linlacor

There were two really great posts in response to a post I did recently on another subject (under the topic, "This is the Time You Want to Give Up, Finding a Needle in a Haystack") that I felt were just too good to not copy them here as they relate so directly to this particular subject. I hope these posts will touch the lives of others who are still evaluating and making these types of decisions, they were spoken so much from the heart and I just wanted to be sure they didn't get buried somewhere where they wouldn't be found by someone looking for just this type of support. -Lisa It sounds as though you are having second thoughts. Perhaps you need to give it to God. Pray to him for peace of mind and heart in whichever way you are meant to go. Ask specifically for him to show you what you should do. Ask him to give you a sense of calm and peace with whatever decision you make. "I just wonder, with the bumps we've had this time, whether it's something we're trying to force or whether this is just all part of it." Personally, I think the experiences you are having are all part of the process. No two journeys are the same and yours has taken you up and down the hills and valleys of emotion. Each experience you have can teach you something and has a purpose of its own. Sometimes these reasons are not evident until much later and sometimes they never appear clearly. You have said several times that you are sad to think of parenting a single child and that the sibling bond is highly important. Perhaps, the hic-ups in this journey have served a purpose to cause you to pause and think. I wonder.............Have you considered how wonderful a little brother might be for Kayleigh? Maybe the pause is time for you to reflect on the narrow scope you have set for your next child. Perhaps God has someone else in mind. Please do not be offended. I truly believe that God has a plan and that he knows the child that fits perfectly into your family and lives. Maybe your hearts and minds need to have a broader scope, after all, Jesus loves ALL the little children of the world. I can tell you that I never imagined myself raising a boy. I never imagined myself raising an African American boy. But God knew better. My hic-ups included 10 years of "trying", IVF, two matches that did not result in placement of what would have been a caucasian girl, and a caucasian baby sex unknown. Divorce, soul searching and opportunites created by God lead me to my precious son. He is the only child I can even imagine in my life. He is absolutely perfect in my eyes (And in God's) and I KNOW he is the one God selected for me. Why? I am certain He has a purpose both for Nathan and for me. Sometimes we have to let go and LET GOD. That's what I did and I have never had a doubt or second thought since. I'm sending you hugs and love, Lisa. You are a friend and I hope you will take this post in the spirit that it is intended and that is just to give you food for thought as I can feel you are struggling with what to do. Disclaimer: Only my opinion. Dearest Lisa, Gosh..I have wanted to reply sooner, but I have been trying to get my thoughts together. I completely understand your feelings, by now you know that you aren't alone and aren't the only one to questions this process. I am so gald that you and Lance had the chance to reconnect and you are feeling better. Honestly - I think the purpose for the journey can only be known when you get to your intended destination. Jean's word reflect a very similiar, personal and delicate conversation I had with two of my dearest friends in the world during their adoption journey. They were fustarted with the domestic process and had decided to pursue an international adoption while "waiting" for their domestic child. They had been on the list for over 3 years and they need to be placed with a domestic child at least 6 months before receiving the referal for their chinese daughter...it was down to a matter of weeks before they would have to put the whole domestic plan on hold - when Gabriel and I had dinner with them. I challenged them to re-think their check list on a lot of levels - but espically regarding race. For some reason - the whole having a chinese daughter would make them a transracial family had excaped them. I simple said - Chinese people are not white to my friends- maybe they needed to re-think things! I can honestly tell you that the silence at that table was loud! WE moved on to other subjects but the next day they called me to say they were headed to the SW to "talk things over". I don't really know what they did that day, but 4 weeks later when they saw their son Sam for the 1st time - my friends 1st thought was OMG - he's white! I do know that a few things got changed from a flat "no" to "consult" And they believe it DID make a difference in them being blessed with their son. . Three years later, we laugh about the whole process(only becasue both of us are done)... but I remember when they left for China 7 months later with their son in their arms, .....they called me from the airport to say "thanks for that chat". I hope NO one is offended by me sharing that story - Gosh I hope not. Decisions about adoption are very personal, and I do understand that. And I am not saying that anyone should do any thing that they are not comfortable with....but I do believe sometimes I need to re-examine, re-think, re-educate myself, and sometimes things look different. Maybe that's what happened for my friends - I do know that I love them both and their two children. And If it hadn't been for April's pushing me to venture out on the internet superhighway after almost two years of waiting (again) When I was feeling like "it was never gonna happen a 2nd time" and "i was getting too old" and "maybe I was pushing my luck". If she hadn't pushed me this time, I might have missed out on some very special relationships- and I can't imagine my life without Parker and all of you! Lisa - YOU are the blessing to many including Kayleigh, your birth daughter, your husband, your family and friends and the Forum community, and you so richly deserve to have all of YOUR wishes and dreams come true. You exude love, passion and have a real gift for putting yourself out there. Keeping all of the special woman of this community in my prayers - All of your deserve to be Mothers - No matter if its for the 1st time or the 4th- No matter if the child they desire is a boy or a girl - No matter the color of the child skin. You all are amazing - and deserve to have your hearts desires fulfilled

