MarceloandClaudia

Marcelo and I originally were sent an inquiry form several months prior to orientation, but we set it aside because we could not see eye to eye on ethnicity. I felt that if we were asking to be parents, how could we pick and choose. A child is a child afterall. Sometimes, life is more interesting with a little spice right? Marcelo's concern was how any child outside of Hispanic and Caucasion, could "fit in" here in the Valley, especially an African American child. He wasn't been ugly, just realistic. He was afraid they would be treated badly. We have come to realize that all kids get teased etc., so we would just have to deal with whatever comes our way. Luckily, Dante is a big kid, so he'll probably be the one teasing! Hopefully not. I hope he'll be a gentle giant. I also wanted to challenge ourselves to see outside of the box. I thought that adopting outside of our ethnicity could really help us grow as people. Come to find out, it's helped my family, friends and strangers grow too. Ethnic Background- After discussing this issue in length, Marcelo and I agreed that we were wanting a child period. In the end, we were open to any ethnicity. Gender- This was not an issue because as I mentioned above, we just wanted to be parents. Age of child- Marcelo and I were open to newborn up to 3 yrs. old. We wanted to experiece all the baby stuff, but at the same time, I could picture a little toddler with us as well. Previous Alcohol/Drug Use- If I recall correctly, we were open to discussing individual situations on a case by case basis. Overall pretty open though. Hope I could be of some enlightenment to the Newbies out there!

Many Blessings to the newest Mommy and Daddy. What a joy!!!!!!!!

I've been lurking just waiting for the post. A BOG!!! I'm dying to know who the perfect match for this little one are! Come out, come out wherever you are!!!!!!!!!!!!

How exciting! Can't wait to get a glimpse of this blessed family. Best Wishes from our home to yours!

I always look forward to hearing about the new groups! I love the bonds we have all formed. Have fun and enjoy every minute! Wishing you safe travels and "the" baby of your dreams!

Bringing families together is what this is all about! What wonderful news. Congratulations to all!

Congratulations Donna and Tony! Your picture says it all! Praise be to GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can't wait to hear all about your new adventures! Before we know it, it will be our turn again. Waiting for perfect timing though! Patience is a virtue.

I pray these children are placed soon and in the very best home for them.

Hi Cat and Marjory, I have read some of Purpose Driven Life. I never finished. It was a gift to me from one of my patients. I'm glad you reminded me of it, so I can pull it out again and read it.

I am a Lutheran by birth. Even though, I have been a Lutheran for so long, I have never felt the deep feelings for committing to Lent as I have now. Maybe, it is having a son and I feel an even deeper responsibility to him or the fact that there is such a renewal of the Holy Spirit stirring in our Church ever since our new Pastor accepted our call. For the first time in my Christian upbringing, I am practicing the tradition of eating no meat on Ash Wednesday and Fridays. Instead of giving something up during lent, we are practicing being better servants. One of the ways I feel I am being called to serve is by committing to is making a conscious effort to reach out to those in need. I am consciously trying to be less judgemental and more empathetic to others as well. Marcelo has committed to donating food to our food pantry every week. Hopefully, these are things we will continue to do year round right? What about you? Are you feeling called to do more in this season?

Our Church just accepted a call from a new Pastor. She has been staying with Marcelo and I for the last 2 weeks. During this time, it has given us the opportunity to explore the season of Lent as a married couple. I just thought it would be nice for us to be able to come together to share some of our thoughts, emotions and convictions here together.

Our homestuday was about $650.00 and the updates were about $75.00 each. I live in South Texas, "The Valley" where everything seems to be pretty economical.

I think that is awesome! It's nice to hear that your Birthfamily thinks the world of you!

Congratulations Jason and Kristen, I have followed your journey and I so glad it has just begun with the placement of your baby girl! Enjoy!

