Jump to content

MarceloandClaudia

Forum eLite
  • Posts

    2,461
  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    6

Posts posted by MarceloandClaudia

  1. I'm so happy to see this topic alive and kicking! On many occassions, Abrazo/Elizabeth has pushed the envelope with us and today, I thank God she has. At first, when you are feeling out of your comfort zone and questioning the very things you thought you were pretty sure about, well, that's so akward and unsettling to say the least. Not only, have we looked deeper to open ourselves to our now biracial child, in time it came natural to really WANT to adopt a Full African American child. You wonder if wanting to adopt African American now puts you in the same place... limiting yourselves unintentially. I think about that often and hopefully that won't be the case. I want to be open to what God has in store for us and with that, I'm sure whichever child he or she is... everything will turn out just fine.

    I'm not sure what exactly sparked all this movement, but it sure is great! When I read the post from Elizabeth, I was so happy that she was so forethcoming in the issues that affect us all. Honesty IS the best policy!

    Love Ya All,

    Claudia

  2. Martha,

    I'm sorry you are having difficulty with the schedule thing, but thank you for reinforcing how important it is. Sometimes, I have to remind Marcelo... it's bedtime. He wants to sneak a few more moments with Dante and of course I understand, but It's bedtime as I stated before. I realize how the schedule is so important to Dante's security. He wakes at the same time everyday for daycare, goes down for a nap at the same time, eats and snacks at the same time and bedtime rituals are usually about the same. Even on the weekends, Dante awakes between 6:30 and 7:00 a.m. ready for his sippy, diaper change and then breakfast. If we don't put him on the sofa in our room alone to drink his juice or milk, he throws a fit. He needs alone time just to wake up a bit, then you can change his diaper. At night, we put him down to bed with the lights off, remind him everyone is going night night and say night night, cover him with his blankie and shut the door. Wow, amazing how I don't even realize all the rituals we have as a family. Sometimes, we even have to say no to certain things if it's around nap time, because we know how important that is to all our wellbeing. After Church yesterday, we opted to decline a lunch invite, seeing how Dante was throwing a tantrum out of frustration (he was tired). We got in the car to pick up Luby's and he was out and even had to eat lunch after his nap. I get you Martha... schedules can't be too rigid, but they are very important.

    Thanks for the advice,

    Claudia

  3. Thanks Elizabeth for elaborating. I couldn't agree more! We do have different choices and trying to figure out how to make decisions based on such different choices is sometimes very tough. Thank you for validating the fact that adoption circumstances can be very different. I think we all need that reassurance, no matter how much experience we may think we have.

    And, I know the Forum isn't a counselling area, but I do look to you and the rest of the Abrazo chicks for advice and knowledge since you ARE the experts. I may not get exactly what you are saying right a way and I may not always agree with everything adoption experts think or say, but I do appreciate the education and information.

    Claudia

  4. One of the things that makes adoption professionals roll our eyes is when well-meaning adoptive applicants try to justify their demand for a "perfectly-healthy newborn, only" by saying "of course we would've gladly consider a special needs child, if only..." IF we were not already raising other kids who need our attention too... IF we were experienced parents... IF this were our first adoption... IF we were not adopting for the first time... IF I were a single parent with fewer demands on our lives... IF I had a spouse to help me... IF we had more family living close by... IF our family didn't live so close by... IF we made more money... IF we didn't make so much money so we could qualify for more assistance programs... IF we had a larger home... IF we didn't work fulltime... IF my spouse and I both had fulltime jobs with benefits... IF our home were not so large and didn't have a pool a handicapped child could fall into... etc., etc., etc.)

    ______________________________________________________________________________

    Elizabeth,

    Thanks for the link and what a beautiful picture of child and Mom!

    Now, my concern is that as much as I can empathize with how all the justifications make adoption professional's eyes roll, I worry that in itself doesn't make anything better. I know I have my own frustrations about openess to different situations in adoption and probably I would describe it as eye rolling too! Having personally been posed with the situation of considering a special needs placement, I sometimes even question myself as to why that placement may have not been the one for us etc. I sometimes wonder if it truly is because a child was special needs, medically, timing, not feeling connected in that way etc.

