linlacor
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Stumbled across some posts in an Orientation Group thread about profiles and thought I'd copy them here - there's a new group coming through Orientation soon so I bet this will be a hot topic on here over the next couple of weeks
-Lisa
My husband and I will be attending the upcoming orientation in September. I have noticed a few comments about the profiles and not much time in getting those done. Should I go ahead and get ours done before hand?? Just want everything to be taken care of without me going into a state of panic when we get home! I know we won't have long to return the packet....10 days, right? Also, any advice from those who are pros at this???The whole process was done in reverse order for my husband and I so "panic" should be the least of your worries.
We spoke to our birthmother and were matched before attending orientation. We actually met face to face the weekend of orientation. She didn't see a profile until after the fact. But we were definitely not the norm. Go ahead and put some ideas on paper and pick out some photos...but don't finish anything...the Abrazo gals will spend some time with you during orientation looking at your photos and giving you ideas of what to do or NOT to do. They will also have a lot of examples for you to look at. So come with some ideas but wait until after orientation to finish it.
Best wishes for your new journey.
Andrea
Congratulations on attending the next orientation. Your life will be forever changed!!! As for the profiles, do not panic. You will have time to get everything done once you get back. I would recommend collecting a few good clear pictures of you and your husband, your family, your home, and maybe some vacation/hobbies pictures. If you are anything like me I went with a stack of pictures and probably did not use more than a quarter of them. You can pick out some paper prior to attending but remember that is should be the 8X11 size. I would recommend choosing some paper that represent your family and that it bright or at least stands out. My background paper was a red wine color. I really liked it and I was able to find paper that went well with as well as embleshments.I would hold off to putting anything down on paper because the girls at Abrazo will help you during your weekend. Also they have several notebooks of profiles that you can look out during your breaks that may give you some awesome ideas.
Relax and enjoy yourself!!! You have the ticket in your hand you are about to get on the roller coaster, so sit back and enjoy the ride!!!!
Hey Good Buddies!I know everyone has had a busy week! I am still trying to get our profile finished up!
On the profiles-do we need to make the copies single sided or front and back?
Betsy
Matthew and Betsy,Front and Back
would be great!!!Holly
Hi there...this is alison - Do we send the actual original profile to abrazo or photocopies...alisonNeed to send in an original profile and 10 color copies. -
There was a great dialogue on the 10-4 Good Buddies thread (very early in it) regarding insurance and just thought these posts may be useful for newbies who are just getting into the early stages of all this and getting forms filled out, etc...
-Lisa
'mbell' post='20350' date='Sep 22 2005, 07:57 PM'
We're thinking of all our good buddies right now and hoping everyone is making progress on the paperwork.
it will be interesting to work on the insurance verification - we have state insurance and our isurance company provides our benefits, but our plan is self funded so it is actually administered by the state - so who's going to take responsibility for signing this form ????? you guess is as good as mine right now. Our local benefits rep said that the adoption of a child is a "qualifying event", but how can we prove responsibility for the costs before we have responsibility for the child??? I've gone all through the financial documents and the sample placement document pulling out phrases to quote them etc etc - wish me luck that we get some resolution to this without an ENORMOUS struggle ...anyone else have a similar situation and any good advice?
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'mlw' post='20415' date='Sep 24 2005, 01:58 PM'
Mbell, We have run into a similar problem with the insurance. They won't begin to pay on the baby until placement is made. So, they won't sign the form. Dane called and spoke with Elizabeth and she said that is fine. Now we are left wondering if there are any loopholes to figure out how to pay for the baby in those 48 hours, otherwise I guess it will be out of pocket or from our "cafeteria fund"!! Let us know if you all come up with something!!
Hello new parents in waiting, my husband Jason and I are from the Summer Strollers group and I just noticed your insurance posts.We have looked for that loop hole as well but have come up dry. It seems insurance has not kept up with the times and adoption is something they don't allow for when growing your family. Frustrating but oh well, what ya gonna do except keep trugging along and do the best you can with what ya got.
I still have talks with our insurance about the 48 hour period, I understand there learyness about the baby not being placed however once the baby is placed I think it should be retroactive to birth in my humble opinion. The response I get is where to draw the line, if we adopt a toddler should insurance be retroactive to the childs birth? Again frustrating, I guess it is up to us to try to make it better for the next generation of adopting parents!
Look forward to hearing great news from you guys,
Kristen
Mbell and Mandy and Dane -- I have been researching the health insurance question this week as well and our plan administrator is helping us. I will let you know what we find out. I did look up relevant federal law about what insurance companies are required to cover -- they have to cover from placement, however the law defines placement for adoption as:"The term 'placement' or being 'placed' for adoption, in connection with any placement for adoption of a child with any person, means the assumption and retention by such person of a legal obligation for total or partial support of such child in anticipation of adoption of such child."
