linlacor

hey mm, i posted a link to the letter in my post...i think it's the same one sue used....

just bumping up ....only 2 votes in this poll....anyone else care to vote (and share, if you're comfortable w/that)

If you're reading this thread, be sure to check out this thread too Waiting on a Future Orientation Weekend -Lisa

Eli Lily is one of the reader-nominated top companies listed on AF's website - woo hoo! Nokia did also pay for some of our unreimbursed infertility expenses (up to $3500) so kudos to them for that too. They aren't listed though in AF's lists - hmmmmm....wonder if they've cut some of those benefits (Lance was laid off from there about 2 years ago so I'm clueless about what they offer these days - where he works now doesn't offer anything like that but it's a Chinese owned company so I guess with their population problems, they don't really see the value in reimbursing people for trying to get pregnant - although you'd think that they'd be friendlier about the adoption benefits - it's still new here though (the company) so they're still getting things set up - they only just started contributing/matching Lance's 401-K (and let's just say their matching isn't exactly competitive for the telecom industry - they could definitely do a better job there as well) -Lisa

If you're trying to locate an agency through which to adopt, one thing you want to make sure of is that the agency has a valid/verified child placing license in the state where they're located. Just because they do, doesn't necessarily mean they're a top-notch agency or the right agency for you, but it's a start in the right direction (i.e. if they don't have a license, you don't want to waste your time) Here's a link to the government dept that has a listing for each state (the link I've included is specific to Texas but you can select another state from the drop-down list if you're looking for agencies in a state other than Texas). It's called the National Adoption Directory Search Results (for Texas) According to this site, the state of Texas has 49 licensed Child Placing agencies - and this is how the describe those agencies in their list: And for the record - yes - Abrazo is in the list! Lisa

Wow! That's great! I know with Nokia's adoption assistance benefit - there really was no catch at all - we just had to provide documentation to them supporting the $3,000 to get the reimbursement (I probably have the paperwork somewhere - I can't remember if we had to wait until finalization - I think we did and I think we could only claim agency fees, which was fine - we had more than $3000 in agency fees). I hope there's no catch for you guys - that's fantastic! I'm always curious too why some companies are so great about their adoption assistance benefits, and others are not? Like, for the ones that are - is someone in charge an adoptive parent or how did they decide to be so awesome with regards to adoptive parents? -Lisa

Ever wonder which companies are considered "adoption friendly"? I have! When Lance worked at Nokia, they offered a $3,000 adoption assistance benefit which we were very thankful for and expressed our appreciation with a thank-you to the President (hoping that if ever during "cuts", they wouldn't let that be one of them). Anyone else work for a company that offers a big thumbs up for how they treat adoption? Feel free to plug 'em here so we can support companies who have values that matter to us in the adoption community. Thumbs-downs welcome here too Here's an article on Adoptive Families website that covers Reader's Top Picks for Adoption Friendly Companies! Making It Work - Top Adoption Friendly Companies And if you do work for an adoption friendly company, don't forget to express your own thanks/thumbs-up and let them know how much you appreciate it! And...if you're working for one that isn't up to par just yet with adoption benefits, this link even provides a Adoption Benefits Sample Letter you can send to your company's "big cheese" as AF puts it to hopefully make them aware of the need to offer adoption assistance benefits to others who take this journey. -Lisa