it was around $50 per person [i think] lisa

stephanie, my understanding from the letter angela sent out [referenced in her post above] and her post above is ALL Texas residents must have their fingerprints done electronically as Texas dept family services requires they receive the clearance electronically, regardless of whether or not you have current FBI clearance through te paper cars as we asked the same question wheen we rec'd that letter from abrazo [because we too did the fingerprit thing through fbi the old fashioned way...shortly before you if i recall correctly. when i talked to angela about it [afer receiving that letter] she said she'd look into it for me but i never heard back from her so i just assumed that letter applied to us as well, not just to people who haven't had fbi clearance done...so, we went ahead and did it electronically as well. However, please do call Angela Monday and check and if you don't need to do it electronically, pease let me know as that's one less thing i have to think about [even tho we've already done it, i won't have to worry and wonder when the clearance comes back] Lisa

Hey there Texas residents who have had electronic fingerprints done... I'm curious as to how long it's taking for them to come back? Are there any families on here who have had them done and have them back yet? Not to be nosy or anything, just thought it may be helpful for us to share the info on what sort of timeframe we should/could expect. On October 18, I checked Identix's website to see when the soonest we could schedule an appt would be and scheduled one for October 31st for both of us so that's when we had ours. They gave us receipts (which I haven't sent to Angela yet, oops!) to send to Abrazo to prove we've done it...now, we just wait and see how long it takes. I'll keep y'all posted on when ours come back - I'm guessing the only way to find out is to call Angela to find out if she's heard anything??? Lisa

Hmmm.....I am confused! I thought we could no longer just do the fingerprint cards the old fashioned way - that it had to go through DFPS electronically based on that new Adam Walsh law? -Lisa

Hi there, Just wanted to put a link here to the thread w/info on Abrazo's next Orientation in December..scheduled for December 1 - 2, 2006. http://abrazo.org/forum/index.php?showtopi...amp;#entry64341 Lisa

I'll start! This is my first post, I remember it well - we had just finished our 2nd IVF cycle and learned we weren't pregnant and we had already discussed that if that one didn't work, we would grow our family through adoption. I had heard about Abrazo for 4 years from my mom - a friend of hers had a daughter and son-in-law who had adopted through Abrazo and had a really good experience - finally, I decided to contact this person that my mom had been bugging me to call for over 4 years! She shared her adoption experience with me, said glowing things about Abrazo and told me about their website and forum and I checked it out immediately. I think I spent a couple of days reading through the posts on here (which weren't so plentiful as they are now) and finally decided to take the plunge and ask the biggest questions I had at the time regarding adoption and our us adopting successfully - I was so concerned about how I would look to birthparents as I was overweight and also, I was concerned with how birthparents would feel about me as I too was a birthparent. I was very nervous about posting and worried that people wouldn't welcome me to the forum or would just ignore me and say nothing - I was worried that I'd offend someone with my questions - I worried a lot about my posts but almost immediately, I started getting responses and everyone was so kind and I felt so much better. I heard from Abrazo soon after my post (because by that time, I'd already sent in my initial inquiry) and we were invited to attend the August 2002 Orientation (to my surprise! I couldn't believe how quickly things were moving - in just a month's time, we went from finding out IVF wasn't the route to our becoming parents to making the commitment to adopt through Abrazo. Then, on December 6, 2002 - we received the call that changed our lives forever (and you can read all about that in our thread under "Joyous Journeys" called Lance & Lisa's Beautiful Daughter, Kayleigh (by the way, the Joyous Journeys thread is a wonderful place to check out too).