In our cases, we assume financial responsibility when we are matched. Therefore, I am trying to make the argument with health insurance that we have legally assumed total support at the match, which may very well be before the birth, and therefore entitles us to health insurance for the baby from birth. I have no idea if they will accept this, but I will let you know!
There is always something new to learn, right?
Susan
Hi all,Re: the insurance -- thanks Susan for supplying the federal definition for us. I also pulled out some clauses from the peprwork we got to use and they back up that definition. In the Financial Agreement that we have already returned, it states that we sign a "letter of commitment" saying we're responsible for medical expenses. Also, in the Entrustment Agreement which we will sign at placement (and have a sample copy of) see spefically Article I.3. - "legal authority to provide and consent to medical care" and Article I.B.2 - "we accept complete and full responsibility for all medical care from the time of the child's Birth" -- seems like this is all we should need, but it's never that easy is it? Keep plugging away . . .
I've been reading all of your posts regarding medical insurance. I guess I never really gave it much thought. Our insurance provider (which is a large provider since my husband works has a large employer) didn't have any problems with getting us something to say that they would cover an adopted child at the time of placement. Matter of fact, we were quite shocked at how quickly they got us the documentation that the agency needed.Now, it did specifically state insurance coverage "from the date of placement". It never really dawned on me to even ask them to cover from the time of birth. And while we are definitely shelling out $$$ (our BP will have been living in the Abrazo housing for at least 3 to 4 months when the baby comes), from an HR perspective, I guess I can see the insurance provider's point that it definitely isn't required to pay for the 1st 48 hours. However, my issue has been that if my insurance doesn't cover that 1st 48 hours (which I really don't think it should), then why in the world would the BP's insurance/Medicare not cover those 48 hours. It seems like it should.
Anyway, Joe and I just kind of think "well, ca lavie".....just another one of those adoption things.
Toni,Hi! You may want to make the call to the insurance company and ask. It couldn't hut. I have my insurance with a large carrier, as well. The documentation states coverage from placement, but when I called, I was told that the coverage would be from birth. I asked for documentation, which they sent.
This raises a good point. Our BP has military insurance that will cover her, so wouldn't it cover her baby until placement occurs and she is no longer the parent/legal guardian?I really don't know how to find this out since I don't have access to her policy information. All I know is that its called Tri-Care.
Let me know if any of you have any ideas.
Natalee
Hi, Natalie!Medicaid (and Champus/Tricare, etc.) offer no guarantee of payment for the birth-related bills. Such bills cannot be filed with the insurance companies until after hospital discharge/ placement; therefore, coverage may not be determined for up to 90 days thereafter (even assuming the hospital files in a timely manner), and a birthparent's insurance is not obligated to cover costs for a child legally surrendered for adoption.
Medicaid eligibility (as well as other subsidized programs) is based on a parent's household income, after all, so if your household income exceeds the federally-designated poverty limits, then it stands to reason that your child's medical expenses from birth all rightfully become your obligation, just as if you'd birthed that child. (This is spelled out in the placement contracts, as well.)
This is why we tell folks at orientation to anticipate inclusion of all birth-related medical expenses, and why we estimate for mom and baby's costs on all our estimates. If Medicaid should come through and help cover some portion of the bill, that's great... but be prepared in the event that it doesn't. That comes part and parcel with the joys of parenting!
Hope this helps.
Medicaid eligibility (as well as other subsidized programs) is based on a parent's household income, after all, so if your household income exceeds the federally-designated poverty limits, then it stands to reason that your child's medical expenses from birth all rightfully become your obligation, just as if you'd birthed that child. (This is spelled out in the placement contracts, as well.)In answer to Toni's question: the qualifying income is for the household of the person for whom coverage is being sought. If a birthparent is seeking coverage for her prenatal care, then her household income must be proven; if an adoptive family is seeking coverage for costs related to the medical care of a child, then their household income would have to fall within the federal limits in order to qualify. Generally, hospitals will file the mother's medical bills with her insurance/Medicaid, but not the baby's, since the relationship between mother and baby terminates at relinquishment. This usually occurs before both parties have been discharged from the hospital, so the bills for the child's medical care follow that child. (Note: welfare reform campaigns further limit eligiblity requirements, so watch that political debate carefully.)
I got great news today on the insurance question and wanted to share our learning with others. It seems that the language we pulled together for our Health Plan Administrator worked! We have CareFirst PPO Preferred (part of Blue Cross and Blue Shield) and they have said that "Legally recognized pre-adoptive children are eligible" for health insurance. Legally recognized is consider at the point at which we assume financial responsibility for the baby before birth. They have said that we just need to provide them with the documentation (paperwork at the match) when we take fiscal responsibility.If it is useful for others, here is the language the our Plan Administrator used in my request to Care First:
TO: Broker Services
[My name, my employer's name that has the health insurance] has started the adoption process for a newborn. While we understand that adoption is a qualyfiying event, there is some question from the adoption agency as to when coverage begins for Carefirst. To facilitate this inquiry, we have done some research and have found federal law (see attached) that addresses this issue. Apparently the law requires coverage for the child at placement of adoption.
