FeelingBlessed

A clue? Hmmm ... check out Holy Flying Fish's thread!

Like everyone else, I have been saddened and somewhat sobered by all the prayers requests for our extended Abrazo family that are written in another thread. We are earnestly lifting up those in need as the New Year begins ... To put a small bright spot in the midst of all the darkness, I have my own special praise to lift up today as 2007 begins -- I rec'd the results of my labwork that show I am still in remission (6 years now!) with that nasty 'ole Hepatitis C virus! Thank you, God, from whom ALL my blessings flow! AMEN!

And, that weird sense of guilt doesn't go away with the passage of time. Even today, nine years after our first daughter's placement, I find myself feeling immensely sad whenever our girls do something special ... like that first piano recital, the kindergarten musical, lighting the Advent candle at church ... you name it. So many things that fill my heart with incredible joy also carry with them a poignant sadness too.

Being one of those moms who is quickly approaching 50, AND after spending the past week parenting EIGHT (yeah, you read it right -- 8!) children who were between the ages of 2 and 9 years old (while my brother and his wife took a well-deserved all-expense paid trip on his company), I have to say that ... YEAH, BABY! WE CAN DO IT!!!! (Now, can someone PUH-LEEZ find me a nice warm bed and turn out all the lights ... )

This is part of an interview Christian author Beth Moore did with Terry Meeuwsen on being a "real" parent: I believe that children are, by nature, very forgiving. I don't think children expect their parents to be perfect. I think they demand that their parents be real. One of the things that God taught Keith [beth's husband] and me early on, and I have to give him credit, because this where credit is due, Keith was one of those people who was not raised in the same part of the body of Christ that I was. What I thought as a young adult is you act like you have it together whether or not you do because that is what church people do. That is not what God has called us to do. He really does want to heal our hearts and bring us some wholeness from the inside out that is real and genuine. Keith wasn't raised like that at all, so he considered it his calling to call out anything in me that did not appear to be genuine, any way that I did not appear to be following through with what I said I believed. I can remember one time saying to him, "You don't do it either." And he said back to me, "I don't say I do." This was back in our mid-20s, and he just got me over and over again. What he was insisting upon was, "This is what you say you're all about. I want it to be real to the bone. If you're going to say it, it ought to be true in this house." And it would be...50-60 percent of the time! So it became such an important thing. He really taught me how to live out the real thing, that if I was hurting, to say so. If I was having a bad day, say I was having a bad day. The same thing was true in our parenting. I can remember one time saying to my oldest daughter, and she was probably about 7 years old at the time, "Listen, I want to tell you something. I've just had my prayer time, and God told me I better come and apologize to you." She looked at me. I'll never forget the grin on her face. She says, "You got in trouble?" She loved it! She just loved it because she had been in trouble with me and she loved that I got in trouble with God. I said, "Yes, I did get in trouble. I need to come and ask your forgiveness because even though what I had to correct you about you needed to be corrected about, still Mommy was too fussy about it." Those were ways that God taught us, "Be real with them." There is a Scripture that I think about so often in parenting, and it's what I have tried to base my parenting on. It's a Scripture in Deuteronomy 6 that many people are familiar with where it goes, "Impress these truths on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home, when you walk along the road, when you lie down, when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on their foreheads. Put them on doorframes of your houses and your gates." Instead of saying to do it literally, it's saying, "Live the thing in everything you do. Every way you walk it out, I am a part of your life. In everything you do, talk about Me, talk about My truths, see how it works in the real life." But it begins by saying this: before it gets into how we're supposed to impress these things on our children, it says, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength." This is what God began to teach me, to love Him with everything I've got. Then it will be the most natural thing in the world that He works into every conversation. I don't mean being legalistic about that. I mean, as it comes up. I can remember when we'd drive to my mother's house when the girls were little, and we would drive through the country to get there, and even seeing a calf out in the middle of the pasture with its mother, to be able to talk about what God has done and how it shows His glory, to be able to talk about all sorts of things, to sing songs with them in the car, to make it a part of living. But I'm going to tell you something: without the love, it's just the law. I think that sometimes mothers that mean well, we go to church, we learn God's truth, and we are going to teach those truths to our children if it kills us! We're just going to beat them over the head with it, and they don't see the love and they don't see the joy. I remember once being in a situation where it was a group of moms sitting around talking about our children, which is what we do, and she was just talking about how it was going to be. She said, "My children don't get to do this, and they don't get to do this, and I'm not about to let them do this." It just overwhelmed me to lean across and go, "What do you let them do?" If we characterize our Christianity by what we can't do, rather than what we can, the only reason God would ever say "I want you to turn from that, I want that out of your life" is to make room for the blessing He wants to pour out on our lives where He gives us satisfaction and true meaning, true purpose in life. If we're just going to teach a 'thou shalt not' mentality to our children instead of "the reason why we don't do this is because God wants us free to do this, because He wants to bless us in this particular way and He wants your life to be fruitful and it's to the Father's glory that your life bear forth much fruit," this whole idea of "I'm going to beat the law into my children," it doesn't work. They get to be 18 years old, they leave home, and they don't darken the church again. Even if we got some of it wrong, even if it was awkward, even if we made a lot of mistakes, there's a lot of forgiveness. If it was real, if they can say, "My parents loved God; they didn't always get it right, but I'm going to tell you, they loved Him; they had the joy of the Lord in their hearts," that works. That is good parenting. We don't always know what to do in all these circumstances, but I'll tell you what. If we have a love for God that shows, and it is genuine, they even know we're correcting them with a tear rolling down our cheek that says, "Child, don't you understand? I am for you, not against you. God wants to bless your life, not just take from you." When they see that authenticity, they buy it.