Boy Susan, I sure wish I would have known you/read this before we got the call about Kayleigh - it would have saved Lance and I a few agonizing and scary hours. As I mentioned in another post - when we rec'd the call about Kayleigh, we were informed that it would be a private pay case because her birthmother did not have insurance, nor did she qualify for medicaid. At that time, Kayleigh was to be discharged from the hospital the following day (she was born on a Thursday, we got the call on Friday evening and she was to be discharged on Saturday). Kayleigh was a home birth so even though Abrazo couldn't really estimate during that first phone call what her medical bills would be, we weren't too concerned - we imagined they'd be something we could manage without going to extraordinary measures to cover them. So, on Saturday, when we talked to Abrazo, we were told that Kayleigh had been admitted to the NICU the night before (or maybe we even found that out later Friday night - we were off and on the phone with Abrazo quite a bit that weekend). To be honest, the last thing on my mind at that time was how much the medical bills were going to be - I do remember talking to my sister who had worked in the NICU just to get a rough idea of what we were looking at and I remember she said something about when she worked in the NICU, just the bed in the NICU alone was about $1600 per day - that was without any tests or procedures or any "extras". Anyway, our placement was scheduled for Monday so still, the medical bills weren't that big of a concern to us - we could handle a few days of NICU.....(and trust me, at that point - there was nothing that could keep us from proceeding with taking placement of our angel, certainly not some pesky medical expenses!) Anyway, on Monday - Lance started talking to his employer and our insurance carrier to find out what we needed to do to get Kayleigh added onto our insurance (a group insurance plan). We were told that she couldn't be added until she was legally adopted - as in when her adoption was finalized. Oh my gosh - I just remember my heart just sank - not because we weren't going to go through with the adoption, I was just freaking out at what we would have to do in order to pay those bills - at the time, there was no estimate as to when she would be discharged from the NICU and although she was by no means one of the sickest babies in there, there was just a lot they didn't know and weren't able to give a lot of information on (and no info to us at all because we hadn't taken placement so all info we got was the info that the NICU would give to Abrazo and Abrazo would relay to us). I remember for 2 - 3 hours I was just imagining how different everything was going to be - I had planned to stay home with her and suddenly, that was gone because I knew I would be going back to work if we had hundreds of thousands of medical bills to deal with - we had a 4 bedroom house with a nursery I'd fixed up for Kayleigh - I knew we'd have to sell our house and move into an apartment - I mean, the life I had imagined with our child that we'd been waiting for had just vanished before my eyes - I had so much I wanted to give her and it just felt like in a flash, it was all gone. Elizabeth to the rescue - when she got there to do the placement (which was just us signing the paperwork in our hotel room because Kayleigh was still in the NICU), we told her what we'd been going through with the insurance and she very non-chalantly said, "they can't do that - it's illegal" or something like that - it eased our minds a little bit but it was like pulling teeth to find someone who could give us the right information - noone at the insurance company could (and it was United Healthcare) - they kept pushing us off onto the HR people where Lance worked - the HR people where Lance worked were telling us the whole "legally adopted" thing and had no clue what legally adopted meant or how it was defined - to us, legally adopted meant when it's finalized and when we'd ask them about that, they would say, "Yes, that must be it" - it felt like we were the first people at this company (who is an international huge telecom company that has over 25,000 employees) to ever adopt a child and go through this. Anyway, finally - Lance asked to speak with the head of the HR department for the USA - she called him back and after a very lengthy conversation and a couple of return calls - she confirmed to him that Kayleigh would be covered upon placement......Ugh - it was a nightmare! I guess that's one reason I'm so passionate about this thread - the moral of this story - try to get all this understood and worked out PRIOR to getting that phone call - because the last thing you want to be fretting over when you're adopting your precious, long-awaited little angel is whether or not you'll be able to cover medical bills, etc. That's also why when I read Elizabeth's post from the other day - I hope that EVERYONE takes heed of her advice (which I've bolded below). It's possible, this may not ever affect you and that's great if it doesn't. But - let me just emphasize that when you're are experiencing such a joyful moment such as your child's adoption, you just don't want to be also freaking out over medical bills that may mount - definitely have a Plan B...just in case. Don't assume anything. Lisa

I guess this is all very hypothetical but I'm also wondering if one couldn't then argue about making the coverage retro-active to birth once placement happens...and if placement doesn't happen, then obviously one wouldn't be filing insurance claims for the birth expeneses anyway? Well, anyway - it's definitely worth trying to work it out with one's insurance company because as Elizabeth pointed out to Susan in one of her posts under the 10-4's thread: -Lisa

Wow Susan - thank YOU so much for clarifying the interpretation and doing all that legwork - this was just far too beneficial/valuable to not copy it here so that if someone who is looking into the insurance thing finds this thread, they'll be sure to see your post. Anyway, thanks!! Lisa

Some other useful insurance discussions from the H3's thread... -Lisa Thanks. Logic says that if insurance covers mothers and children (at time of birth) and a child can't be added to a plan until they are born, then there has to be literature stating that the coverage is retroactive to time of birth. So, I just need to check with HR next week and get it. Thanks again.