    Just as we came to a transracial adoptioin in time, and now feel so strongly about the possibility of adopting fully AA, I wonder if it isn't that way or couldn't be that way for a special needs placement?

    I don't have the answers to this question and therefore, I am asking it to you or other adoption professionals out there. Of course, trying to justify your reasons shouldn't be done if it's your way out, but finding your reason is very important to growth. I know I will never have all the answers or the right ones that will make others comfortable. All I know is that when you feel confident that you are open to growth and learning then no justification should be needed. I do enjoy talking things through though, so I can get to the root of the why's.

    I hope that when you hear those responses from adoptive applicant's, you don't roll your eyes before talking it through. I know that when I hear the uncomfortable justifications about not wanting to adopt out of a family's ethnicity, I want to roll my eyes so bad, but then I remember where we were at one time too.

    I truly would like to know how to get there... even though I know it may not be overnight. It's not a black and white answer in my opinion.

    Just me,

    Claudia

  5. After reading everyone's posts, I realized how our "fertility situations" are so similar, yet so different. I think, for me, I've gone in stages. After my third ectopic pregnancy, enough was enough, gave us time to heal and moved toward adoption with confidence, yet fear. (Confidence that it was the right thing, yet fear of the unknown)

    Then we adopted and I felt as if no other way could be just as right. I also went through the stage of how selfish it would be to even want to ever try to conceive when the option of adoption was in the world. I thought, why would I even want to populate the world more when there are children who need us just as much a we needed and wanted them. Strange thoughts, I know. Now, like I said before, I do feel at peace with what life offers and that is why I say I go with the flow (or atleast try my best to, when my obsessiveness doesn't kick in).

    Moving from infertility to adoption CAN be easier if you hit a brick wall. It was easier for us to accept infertility due to physical and emotional strain, point blank. The reason I guess I still think of the possibilities is because I'm still in that child bearing age, I still have a uterus and ovaries and the reason I was deemed "infertile" was because I had one fallopian tube left and it didn't work correctly. Oh, and also, we didn't go through IVF or any of those treatments. So, as I mentioned at the beginning, we start at different places, roam around to different feelings, but hopefully for our sake and our children's sake, we have accepted our infertility as it is, and are at peace with whatever situation we are in.

    I have to say, I truly enjoy these topics, because it takes me back to where we started, all the feelings in between and I am able to reflect on how far we have come.

    Claudia

  6. I feel like I have grieved infertility as healthy as you can. I have many days where I feel no need to ever explore those options again, and yet there are times that I think about if we did? I guess because, I don't ever want to close any door completely knowing that there is a plan and it's not for me to to decide what it is. I kinda have chosen to go with the flow of life...........

    Claudia

  7. Here's an unfortunate follow-up to the ticket auction:

    Woman says eBay shut down football ticket auction intended to help raise money for adoption

    CANTON, Ohio (AP) -- A woman says eBay has shut down her sale of two tickets to

    Saturday's Michigan-Ohio State football game that she and her husband had hoped

    would help them raise money to adopt a boy from Guatemala.

    Kristie Sigler and her husband, Ken, put their season tickets, about 10 rows

    from the field, on the Internet auction site hoping the payout would help defray

    the $12,500 cost to begin processing their adoption paperwork.

    But Sigler said eBay canceled the sale Wednesday, saying it violated its policy

    on charitable auctions.

    "They never called, never e-mailed us or anything. They took it off and said

    because we were using the auction as fundraiser for the adoption, it violated their

    policy," Kristie Sigler told The Repository newspaper in Thursday's editions.

    According to its Web site, eBay has specific guidelines for charitable

    fundraising because the area is subject to many state and federal laws. A message

    seeking comment from the company was left early Thursday.

    The couple had been offered as much as $1,550 for the tickets by Wednesday

    afternoon.

    "I'm most concerned that people will think we weren't being genuine," Sigler

    said. "We're still selling the tickets."