This article was written by our new minister, William O. "Bud" Reeves, and appeared in the August 18, 2006 issue of Arkansas United Methodist: Parenting is a sacred mission, a spiritual trust. If you are in charge of raising a child, as a parent or a grandparent, that is at least part of the reason God put you on the planet. It can bring great joy and great frustration. It's a challenge most of the time, but I can't think of a greater, more awesome responsibility than to prepare a young life for productive adulthood. The Bible is full of wisdom on family relationships. The Fifth Commandment tells us to honor our father and mother (Exodus 20:12). Jesus would often take the children into His arms and bless them; He said they give us a glimpse of the Kingdom of God. He also warned that "If any of you put a stumbling block before one of these little ones who believe in me, it would be better for you if a great millstone were fastened around your neck and you were drowned in the depth of the sea" (Matthew 18:1-6). Paul exhorts children to obey their parents, but at the same time cautions parents not to be harsh on their children, or they will turn away from the right path (Ephesians 6:1, Colossians 3:20). There's always a balance to be struck, and different circumstances call for differing amounts of law and grace. As parents, our role is defined in two words: limits and leadership. We are given the responsibility by God to mark off the field on which our kids can play. Some of the boundaries should be like brick walls -- health and hygiene, proper diet, doing as well as possible in school, alcohol and drug abuse, sexual activity, and spiritual training. Other limits can be more flexible -- extracurricular activities, music and TV and video game enjoyment, curfew. Some things, frankly, aren't worth fighting about -- length and color of hair, neatness of bedrooms, etc. (Can you tell I've raised teenagers?) The limits we set reflect our priorities. If we want to be faithful to our mission as parents, we cannot let our children set the limits. This is not their job; we are the parents. Unfortunately, our culture condones an atmosphere of permissiveness. For years I have heard well-meaning parents say, "My little one just doesn't want to come to [insert church activity here], and I just don't think I ought to make him." Usually this statement is followed by the excuse, "When I was a child, I was forced to go, and I don't want to do that to my children." I always try to be relational in my response, but depending on my mood, I think inwardly, "That may be why you turned out to be a decent human being," or "I guess they made you brush your teeth as well. Have you stopped doing that?" Some things should not be optional for our kids; in our secularized culture, total immersion in church should be one of the priorities. The other L-word is leadership. Setting limits is necessary but negative. Leadership is positive; it shows our children the way they should live. There are three E's to leadership: example, encouragement, and enthusiasm. As parents we lead by example. Our kids watch us more than they listen to us, and they get their real cues from our behavior. If we are not actively involved in church, then it won't do any good to tell our kids they ought to be. We can also lead by encouragement, by praising every little thing they do right or well and by being involved in their activities as much as we can. Within the boundaries that we set, our kids need to know we love them unconditionally and are supporting them 110 percent. Enthusiasm goes hand in hand with encouragement. If we are constantly critical of school or community activities, or if every Sunday dinner includes a course of "what was wrong at church today," how can we expect our children and youth to want to participate? It all works together -- example, encouragement, and enthusiasm -- to provide leadership for positive outcomes. So what is the positive outcome? A friend recently shared with me what a blessing her family is to her. She has two grown children who grew up in church. They are now married and active in other churches. Both have good jobs, and they have given this woman and her husband three beautiful grandchildren. Her face just glowed as she told me, "You just can't imagine how proud I am of them, and how I thank God every day for the way they turned out!" That's the promise of our mission. There are no absolute guarantees, but chances are if we set the limits and provide the leadership and make the spiritual growth of our children a priority, they will become a blessing to us and the Kingdom. To that end we strive!