Placement of adoption is defined in the Employee Retirement Income Security Act as follows:
Cite – 29USC1169 – Sec. 1169,c,3,B
Placement for adoption
The term “placement, or being “placed” for adoption, in connection with any placement for adoption of a child with any person, means the assumption and retention by such person of a legal obligation for total or partial support of such child in anticipation of adoption of such child. The child’s placement with such person terminates upon the termination of such legal obligation.
Our discussions with the lawyer indicates that it means that the legal definition of placement is when they take financial responsibility for the child. [My name]and her husband will sign paperwork with the birthmother before birth in which they take full financial responsibility for the baby. While Carefirst is not responsible for covering the costs of the birth, the federal law cited above indicates that coverage for the child in their case will start at birth. Is this correct?
I hope this helps others on your path!
Susan
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Another resource for anyone looking for information on Open Adoption and what it's all about (and you've already exhausted the Abrazo's Forum vast amount of information/personal experiences on the topic), check out this link
Adoptive Families Magazine Articles on Open Adoption
-Lisa
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Of course, Adoptive Families website has a fantastic section on the website dedicated to Transracial Adoption - it lists a multitude of resources on trans-racial adoption, including Adoptive Families magazine articles, book recommendations, website recommendations, kids books, etc...
Check it out - it's fantastic!
Transracial Adoption (Adoptive Families Website)
-Lisa
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oh heather....i literally got chills when reading your post!!!!!
you are so special!!!!!
and sabrina, hoow about putting all those poems of yours in a book and giving us abrazo famiies the opportunity to buy them? along w/your photography....you are so gifted my friend!
lisa
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I NEVER allow men to come to my house. I don't ever want my boys to think that mommy had a constant flow of men in the house. I don't allow the men I date to even meet my boys for quite some time....I am talking months.
Oh Sabrina, I just found this post of yours - I just wanted to hug you for saying/doing that.
I am a child who grew up with a single-mom (my parents divorced when I was 9) and my mom dated but did not have that cardinal rule of yours and I think it would have made a big difference on me (and certainly would have saved me from some of the hurt feelings I experienced along the way) had she been more careful about exposing me to her private life. I can remember seeing her get so excited when she would go out on a date and I would feel so jealous and would wonder why she was so happy about leaving me at home with a babysitter while going out with someone who we didn't even know? I just remember feeling very much as though I wasn't the most important person to her when she would date and I'd feel very left out - lots and lots of feelings of jealousy and like my ground wasn't as stable as I needed it to be.
Anyway, I applaud you for being so careful and protective of your boys - as an adult who was on the other side of things as a child, I think that is a very lovely thing you're doing for them! Probably one of those many things you'll do for them that will go unthanked (because the best part is, they'll probably never even know about it) but I think it will help them feel so much more secure about their lives than if they were dealing with strangers entering and exiting their lives as children.
-Lisa
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me too mandy!!!!
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Hi Jen!
Welcome to the forum and to Abrazo - just wanted to direct you to the homestudy section on the forum - hopefully it will answer your homestudy question - I'll try to find some other posts on here as well from others (more recent posts) regarding their homestudies - a lot will depend on your social worker and how quickly they move along with you.
I would allow about 6 weeks from start to finish - give or take.
Good for you for getting that going pronto - that's a big step and definitely not one that you want holding you up from meeting your precious little one!
Welcome again - from one forum addict to another
-Lisa
Hello!My name is Jen and I have been obsessed with this forum for 3 days now. My husband and I have decided to adopt. We are 26 and 27 and I am infertile. We are tired of hearing "wait till your older it will happen"! I am a teacher and I feel that I LOVE so many children from all kinds of families...I have always known I can open my heart to an adopted child who would be my very own. Well I really just wanted to say HI! and that we are planning to attend the March orientation if we get all our ducks in a row. We are sending our pre-app this week and hope to hear back soon. I also am contacting a social worker next week to get a homestudy done. Does anyone know how many visits or how soon this can be done?
Lately we've been hearing lots of homestudy questions from prospective clients--what they consist of, how they're done, who does them, how much they cost... so how about we post some basics for newbies, then invite veteran Forumites with real-life homestudy experiences to share their insights and suggestions?The homestudy is an official report done by a Master's level, licensed social worker in your home state and submitted to Abrazo for approval before you can match and/or place. We require that homestudies for couples involve no less than 5 face-to-face interviews with all household members (individually and jointly) and a home inspection, conducted in the course of no less than three separate calendar dates.
Texas standards require that agency-approved studies cover a total of 22 specified topics and they just changed the topical requirements in May 2002, so be sure any social worker you're considering knows the latest requirements!!! The original study expires six months from the date of the last visit; after that, an update visit done within 30 days prior to placement and citing all 22 topics and any changes must be on file approved by Abrazo before the adopting parents arrive for placement. Once you've had an acceptable homestudy done, if you seek to adopt a year or more later, Texas standards do not require that a whole new study be done--only an update, with supporting documents updated as well. This should cost considerably less than the full study.