    The tickets are now listed on the Web site dreamseats.com.

    The top-ranked Buckeyes and second-ranked Wolverines are both undefeated, and

    the winner advances to the national championship game.

    O.K., I understand there are policies to follow, but it truly makes me so angry that there are so many road blocks to adopting sometimes. Good people want a family and want to parent, (and will be great parents for that matter) and children need a forever family... and yet, we still see all these problems. I would have a lot more to say, but there is no one to bleep me out.

    I wish this family the best in completing their financial goal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  8. Just the thought of Abrazo NOT being the fit for us, gives me the willies! I couldn't imagine building our family any other way except through open adoption with Abrazo. At the same time, I can also understand how every family's situation is different and not every shoe can and will fit all of us all the time! Thanks Abrazo for showing us that just because it's not with you, doesn't mean it's not right!

    Claudia

  9. Angela's been waiting on Nick & Sarah to email her one we can post on the gallery, but they've been understandably busy with their new little daughter; theirs was the only camera available on Entrustment Day, but we'll get something posted as soon as we can.

    Special credit for this happy ending goes out to Claudia, for being little Elyce's "fairy godmother" in the Valley while we waited for her to grow strong enough for placement, and to Angela and Crystal of Abrazo's crew, who were the two staffers instrumental in handling all the details of this special adoption, from intake to homecoming.

    And thank you, again, to all those in Forumland who prayed for this little one and her family! ;)

    Thanks Elizabeth. Our lives keep growing and evolving in just the right ways by the ones who touch them. I'm glad there was a happy every after for this family and for their very special child.

    I have 3 special photos of my time with this perfect family. I wanted to wait and let Mommie and Daddy send their own first. When I have a chance, I'll put mine on if that's o.k.

    Claudia

  10. With such special feelings in my heart as a child finds HER forever family and a loving couple has the blessing of becoming a Mommie and Daddy. This is what's adoption is all about.

    With so much love and admiration for you "sweet" child!

    Love, hugs and forever admiration,

    Claudia

  11. I think that it is great that God calls us to open our hearts to adoption, but it should never be because you are trying to score points or something. Also, infertility is a very difficult thing to deal with, but like it is said adoption doesn't cure it. For me, infertility opened me up to truly looking at where my life could go from there. It helped get us to where we are, but wasn't the reason we adopted. I'm sure there are many with fertility issues where adoption isn't even considered. I wanted to adopt to be a parent, to have A child and the other stuff like giving a child a home, doing something "good", well it can be all perceived like that, but the main thing is being a Mother and Father to Dante and Dante being our son period.

    I don't think anyone fits into a little box of the why's especially at the beginning etc., but yet, in the end, we hope that the decision to adopt, however it was made is healthy for all involved.

  12. Martha,

    Thanks for being so open when you don't have to be. Your experience can help others realize that here there is nothing to be ashamed of. We ALL have fallen short of our own expectations, but that doesn't mean you can't try to make it right. There are things I have done that I am not so proud of and think O.K., I learned from that one and you just move forward.

    I hope this couple can do the same.

  13. This week, Abrazo had to deal with a very sad situation in which a couple who'd recently joined our program had to make the decision to withdraw because of some painful personal information they did not disclose to their homestudy worker, that resulted in her revocation of their homestudy, once discovered. For whatever reasons the information was withheld, it prevented the homestudy worker from being able to make an informed assessment of the couple's readiness for adoption, resulting in enormous trust issues and disappointment all around. It also made some good people look less than truthful.

    It serves as a huge reminder of the importance of being honest and forthcoming with all needed information, however private one may be. The adoption process may seem very invasive (on both sides, to birthparents and adopting parents) and sharing one's most personal data with multiple parties is surely intimidating.

    However, it is imperative that this occur, so as to build a basis for trust between clients and professionals, in order to ensure that the best interests of children are being safeguarded at all times, in every step taken on their behalf.

    I don't know what to say except I feel for the couple and sorry they felt they needed to withhold this information.

×
×
  • Create New...