I was driving toward home, the four year old passenger riding in the backseat piped up and made this statement/question. "Nathan doesn't have a dad.?" Now, it really caught me off guard. This little guy has known Nathan and I since Nathan was 8 months old. Nathan has been to his house many times and spends the night there occassionally. This was the first time Keith was coming to spend the night with Nathan and I at our house. This is the first time anyone has asked anything about Nathan. Up to this point I thought I had great answers and thought I was prepared. However, when it happened, I felt like I didn't handle it very well. How do the rest of you handle this question, or have you not heard it?

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Nathan was snoozing in the back and so missed the whole thing. Probably a good thing as I blundered my way through it. And then, I didn't know whether to mention it to Keith's mom or not. I know she would have felt embarrassed and I'm glad he was comfortable enough to ask me about it. What do the other single mamas think about this?

blink.gif

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Last night as I was driving toward home, the four year old passenger riding in the backseat piped up and made this statement/question.  "Nathan doesn't have a dad.?"  Now, it really caught me off guard.  This little guy has known Nathan and I since Nathan was 8 months old.  Nathan has been to his house many times and spends the night there occassionally.  This was the first time Keith was coming to spend the night with Nathan and I at our house.  This is the first time anyone has asked anything about Nathan.  Up to this point I thought I had great answers and thought I was prepared.  However, when it happened, I felt like I didn't handle it very well.  How do the rest of you handle this question, or have you not heard it?

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Gabe's 3 yr buddy, Owain asked me one night- Were's Gabriel's daddy? I told him he doesn't live with us. That's the best I got....LOL

Edited by HeidiK
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What is a realistic time frame for singles to adopt?  I'm interesested in a Hispanic/caucasian background.

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Hi - I am Heidi and am the proud single Mom to two beautiful AA boys. My Abrazo adoption from 1st contact to holding my son took a grand total of 10 days. I was a wee bit overwhelmed since I had been waiting for 19 months with a local agency. Best of luck to you

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Last night as I was driving toward home, the four year old passenger riding in the backseat piped up and made this statement/question.  "Nathan doesn't have a dad.?"  Now, it really caught me off guard.  This little guy has known Nathan and I since Nathan was 8 months old.  Nathan has been to his house many times and spends the night there occassionally.  This was the first time Keith was coming to spend the night with Nathan and I at our house.  This is the first time anyone has asked anything about Nathan.  Up to this point I thought I had great answers and thought I was prepared.  However, when it happened, I felt like I didn't handle it very well.  How do the rest of you handle this question, or have you not heard it?

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Jean,

That is a tough one that I have heard a few times. I never know exactly how to respond. My guys have taken it upon themselves to tell others that their daddy is in heaven. They have seen the wedding picture of Danny and I and just asume he's daddy.I have tried to explain to them that he is not their dad....but, they won't buy it. I guess when they get a little bit older then it will be easier to explain.

Sabrina

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Gabe's 3 yr buddy, Owain asked me one night- Where's Gabriel's daddy? I told him he doesn't live with us. That's the best I got....LOL

Actually, I think that's a perfectly age-appropriate answer. (Good for you, Heidi!) The key, I think, is in understanding what it is children are asking and responding to that need without going overboard. Jean, if it comes up again (and it probably will), to answer that "Nathan has a father like everyone else but he lives in another town" might be enough to do the trick.

(I know how those questions can come up so suddenly and catch us offguard... Christian asked me today, out of the blue, whether God is black or white. Where did that come from? I stole a quick answer from a book I read once, and said that I thought maybe God was the color of water. He then told me no, that God is white and Jesus is black, so I told him those were both good colors, and that God made everyone so whether they're black or white or any other color, He loves them all and so should we.) wink.gif

cdgni: typically, it can take a considerably longer period of time for single parents to place, simply because most birthparents ideally are seeking a two-parent home or use that as a rationalization for placement. (It helps a little if you are childless and don't express a gender preference.) However, many of our single parents have been more open to a wider range of possibilities in terms of race and age, and this tends to cut down the waiting time from a year or more to sometimes as little as a month or less! Best wishes in your journey... glad you've found your way to the Forum!