That's the dry stuff--now onto more interesting feedback from the "Home/studied Team" out there. What kind of questions did your homestudy worker ask? What kinds of fees were you quoted when shopping around for homestudies? How did you decide who to hire? What did you hide just before the worker arrived at your house? (Better yet, what'd you forget to put away and hope she didn't notice?) What do you wish you'd known before starting the study? What could you have nuked your spouse for saying during the interviews?
Did anybody out there actually endure a "white glove" test? (Most homestudy workers out there today probably have pretty lax housekeeping standards themselves and would be appalled to have their clients see their own homes.)
Did your worker allow you to read the study before it was finished, or give you a copy to keep? If so, what did you think of what was said about you? (An interesting sidenote: birthparents have no access to the homestudy unless their adoptive family specifically asks that they be provided a copy--would you? Why or why not?)
One veteran homestudy worker we know always used to try to schedule visits over meal hours in hopes of getting fed! while another complained about East Coast adoptors wanting to entertain him with home videos of their nephews' bris-- a brilliant Yiddish technique for keeping in-home social worker's visits short, we suspect!!
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And...borrowing some of the posts from the thread "Picking & Choosing - How do you determine what you want"....here are some other attempts at trying to get this dialogue rolling....it wouldn't let me quote so many different posts so I've removed the quotes and hopefully, you'll still be able to follow along....
-Lisa
'Great social worker' date='May 2 2001, 05:04 PM'
I often times have couples new to adoption calling me with various questions regarding birth parent factors. How have you "veterans" determined case factors that you were open to? Ethnic background? Previous drug use? Age of child? Sex of child?
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'LuvOurTexan' date='May 26 2001, 09:15 PM'
We did some real soul searching. When we discussed race, we asked ourselves..."would we be able to fully give a child a sense of being proud of their heritage?" Hope this helps.
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'thirdtimearound' date='Dec 12 2001, 07:28 PM'
The first and second time we adopted, the sex of the baby did not matter. When completing the applications, we said that full anglo or anglo/hispanic would be fine.
We have 2 blond haired boys! This time around we are waiting for a girl to complete our family. Since our boys are almost both full anglo, we had originally thought that we wanted our daughter to be light complected as well. While that is partially still true, we are more open to the option of anglo/hispanic this time around.
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'chilemom' date='Apr 10 2006, 11:38 AM'
I know this post is quite old, but I thought I would try my hand at answering how we determined these factors for our family in particular.
Ethnic background? I was raised in South America, my husband is half Mexican, and we spent several years working in an African American church, so for us ethnic background was truly not a factor. We left it open for the first three adoptions, and have one full CC, one AA/CC, and one Sudanese/AA child. For the fourth, we are going to specify full AA because we feel it's important that our son should have a sibling that shares his ethnic heritage ...
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'linlacor' date='Apr 10 2006, 05:24 PM'
Thanks for reviving this topic chilemom!!
Ethnic Background - With Kayleigh's adoption, we initially said full anglo only because we felt if the child "looked" more like us, it would be easier for the child as they were growing up. By the time we submitted our application to Abrazo (and I had talked to Elizabeth) and we did some soul searching and education, we decided we were open to either a full anglo or anglo/Hispanic baby. The second time around, we expanded that and said we are open to anglo, anglo/Hispanic, & hispanic and we are excited about the possibilities! I don't know if it's because we live in Texas now and there is such a large Hispanic population here so I just think it would be really cool to be the parent of a child with that heritage or what. It also to me seems like maybe we'd be accepted into that community at a different level if we were the parents of a Hispanic child than we would otherwise - just the opportunity to learn more about the culture, etc is really neat to us. I had posted on here in a different spot about extended family concerns and unfortunately, this has had an impact on our decision to not consider an Anglo/AA or AA baby. It is not quite a mutual decision - it's something my husband and I have discussed at length and he is very concerned that my family would not be accepting of an Anglo/AA or AA child and it would cause a lot of family drama and he's concerned with how this will impact the child and the relationship between Kayleigh and her sibling. I have a different take on things - I think it would be good for my family to be directly impacted by this and forced to confront their stereo-types, biases, etc or whatever they are - I am positive that my family would see past the color of our child's skin and feel exactly toward that child as they feel toward Kayleigh - and I think it would help them realize that their bias and attitudes are the result of just being so sheltered from differences and so on and so on. The other thing I think is that it would have such a positive impact on Kayleigh to grow up with a sibling of a minority race - I just think Kayleigh has such a tender heart and strong personality - I can just see her becoming some activist or something based on growing up with a minority race sibling - I think it would broaden her views on life and be such a positive thing - for all of us...but, unfortunately, this isn't something Lance is ready to take on - I guess he sort of likes to keep the peace in my family and I'm more of a rebel at heart and like to shake things up and keep them interesting - and, I have faith that my family would grow and make me very proud (instead of how I feel now about their attitudes on this now and that is very embarassed & ashamed). Whew - I went on and on with this! Sorry. Just a hot topic with me lately and one I think about quite a bit.