I thought it would be kinda fun to reminiscence a bit about the very first time we ever posted on the forum - what was that post? what were we thinking when we posted it? were we nervous? what were we hoping for? how did we find the forum? etc etc etc? I guess I'm feeling a bit nostalgic with all the new members and Orientation groups on the forum who are just getting their feet wet in this place called Abrazo's Forum - it's been a little over 4 years and 2000 posts for me when I very first posted here but I still remember well those early days and feeling like at last, I'd found where I was supposed to be! So, I invite you all to go back and find your very first post and copy it here (I'll tell ya how I did mine in a bit but there's all sorts of ways to do it) and think back to that time (even it wasn't so long ago) and add some commentary, nothing much...just have a little fun thinking back on those early days (and maybe some new folks will feel as though they're not alone when they first find the forum and see that we have all been there, worried about that first post, worried if we're saying the right thing or asking the right questions (by the way, there really are no right or wrong questions - so ask away!) and let's help welcome all the new souls who find their way to Abrazo's Forum! -Lisa To find your first post: 1) Click on your user name 2) This will take you to the "Viewing Profile" screen - click on the drop down menu "Profile Options" 3) Select "Find Member's Posts" 4) Click the very last set of arrows (double arrows) that will take you to the last page of your posts (which are actually the first posts you did - the pages are arranged in reverse chronological order) 5) Find the very last post in the list (which is actually your very first post) and then click the number after "Post Preview" which appears at the bottom of your post (mine is #302) 6) This will take you to the thread that contains your very first post (although strangely, it doesn't take you to the exact post in the list ) Oh well, anyway - find your first post there and then click "Quote" at the end of your post (it will make it turn red and have a minus sign next to it) 7) Then, come back to this thread and click "Add Reply" and it should put your first post there in quotes - then, type away (after the quote part) If all else fails, PM me and I'll help ya out with this. -Lisa

