Dreamer
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Some friends of ours are adopting. It is a Open adoption. After they went to meet their Bmom they had her come to their house. They had a family dinner and asked her if it was ok to invite their parents too. She said ok. So now the baby's future Grandparents get to know the Bmom. Marilyn's mother even made a scrapbook for their Bmom to keep, to put the baby's birthday party pictures in. I wish we'd had our kin take part too when we went thru it. If the Bmom would have been comfortable with it that is. I know everyh case is different But even if you are too far to meet may be you could still send brownies or a letter or something if your a relative. If you want to be involved.
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THANKS for some GOOD ideas !!!
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It bugs me that my husband's parents tell other people that "this is our adopted grand-child" when they go out somewhere. I don't want to say anything to them to rock the boat. But why don't they just say "our grand-child" like with the others and leave it at that!!!!?
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When we went through it we had to give prooof we couldn't get pregnant on our own,, that we were OK with open adoption, I think they also look for who is most open to the most things. And if you don't have kids yet, I think most Birth-moms wants people with out kids yet. I don't remember how long it took, but it seems like it went really fast.
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Our church takes a hot meal once a month to the people with the new babies at home. (Well, it's not a hot meal actually.) It's a complete dinner that can be frozen for later or cooked right away. (Plus all the side dishes and the dessert.) It wouldn't have to be a church thing though. It could just be a nice gift for anybody, in your neighborhood or town. Or if you knew some one who just adopted maybe you could give them a subscription to the "ADOPTIVE FAMILIES" magazine. We get a lot of good info out of there, still.
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There's also something on the internet about adoption grants and loans, it's at Natl. Adoption Fondation
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The way we saw it, any adoption that isn't Meant to Be can fall thru. ( in American adoption or overseas!!!!) We did not know the way to go at first. Foreign adoption seemed safer in some ways, sure. But then we heard about people who got promised kids in orphanages that were not available when they got there. OR countries close down too so you get stuck there longer than you thought. Or you can end up spending way more on the middle men. So in the big picture we thot, better to stay in the USA, use a license agency to get a baby and get the real medical history besides. (The open thing wasn't scary once we got in to it.) And TX was not so far away as another country!!! So good luck to you. (which ever way you go!!)
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Hi Christine, Just wanted to say we are happy for you and your husbnad that you are getting everything going all ready. Just because he is serving our country shouldn't mean you can't start your family. Good luck + enjoy every minute !! Hopefully you will be Parents before you know it!
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That was a good question. And a good answer! It makes sense, too. When we were married, I might have wanted to set boundaries with my mother-in-law. Or prearrange her "level of interaction" in our life. But in real life things don't usually work that way. We grew in to it and now, yrs later, we have a balance we couldn't have planned from the start. I hope things with our child's Birthmother will work out like that too. Before the baby came we were scared of her. Now we're scared of losing her. {Who knew?!?!}
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I was going thru old files the other day, stuff from before we came here. I found these lists of questions we were supposed to ask when checking out adoption agencies. It didn't help us much then (beccause our biggest questions were the ones no one could answer the way we wanted to hear!.) We wanted to know exactly how long it would take to get a baby. How much it would cost in the end. What open adoption would be like, would it turn in to a problem. I think the most useful thing we did was talk to other couples who adopted thru Abrazo. Hearing their stories (and the birth-moms at Orientation) was what really did it for us. my advice for new people is, take your time! Ask all the questions you have, but make sure to learn all you can from others too.
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I noticed in the paper that Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchinson just adopted a four month old baby. She's 58 and her husb. is in his late sixties, if I remember right. That sseems a little old to me. Why don't folks like that adopt older kids so the parents are not at the nursing home stage when their children are graduating from high school? Just a thot.
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That was one of our favorite parts of Orientation Weekend. They teach you all about it there. They show you what worked (or not) for others. They help you loolk through your pix to see what to use. And what not to use. They work with you on your letter. Next to Friday night the resume workshop was the best thing.
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We have some friends that adopted but now it looks like things aren't going so good. The FOB (who was missing the whole pregnancy) has a mother who now thinks he should interfere. She wants him to get custody rights. But he's only a kid himself. I sympthize with the grandma thing but why would she do this to her boy's future to say nothing of the baby and its new family?!?!?!?!
Things you can do?
in The Family Room
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Marilyn's mom died, at the funeral they read this poem the Bmom wrote for her. It gave me a lump in my throat. I wish you all could of heard it!!!