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'MarceloandClaudia' date='Apr 10 2006, 06:14 PM'
Marcelo and I originally were sent an inquiry form several months prior to orientation, but we set it aside because we could not see eye to eye on ethnicity. I felt that if we were asking to be parents, how could we pick and choose. A child is a child afterall. Sometimes, life is more interesting with a little spice right? Marcelo's concern was how any child outside of Hispanic and Caucasion, could "fit in" here in the Valley, especially an African American child. He wasn't been ugly, just realistic. He was afraid they would be treated badly. We have come to realize that all kids get teased etc., so we would just have to deal with whatever comes our way. Luckily, Dante is a big kid, so he'll probably be the one teasing!
Hopefully not. I hope he'll be a gentle giant. I also wanted to challenge ourselves to see outside of the box. I thought that adopting outside of our ethnicity could really help us grow as people. Come to find out, it's helped my family, friends and strangers grow too.Ethnic Background- After discussing this issue in length, Marcelo and I agreed that we were wanting a child period. In the end, we were open to any ethnicity.
Hope I could be of some enlightenment to the Newbies out there!
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'Garden of Hope' date='Apr 13 2006, 06:26 AM'
I think every parent envisions "the perfect" baby. No one goes into parenting thinking, I think I'd like to have a child with this problem and that problem. Of course one thinks, well if my child has this or that, this is what I'd do. Desiring a perfect child is natural. Perfect is a relative term. One child who is perfect for one family would not be considered so in another. I don't think it is exclusive to adoptive situations. I think it's part of the parenting/preparenting process. We've all had philosophical discussions in which we try and say what we would do in this case or that case. Truth is no one knows until they are there.
Interestingly enough, on my application I did not check the AA box. I checked pretty much everything else. When Kelly asked me about that, I asked her why she asked and told her to "talk to me". She told me of a healthy newborn AA baby boy who was ready to go home. At that point, I knew that I wanted to be a parent and that there was NO WAY I could turn this perfect child down. How could I pass him by? He was what I desired (healthy, newborn, needing a home and a loving mom) And the rest is history. No, some of my family didn't "get it". Yes, I get looks. Do I notice, yes. Do I care, no. Do I recommend it for others. Absolutely, but I also recognize it isn't for everyone. Same goes with special needs. Sometimes, we don't know what it is that we need. Good thing God does.
I have a friend who likes to say, "I asked God for perfect children, but he only gave them to perfect parents". I love that. She likes to use that line when parents are complaining about their children. Makes them stop and think.
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'sugarfamily' date='Sep 8 2006, 03:05 PM
In thinking about this subject, I think it is much easier to be "accepting" of different things when you are approaching adoption the second time around. I believe it's not until we have children and love them 100% just the way they are, "imperfections" and everything, that we realize that no-one is perfect - not us, not the babies. Some start out perfectly healthy but develop major issus later. Other may not have gotten a good start but end up just fine. As for the race factor? I think "fitting in" with your family can be an issue, but I can tell you that when I look at my Hispanic daughter, all I see is a beautiful little girl who I get to call MINE!
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'MarceloandClaudia' date='Nov 27 2006, 12:04 PM'
One of the things that makes adoption professionals roll our eyes is when well-meaning adoptive applicants try to justify their demand for a "perfectly-healthy newborn, only" by saying "of course we would've gladly consider a special needs child, if only..." IF we were not already raising other kids who need our attention too... IF we were experienced parents... IF this were our first adoption... IF we were not adopting for the first time... IF I were a single parent with fewer demands on our lives... IF I had a spouse to help me... IF we had more family living close by... IF our family didn't live so close by... IF we made more money... IF we didn't make so much money so we could qualify for more assistance programs... IF we had a larger home... IF we didn't work fulltime... IF my spouse and I both had fulltime jobs with benefits... IF our home were not so large and didn't have a pool a handicapped child could fall into... etc., etc., etc.)______________________________________________________________________________
Elizabeth,
Thanks for the link and what a beautiful picture of child and Mom!
Now, my concern is that as much as I can empathize with how all the justifications make adoption professional's eyes roll, I worry that in itself doesn't make anything better. I know I have my own frustrations about openess to different situations in adoption and probably I would describe it as eye rolling too! Having personally been posed with the situation of considering a special needs placement, I sometimes even question myself as to why that placement may have not been the one for us etc. I sometimes wonder if it truly is because a child was special needs, medically, timing, not feeling connected in that way etc.
Just as we came to a transracial adoptioin in time, and now feel so strongly about the possibility of adopting fully AA, I wonder if it isn't that way or couldn't be that way for a special needs placement?