I too have been trying to figure out how I feel about all this...I have to say, I was not at all "impressed" by the Madonna interview on Oprah - she used this horribly antiquated way of thinking analogy when describing why she thinks David's biological father is saying he didn't realize adoption is forever - I can't remember how it went exactly other than she implied that how most adoptions are done here, these days, are where the birthmother never sees or hears from the adoptive parents again. At that moment, I realized that Madonna is just so representative of so many normal people in the US who are just so clueless and uneducated about adoption - she is no different - despite her celebrity'ness, wealth, etc - she's totally clueless and has a lot to learn. I guess, from that perspective, I don't feel angry at her for her reasons, etc for this adoption - I think, like many people, she (despite her saying she doesn't watch TV or read the newspapers) has heard all the cries for help for Africa and the orphans in Africa (and other 3rd World Countries) and felt that by adopting a child, she was helping. Where she (and the child) were failed I believe has to do with the messages that are being sent - even when we attended the Fost-Adopt seminar when we briefly considered going that route for our 2nd adoption, the message, clearly was - there are so many children in need of homes, all they need is a family to call their own (I'm overly simplyfying that - there was also discussion about their needs, etc) and I think many of the people there were also motivated to be there for saintly (for lack of a better word) reasons. I think people come to adoption for so many different reasons - not all are the reasons I personally believe is a reason to adopt, and whether or not David (or any other child who was adopted by their parents as a way for them to feel good about "giving a home to a child who may die otherwise" (or whatever she said - which I'll get to in a bit) will grow up with a positive feeling on his adoption and his birthparents and his parents is a question I'm certainly not prepared to answer - maybe he will, maybe he won't. What did make me feel very uncomfortable was when Madonna said something about how if she and Guy Ritchie hadn't adopted David, he would basically be dead by the time he was 5 (or sooner) or something like that. I thought to myself - "Gosh, that's a huge burden for a child to grow up with - why did she say that? No child who has been adopted should ever feel grateful to their parents, like they owe their life to their parents, for being brought into their homes/lives" I'm not sure I'm conveying what I'm thinking very well - I just felt it was wrong for her to publicly say (and privately think) that if it weren't for them, David wouldn't be alive. How will she be able to raise him without that hanging over his head if she is thinking it so much that she's willing to communicate that to millions of viewers across the world? Clearly, she has not had any adoption education (or if she has, it's been with some very outdated social workers and adoption professionals) and hopefully, she'll be open to learning as she goes (as we all have done and continue to do) for the benefit of her son's future and self-image, and her own enlightenment. As for those who adopt to save a child, I agree - it's not a reason I personally subscribe to but there are so many organizations that send that message and it's sure to appeal to some people - I just hope and pray that even when someone looks to adoption and initially, it's not for the right reasons, that they reach out to the wealth of information on adoptees and adoptive parenting and can have a different perspective on the kind of life and parenting they want to offer their child. Adoption is just so complicated from so many different angles - I have worried, numerous times about my child who I placed for adoption, if she has any issues as an adoptee - have her parents nurtured whatever questions, feelings, thoughts, etc she has had about adoption, etc? And...which issues would have been worse? The issues she would have faced being parented by me while I was still trying to grow up - because I still had so much to learn and I know those first few years would have been quite a struggle for us and I have no doubt she would have issues as a result of that...or, her issues that she may or may not have as an adoptee??? Who's to know? And, completely off the subject - I do find it terribly disturbing that so much attention has been put on Madonna's adoption when there are obviously some horrible and very wrong adoptions going on still - there was a Dateline Story (and I think Oprah devoted all of about 10 minutes to the story) on a little girl named Masha from Russia who was adopted by a divorced dad who did not receive a proper homestudy or homestudy update (the adoption was handled by some facilitator I think) and for several years, he sexually abused her and posted pictures of her on the internet - I have a hard time believing she is the only child who has ever been adopted to basically be abused by some sick'o. I wish more attention would be put on outing those types of wrongful adoptions then whether or not Madonna's adoption of David was legal and genuine. -Lisa

hi and welcome to the forum!! here is a link to a similar topic i began earlier this year, http://abrazo.org/forum/index.php?showtopic=3064 i'm not able to put a direct link at the moment but will in the morning... lisa

bumping this informative topic for my fish friends as the topic of homestudy costs came up over dinner saturday night...it says updates, but people have also shared their original homestudy costs as well [and Char, someone posted the going rate in MI is roughly 1600, so y'all were right to think the 2300 quote one agency gave you was on thehigh side]