Thanks - I don't remember why but a week or so ago, I started reading y'alls thread, from the beginning but from my handheld computer which is very, very difficult to post from so I made a mental note when I ran across that great discussion on insurance in your group's thread to be sure to reference it somewhere so it doesn't get buried amongst the posts and not be beneficial to others who are new to the forum and Abrazo (because y'all have like 250+ pages of posts these days - how cool that y'all keep in touch so well with each other!!!) Anyway - I'm guessing all worked out with y'alls insurance thing - I guess I was actually a bit surprised to read how some people's insurance kicks in at birth - wow! That just amazes me!!! Ours kicked in at placement/entrustment which happened 4 days after Kayleigh's birth - we were told when we got the call about Kayleigh (as she was a BOG who was admitted to the NICU) that it would be a private pay case (i.e. we would be responsible for all medical bills). I guess I just never realized that some companies offered insurance to employees that would take effect at birth (for adoption) - HUGE kudos to those companies (as I'm assuming that's a decision made by HR (Human Resources) on whether or not to select that option when they're shopping for insurance coverage for employees). I hope those of you who have that kind of coverage write a big letter of thank-you to whomever is responsible for making that call - because that's just a good thing to do for those who are adopting!! -Lisa

Well, I'm not sure about all of 2007, but it seems to me I read on here somewhere there's an Orientation coming up this weekend - am I right? So, the first Orientation of 2007 will be 1/26 - 1/27.....wonder when the others will be? And for those of you hoping to attend an Abrazo Orientation this year (or sometime in the future), be sure you check out this thread on the forum Waiting on a future orientation weekend where you're sure to meet some new friends who are waiting, just like you And....here's the latest I've read on the forum regarding Orientation dates beyond January - just in case you were wondering how it is that most Abrazo parents waited a year or less for their bundles of pink and blue

Stumbled across some posts in an Orientation Group thread about profiles and thought I'd copy them here - there's a new group coming through Orientation soon so I bet this will be a hot topic on here over the next couple of weeks -Lisa

There was a great dialogue on the 10-4 Good Buddies thread (very early in it) regarding insurance and just thought these posts may be useful for newbies who are just getting into the early stages of all this and getting forms filled out, etc... -Lisa 'mbell' post='20350' date='Sep 22 2005, 07:57 PM' We're thinking of all our good buddies right now and hoping everyone is making progress on the paperwork. it will be interesting to work on the insurance verification - we have state insurance and our isurance company provides our benefits, but our plan is self funded so it is actually administered by the state - so who's going to take responsibility for signing this form ????? you guess is as good as mine right now. Our local benefits rep said that the adoption of a child is a "qualifying event", but how can we prove responsibility for the costs before we have responsibility for the child??? I've gone all through the financial documents and the sample placement document pulling out phrases to quote them etc etc - wish me luck that we get some resolution to this without an ENORMOUS struggle ...anyone else have a similar situation and any good advice? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 'mlw' post='20415' date='Sep 24 2005, 01:58 PM' Mbell, We have run into a similar problem with the insurance. They won't begin to pay on the baby until placement is made. So, they won't sign the form. Dane called and spoke with Elizabeth and she said that is fine. Now we are left wondering if there are any loopholes to figure out how to pay for the baby in those 48 hours, otherwise I guess it will be out of pocket or from our "cafeteria fund"!! Let us know if you all come up with something!! In answer to Toni's question: the qualifying income is for the household of the person for whom coverage is being sought. If a birthparent is seeking coverage for her prenatal care, then her household income must be proven; if an adoptive family is seeking coverage for costs related to the medical care of a child, then their household income would have to fall within the federal limits in order to qualify. Generally, hospitals will file the mother's medical bills with her insurance/Medicaid, but not the baby's, since the relationship between mother and baby terminates at relinquishment. This usually occurs before both parties have been discharged from the hospital, so the bills for the child's medical care follow that child. (Note: welfare reform campaigns further limit eligiblity requirements, so watch that political debate carefully.)

Another resource for anyone looking for information on Open Adoption and what it's all about (and you've already exhausted the Abrazo's Forum vast amount of information/personal experiences on the topic), check out this link Adoptive Families Magazine Articles on Open Adoption -Lisa

Of course, Adoptive Families website has a fantastic section on the website dedicated to Transracial Adoption - it lists a multitude of resources on trans-racial adoption, including Adoptive Families magazine articles, book recommendations, website recommendations, kids books, etc... Check it out - it's fantastic! Transracial Adoption (Adoptive Families Website) -Lisa

oh heather....i literally got chills when reading your post!!!!! you are so special!!!!! and sabrina, hoow about putting all those poems of yours in a book and giving us abrazo famiies the opportunity to buy them? along w/your photography....you are so gifted my friend! lisa