I don't have the answers to this question and therefore, I am asking it to you or other adoption professionals out there. Of course, trying to justify your reasons shouldn't be done if it's your way out, but finding your reason is very important to growth. I know I will never have all the answers or the right ones that will make others comfortable. All I know is that when you feel confident that you are open to growth and learning then no justification should be needed. I do enjoy talking things through though, so I can get to the root of the why's.
I hope that when you hear those responses from adoptive applicant's, you don't roll your eyes before talking it through. I know that when I hear the uncomfortable justifications about not wanting to adopt out of a family's ethnicity, I want to roll my eyes so bad, but then I remember where we were at one time too.
I truly would like to know how to get there... even though I know it may not be overnight. It's not a black and white answer in my opinion.
Just me,
Claudia
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'HeidiK' date='Nov 28 2006
I wonder how many birth parents pass up potential adoptive parents for the exact same reasons.. Let me explain
When waiting for Gabriel : I marked open to everthing for the very reason(s) elaborated by Elizabeth because I wanted to be presented to potential birth families as often as possible, and I was afraid that I would miss my "child" and I worked hard at NOT trying to picture what my child would really be like. On paper - surely I wasn't anyones perfect match! I was present with some very challenging and difficult situations...most of them when I thought it thru got educated and prayed.. I discovered I was really open to most . Gabriel's "situation" had a very specific set of challenges inculding Native American heritage, drug exposure and no birthfather inforamtion. Once I made the VERY painful decision to turn down a baby that I learned later passed away in the loving arms of the family that had agreed to foster her. I say a special prayer for them all the time.
AND the ironic thing about Gabriel's birthmom is that on her matching sheet she selected: African American or Biracial only VERY FIRM, Christian VERY IMPORTANT, stay at home mom, other child in the home. Not exactly a perfect fit - with a single working Jewish mom, no other kids and gulp...40 yrs old. Had she not been open to ME ----what we have missed out on!
What makes the differnce - is having agenies and social workers invested in the VERY best interests of all the clients that they work with. Latonya ( Gabe's Birthmom) looked at the profiles of the families that fit her "check list", and then afterwards the SW also showed her a few others that were also open to the specifics aurrounding her child, and I was in that stack. When we met - it was a great fit for us both....
I guess the bottom line is that NOBODY - is really exactly what they appear to be on paper, and decisions to accept a match or decline really need to be on so many other things...like connection, faith, love, shared values and ideals...and oh yea...listening to the whispers that assure you that you are making the right choice.
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Hoping to help along the dialogue that has come up, once again today concerning the need for parents to open their minds and hearts to adopting bi-racial and African American infants/children. This is a topic that comes up, occasionally but just never quite gains the necessary momentum to keep it going....understandably because racism and prejudice is a very sensitive topic for all, regardless of where you fall on the spectrum.
Knowledge is power - let's hope that through some honest and sensitive discussions, people on here will connect and learn and grow and if this helps one child find the home they were meant to be in but would have otherwise been "unavailable" to them, then what a difference these voices can make.
-Lisa
Our full-service program is in need of families for pending arrivals, who will be infants of biracial (Anglo/African-American OR Hispanic/African-American) descent. At present, we have several birthmothers who are waiting to speak with prospective adoptive families who would be open to either gender; these women are due in February and in early March. Sadly, however, we have no parents-in-waiting at present with whom to set up calls. If you or someone you know is homestudy ready and want/s to be considered, please PM the Stork, ASAP!
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I'm sure there have been posts on here before, but I would really, really love to hear from others on the forum who have adopted a bi-racial (i.e. AA/Anglo or Hispanic/AA) or AA child and you did so knowing that your immediate family members (i.e. parents, siblings, people you see on a regular basis - people who spend a significant amount of time with your family and your children) would not be supportive of the adoption of a child of AA descent??? And how did you handle it and how have things worked out? Have they changed their opinion/feelings since this child joined your life? Racism is such an embarassing thing and I really hesitate to even post this but I feel as though doing so, posting - will reach out to a greater community and surely, someone has taken the plunge - even knowing (because they've told you, that your family would not welcome a child of color, but would actually be ashamed
(and what birthmother, would even want their child placed in such a family/home?) And alienating yourself and your children from these family members isn't an option - so somehow, you've found harmony through the experience? Anyone ever been in those shoes? I would love to hear from you and you're welcome to PM me rather than post a response (although I'm open to either).....Thanks,
Lisa
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This is what it's all about!
What a tribute to open adoption and the people who believe in it and live it (both birthfamilies and adoptive families)
Thanks for sharing Elizabeth - what a heartwarmer!!!
Lisa
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Pictures! Pictures! Pictures!!! We want pictures!!!!!
Congratulations you guys! We've all been thinking of you so much these past few days - looking forward to hearing an update when you're ready - can't wait to hear what your little fishie is called
What a way to begin 2007!
Hooray!