I could not agree with you more on this point (and thanks Christina for fielding that question as well, I know when we began our journey, this weighed heavily on my mind - it was like jumping into the unknown and the sky was the limit - we were just trying to get our ducks in a row and would have loved some real life scenarios (and one of the great things at Orientation is they address this but still, even before we went to Orientation, we were just very interested in the financial side of things - I guess after going through 2 unsuccessful IVF attempts (with no insurance coverage), we were just a little sensitive to how far we could go in order to bring home our child. Anyway, I'm not explaining very well but basically - I just wanted to say that I know this is probably one of the number one things couples/individuals are curious about so it was nice of you to share some info here. I actually don't remember the estimate for the expenses associated with Kayleigh's adoption - perhaps because I don't think I was given one until we had already said yes. You see, Kayleigh was a BOG and her birthmother did not qualify for medicaid, nor did she have insurance. Our insurance kicked in on placement - so, when we received the call about Kayleigh - it was explained to us that her case was a private pay case (meaning, we would be 100% responsible for all of her and her birthmother's medical bills - no chance of medicaid kicking in at any time). I remember asking Elizabeth - do you have any estimate at all at this point (this was when she was giving me the very limited details she had at that time on Kayleigh and the case associated with her adoption) - she said no, and she wasn't sure when she would (she was very blunt and honest with me on that). I thought back to Orientation and I remembered we had asked Abrazo what the highest possible case could be that they've seen (which typically involves either/or private pay and legal risk...Kayleigh was both) and I thought - Okay, so...we're talking this will be on the higher end of the estimate that was discussed in Orientation, right? One thing though, Kayleigh was born at home - and when she was taken to the hospital, she was admitted to the well baby nursery...so, I was thinking - the medical bills couldn't be too much, right? Wrong. Within 24 hours of being admitted to the hospital, Kayleigh was admitted to the NICU (the neo-natal intensive care unit). We covered 3'ish days of NICU care for Kayleigh - out of our pocket - she was born 12/5/02 and we took placement on 12/9/02 - our insurance kicked in after we took placement. Then, the medical bills began arriving (oh yeah, I forgot to mention - we said yes to the case (obviously), and I remember the moment we met Kayleigh thinking that if I have to work 2 jobs for the rest of my life and live out of a car, we will figure out a way to cover whatever expenses come our way - there was no way finances were going to come in between us and this precious baby girl who we just knew needed us as much as we needed her (okay, so maybe we DID need her a bit more than she needed us but still - I felt (as did Lance) that the three of us were just all supposed to be together, I've never been more certain of anything in my entire life). Anyway, back to those medical bills - you know Christina - you couldn't be more right about how they can vary widely! I remember getting a call from Abrazo saying to me, "You're not going to believe this but the doctor who examined Kayleigh's birthmother when she was taken to the hospital (after she had already given birth at home) is charging a delivery fee!" There were numerous things like that - I kept a spreadsheet of all the bills as they arrived (some were sent directly to us (which we had to forward to Abrazo) and some showed up on EOB's from our insurance (as denied as her coverage hadn't kicked in yet) and was in regular contact with Abrazo. I have to say - they came through in a BIG, BIG way for us! I was/am so grateful for that - they worked tirelessly to negotiate, on our behalf with the hospital (and fortunately, Kayleigh was taken to a hospital who was willing to negotiate, there is a hospital I'm aware of who refuse to negotiate medical bills for private pay cases, it is what it is, they say) and wittled them down to a very, very manageable amount - about half of what they would have been if we had paid them in full. The reason this had such an impact on me is because one of my biggest fears when we began our adoption journey was whether or not an agency would take advantage of us and our vulnerability - would they constantly ask for money, make promises but we'd find ourselves 5 years later with an empty adoption fund and still childless. When my mom told me about her friend who had worked with Abrazo and had a wonderful experience (the birthmother they adopted their child from was eligible for medicaid, so although they had to pay all the medical bills up front through Abrazo - when they went to finalize their son's adoption, Abrazo cut them a check for around $10,000 which was what had been set aside by this couple in case Medicaid didn't come through). That just spoke volumes to me at that time about what kind of an agency Abrazo was. Then, I experienced it first hand - they treat the funds and expenses as if the money was coming from their own pocket - I have found this to be the case over and over and over again - I would trust them as a co-signer on our bank account because I know how conservative and modest they are when it comes to maternity support, medical expenses, legal expenses, etc. I just can't emphasize enough how far above and beyond they go when it comes to this part of the process - they do so much that we are never even aware of - lots go on behind the scenes. Although it is impossible to really know the end result of the expenses involved with each adoption (because medical bills and legal bills can certainly vary a LOT), you can have confidence that Abrazo will do everything within their scope to treat your funds with care and consideration and will keep you very aware of variable situations. -Lisa