Oh Sabrina, I just found this post of yours - I just wanted to hug you for saying/doing that. I am a child who grew up with a single-mom (my parents divorced when I was 9) and my mom dated but did not have that cardinal rule of yours and I think it would have made a big difference on me (and certainly would have saved me from some of the hurt feelings I experienced along the way) had she been more careful about exposing me to her private life. I can remember seeing her get so excited when she would go out on a date and I would feel so jealous and would wonder why she was so happy about leaving me at home with a babysitter while going out with someone who we didn't even know? I just remember feeling very much as though I wasn't the most important person to her when she would date and I'd feel very left out - lots and lots of feelings of jealousy and like my ground wasn't as stable as I needed it to be. Anyway, I applaud you for being so careful and protective of your boys - as an adult who was on the other side of things as a child, I think that is a very lovely thing you're doing for them! Probably one of those many things you'll do for them that will go unthanked (because the best part is, they'll probably never even know about it) but I think it will help them feel so much more secure about their lives than if they were dealing with strangers entering and exiting their lives as children. -Lisa

me too mandy!!!!

Hi Jen! Welcome to the forum and to Abrazo - just wanted to direct you to the homestudy section on the forum - hopefully it will answer your homestudy question - I'll try to find some other posts on here as well from others (more recent posts) regarding their homestudies - a lot will depend on your social worker and how quickly they move along with you. I would allow about 6 weeks from start to finish - give or take. Good for you for getting that going pronto - that's a big step and definitely not one that you want holding you up from meeting your precious little one! Welcome again - from one forum addict to another -Lisa

