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MarceloandClaudia

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Posts posted by MarceloandClaudia

  1. I've thought a lot about the "Fear" of open adoption. I think it's pretty complicated, yet simple. I have come to believe that it is based on selfishness in the end... but begins with ignorance. We all want to "own" things and have "control" of our environment. It's hard to share especially someone you "think" should be yours. Open Adoption asks you to release a lot of those controlling feelings and basically just trust. I was fortunate that I was at a point in life where I did trust wholeheartedly. That was not the problem for me. The problem was ignorance. I did not understand how sharing a child could bring such fullness and completeness to one's life or how it would benefit our son. I did not want to share a child or rather I did not know how to do this. This isn't something we are taught growing up (unless you have experienced it first hand). One of the things that is very difficult about adoption is that so much is out of our hands. We can do our part, but the other half of the relationship etc. lies in the hands of our Birthparents decision to parent, to be part of our lives, to not be part of our lives. It takes a special blend of committment for all to work well. A lot of people do not even committ to other things in life that are supposed to be so important, so how can we expect them to understand one of the ultimate committments of all. I know it will always be a work in progress and I have committed myself to educating those who are open to listening and learning. I not only have to do this for my son, but I WANT to do it for our family.

    As time passes, I think we will all come to new understandings about why people fear this. It's just like anything else. The unknown is really scary until we learn about it and overcome our fears.

    Adding my two cents too,

    Claudia tongue.gif

  2. Claudia and I send our sincere condolences to Kara and all of Mike's family. Claudia and I were fortunate to meet Mike when we went to a birthparent support group meeting in July when Dante was less than a month old. I was so taken by Mike's cheery personality and optimistic outlook on life. I will never forget when we were talking about his son who is autistic. Mike told me that he has learned so much about autism and he couldn't wait to see what his son's talent savant is. Mike truly was a special person. Again, our hearts and prayers go to Kara and their family.

    Marcelo

  3. To Kara and family,

    Marcelo and I are thinking of you right now. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to get to know both of you at Birthparent group. I can invision Mikes excitement when he spoke of your children and especially your son. You both were so open to sharing. Take care of those kiddos.

    Your friends,

    Marcelo and Claudia

  4. Since, I experienced 3 ectopic pregnancies, I knew early that I had difficulty conceiving in the "right" place. Marcelo and I spoke of adoption right from the start of our relationship. I wanted to be sure he could accept this part of me, and he did.

    Knowing that it is time to move forward is a completely different experience for everyone. For Marcelo and I, it was not only an emotional decision, but we had to consider my health as well as financial reasons as well. Like Laurie stated, going through IVF could exhaust us emotionally, physically and financially and then where would that leave us if it did not work. After resolving my emotional sorrows from not being pregnant "normally", Marcelo and I decided to move forward full force. We figured why take our time when we know this is what we want... to be parents and to share our lives and love with a child as well a for them to share theirs with us!

    I think the most important thing is even if you want it so bad, you need to look at all avenues and make sure you are emotionally ready to move toward adoption. It's not an easy thing just like pregnancy loss etc., but with the support of one another, you can make it fun and easy in your own way. Faith can bring on miracles! It's definately a learning experience.

    Claudia wink.gif

  5. Thanks Elizabeth for those words of advice on hospital etiquette. Marcelo and I need to remember that every situation is different and just because our Birthmother gave us the opportunity to be part of everything during her hospital stay, not all Birthparents may feel this way.

    I think the most important thing is to give your Birthparent's the freedom to make the decisions that are most comfortable for them with zero pressure. Our Birthmother was so kind to allow me to room in with her and care for Dante from the minute he was rolled into the room. Looking back, I wish she had chosen to bond more with him, but like I said before, I had to respect her wishes.

    Enjoy your time with the Birthfamily and don't take one minute for granted. We enjoyed watching television together while we munched on all kinds of great take out. We also shared many sacred conversations and feelings that I will never forget. We laughed and cried and spent real quality time together.

