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tksimmons02

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Posts posted by tksimmons02

  4. The Welcome Wagon!

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    Welcome Ashleigh!

    There is at least one family from AR and a HUGE Memphis contingent. We'd love to have you at one of our MAMS meetings if you live close (see the United States of Adoption section of the Forum. It lists all the regional groups.)

    Good luck on your new journey!

  5. Picking & Choosing

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    You laugh Adam, but I had a mother look at me very disapprovingly at the grocery store yesterday over that artificial stuff.

    Makenzie asked for some popsicles and I grabbed a box without looking at them. The woman's son asked for some popsicles too. She said "No honey, we don't eat those artificial things in our house. They cause cancer." Big FROWN directed at me.

    I was SO TEMPTED to hand one to Makenzie and one to her poor son! My basket was piled high with fresh fruits and veggies for Makenzie, but everyone needs a little break sometimes. Popsicles are Dr. recommended for soar throats too. ;)

    Elizabeth,

    You should create a top ten list of ridiculous things people say on their applications.

  9. Home Study

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    I'm not sure what Heather is referring to, either.

    There is no reason of which I'm aware that someone would need to do "all new homestudies" each time, unless somebody's prior homestudy was grossly insufficient or significantly different (done all in one day, perhaps, rather than multiple interviews over time?) OR if the adoption standards/homestudy policies within their state prohibit updating a prior study that's more than a year old?

    But our update requirements don't differ for folks living in-- or out of-- Texas.

    Sometimes, we find that clients living out-of-state cannot locate homestudy workers willing to perform "just" an update, for reasons that make no sense to us (unfortunately, it seems that the cost differential between a whole new homestudy vs. an update seems to be a motivating factor at times?)

    But Texas standards say that if a family had an original homestudy that met the requirements of our state, then the next time they seek to adopt from Texas again (regardless of where they live or how much time has passed) only an updating of the original study and all supporting checks is required; they not "start again from scratch."

    Can any social worker update your homestudy, or does it have to be the same one?

    I ask because Jay has been offered some positions out of town, which we have considered, and it will figure into our decision with his next offer.

  10. Choosing Domestic Adoption Vs. International?

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    Neither one is perfect or totally wrong. I don't understand why we try so hard to make one or the other look bad. It is just like every time we hear something bad about domestic adoption it is palstered ALL over the news and everybody hears about it. That is the same when we post everything bad about international adoptions. I just don't get it. It's just not right!!!!

    Not right, but it sure does make for catchy headlines and juicy gossip.

    That's all I hear when people find out that we have an open adoption, "Aren't you afraid of...". I'm sure that's all internationa adopters hear "Aren't you glad that....didn't happen?"

    I think that adoption is frightening to the general public. People act like infertility is catching, or some kind of disease to be pitied. Worse than pity, is the, "Oh, that's such a wonderful thing you did" routine. BARF! I created my family differently from yours, but not with different motives! I just want to be a MOM, not a SAVIOR.

    It upsets me that the adoption community doesn't pull together more. We all created families through adoption. It doesn't matter if we went across country borders or across county borders, it's still adoption, and it's a wonderful thing.

    We can't expect the general public to start "getting it" until we ourselves "get it" and pull together to defend our families and the way they were formed.

  11. Nursery Notes

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted · Edited by tksimmons02

    Oh, how I wish we were ready! :(

    He's too precious.

    Praying for this sweet baby tonight. May he find all that he deserves and so much more. May his precious birthfamily find the peace they need.

  13. Speaking of "real parents"

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    Here's the topic: discuss!*

    *in the words of Linda Richmond, from SNL's "CoffeeTalk" ;)

    "I hear this [from adopters] all the time: 'We're the real parents...'

    Do you know what adoptive parents really mean by that? What they really mean is, "We're not real parents, and if our child searches for and finds her [his] parents, she [he] will abandon us and we will be what we were before we adopted: childless."

    People who have to assert who they really are don't know who they really are. "

    --Adoptive Parents: Fables, Facts, Fears by L. Anne Babb, Ph.D.

    True? False? Inspiring? Outrageous?

    How sad that those words left my lips this morning.

    I was defending our decision to see our BP to my mother when I uttered the phrase. My mother is TERRIFIED of Makenzie's BP's. Mom is certain that the biological pull will be such that MAkenzie will want nothing to do with us if she knows her bio. side. In fact, the "meaning" was my mother's argument exactly.

    I have never worried about a "biological" pull for Makenzie. As far as I can tell, the more people that love her the better. It certainly takes a village to raise a child today, and the bigger the village, the happier the child.

    I pray my mom figures this out someday.

  15. Preparing the Relatives

    in The Family Room

    Posted · Edited by tksimmons02

    It will be easier than you think. We were nervous too when we told our parents.

    Jay's were pretty supportive, although trepidatious.

    My mother was NOT supportive, but she loves Makenzie dearly. (She desperately wants me to have biological children. Not sure why, she just does.)

    There are some great books out there to give families about adoption. There are some great articles in your Abrazo binder too. Anything you can leave behind would be good. Jay's parents felt more comfortable about it after they read the articles we left from our Abrazo binder.

    Sending good thoughts your way!!

    Feel free to PM me if you need some extra support!

  22. Open Adoption

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    They concluded that birthmothers in open adoptions did experience more prolonged grief and dependency than those in closed adoptions.

    That makes me sad. I wonder if that is true where there is counseling after placement like at Abrazo?

    Given the present state of knowledge, decision making around open adoption remains a risky business, with substantial need for caution, assessment, and planning. The primary need is for further research, particularly longitudinal research, to help determine whether and how openness contributes to stronger adoptive families and healthier adopted individuals.

    That seems kind of harsh to me. Just because there isn't any research yet doesn't mean that it is "risky". Anything is an improvement over the old "closed file" system. How can adoptees feel "normal" about their adoption if they aren't supported on all sides by ALL of their loving parents?

    Several large-scale longitudinal studies of adoption are currently in progress, including one by McRoy and Grotevant in Texas and Minnesota, and another by Barth and Berry in California.

    Is Abrazo a part of this study? If not, they should be! Let's give some positives to this issue!

    while many adoptees were interested in meeting or getting information about their birthmothers, the majority (77%) felt indifferent toward their birthfathers.22

    I wonder why?

    This was a very interesting article too. I hope Abrazo alumn are involved in some of the studies mentioned. I can't wait to see their findings.

    As always, thanks Elizabeth for helping us stay informed!

    You rock!

  23. Baby Announcements 2007

    in New Arrivals

    Posted · Edited by tksimmons02

    CONGRATULATIONS!!!

    Linda and Anthony,

    Your new daughter is BEAUTIFUL. I am so thrilled for you all. May you all experience the peace that passes understanding during this transition.

    Will you be staying here again on your way home? :P

    We love you all and hope to see you sooner than next year at camp!

    Kristin & Rich,

    Your son is darling! Enjoy every blessed moment with your sweet baby!

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