Lisa
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that is so sad, and so tragic....her life was cut so short
what a sweet, positive letter she wrote and how touching for her child's parents to hear those words from her - I just get chills when I read it and know that she had no idea how that one letter would possibly be the last communication her child had from her - but how fortunate to have that.
thank you for sharing her legacy with us and what a difficult phone call you guys must have had to make today.
so many tragedies this holiday season...
keeping the loved ones of all these special Abrazo folks in my thoughts and prayers.
Lisa
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For those of you with an interest in Madonna's adoption of David from Malawi - here is a very interesting article published in Adoptive Families magazine this month, February 2007, it is a condensed reprint version - the original version appearing in The Guardian as referenced by AF. I'm posting a link to both articles (note - the article was originally published 10/20/06 and there has certainly been a lot of water under that bridge since then) - but still, what I found interesting about this article was how it addressed the more human side to this story - the early part of David's life. Anyway, I haven't been following this closely but did come across this article and thought I'd post it.
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For those who may be trying to learn more about open adoption and found this thread, check out this thread as well - it has great discussions from both birthparents and adoptive parents who are living breathing members of open adoption triads....
Frank Talk About Open Adoption
-Lisa
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I agree - every time I see a new post on this thread, I just get all giddy! And nothing against those of you who are so sweet and supportive and are trying to help us with baby chants and baby dust and prayers for babies but it is always sort of anti-climatic when I see no post from Stork Central....
I'd even settle for a subtle little hint of hers at this point - it has been quiet, quiet, quiet on this thread - which would be great if it meant that mothers weren't having to make adoption plans but not so great if it means that these mothers are making their adoption plans elsewhere...because we all know that Abrazo is the best!!!
-Lisa
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Hey Kristin,
I have copied yours & Adam's exchange regarding fingerprints here.
I'm not sure I'm much help either - I think it is more of an Abrazo question - we live in the state of Texas and had to have the electronic fingerprints done but as we were already "accepted" into Abrazo's program, they were the ones whose number we used to put on our form (I believe that operation number you were talking about - or whatever it was called but we had to have them give that number to us so our electronic results would come back to Abrazo (as well as DFPS) but again, Abrazo sent us all that info...which is why I think this is more of an Abrazo question...
Best of luck (?) to you on that - the FBI fingerprint thing was definitely not one of the easiest things we had to do (the first time it was no big deal but the electronic thing was a bit of a mess - I posted about it, on here I think....very new process for them and there are still some kinks in the system they need to work out (they as in DFPS or whoever it is that's doing it...NOT Abrazo - they were great!)
-Lisa
Sorry to keep barging in on your group's forum thread but as we do not yet have our own orientation group forum thread, I need someplace to ask all of my annoying questions... So, I am still trying to figure out this fingerprinting issue... It looks like I can request the paperwork online from TX DFPS but I need an "operation number" to register and then a login. I am a person, not an "operation", I have no such number...Did anyone have this much trouble? Is Pennsylvania weird? The criminal record check and child abuse clearance paperwork has already been sent in and that was quite easy...
getting frustrated,
Kristin
Sorry to keep barging in on your group's forum thread but as we do not yet have our own orientation group forum thread, I need someplace to ask all of my annoying questions... So, I am still trying to figure out this fingerprinting issue... It looks like I can request the paperwork online from TX DFPS but I need an "operation number" to register and then a login. I am a person, not an "operation", I have no such number...Did anyone have this much trouble? Is Pennsylvania weird? The criminal record check and child abuse clearance paperwork has already been sent in and that was quite easy...
getting frustrated,
Kristin
Kristin,
Please don't feel like you are 'barging in'. This is a forum and all are welcome. The only exclusivity is when you first register for an Abrazo forum account. We welcome all and are certainly glad you have found a place where you are comfortable asking questions.
Unfortunately, I can't shed much light on the fingerprinting thing. We've only done it once (doing it again in the next week or two) and our licensed social worker is setting things up through a local agency (with results being sent to both them and to Abrazo I believe). Our Fingerprinting and Background checks are a package deal. Both are done at the same time here in Tenn. by TAPS (the contracting agency).
There will be lots of "frustrating" steps during the adoption process, but just realize You WILL get through each one and more importantly You WILL have a little one in your near future
I'll let the experts reply regarding their suggestions for your next course of action.
-A
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I just LOVE moments like that where you come into contact with such special people and what may seem like such a small little nothing to them just is a mountain of goodness for us. What angels they were indeed - and like you said, on a day when you needed them most!
The world is just full of awesome and beautiful people - but also, it's people like YOU Laura who recognize and appreciate that sort of beauty and special-ness - and that makes you one of them, for others may have not stopped long enough to soak in that moment and because you did, you gained from that experience as well, and then - you went even further and shared that with all of us so we could be a part of it too....how kind and thoughtful of you.