    I just told Marcelo the other day how no matter what, our Birthmother will always be on a pedestal in my eyes. I know she, just like I is not perfect, but she will always be perfect for us!

    Claudia cool.gif

  6. Wade, Angie, and "The Boys",

    What a fairy tale ending for Cloud Nine! Your family is a true testament to what open adoption really means. Congratulations, we couln't be any happier for your family. God is great! Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy. Remember, we love you and if you need anything at all, please let us know. Take Care and can't wait to hear more details. Send our love to your BP and her mother.

    Your fellow Cloud Niner's,

    Marcelo, Claudia and Dante cool.gif

  7. Hi Sabrina,

    I can't say enough how much you are admired for your strength. I'm sure there are many times when you feel that you don't have the strength to do it alone. I hope and pray that God will bring you a caring, loving and helping man if that is what you so desire! I know that for me, I am very thankful for Marcelo's support. That is the reason I respect you so. You chose to be a parent single handed and I think that is alright. If I had been single and at the point of wanting a family, I would have done the same. Also, I just wanted to comment on you being single and feeling a bit uncomfortable around all the couples. Marcelo and I took to you and your boys and I hope that you will always know that there are people out there who will always be a support to you in any way that you may need it. I hope you don't think that we look at your situation as any less respectful or meaningful. If anything, your family is even more special for the relationship that you have with your boys.

    Until next time,

    Claudia

  8. We can't close our eyes to all of this:

    My friend returned from the Houston area today. She said what she saw was unimaginable. She stated that there are so, so many needs to be considered. She noted that majority are Blacks of low socioeconomic level. Her concern was that there are so many communicable diseases being transmitted. She said that she saw very poor organization and that they desperately needed more structure. None of these people have been accounted for by name etc. She is afraid there will be an outbreak of all kinds of disease. She said that women and children were being raped at night and in the bathroom. As we can see, everyone is being affected by this crisis. We all have to find a way to do our part in this. Even though, this emergency occured out of Texas, every state will be affected. The evacuees are just trying to find a safe haven.

    Claudia

  9. Dear Marleygirl,

    I pray that God will bestow his peace on you and your friends and family. Just today, I was feeling very selfish. Here I am in my comfortable home with my family when so many are lost. One of my girlfriends who is also a nurse called me and told me she was headed to Houston to help those affected by the hurricane that are staying at the Astrodome. I felt so bad because I was not with her. She called me when she was already in route and all I could think was I should be with her. You are doing what you can to help. Don't feel ashamed to feel as you do. You are human. Take Care and God Bless. If you need to vent, we are here for you.

    Claudia

  10. Gosh Elizabeth,

    You make me want to do this all over again now. We'll be patient and give little Dante some time alone! I don't think you'll be able to keep us away for too long though.

    God Bless those parent's deciding if they will be part of this group!

    Claudia

  11. It took Marcelo a while to complete the application for that reason. We didn't always both feel as open as we do now. I now see our insecurtities were all founded on false beliefs... that we wouldn't be able to offer a child out of our ethnicity their cultural background or that they would be criticized by others. Maybe there are real tough challenges to be faced, but with our faith set strong on the foundation that God will never leave our side, we will endure it all. I truly believe that if you allow God to freely work in your heart, he will open it up to endless possibilities. That is what happened to us. Marcelo and I sat down way before we ever completely filled out the application and because we could not come to a decision that made us both feel good, we put the application away. Then one day I sat him down and explained to him my deep feelings about adoption. I shared with him that not being able to conceive and bear a child, was very painful, yet I knew it was meant to be. I felt like God knew what he was doing and how could we ask him to bless us with a child, but only ask for what we thought "fit" us. Little did we know that God knew so much more about us than we knew of ourselves. Look at us now, constantly in awe of our richly diverse baby boy called Dante Christian. Who would have known? Thank GOD he has worked in our lives so diligently to get us where we are today. We couldn't be more blessed than we are TODAY!

    Claudia tongue.gif

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