And...borrowing some of the posts from the thread "Picking & Choosing - How do you determine what you want"....here are some other attempts at trying to get this dialogue rolling....it wouldn't let me quote so many different posts so I've removed the quotes and hopefully, you'll still be able to follow along.... -Lisa 'Great social worker' date='May 2 2001, 05:04 PM' I often times have couples new to adoption calling me with various questions regarding birth parent factors. How have you "veterans" determined case factors that you were open to? Ethnic background? Previous drug use? Age of child? Sex of child? ----------------------------------------------------------------------- 'LuvOurTexan' date='May 26 2001, 09:15 PM' We did some real soul searching. When we discussed race, we asked ourselves..."would we be able to fully give a child a sense of being proud of their heritage?" Hope this helps. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- 'thirdtimearound' date='Dec 12 2001, 07:28 PM' The first and second time we adopted, the sex of the baby did not matter. When completing the applications, we said that full anglo or anglo/hispanic would be fine. We have 2 blond haired boys! This time around we are waiting for a girl to complete our family. Since our boys are almost both full anglo, we had originally thought that we wanted our daughter to be light complected as well. While that is partially still true, we are more open to the option of anglo/hispanic this time around. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 'chilemom' date='Apr 10 2006, 11:38 AM' I know this post is quite old, but I thought I would try my hand at answering how we determined these factors for our family in particular. Ethnic background? I was raised in South America, my husband is half Mexican, and we spent several years working in an African American church, so for us ethnic background was truly not a factor. We left it open for the first three adoptions, and have one full CC, one AA/CC, and one Sudanese/AA child. For the fourth, we are going to specify full AA because we feel it's important that our son should have a sibling that shares his ethnic heritage ... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 'linlacor' date='Apr 10 2006, 05:24 PM' Thanks for reviving this topic chilemom!! Ethnic Background - With Kayleigh's adoption, we initially said full anglo only because we felt if the child "looked" more like us, it would be easier for the child as they were growing up. By the time we submitted our application to Abrazo (and I had talked to Elizabeth) and we did some soul searching and education, we decided we were open to either a full anglo or anglo/Hispanic baby. The second time around, we expanded that and said we are open to anglo, anglo/Hispanic, & hispanic and we are excited about the possibilities! I don't know if it's because we live in Texas now and there is such a large Hispanic population here so I just think it would be really cool to be the parent of a child with that heritage or what. It also to me seems like maybe we'd be accepted into that community at a different level if we were the parents of a Hispanic child than we would otherwise - just the opportunity to learn more about the culture, etc is really neat to us. I had posted on here in a different spot about extended family concerns and unfortunately, this has had an impact on our decision to not consider an Anglo/AA or AA baby. It is not quite a mutual decision - it's something my husband and I have discussed at length and he is very concerned that my family would not be accepting of an Anglo/AA or AA child and it would cause a lot of family drama and he's concerned with how this will impact the child and the relationship between Kayleigh and her sibling. I have a different take on things - I think it would be good for my family to be directly impacted by this and forced to confront their stereo-types, biases, etc or whatever they are - I am positive that my family would see past the color of our child's skin and feel exactly toward that child as they feel toward Kayleigh - and I think it would help them realize that their bias and attitudes are the result of just being so sheltered from differences and so on and so on. The other thing I think is that it would have such a positive impact on Kayleigh to grow up with a sibling of a minority race - I just think Kayleigh has such a tender heart and strong personality - I can just see her becoming some activist or something based on growing up with a minority race sibling - I think it would broaden her views on life and be such a positive thing - for all of us...but, unfortunately, this isn't something Lance is ready to take on - I guess he sort of likes to keep the peace in my family and I'm more of a rebel at heart and like to shake things up and keep them interesting - and, I have faith that my family would grow and make me very proud (instead of how I feel now about their attitudes on this now and that is very embarassed & ashamed). Whew - I went on and on with this! Sorry. Just a hot topic with me lately and one I think about quite a bit. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 'MarceloandClaudia' date='Apr 10 2006, 06:14 PM' Marcelo and I originally were sent an inquiry form several months prior to orientation, but we set it aside because we could not see eye to eye on ethnicity. I felt that if we were asking to be parents, how could we pick and choose. A child is a child afterall. Sometimes, life is more interesting with a little spice right? Marcelo's concern was how any child outside of Hispanic and Caucasion, could "fit in" here in the Valley, especially an African American child. He wasn't been ugly, just realistic. He was afraid they would be treated badly. We have come to realize that all kids get teased etc., so we would just have to deal with whatever comes our way. Luckily, Dante is a big kid, so he'll probably be the one teasing! Hopefully not. I hope he'll be a gentle giant. I also wanted to challenge ourselves to see outside of the box. I thought that adopting outside of our ethnicity could really help us grow as people. Come to find out, it's helped my family, friends and strangers grow too. Ethnic Background- After discussing this issue in length, Marcelo and I agreed that we were wanting a child period. In the end, we were open to any ethnicity. Hope I could be of some enlightenment to the Newbies out there! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 'Garden of Hope' date='Apr 13 2006, 06:26 AM' I think every parent envisions "the perfect" baby. No one goes into parenting thinking, I think I'd like to have a child with this problem and that problem. Of course one thinks, well if my child has this or that, this is what I'd do. Desiring a perfect child is natural. Perfect is a relative term. One child who is perfect for one family would not be considered so in another. I don't think it is exclusive to adoptive situations. I think it's part of the parenting/preparenting process. We've all had philosophical discussions in which we try and say what we would do in this case or that case. Truth is no one knows until they are there. Interestingly enough, on my application I did not check the AA box. I checked pretty much everything else. When Kelly asked me about that, I asked her why she asked and told her to "talk to me". She told me of a healthy newborn AA baby boy who was ready to go home. At that point, I knew that I wanted to be a parent and that there was NO WAY I could turn this perfect child down. How could I pass him by? He was what I desired (healthy, newborn, needing a home and a loving mom) And the rest is history. No, some of my family didn't "get it". Yes, I get looks. Do I notice, yes. Do I care, no. Do I recommend it for others. Absolutely, but I also recognize it isn't for everyone. Same goes with special needs. Sometimes, we don't know what it is that we need. Good thing God does. I have a friend who likes to say, "I asked God for perfect children, but he only gave them to perfect parents". I love that. She likes to use that line when parents are complaining about their children. Makes them stop and think. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 'sugarfamily' date='Sep 8 2006, 03:05 PM In thinking about this subject, I think it is much easier to be "accepting" of different things when you are approaching adoption the second time around. I believe it's not until we have children and love them 100% just the way they are, "imperfections" and everything, that we realize that no-one is perfect - not us, not the babies. Some start out perfectly healthy but develop major issus later. Other may not have gotten a good start but end up just fine. As for the race factor? I think "fitting in" with your family can be an issue, but I can tell you that when I look at my Hispanic daughter, all I see is a beautiful little girl who I get to call MINE! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- 'MarceloandClaudia' date='Nov 27 2006, 12:04 PM' ______________________________________________________________________________ Elizabeth, Thanks for the link and what a beautiful picture of child and Mom! Now, my concern is that as much as I can empathize with how all the justifications make adoption professional's eyes roll, I worry that in itself doesn't make anything better. I know I have my own frustrations about openess to different situations in adoption and probably I would describe it as eye rolling too! Having personally been posed with the situation of considering a special needs placement, I sometimes even question myself as to why that placement may have not been the one for us etc. I sometimes wonder if it truly is because a child was special needs, medically, timing, not feeling connected in that way etc. Just as we came to a transracial adoptioin in time, and now feel so strongly about the possibility of adopting fully AA, I wonder if it isn't that way or couldn't be that way for a special needs placement? I don't have the answers to this question and therefore, I am asking it to you or other adoption professionals out there. Of course, trying to justify your reasons shouldn't be done if it's your way out, but finding your reason is very important to growth. I know I will never have all the answers or the right ones that will make others comfortable. All I know is that when you feel confident that you are open to growth and learning then no justification should be needed. I do enjoy talking things through though, so I can get to the root of the why's. I hope that when you hear those responses from adoptive applicant's, you don't roll your eyes before talking it through. I know that when I hear the uncomfortable justifications about not wanting to adopt out of a family's ethnicity, I want to roll my eyes so bad, but then I remember where we were at one time too. I truly would like to know how to get there... even though I know it may not be overnight. It's not a black and white answer in my opinion. Just me, Claudia -------------------------------------------------------------------------- 'HeidiK' date='Nov 28 2006 I wonder how many birth parents pass up potential adoptive parents for the exact same reasons.. Let me explain When waiting for Gabriel : I marked open to everthing for the very reason(s) elaborated by Elizabeth because I wanted to be presented to potential birth families as often as possible, and I was afraid that I would miss my "child" and I worked hard at NOT trying to picture what my child would really be like. On paper - surely I wasn't anyones perfect match! I was present with some very challenging and difficult situations...most of them when I thought it thru got educated and prayed.. I discovered I was really open to most . Gabriel's "situation" had a very specific set of challenges inculding Native American heritage, drug exposure and no birthfather inforamtion. Once I made the VERY painful decision to turn down a baby that I learned later passed away in the loving arms of the family that had agreed to foster her. I say a special prayer for them all the time. AND the ironic thing about Gabriel's birthmom is that on her matching sheet she selected: African American or Biracial only VERY FIRM, Christian VERY IMPORTANT, stay at home mom, other child in the home. Not exactly a perfect fit - with a single working Jewish mom, no other kids and gulp...40 yrs old. Had she not been open to ME ----what we have missed out on! What makes the differnce - is having agenies and social workers invested in the VERY best interests of all the clients that they work with. Latonya ( Gabe's Birthmom) looked at the profiles of the families that fit her "check list", and then afterwards the SW also showed her a few others that were also open to the specifics aurrounding her child, and I was in that stack. When we met - it was a great fit for us both.... I guess the bottom line is that NOBODY - is really exactly what they appear to be on paper, and decisions to accept a match or decline really need to be on so many other things...like connection, faith, love, shared values and ideals...and oh yea...listening to the whispers that assure you that you are making the right choice.

