Let's see where to begin... Harboring secret regrets? or feeling "cheated" by fate? I have felt and said from the beginning and still feel the same way today that the only one who has been cheated of anything is Danny - and unfortunately, I can't ask him whether or not he agrees. We have absolutely no regrets about our adopting Danny. As a father, I am sad for him that he will never have some of the opportunities that healthy children have to play sports, be in school plays, have long talks with best friends, etc..., but in contrast many healthy children will never receive the amount of love and care that Danny and other Special Needs kids get on a daily basis from their teachers and therapists, etc...
It is not a matter of regret or feeling cheated. Instead, it just becomes a matter of changing expectations and altering your reality? Does that make sense?
From a practical sense, parenting on a day to day basis is quite different from what I had expected. For Danny, there is always a hightened sense of awareness - how is he doing, is he happy, comfortable, fed, in all, a constant monitoring of his well-being... For Matthew, our experience with Danny has allowed a more permissive, less restrictive, less frantic approach to what we would have been like had he been our first child. Living with Danny has taught us not to panic at a runny nose or a scratch on the knee...
As I am writing this, I really don't know if this will make any sense to anyone. I guess you can either be angry or accepting of your childs condition. I think, more than anything else, you have to understand that as much as you might have the urge to make this "about you" it is never about you... and it is always "about and for" you child.
That is just my two cents...