dbernados

I definitely don't think there is a "one" answer fits all in this circumstance. Something that might offend me might not offend the next 'adoptive' mother or something that might offend Dora might not offend the next 'birth' mother. I think it is something where we have to determine what fits in our relationship with our child(ren)'s first family and vice versa and then all other people around us have to accept that this is what we have decided for terminology for each other. People are all so different that this might be the only way to have a clear cut answer. My two cents for whatever that is worth.

Thanks Elizabeth! I appreciate the clarification on this topic. I was beginning to wonder based on other comments that I had seen throughout the forum that this was the reason why adoption occurred. This helps me to understand things better though. Donna

And in a way isn't it? What does it say about a culture that says we need all this junk to be good parents when all you really need is love and time and milk. Diapers, formula, $15 toys are Western necessities, they aren't really required to be a good parent. I guess I am a little confused so please help me out. Is the only reason why first parents place their children for adoption because they don't have money? Both Kristal and Jada made the comment so I guess I wanted some clarification from a first mother's point of view. I was under the impression, at least with Dora, that she placed Ethan and Gavin with us because she wanted them to have a mother and father together in the same home and many other reasons besides money. Donna

Wow! I am almost completely dumbfounded! I have never heard so much negativity about adoption until I read this article. They imply like the baby was just taken in the night from the first parents without a say of any kind. I know Abrazo is different but is it that different? I am so fortunate that we never used another agency so we did not experience anything remotely like this. Does this really happen to first parents?? I am just in total shock. And the implication (if that is the right word) that we should not be called our child's mother but just merely a "caregiver". Are they basing this information on how it used to be before semi and open adoption came into the main stream? It almost makes me feel like those parents that did choose an adoption plan for their children are being criticized for their decision. Are these people nuts?! :angry: Donna

Mari, Sounds like you had and have a lot going on now. I am hopeful that all of your daughter's tests and doctor's visits will go well. Please know that I am here when you need me. God Bless! Donna

Michelle, Correct me if I am wrong, Elizabeth but I think the biggest thing is to make sure that you have resolved all of the feelings of wanting/desiring to be pregnant, having a biological child, are you really done with infertility treatments,etc... before you move forward with Abrazo. If I am not mistaken (it has been several years since we filled out the initial paperwork) they want you to have closure on that so you can move ahead with accepting a child that may not look like you or have your DNA. Does that make sense? My husband and I took several years off after our last procedure but when we came back to the drawing board it didn't matter to us if our child(ren) had our DNA or looked like either one of us and so on. And I might say that our kids are more beautiful than if we had given birth to them ourselves. Donna

I know how this can be too. My sister was 17 when she got pregnant with my nephew so the only option that my parents and her felt they had at the time was to raise him. My sister was his mother but she had to work to provide for diapers, formula, etc.. and finish high school so my Mom basically raised my nephew as her own. There was always problems when my sister tried to discipline him because my Mom felt like he was her child. Once she was old enough, my sister moved out on her own but my Mom really felt like Brandon should stay with her and I believe my sister felt the same way. Once she was much older and got married Brandon, my nephew, tried to live with her and her new husband. That didn't work because much like a divorced couple the child often plays one parent off of another so he ended up going back to live with my parents. There is still alot of confusion to this day and Brandon, who is now 24, has been the one who has suffered the most. It's a mess even though I believe that all that were involved were trying to keep his best interests at heart. My Mom said that if 'open adoption' was known back then they might would have gone that route. It does cause a lot of confusion when your Mom is really your grandmother and your sister is really your mother. Donna

Seems like the celebrities always get what they want, right? I am sure it will work out for Elton John. I just hope that it is a good thing for the child considering the age of Elton John (not that 62 is that old but it is when just starting to raise a child). Donna

An Orientation in October??!! How exciting!