We once were initially turned down by an agency because we "didn't have a church home." The reality of the situation was that my husband and I had never moved our letter of membership from our small hometown church in Arkansas to the larger church we were attending in Memphis (where we lived at the time). Although we pleaded with the agency to speak with the Memphis minister in person so that he could verify our attendance and participation, the agency declined to do so, citing that the church had no "official record" of our membership. I remember angrily saying to the social worker, "So you're telling me that if we move our membership letter to this church, you will accept us into your program", and she answered yes. I am ashamed now to say that we did move our membership letter, but it certainly was not for the right reason. We did it as "a means to an end" (as Elizabeth often puts it) so that we could be accepted into that agency's program. At that time, they were the only local agency who would consider us as prospective parents despite our ages (over 40), and we were getting d-e-s-p-e-r-a-t-e. Thankfully, even with our less-than-pure motive, God saw fit to watch over us. As it turned out, we ended up being matched with a wonderful birthmother who wanted more openness than this agency usually touted. So, to accommodate her wishes (and ours), the agency actually changed its operating rules to allow us to meet in person and form a "semi-open" relationship (which meant no sharing of last names and supervised visits in the agency's offices). That was one good thing that came out of our being declined at first -- had we been accepted off the bat, we probably wouldn't have matched with this particular birthmom who believed in openness. The second good thing that came out of this rejection was that we did end up developing a very close relationship with our Sunday School class in the larger church afer we moved our letter of membership. In fact, that relationship helped us survive the adoption plan falling through after the baby had been in our home for 3 days -- it helped us celebrate the adoption of our first daughter just 10 days later (through Abrazo) -- it sustained us through our second Abrazo placement (a boy) and subsequent disruption (after 11-1/2 months of parenting) due to my own serious illness and his special needs -- and it continues even to this day, although we have since moved away. Being rejected is never pleasant, but oh how rewarding it can be to look back and see how the Master's plan fell perfectly into place and was so much more wonderful!

Bumped up topic for cdgni ...

Help out with research monies for cervical cancer by ordering this free bracelet kit! Since this is "my" cancer, the cause is near and dear to my heart! http://www.maketheconnection.org/default.asp

Go for it if you feel that is where you are being led! We're 54 and soon-to-be 47, and parenting three daughters ages 8, 7, and 5! (Of course, we fall asleep on the couch as soon as they are in bed ... but who cares!!!!!)

WHOO-HOO to all of us cancer survivors! I'm a 17-year survivor of cervical cancer ... and blessed beyond words to be in remission with Hepatitis C for almost 6 years now! Thankfully, none of that stopped me from being mommy to three fabulous girls! Anybody else out there????

Well, I'm assuming since there isn't an orientation group mentioned in Elizabeth's post that HeidiK is jumping for joy about now! Congratulations! And, a big Abrazo family welcome to you and your son's birthmother!