Bobbi, You are right about giving people time to grieve and heal. I think most of my opinions are coming from being here on the Forum along with others who are experiencing what we have. When I first came to the Forum and Abrazo, I finally felt like I found people like me that could relate to what I had experienced. I felt like I fit in in if that makes sense. In the outside world, I got all the comments we are speaking about. When I talk about being honest and real with others, I guess I am talking about those here on the Forum. I know not everyone feels or believes as I do, but the way I looked at it... we had already spent so much time grieving for our lost children and wanting the one we were seeking through adoption. I just didn't really want to grieve anymore. I wanted to go forth with our goal. Even if that meant failed matches etc. The light at the end of the tunnel was finally in sight and I trusted what the gals at Abrazo shared with us... that it was not if, but when. It's not that I don't believe in grieving and then moving forward. I acknowledge that is VERY important to resolve issues. I think we had already gone through the toughest part. Now, we were here amongst people that understood us and could be honest with us, without feeling as if they were being ugly or did not understand where we were coming from. I think when someone is infertile, it is so easy to misinterpret what others from the outside may be saying. I think we are already on the defensive from the beginning. We feel like we have to explain or justify our actions or beliefs. Of course, it bothered me when people questioned my fertility issues or later adoption beliefs, but not my forum friends. I enjoy these topics because it allows us to explore our own feelings about what we have gone through and how we will continue to deal with these issues. I truly respect your opinion and thanks for shedding light on the subject. Claudia

Stephanie, Thanks for the new website. I guess I'm doing alright, because I say those things too. I used to get all the comments everyone has mentioned, but now I just feel for them. I try to educate when I can and kinda just giggle inside thinking "Wow, they have a lot of growth to do." I really don't even get offended by the comments toward me, but oh do the ones about Dante's Birthparent's get me. I'll just keep doing what I'm doing, hoping and praying people will understand some day!

Stephanie, I looked at the web site you posted. I know it is very difficult when an adoption does not go as planned. I tend to say some of the things posted. Maybe I'm wrong to say some of the things, but I truly believe in my heart that things happen for a reason and that what is right for your life will happen. As hurtful as that may sound at a time of grief, it's the truth. What else should you think? I feel like you have to hold on to the truth, so that you don't go crazy. I'm a very realistic person and I'd rather be told how it is instead of sugar coating it. Everyone is different, but at the time that our 1st match did not work out, I needed to hear that it was not meant to be in order to move forward. That was the only thing that allowed me to jump right back into the process. Claudia

Oh, I just hate that one! Whatever, I don't have any FALLOPIAN TUBES! Ha! 1. I get Oh, you CAN'T have children? 2. You had to adopt? I know I'll remember some more later!

Congratulations newest Parents! Enjoy every minute. You surely deserve it! Blessings from the Paredes Family

I see you have found Abrazoland! It's the best feeling in the world to know you have others to lean on. Continued best wishes on your journey and feel free to ask us anything and everything you like about our journey thus far. Dante Christian Paredes was placed with us on June 16, 2005. He will be 7 mo. on January 13. Claudia

Dante's Birthmom did not really like that title either. Since, my sister is Dante's Godmother, we thought it was really nice if his Birthmother could be called Godmommy. I know this would not be appropriate for everyone, but we thought it was cute and loving, and she liked it! Claudia

Hi Kristal, You have some good points. I think sometimes it just gets confusing because different people have different likes and dislikes etc. I hope we will all do our best to be sensitive to oneanother. I did want to let you know that we are going to spend some time with Dante's other mother and father this weekend. If you have not spoken to her yet, I can send her a message for you. This will be the first time his other father will meet him and the first time she has spent time with him since the summer. I can't wait to see all of us together. Take Care and say hi to your mom for us. Claudia

Amy, Thanks for bringing up the "our Birthparent's" issue. I had not even really thought about it. You are right. They aren't ours to claim. Thanks for the help, Claudia

I've thought a lot about the "Fear" of open adoption. I think it's pretty complicated, yet simple. I have come to believe that it is based on selfishness in the end... but begins with ignorance. We all want to "own" things and have "control" of our environment. It's hard to share especially someone you "think" should be yours. Open Adoption asks you to release a lot of those controlling feelings and basically just trust. I was fortunate that I was at a point in life where I did trust wholeheartedly. That was not the problem for me. The problem was ignorance. I did not understand how sharing a child could bring such fullness and completeness to one's life or how it would benefit our son. I did not want to share a child or rather I did not know how to do this. This isn't something we are taught growing up (unless you have experienced it first hand). One of the things that is very difficult about adoption is that so much is out of our hands. We can do our part, but the other half of the relationship etc. lies in the hands of our Birthparents decision to parent, to be part of our lives, to not be part of our lives. It takes a special blend of committment for all to work well. A lot of people do not even committ to other things in life that are supposed to be so important, so how can we expect them to understand one of the ultimate committments of all. I know it will always be a work in progress and I have committed myself to educating those who are open to listening and learning. I not only have to do this for my son, but I WANT to do it for our family. As time passes, I think we will all come to new understandings about why people fear this. It's just like anything else. The unknown is really scary until we learn about it and overcome our fears. Adding my two cents too, Claudia