Just bumping up another topic for any newbies out there who are still exploring adoption and learning the ropes - this is a great intro on positive adoption language. -Lisa

Hi Lauren, You are soooo kind!!! Thank you so much - I would love for Kayleigh to have a sort of Auntie/Uncle who also share her heritage/roots. I think I've posted this on here before but I feel Kayleigh was priviliged to have been born Jewish - not many people can say they are of Jewish heritage and the last thing I want to have happen is for her to lose that connection (although I'm doing a lousy job at the moment of establishing the connection too, I've yet to contact our local Rabbi to look into sharing Sader (I think I spelled that right) with another family in the area (on the recommendation of a friend of a friend who is Jewish (but lives in Chicago, I met her while she was visiting our mutual friend who was gracious enough to arrange for Ellyn and I to meet and spend some time talking because she knew how important it is to me to honor Kayleigh's birth heritage). Anyway, I think I haven't done it because I just find it so intimidating - not really knowing what to say, how to say it - and the fact that we're not Jewish (but also very open and interested in learning other cultures and traditions - especially those shared by our daughter's birth relatives) I am just very self-conscious about making that call - so hopefully I'll get the nerve up again after chatting with you more. Also, Elizabeth posted something on here and it really let the wind out of my sails - it said something about how the Jewish community didn't necessarily view children as Jewish unless their parents are practicing Judaism (or something like that - I'm sure I got that all wrong as I'm relying on my frazzled memory but I do remember it said something contradictory to what everyone else had told me about the Jewish community). I consider Kayleigh Jewish - she may not currently practice the Jewish religion (yet! I have hopes that if we establish some connections now within the Jewish community, she'll find her place and be drawn to that part of her identity and choose to honor it as well (and maybe, she'll even marry someone Jewish someday and really feel a connection and will learn from his family and their children will be raised Jewish and......... - okay, I'm getting ahead of myself - Lance just rolls his eyes when I start going down that path - he says, "Lisa - she's still wearing pull-ups at night! Can you please not talk about marrying her off & grand-kids yet?" But anyway - to me, her roots are sooooo cool - there is just sooooooo much history and depth with regard to Judaism - and I just want to make sure that she doesn't lose that through being adopted by parents who aren't Jewish - granted, her birthfamily, from my understanding are non-practicing but still, I'm sure there are just some fundamental things that they do based on their Jewish background that we don't do - so, anyway...I'll get off my soapbox - and basically just wanted to say thanks so much for your offer and I will take you up on that - I find it especially cool that you guys will share the adoption connection with her as well. As for your concerns - well, I can see where you're coming from - Lance and I do not go to church and I was a nervous nelly about whether or not anyone would choose us since we don't attend church and don't have plans to take our children to church (grand-mothers may have other plans...but anyway - that's just something about us)...I felt like birthparents would consider us heathens (which we're not - we're just not into church)...anyway, I didn't put much emphasis on that in our profile - didn't even mention church to be honest and what I've found is that the 3 birthparents who chose us, also did not attend church on a regular basis - so, it didn't seem to be a big deal to them and I worried for no reason. My bigger concern, actually was my weight - I was nervous that a birthparent was looking for a Barbie and Ken to adopt their baby and Lance and I just don't quite fit that profile - well, as you can see - I'm on my third match at the moment and none of them seemed too bothered by the fact that I'm not Jennifer Aniston's twin. So....as everyone will say - there is a right birthparent for everyone - just be completely honest and truthful about yourself, your lifestyle, your interests, etc and it will make the right match even more right because you will find that you and that person really click and share many similarities (the first birthmother we were matched with, even asked me during our initial phone call how we would respond to our child if they came to us and told us they wanted to explore other religions...the fact that we are so open minded about religions and interested in learning about other religions was viewed as a plus to her - she was looking for a very open minded couple). See you very soon! Lisa