Add to the list: BOG: Baby-on-the-ground (a child already born and being placed for adoption) Failed placement/match v. disruption or dissolution: Elizabeth can correct me on this one if I get it wrong, but I believe the correct terminology for an adoption plan that falls through PRIOR to the child being placed in the adoptive home is termed "failed." This quote about "disruption/dissolution" is from one of Elizabeth's posts elsewhere on the Forum: "Placement disruption and adoption dissolution, called "failed adoptions" by the general public, are essentially the same thing: what it means is that a child who went home with a prospective family was returned, before or after finalization."

From a Christmas Eve devotional by David Roper: The life of the mother of Jesus was simple and plain. She did the tasks that others did at her age, learning how to be a good homemaker for her future husband. There was nothing out of the ordinary about her external life -- at least not revealed in Scripture. Yet what treasures of grace lie concealed in Mary's attitude! When the angel announced that her child would be called "the Son of God," she responded, "Let it be to me according to your word" (Luke 1:38). Her answer contained all that our Lord requires -- the pure, simple submission of the soul to His will. This was the secret of Mary's deep spirituality: She abandoned herself to God's will in the present and received the grace to do what God asked of her. What is God asking you to do? It may be something magnificent, or something ordinary. It may be to respond actively to a command of Scripture, or to submit patiently to present suffering. "What God arranges for us to experience at each moment is the holiest thing that could happen to us," commented the 18th century writer Jean-Pierre de Caussade. Are you able to accept each moment with grace and submission? Can you respond to the Lord as Mary said to the angel, "Let it be to me according to your word"? May we learn the blessed secret Of delighting in Your will Welcoming what e'er you send us Joy or sorrow, good or ill. -- Anonymous

Heartfelt congratulations, Dr. Mom! Welcome to the wild, woolly, and WONDERFUL world of toddler adoption!

From Beth Moore's The Patriarchs: Sometimes we can be so busy looking for what is missing in our lives that we miss Who is busily present in our lives. We're looking for God to do us future favors when He's trying to open our eyes to present ones. Remember, God purposes to use every second of a divinely-ordained wait to build us into the individuals our future demands we be. One most peculiar and exquisite experience of the faith is realizing that while you haven't seen answers or the way you should take, you've learned how to see the light of God Himself. Right there in the blindness of your circumstances. ... Whether or not you ever realized it, God may have fed you with some of the very grain of your abundant season to get you through your famine. Times aren't always good, but God is. Maybe you don't have to forget all of that time. Maybe right now it's too painful to remember, but perhaps one day it won't be. ... A child of God need never sink into hopelessness no matter how dismal an honest appraisal of their circumstances may be. Nothing is impossible with God. In fact, He may have saved back some harvest from those good seasons to faithfully sustain you.

From a FlyLady testimonial: One of my pet peeves is hearing people say, "I don't have time to make dinner." I took a survey once and to my astonishment found out that a lot of people fend for themselves for dinner on days that they're not going through the drive-thru. There is no set time to sit down and eat and there is no plan. I think this is sad. To have "no time to make dinner" is the same as not having the time to invest in your family's health and well-being. Taking the time to make dinner is an opportunity to just stop for a moment and connect. I'm not trying to guilt trip anyone here. Nor am I so out of touch that I think we need to go back to the days of June Cleaver and have pot roast every night and fresh baked pie. The concept of being able to turn your stressors into blessers really gave me a chance to think about this in my own life: When there is "no time" to connect, and I'm rushing the kids from one activity to another, and I'm overbooked too, those are the days when the kids are snapping at each other, I'm cranky, and that's when those horrid words leave my mouth, "I don't have time for (fill in the blank)." It's usually a statement smacking of martyrdom, too. The truth is what we truly don't have time for is allowing our relationships within our family go by the wayside. I am dead serious when I say dinner is ministry. Those faces across the dinner table from you are God-ordained to be there — why not invest your time wisely in them, give them something good and nutritious to eat, and spend a half-hour at the table silently blessing them and thanking God for them as you remind them to close their mouths when they chew? You HAVE the time; the question is will you INVEST the time in the most important people of your life?

When we adopted our second and third daughters, we were in temporary housing (an 800 square foot cabin and then a 900 square foot apt.). We were in the process of building our current home, and our social worker just noted that in the homestudy. He did visit our new homesite, review our house plans, and then described in the report what our new home would be like (number of bedrooms, neighborhood, etc.) and when our approx. move date would be. I think the primary concern is that you currently have a roof over your head, that you will continue to have a roof over your head for the foreseeable future, and that the "roof" you have provides a safe and nurturing environment for the child.