Thanks for taking the time to post sweet friend! I'm hoping that Baby Taylor arrives in your arms very soon - I know he/she will just make your heart explode with gratitude and happiness because that's just the kind of person you are
Not long now, not long at all. Lisa
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Okay, I feel stupid - what does Shabbot mean??? I know this was a really cute moment (because Gabe is full of those) but I need to understand the reference better
Also, just wanted to give a thumbs up to the 2 Hanukah movies I ordered - Kayleigh has watched them pretty much non-stop since they arrived on Friday. The Planet Matzoh Ball one is really funny - probably her favorite - it has these muppet type characters in it and they sing these really catchy tunes ("What do you do with a Menorah? What does a Menorah do?" and "Spinderella, Spinderella")...warning - if you are the type of person who has a hard time getting kid songs out of your head once you hear them - then be sure to leave the room. Also, it's really funny (Kayleigh loves this part) when they're trying to figure out what a Menorah is for and they do all sorts of silly things with it - they ask if it's a Hot dog holder and put hot dogs in it, they ask if it's a crayon holder and put crayons in it, all sorts of silly stuff - Kayleigh was cracking up and talking to the TV going - "No Silly! You put candles in it!"
I still haven't called the temple yet - not sure that I'll get that done in time for Hanukah this year - the first night of Hanukah this year is December 16th so I think I will try to go through the 8 nights of Hanukah with Kayleigh this year solo, just winging it. Heidi (or anyone else for that matter), any ideas on what to do each night? Do we just light the candle and talk about the significance of Hanukah (I'm getting really good with the story now after watching those shows so much) It sounds like the last night is the big night (is that when you have a Hanukah party?) I may even try to make Potato Latkes this year - doubt Kayleigh would eat them but nothing new there because she really doesn't eat much of anything (food/meals are such a chore for her).
Okay, so anyway - any tips on what to do (low key since I obviously won't be hosting a Hanukah party at my house this year
and Heidi - I just may take you up on that offer if you're having one next year - since Hanukah is so early in December, I may be able to squeeze in a trip to visit my sister and would LOVE to come see you guys during Hanukah so Kayleigh could really see what it's all about!!! Gosh - how I wish I could be there this year!!!) would be appreciated - I feel like such a fish out of water!!! (ha ha - what a funny reference to my Orientation group name.....)Okay - it's bathtime for the priness now - off I go!
Lisa
Hey - silly question - when/how do you use the phrase "Mazel Tov" (or did I spell it right?)
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Guess what, guess what, guess what?????
I was just doing the annual calendar I do for Lance's mom on Shutterfly (where you customize it with pics) and I previewed it and it now allows you to add an event on the dates (i.e. birthdays, anniversaries, etc) and I added Kayleigh's birthday (which is December 5th) and guess what it says on that day in 2007? Hannukah begins! Coincidence? I think not! It's a sign!!!
Your crazy forum friend,
Lisa
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I'm trying to find that Rugrats special but no luck so far. I'm actually getting pretty frustrated by the lack of children's holiday/Hannukah DVD's available - do Jewish people not let their kids watch TV or something
? This is way harder than I expected! I've been googling but hardly come up with anything. That site that Lauren bought Kayleigh's menorah and other gifts from has a section of DVDs, and they even have a Rugrats Hannukah movie...but only in VHS! There is one called Channukah & Passover at Bubbe's - it sort of looks like Sesame Street characters - I think I'll order that one and see how it is. There's also one called Channukah on Planet Matza Ball - this looks interesting - it says it's a PBS production (we're big fans of PBS - we don't have cable so that's where Kayleigh gets her kid show fix from TV) There are a couple others but I think I'll go with those 2. What I don't get is that there are 100 million Christmas DVDs available (believe me, there is! We own about half of them) and every character known to every child has his/her own Christmas DVD...but no Jewish DVDs??? What's up with that?Argh!
Lisa
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Hey Heidi, the packing list was included with the menorah and it is from Judiasm.com and the item number is 89424
I want to look up and see if they carry any children's shows for Hannukah. Kayleigh has a ton of Christmas shows/movies but the only Hannukah show I know of is 8 Crazy Nights (an Adam Sandler movie) and it's not exactly appropriate for children
If you know of any you can recommend, (or anyone else can)...please let me know!Thanks,
Lisa
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Okay, I've posted the pics in our gallery!!!
NEW PARENTS NEEDED!
in Looking to Adopt
Posted
Well, I'm not sure about all of 2007, but it seems to me I read on here somewhere there's an Orientation coming up this weekend - am I right?
So, the first Orientation of 2007 will be 1/26 - 1/27.....wonder when the others will be?
And for those of you hoping to attend an Abrazo Orientation this year (or sometime in the future), be sure you check out this thread on the forum Waiting on a future orientation weekend where you're sure to meet some new friends who are waiting, just like you
And....here's the latest I've read on the forum regarding Orientation dates beyond January - just in case you were wondering how it is that most Abrazo parents waited a year or less for their bundles of pink and blue