Hi Andrea, Just wanted to give you a big huge welcome to the forum and soooooo happy you found your way to Abrazo!!! Looking forward to following your journey and hope to meet you soon someday! Wishing you the best and wishing Charlie a very Happy Homecoming Day!!! Lisa

webmaster, can we possibly move these unrelated topics cocerning open adoption, etc to a more apprpriate thread so we can discuss these thoughts in a more suitable location than where amanda updates us on her life? thanks, lisa i'd love to share my thoughts on the subject [as abirthmother in a closed adoption] but don't feel this is the thread to do it.

Hi Cathy, I don't know that I'll be much help but I can share with you (and anyone else who is trying to decide between the two) what ultimately helped me/us decide to do a domestic adoption rather than international (this was before we had even attempted our first IVF cycle though so we weren't even sure we'd be doing adoption but we did make the decision at that point (after lots of research) that if we did go the adoption route, we would do domestic. The main reason we decided to do domestic was that it was SO important to me to have a newborn - and I knew that the best case scenario if we went international was a 6 month old baby and that was really rare (I think) - it was likely the child would be at least 12 months old. So, we decided to do a domestic adoption. Now, my reasons would be quite different - I can't imagine doing an international adoption but at least now when someone tells me they're considering an international adoption, I can smile and say "Good for you! I wish you all the best" rather than how I used to feel about it. I guess like so many things with adoption, there are many decisions to make that are unique and personal to the person who is making it. For example - your concern about drug use by a birthparent - not sure if you were aware of this but there are many, many adoptive parents (us included) that are open to adopting a baby who has been drug exposed and have very few concerns (rightfully so) about the effects of drug abuse on a child. I'm not saying that all drug exposed babies don't have any special needs - I'm just saying that we are aware that just because a baby was exposed to drugs in utero, it doesn't mean they will have special needs or be less intelligent or more hyperactive or etc etc etc than a child who was not exposed to drugs. I'm also not saying we are thrilled about the idea of drug exposure but to us, it's just not one of the things that concern us. Personally, I would be much more concerned about adopting a child who has been in an orphanage type situation and has not received one on one care (i.e. if I ever WERE to adopt international, I would adopt from Korea (based on my limited knowledge of international adoption) because they seem to have this down well and also, from what I understand, the child is cared for by a foster parent from the time they're born until they're placed with their new family - and they pretty much wear the child on their back (I'm into attachment parenting so that scored major brownie points with me) and sleep with their children, etc etc etc - I just thought it sounded like a great experience and it would be the only country I think I would feel comfortable with adopting a child from. I have a neighbor who adopted twin girls from Russia - I believe they were 2 years old when they went home with her and her husband. They have major signs of RAD (reactive attachment disorder - which is the result of not having basic needs met during their first 2 years of life - they lived in an orphanage). Also, there is practically no information on their birthparents - they were Roma oeople (I'm assuming you know what I'm talking about since you've spent time in Russia) and apparently, there is a high degree of alcoholism - my neighbor feels certain that her daughters were exposed to alcohol while in utero based on some evaluations they've had. Anyway, I know every adoption story and route has its horror stories and we have to decide what is and isn't important to each of us...just sharing my thoughts on what I have observed. And - my biggest reason for doing domestic adoption (now) versus international adoption is I had such a wonderful experience the first time that I have no need to go through all the hoops involved in an international adoption. But, like I said - it's ultimately a personal decision and I don't think thinking through everything (like you are doing) is ever being overly fearful. Just make sure you explore some of the cons of adopting international as well - especially orphanage situations if you're considering adopting a toddler (and I'm sure you're already doing this but talk to everyone you possibly can who has adopted internationally and learn, learn, learn from them). Adoptive Families magazine has a wealth of information on international (and domestic) adoption - check out their website Adoptive Families they have a lot of international families who have had beautiful experiences adopting overseas so you'll get to see that there are many advantages of adopting international as well. Lisa