Hoping to help along the dialogue that has come up, once again today concerning the need for parents to open their minds and hearts to adopting bi-racial and African American infants/children. This is a topic that comes up, occasionally but just never quite gains the necessary momentum to keep it going....understandably because racism and prejudice is a very sensitive topic for all, regardless of where you fall on the spectrum. Knowledge is power - let's hope that through some honest and sensitive discussions, people on here will connect and learn and grow and if this helps one child find the home they were meant to be in but would have otherwise been "unavailable" to them, then what a difference these voices can make. -Lisa

I'm sure there have been posts on here before, but I would really, really love to hear from others on the forum who have adopted a bi-racial (i.e. AA/Anglo or Hispanic/AA) or AA child and you did so knowing that your immediate family members (i.e. parents, siblings, people you see on a regular basis - people who spend a significant amount of time with your family and your children) would not be supportive of the adoption of a child of AA descent??? And how did you handle it and how have things worked out? Have they changed their opinion/feelings since this child joined your life? Racism is such an embarassing thing and I really hesitate to even post this but I feel as though doing so, posting - will reach out to a greater community and surely, someone has taken the plunge - even knowing (because they've told you, that your family would not welcome a child of color, but would actually be ashamed (and what birthmother, would even want their child placed in such a family/home?) And alienating yourself and your children from these family members isn't an option - so somehow, you've found harmony through the experience? Anyone ever been in those shoes? I would love to hear from you and you're welcome to PM me rather than post a response (although I'm open to either)..... Thanks, Lisa

This is what it's all about! What a tribute to open adoption and the people who believe in it and live it (both birthfamilies and adoptive families) Thanks for sharing Elizabeth - what a heartwarmer!!! Lisa