Michelle, Welcome! Welcome! I would go ahead and send in the initial application so that is one less thing you have to do. They will then let you know when the next orientation weekend is so you can prepare for that. That weekend is a blast!! And one that you will never forget! There is a lot of information everywhere in the forum so if you have questions they are probably already answered or you can ask one of us oldies. Donna

So I just learned while watching the Oprah show that apl.de.ap from the Black Eye Peas was adopted from the Phillipines. He gave his adoptive father props because without him he wouldn't be where he is today. It is amazing how many lives are touched by adoption. Donna

Yes, we definitely feel the same way you do Elizabeth! We don't consider ourselves to be judgemental people and only want the best for our boy's birth mother. I do think she had a problem telling us when she was pregnant with Gavin because of how we might feel about her. We tell her all the time that 'nothing' will change how we feel about her, least of all if she was to get pregnant again. Our biggest concern would be for her emotionally if she decided to place a child again and how that might affect her. I try never to judge someone because you never know how you will feel or how you might react if you were in that person's shoes. Don't judge someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. Donna

Sure has been quiet on this thread! Baby dust, Baby dust!!!

Hi Stephanie! We are so excited that you finally decided to post. We here in Forumland love to experience the journey with you so don't be afraid. We will be here when you have questions, when you want to cry, when you want to scream because you are so happy, anything and everything. You now belong to a very LARGE family! We can't wait to follow your journey. Donna

Elizabeth, Do you have an update on this family? Did everything work out for them? We sure do hope so. Donna

Good luck with the home renovations..you definitely need to get that type of stuff done now because once the baby comes home there is NO time. And if there is time all you want to do is sleep.

Mari, I got your PM but haven't heard back from you. I can tell that you have been very busy but I just wanted to make sure that you did get my message. If you didn't, I didn't want you to think that I wasn't willing to help answer any questions that you might have. I certainly am willing to help you any way I can. Just let me know when you have time and I hope everything is going well. Donna

We were so shocked and saddened when we got the news from Kelly about Rick's passing. It is just so hard to believe that this happened and really makes you think about how fragile life is. I can't imagine trying to explain this to Ethan but at least Kelly and Mike will have lots of stories to tell him about his birth father. Keeping Kelly, Mike, Ethan, Donna and Haven in our prayers. The Bernados' family

Hoping and praying that there will a family that can help these little ones. Keeping the whole birth family in our prayers.

Elizabeth, This is such a wonderful story! It almost brought tears to my eyes when I saw the picture of Christian's birth father hugging him as he went to his knees. I can't imagine the pain they must have gone through over the past years wondering what had happened to him and his pain wondering why they abandoned him. Now that question is finally answered for both of them and I am sure it is such a relief. Hopefully this will be the beginning of a new relationship with his birth family. Kudos to his adoptive mother for being so diligent in locating them for her son. This is one of the main reasons why we choose 'open' adoption. Hopefully along the way, with an open relationship, our boy's questions will be answered instead of stewing in their minds with the possiblity of making it much worse than it really is. Thanks for sharing this inspirational story with us! Donna

Mari, I always wondered why, up until March 21, 2006, why I could not have the baby that we lost and when Ethan came into the picture it made perfect sense to me. If that had not happened I would not have met one of the most wonderful little boys ever, my Ethan. And then 3 years later his little brother, Gavin, who is as sweet as he can be. The Lord knew that they would need Tony and I as well as their first family and he always has the perfect plan. The openness that we share with their birth family is primarily for their benefit but we have grown to love them as our own family so we always say they 'adopted' us. I pray that over time you and yours will have a very close relationship with your grandchild's adoptive family and that it will be everything you want it to be. Please don't hesitate if you need anything or if I can be of any help to you or your daughter. All my prayers, Donna

I pray for this family and their unborn child. Hopefully there will be a family out there that is willing to take the risk so that the baby can have a happy, loving home. All our prayers, Donna

Welcome Corey & Rebecca to the Forum! This is definitely a place that you will go to often for answers to the many questions you might have along the way. It is a great community of caring, loving people who know exactly how you feel. I wish you the best and can't wait to follow your journey. Donna