Just wanted to post a link to an Adoptive Families Magazine article called Siblings and Adoption So you'll know what it's about (and understand why I have it bookmarked, its summary states: Whether you create your family through adoption only or a combination of adoption and biology, adding a new family member is always a joyful event. Here, we’ve collected the best articles from the archives of Adoptive Families on deciding to adopt a second (or third…) child, preparing a child to be a brother (or sister), fostering strong sibling relationships, parenting blended families, and more. -Lisa And a few other Adoptive Families articles that are useful for againers..... Oh Brother! Oh Sister Adding another child to your family can be exhilarating. But first, you’ll have to prep your preschooler. by JoAnne Solchany, Ph.D. Roundup - Becoming a Big Brother or Sister This is a link to 4 books geared toward children who will or have become a big brother or big sister - it contains reviews of the books. And....links to topics on the Abrazo forum that also pertain to againers.... Fears of an Againer - Concerns over the future journey Againers bringing siblings for birth, having a toddler in tow for round two Advice for Againers

Heather, I have not yet read the book, it is something I'm a bit afraid of to read - I was not forced or coerced to place my child for adoption (they were before my time) but I still think it would hit a little close to home in that they had closed adoptions...anyway, I just wanted to say that the book was very well received by this triad group I am a part of that consists of mostly adoptees and birthmothers - so I wouldn't describe the book as anti-adoption at all, I don't believe that was the intent - rather to raise awareness of a group of women who otherwise are forgotten. -Lisa

I'm on a triad email list and rec'd this today and thought I'd share it - it's a link to an interview with some of the birthmothers who were profiled in Ann Fessler's book "The Girls Who Went Away" (Elizabeth referenced the book in a previous post above) In case you missed this morning's interview on Good Morning America with Ann Fessler, you can see it (after the commercial) at Good Morning America Interview - The Girls Who Went Away

I'm pretty sure Abrazo asks that they be double-sided now...at least that's what the paperwork says that I have, although - I think when I did our profile when we were adopting Kayleigh, it was single-sided so maybe that's a recent thing... Lisa

It's 4 - 6 pages, double-sided, total - so, if you want to have 4 pages of stuff in your profile, that means you'll have 2 pieces of paper with something on the front and back of each page or if you want 6 pages of stuff in your profile, you'll have 3 pages front and back (so, the most pieces of paper you will have is 3 pieces). Hope that answers your question. If you would like to see an example, I have mine in PDF format (I think) and would be happy to email it to you - we did a 6 page profile. Just message me your email address and I'll send it to you. Lisa

Thanks you two! I guess I'm just an information junkie...anytime I'm interested in something, I just read everything I can get my hands on to learn about it (you should have seen me when we decided to try to get pregnant, my mom thought I was crazy because I read every book you can imagine on how to get pregnant (this was before we knew we had "issues") She kept telling me, in the olden days, when I got pregnant, we just had fun - you are making it way too scientific Lisa! Fortunately, I have somewhere to share the information on the adoption stuff, I'm sure noone is very interested in what my research on how to conceive a baby led to (not to mention, after all that - we still weren't successful in that area but now that we have Kayleigh...I know why).

Awww....Jenn and Dave - welcome to Abrazo's family and we're so glad you found us!!! I can't wait to hear more from you guys as you begin this journey and thanks for introducing yourselves!!! You've found a great place - it's the best agency in the world as far as I'm concerned - they are a very special, close-knit group of ladies who give so much of themselves in everything they do! Wishing you guys all the best! Lisa (We attended the August 2002 Orientation and adopted our daughter Kayleigh (who was a BOG (Blessing on the Ground) in December 2002 - we sent our initial inquiry in to Abrazo around July 4, 2002!!)

Congratulations Tony, Linda, & Andrew!!! Welcome to the world of parenting - it's an experience of a lifetime!!! Lisa