tksimmons02

Adding my prayers for this sweet little fellow. May he find just the right place soon!

I hate to see these kinds of things. I often wish (hateful I know) that something untestable goes wrong with the "perfect" offspring (like bad attitude, mean personality, etc.). There are so many things we can't control in life. I really think it's too much pressure on the unborn to test them for every little thing and reject them if they aren't perfect. We all know people that would not be on this planet if such tests were conducted years ago, and what would our world be like then?

Beautiful.Beautiful. Thanks so much for sharing such a personal story.

What junk. I can't imagine viewing my adoption so negatively. It seems like the author is still struggling with fertility issues.

Interesting. It brings to mind a quote from my psychology professor "Man won't change his behaviors to match his beliefs, he will change his beliefs to match his behaviors." Sad.

I find this tidbit very disturbing: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22205927/ How insane to prefer the children that were 6 months old at adoption over the newborn! :angry: Those "survivors" were still ONLY 6 months old!!!

Heidi, How wonderful!! What a testament to your relationship!

Jada, I understand your frustrations, but I don't think we meant adoption the way you think we did (at least I didn't). I meant adoption is an option to HELP Amanda make her life better. If she didn't have to worry about raising these children, she could focus better on herself. She could seek more education, training, etc. I looked at if from the perspective of helping her, not just "giving" her children everything and leaving her behind. To me, adoption is about helping EVERYONE in the situation. Unfortunately, as adoptive parents, we can't financially support our BP's past placement. We can't pay for them to go to college, buy them cars, or do anything of substance for them. All we can do is be cheerleaders for them. Personally, I think that is part of my job as a good AP. I researched scholarships, schools, and financial aid for my BP to go back to school. I encouraged her as much as I could. I didn't want her to suffer the loss of a child without gaining anything herself. I wanted her to have a chance at better things without worrying about caring for her child. We can't "fix" her life, but at least we can take away a little of the worry by taking care of her child. And no, we are by no means rich. We are an average family with average income. We are plenty blessed, but we are not eating steak and shrimp every night. I don't think more money makes a happier home. I think it just makes more problems. I know adoption is horrible for the first family left behind. I can only imagine the horrific pain involved. I don't know what I would do if put in the situation you described. I would like to think I would do what was best for my daughter, regardless of what it cost me personally, but I don't know if I would have the courage. I'm sorry you were so offended by these posts. I don't think any of us looked at it the way you did.

I know the system works that way. I just hate it. The system is broken. While more children bring more money, they also bring more expenses. It is a no-win situation. There has to be a better way.

Sandi, Sounds good to me! Heidi, Thanks for the encouragement. I have to wait until Jay feels better (he seriously has the crud), but I may broach it with him sooner rather than later!

This reminds me of a discussion we had repeatedly with a close family member before we adopted. She kept saying "I just couldn't love one that didn't come from me. I'm sure you will be fine, but I can't love someone that isn't blood." To which we responded "Are you related to your husband?" She adores Makenzie now, but she still doesn't "get" why we want to know Makenzie's birth family.

Why aren't state foundations doing more to help this problem? Is there any education about adoption or long-lasting birth control? I read both articles about Amanda and it just breaks my heart. She is giving herself no hope, and her children even less. I wish someone would talk to her and help her make a life plan!

Beautiful sentiment. I needed this today.

It is so interesting to read this thread from all these folks who thought they were "done" and ended up with more. Even cuter to read those that were waffling and now have a full house. We too are thinking about number two. Me more than Jay . Jay is a go with the flow kinda guy. He wants more kids, he just doesn't want to do the work involved with getting there. If it were up to him, we would still be working on Makenzie's paperwork. We know we want at least 2, but we don't know when to add. We have agreed to wait until Spring/Summer to talk seriously about it. We aren't convinced we want another infant, a toddler would be good. We don't have a preference for boy or girl. All we know for sure is that we want to use Abrazo. I guess it will depend on them when we can come through! Anyway, I keep feeling this "tug" about #2. I feel like we need to be getting ready. Don't know why. Anyone else ever feel that?

