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Calix

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Posts posted by Calix

  2. Adoptive Breastfeeding

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted · Edited by Calix

    Here's a brand-new, just-went-live compendium of resources from the most excellent Creating a Family site:

    http://www.creatingafamily.org/adoption-resources/breastfeeding-the-adopted-child.html

    In specific reply to Suzi's post above, I quote:

    In a 1995 study of 240 adopted infants in which 80% were previously bottle-fed, 35% of the mothers had never given birth, and 23% had never previously breastfed found the following:

    • 75% of the babies were willing to nurse by the end of the first week of trying
    • More than 75% of mothers felt positive about their lactation experience.
    • 54% of infants required supplementation for the duration of nursing.
    • 25% of women who had never been pregnant before were able to eliminate supplements completely before weaning off the breast.

    Mothers reported that the benefit of bonding was more important than milk production.

    Dr. Lenore Goldfarb, our adoption and surrogacy breastfeeding expert, said on the Feb. 9, 2011 Creating a Family show that in a study of her patients following the Newman-Goldfarb protocol, 31% were able to produce all of their baby’s milk needs without supplementation.

  3. Adoptive Breastfeeding

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    If only you could see the look on my face with my husband said to me during our baby class, "Can't you just take some hormones & feed the baby?"

    Turns out in our married couples ministry, there is a lactation nurse & just two weeks ago I asked her opinion. She stated that i could be done with proper planning. Now, I don't have a baby yet. I was actually matched 2 weeks after orientation & had about 9 wks prior to birth. The BP went into labor early & then changed her mind after birth. I say that to say I'm not sure of the "guaranteed" type of placement but given the nurse told me I'd need to prep with certain medications about 3 months out, how can I ever know when to start? We could get a mom who changes her mind again, or we could get a call less than 3 months out like last time or we could get a BOG (baby on ground). There's not any way to tell when your baby will come. I think that's something you'll have to decide on with your hubby & figure out how the time would work out. One thing I didn't ask was how long I could take the meds before my milk would express. She did mention that I could pump & freeze but that defeats the whole breastfeeding bonding thing.

    Because, in the distant and unforeseeable future, someone might read this thread, and I may not be able to respond to them personally, I want to address Evelyn's concerns (who, by the way, seems to have the MOST enlightened husband EVER.)

    The lack of ability to plan for an adoption is the cause of a vast deal of anxiety - how to arrange for your nursery, your parental leave, your travel plans are just a few that come to mind - but that does not stop you from adopting, and neither should it prevent you from nursing your child if that is something that you are interested in and motivated to do.

    It is **ideal**, as with much of parenting, to have more time to plan, but it is not necessary. You CAN **easily** induce lactation with less than 6 weeks notice, and there is NO reason not to begin the protocol when a BOG is placed with you. In that BLESSED case, your child might only have donor milk (or formula) by supplemental nursing system during those first six weeks, but that is only a small fraction of their lives and shouldn't be an obstacle to an otherwise miraculous endeavor.

    As for Evelyn's last point, (taking for granted the fact that frozen breastmilk is still vastly superior to formula) I believe her friend's point was that you could induce lactation and, if you started pumping BEFORE your child was placed with you, perhaps because of a disappointed placement, you could simply pump for the weeks/months until your child finds you - storing that breastmilk for the times when your little one needs more than you are producing, during a growth spurt perhaps. If many months passed between the disappointment and your placement, you could even choose to donate the milk to another mother who is in need. The months of pumping would not be in vain, of course, as you would have a full supply and be ready to nourish your child body, mind, and spirit.

    Planning the timing of inducing lactation is stressful, no question about it, but it is truly of little consequence compared to the profound joy and deep satisfaction of settling your precious and long-awaited infant to your breast.

    If such an experience appeals to you, I heartfully encourage you to find the information and support to make the attempt. It is out there if you seek it.

  5. In Memoriam

    in Abrazo's Chapel Potluck

    Posted

    I haven't posted on the Forum for almost two years, since I was having a really difficult time with our adoption journey. Based on my Forum postings, Shelley took it on herself to find our phone number and call me. She gave me an hour or so of her time, lifting my spirits and assuring me that all would work out if we stuck with it. She was right, of course. I just want to attest to her kindness, consideration, and wisdom. Best, Kay

  7. Positive Adoption Language

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted · Edited by Calix

    I'm not quite sure where to put this, but I'm FLABBERGASTED by the language on this facilitator's homepage: http://www.heartfeltadoption.com/newbabies.htm. I cringe at the use of "available" to refer to "birthmothers" who haven't placed yet, but I my jaw just dropped at this:

    "OH WHAT A HAPPY DAY!! This birthmother is pregnant again and her estimated due date is April 2010. My first choice is to try and keep these two babies together in the same family. Therefore, I have contacted the couple and they are talking about it. Some of these birth mothers are simply the best little baby makers!! I am thankful for everyone of them. I call them professional birth mothers because they perform this task so well."

    Editing to add this:

    "If you follow my web site, I am sure you realize that they come in, get matched, have their baby and go on their way. Just like a revolving door, birthmothers and adoptive couples are constantly coming and going."

  12. APPLICATION

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    Also, you might want to talk to Angela before you go through the trouble and expense of updating your homestudy. Texas law has a requirement that it be updated within 30 days of placement, so it might be better to wait. I don't know all the details, but Angela will! Best, Kay

  14. Baby Announcements 2008

    in New Arrivals

    Posted

    I'm so sorry that I missed this announcement in real time, but I've been working non-stop for 24 hours and away from a computer. However, it doesn't diminish my absolute joy for my dear dear friends, Jennifer and Steve, big brother Leon, and their very very special friend. I hope that this is a time of comfort and joy for all of you. Please know you are in my heart, even when I am away. Happy happy day! Best, Kay

  23. Managing Adoption Expenses

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted · Edited by Calix

    Hey Karen,

    Perfectly said!

    I can take no credit for Darren's brilliant economic mind, I believe all the credit goes to his dad for that one. (And his mom gets the credit for his emotional sensitivity.)

    I do have a question though: how do you talk about adoption fees with an adopted child when they grow old enough to understand? Do children draw conclusions about their worth from differential fee structures? Has anyone had experience with this? (I mean, beyond rude questions from strangers about "how much did you pay for her?")

    Best, Kay

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