I can echo marleygirl's request for prayer. Our town is overrun with evacuees right now -- my parents' church fed over 300 on Wednesday night, and I'm not sure how many last night. Our church is preparing lunch every day to feed the hundreds housed in our convention center -- we are scheduled for at least two weeks, maybe longer. All hotels are full, many churches' life centers are full as well. The girls' schools collected food, water, and diapers on yesterday -- today it was small games and toys for the many children who have nothing to do as they wait to see what will happen next. Our charitable medical clinic is full of out-of-town patients -- George and I will be making runs all next week to doctors' offices to pick up samples for the people who need meds -- my mom is there today stocking shelves with meds that already have arrived in large trash bags. There are so many needs it is almost overwhelming ... and we live 400-plus miles from the storm's center. I can only imagine what it must be like farther south.

Lots of us have been waiting with held breaths to see the latest PeaBiscuit post! Arkansas congrats to TeddyRae on their new son and blessings on their birthmom and her daughter!

A big WOOO--PIG--SOOEY from some Arkansas Razorbacks who are thrilled to see this news posted about a faithful Forum family known as BrendaMikeGabe! There sure were a lot of us pulling for you all this weekend at the Tennessee FamilyFest ... and it looks like you scored the winning touchdown!

From Roy Lessin, co-founder of DaySpring Cards: ********************* Our Times Are In His Hands Anyone who is familiar with the story of Alice In Wonderland will probably remember this quote: “I’m late! I’m late for a very important date!” All of us are impacted by time, appointments, schedules, days, and dates. Calendars have been a great tool to help us remember what day it is, what’s coming up in our schedules, and what important matters will need our attention. At the end of each year, a calendar is like an album containing little snapshots of what we’ve done and where we’ve been. At home, our family has one simple rule: “Write everything down in pencil.” One important lesson a calendar teaches us is that plans can change. Doctor's appointments get canceled, dinner dates get rescheduled, and anticipated events don’t work out. Thankfully, that doesn’t mean that our lives are out of control, that nothing is certain, and that there’s nothing we can trust in. The Bible tells us that our times are in God’s hands. That means that God is bigger than time, dates, and appointments. God’s plans for your life do not hinge on someone else’s schedule. God’s plans for your life cannot be frustrated by what others do or don’t do. God knows where you’ve been, He knows where you are, and He knows where He is leading you. His plans for you are made according to His wisdom, His love, and His power to perform them. God wants you to move through this day with a quiet heart, an inward assurance that He is in control, a peaceful certainty that your life is in His hands, a deep trust in His plan and purposes, and a thankful disposition toward all that He allows. He wants you to put your faith in Him, not in a timetable. He wants you to wait on Him and wait for Him. In His perfect way He will put everything together ... see to every detail ... arrange every circumstance ... and order every step to bring to pass what He has for you.

Another resurrected thread on adopting again ... for linlacor and any others out there contemplating becoming "againers" ...

Linlacor -- Topic resurrected just for you ...

I think what I have found is that when I am following God's plan for my life, there is a peace about everything -- I don't have any anxiety, worry, fear, etc. like I do when I am trying to be the controlling force. Perhaps this was most clear to me when we had our fourth failed adoption plan -- we were in San Antonio immediately following the birth of "our child" but sensed, right away, that the birthparents were going to decide to parent. So, when they did actually make the decision, we were disappointed but not totally surprised. I remember we decided not to go straight home but rather to make the drive to Houston to visit my brother and his family. On the way there, I said to George, "I know this is crazy, and I do feel sad, but I really don't feel like this was supposed to be our baby." The feeling was so strong I remember almost being overpowered by it. And, I remember not shedding nearly as many tears as I had in the past when we had gone through some failed adoption plans. There definitely was a peace about what had just taken place. Little did we know that just six weeks later Elizabeth would be calling to tell us our first daughter's birthparents had had two more daughters who now needed a forever family! His plans for my life were so much greater than anything I ever dreamed of!