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How do you decide on domestic or international? I haven't decided. It looks like domestic might be faster- but I can't guarantee that the child will be able to see the birth parents all that often. Emails yet, but real contact.. doubtfully. We get back to the states once a year and then it's to Oregon. It looks like Texas has good laws and bp's can't change their minds 4 years later - this is good. I realize that many bp's don't use drugs- but some do. How do you screen to avoiid that? I don't want to adopt a child with problems that could have been prevented. I understand that sometiimes things happen and you may get problems due to no fault of the parents. That's different. But alcohol and drugs are preventable. Due to my job, I would be severly limited where we coud live if the child had special needs. Most of my employment is overseas and there isn't the support system overseas for either medical care or school systems. Am I overly fearful or are these legitmate concerns? I'm likely to choose international to adopt from for a variety of reasons. But I haven't fully decided on it. (Another advantage of international- is that I'm one of the few that doesn't really want a baby. Toddlers are great w/ me. Baby's too, but because I want to know something about the child's health- a little older is okay to me. Thanks,

I was reading this thread and I am interested in how you teach your children to explain (if) why they don't look like the parents. Kids are mean to each other. The child needs a way of explaining (or not) that they feel comfortable with. I'm asking for personal information aside from adopting. I'm a single mother. My daughter is the result of donor insemination by IVF. I tried many times, with different protocals, but only got pg once. Her cousin (age 8) said to her a couple weeks ago " You weren't born like everyone else." Now obviously he got the conceived and born words confused. But he was taunting her with this. She's also been teased that there is no father. No one to claim. I'm sure that as children are adopted, they also get teased. So how do you teach your child to respond to other children? Not misguided adults, but playground remarks? Cathy

When I read about international adoptions and the parents who take their precious baskets to the door of the orphange, and leaving the basket there. The next morning, someone from the orphange opens the door and sees a baby wrapped up in blankets that survived the night, I praise these women. Their children are not "given away" w/out thought or care, but rather the parents want despatetely that their child will have a better life. This is the ultimate gift. Thank you Matt, you said it so much more eloquently then I did. A parent who only wants the best for their chiild and sometimes that means not raising the child. Cathy

Thank you... found it.

Which books have you read about adoption that you really liked? How about books written for children that explain adoption? I don't have a library to go, so everything comes off of amazon. I'd hoping for recommendations. Cathy

It's funny that this topic came up because 2 days ago I called my RE to say THANK YOU. I guess it's because it was successful that I feel this way. She's 7 years old, but I can still remember the hunger for a child. The arms aching to not rock a baby. I am so very, very thankful that I have a daughter. Now I want another one. But that's a different story. Any thought about donor insemination children? I ask because that's my daughter. I don't know the father. (But what a treat he must have been because I've got a real good one on my hands!) Her cousin (age 8) said to her "You werern't born the way others were." Now obviously he doesn't quite understand all the details either but we are now addressing the issues of what DI means. She knows that I really wanted a baby and I went to a special doctor who helped me get pg. I've used the words sperm, and egg with her, but I haven't gone into detail. I suppose now is a good time- but she's only 7- does she have to grow up that much so soon! Any suggestions on what I might want to add? I think I'm going to buy the book A child is born and it shows abit more about the fertility issues- ie the petri dish where the eggs and sperm meet to become embroy's. Back to the initial questiion- I think longing for a baby and getting the baby regardless of whether it's adopted or birthed is the same answer to prayer. Love starts with the baby in your mind and then in your arms. Not necessarily with it in the uterous. Cathy

Do you live in Italy now? (if so, hello neighbor.. We are in Geneva). Are you moving back to the states? I was told as an international family, it was very difficult to be able to get the passport to take the child back overseas until after finalization. Maybe I misunderstood? Cathy

Then and now.. or can I alter a bit and say international vs Domestic.. My previous Belarussian nanny wouldn't let my daughter sit on cement (even a bench) because it would affect my 7 yo's future fertility. The babushka (grandma-nanny) still won't sit on a bench- why? The woman is 70 years old-she's not worried about fertility- but she was afraid it would cause some female problem. This isn't just her- it's the mind set of the Eastern block countries. (Now.. I don't like to sit on cement during the winter BECAUSE IT'S COLD not because it will affect my female organs.

What's the average age for AP's? I'm a bit surprised to see so many in the forty age group. Am I right or do the picture deceive me on the average age for everyone? Do BP have age preferences? I'm 43 so I'm nervous that I would be too old for a BP to consider. Cathy

Are birthparents afraid of this? Out of the last 7 years, 5 have been overseas. (4th country in 7 years.) I'm a lurker getting my paperwork together and I'm wondering about this aspect.

What is a realistic time frame for singles to adopt? I'm interesested in a Hispanic/caucasian background.