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Thank you for the good answers to my cry for help! I assumed that his mom (Keith's) had told him that Nathan doesn't have a dad. I did say that he does have a dad. I also probably said less understandable information relating to his dad not being able to take care of Nathan so he joined my family. I was just surprised how unprepared I was for that situation. I guess since after 3 1/2 years that is the first time it has been asked, that was the furthest thing from my mind at that moment.

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Jean,

I am sure this is the first of many things we will be unprepared for. I guess we will just learn as they come along. I am having a blast learning. biggrin.gif I am sure my guys will surprise me more each day.

Sabrina

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I am sitting here on a Thursday evening....drained. I, as a teacher, should be thrilled. We started our spring break today! I cannot stop thinking of the things I have to get done before I go back to school the 24th. I get sooooo overwhelmed by what needs to be done. I was at a friends house after school for a yeah it's spring break little get together. I had to leave because of the sitter situation. I find myself getting a little jealous of my friends who have husbands, older children, or even ex-husbands for that matter( the kids at least get to go there on alternate weekends.) I am soo limited as to what I get to do. I often feel guilty even saying those things. I just think that people will look at me and say "you asked for it!" and I did. I guess you can say that 99% of the time I am perfectly happy with how my life has turned out. Today must be that 1% that is getting me down. Often it's the little things that get me down... for example...I went to mow my grass...the lawnmower was broken, I need to hang a rack in my garage to put bikes on ...but, I can't figure out how...I need the exterior of my house painted....but, I can 't do that(the women in the neighborhood have their husbands to do that). I know it sounds like I am whinning.....I guess I am. I am just tired and completely overwhelmed today. It is tough being a single mom. OK I said it.....but, do I have the right to complain? I choose to be a single mom. I love my boys more than you know.....I am just saying that I am overwhelmed a little these days.

Sabrina

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Of COURSE you have the right to complain, Sabrina!!! Think about it:

You didn't choose to be single. You did choose to be a mom.

You don't choose to have your life complicated by broken lawnmowers and homes with peeling paint. You do choose to be a fun-loving and creative mother, regardless.

You don't choose to have people whacking you over the head with reminders that "you signed up for this." You do choose two little boys for a hot Friday night date.

You didn't choose to have the kind of job that leaves you drained and exhausted nearly every day. You do choose to be a magnificent teacher whose influence on her students' lives will be cherished long after the time that you retire.

You didn't choose to whine. You chose to vent.

You let it rip, girlfrient! without apologies, Ms. Thang! (not now or later!) wink.gif

Then go have a Cosmo and paint your toenails and chant three times: I AM THE QUEEN OF THE WORLD!!! Because if by some strange twist of fate you aren't... YOU OUGHTA BE!!!!

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I know it sounds like I am whinning.....I guess I am. I am just tired and completely overwhelmed today. It is tough being a single mom. OK I said it.....but, do I have the right to complain? I choose to be a single mom. I love my boys more than you know.....I am just saying that I am overwhelmed a little these days.

Sabrina

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Sabrina,

It is ok to whine. You know that you are loved here & some times you just to say what is on your heart girl.

I whine all the time about feeling overwhelmed. unsure.gif I whine about Tim's swing shift that makes me a single parent for parts of 2 weeks a month. I whine about my job & how EXTREMELY busy we are & how I wish I had 'regular' hours like 8-4 not varying 6 am-11 pm. I whine about about being overwhelmed w/ my house work & what needs to be done & what hasn't been done & how long it takes to accomplish a simply project. I whine about Tim not being a 'handyman'. rolleyes.gifunsure.gifrolleyes.gif

Ok there I said it ALL! I feel very overwhelmed tonight as well....

Shayla is on Spring Break, I'm working the entire time. The Easter eggs haven't been dyed (& she's been begging to do that), our house is in it's usual state of a mess, I haven't been to the store to get stuff to fix for Sunday dinner, I have to take something in work tomorrow for a baby shower & have nothing to take except a couplke of 2liters. huh.gif

So whine on sister! I support you, admire & applaud you in all that you do. wub.gif

Hugs from Virginia!!!

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