We took a Dave Ramsey class several years ago at church. In it, he talked about a children's money program that he has developed. The gist is this: Don't give your children an allowance. Let them earn commission. Give them specific chores worth specific dollar amounts (based on age) and let them earn their own money. Every week, pay them and let them see exactly how much that is. Have them divide their income into thirds = 1/3 charity,; 1/3 savings; 1/3 BLOW - whatever they want to use it for. When your child asks for some toy or something other than holidays, tell them to save up for it and MAKE THEM DO IT. Don't give them the last $20.00 just to let them get it (which is probably hard). Make them earn every penny (including taxes) for their purchase. Of course, Dave sells books and a program kit to help you through it: http://www.daveramsey.com/shop/Youth_Resou...ashbook?AFID=17 But he also has a website just for kids: http://kids.daveramsey.com/ We plan on implementing this system with Makenzie as soon as she is old enough to "get it". Probably in a few months when her birthday rolls around. It's the best way I've heard on how to teach her the value of money.

It is certainly a topic that is near and dear to my heart. I have been criticized for not buying Makenzie more stuff. She really doesn't have many toys. She has plenty of clothes, but she is nearly out by the end of the week (which is fine with me). But I would rather fall too far the opposite of spoiling than over the other way (if that makes sense). We were very poor growing up. Toys and things were only purchased for holidays. We didn't get something every time we went to Wal-Mart. I don't think Makenzie needs that either. She doesn't have many toys, but she mostly plays with "real" stuff anyway. She has a ball unloading all the boxes out of my pantry. She likes pulling out all our mixing bowls and stacking them (and re-stacking them ). Her Christmas and birthdays are big now because that is really the only time she gets toys. As she gets older, I want her to know the value of things in her life. It's not her stuff that will mean a lot, it's her relationships with people and the difference she makes in her world. I want to keep her involved in helping others all year round, not just Christmas. Our church takes several mission trips each year to disadvantaged areas (Mexico, Africa, Ukraine, and the Gulf Coast recently). We plan on taking Makenzie on those when she is old enough. As she gets older, I intend for her holidays to be less and less about her, and more and more about others. I plan on letting her save money all year to buy special gifts for needy children. I LOVE shopping for disadvantaged children, and I hope to pass on that joy to her. Using her own money will give her ownership of it. I sound tougher than I am. Makenzie has plenty BELIEVE me. However, she does not have the excess that some of our peers provide their children. I don't fault them for that, I just make a different choice. I would rather spend my money traveling to see family & friends and helping others than having a home full of toys. Great discussion Elizabeth!

Wow! What a very blessed Thanksgiving indeed!! Congratulations to all the new families!

Congratulations to the new family!! Many prayers will be sent your way over the coming weeks and months! Blessings to the courageous first mother that made such a difficult decision.

SOOO HAPPY!!!! :D

I am tearing up just thinking about this. So many prayers for all involved.

Kay, I have been looking for books about your topic and haven't seen anything. If you find something, please post it, as we would like to buy a copy as well. I wouldn't think The Night You Were Born would be good, because it is all about the AP's experience and journey to a new baby in their life. I just ordered a book by Mr. Rogers (my favorite person ) called Let's Talk About It: Adoption. It's not really geared toward birth siblings either, but it does show pictures of families and talks about how families are formed in very different ways. Perhaps you could just get birth siblings a book about families such as Miss Spider, or something more age appropriate for them? I know of a couple of elementary age/chapter books that deal with adoption themes. I'll be glad to pass on what I know! Just PM me.

Are you going to let your forum friends help?

Dear God, Please give the comfort that passes all understanding for this courageous mom. Help her heart to heal. Give her peace as she walks through this sorrow with you by her side. Bless her Lord with abounding joy after a time of healing. Let Your assurance fill her with comfort. Give these children your peace and understanding. Help them to realize that their mother loves them so much, she is willing to sacrifice everything for them. Give them extra love and blessings from above. Comfort their precious hearts as they grieve all that they knew. Be with these new AP's. Give them an extra measure of patience and fortitude to withstand the coming storm. Help them to love these children beyond any measure of reason. Abide with these AP's as they try to incorporate these sweet babies into their homes, and their dear momma into their family. Comfort them all Dear Lord as they go through this time of transition.

I am so glad to hear that these children have a prospective family! I have been so worried about them and their mamma. I hope they find their forever home soon.

My heart just breaks for this precious family. Keeping them close in prayer.