gebrown

My heart is so happy! Darcy is our life and our joy!

I tried to hang on to the words each birth mother used when describing how they chose us as the adoptive parents for her child. I wanted to keep that primary reason a keystone in our lives that would never, ever change, so that we would continue to be the people that we had conveyed ourselves as in our profile and during our first conversations. Our first birth mother noted that we were close with our extended families. She wanted her child to grow up around a great number of people who loved her and included her as their own - cousins, grandparents, and more. Our second birth mother found it meaningful that we had already been living out an open adoption and had an ongoing, positive relationship with our oldest child's birth family. She felt she could trust that we would also respect our open adoption commitment to her and her child's father. Finally, they both commented on their sense of the Lord's speaking to their hearts and giving them peace about their decision. So, in our experience, the connection was based on family, love, relationship, and faith. Not on our jobs, appearances, lavish adventure stories, or scrapbook theme. Be assured and be confident that it is YOU as a person that matters, and your ultimate match will see you for who you are and not for what you have or how perfect your profile is.

Melissa, you moved to Mississippi? Wow! Happy housewarming!

Melissa, you are such a pro by now, hopefully your paperwork will be a lot easier! Good luck!

Thanks, Melissa! It's great to get everyone's perspectives.

You are completely right- moms making adoption plans are already showing huge responsibility for the welfare of their babies! They probably hope for a healthy child just as much as many of us do.

Good question! I think so much from the other perspective- what a BP would be looking for in me- that I neglect to consider what I would seek in her and her family. Hmm... I think trust is a big one. Trust in the whole process, in herself that she is making the right choice, and in my husband and I that with God's help we will do all in our power to love and cherish that baby from day 0. Also flexibility and openness as we both figure out how to work this relationship out. The desire to have a friendship and find common ground even though we are at different points in our lives. I would also want her to show responsibility toward her growing baby through healthy choices and following medical advice.

I love the Velveteen Parent story and want to share it with my family! How touching!

bumping up these do's and don't's!

One thing I am realizing from everybody's words is the importance of just being yourself-- of course, being sensitive and loving, but not trying to be exactly what you think a BP might be looking for in terms of personality, interests, sense of humor, etc. I would think that the best, most comfortable, and most durable match would come from the most honest depiction of your life in your profile book and in your phone conversations with potential BP's. And I love what was said earlier in the topic about not being in a hurry, being sure to commit everything to prayer, and trusting in God, just as we must do with all the unknowns in our lives. Great reminders.

Good to know on all of the above. Thanks. We thought of 3 folks to do the reference letters, and I called my infertility specialist today to ask for a letter. I can understand your sentiment about seeing the diagnosis in writing- almost like a judge's sentence. But you are right that maybe there is some relief/freedom in the bluntness of it, since it can truly open your mind to the prospect of adoption.

Hey all! Is anyone else out there working on their application? We haven't gotten our official application packet in the mail, but found the blank copy online and are working on a rough draft! Also took some house photos and drew our floor plan today (thanks to my engineer husband)! Question: for letters of reference, they all have to be non-related right? Is there ever a chance for relatives to contribute? How much does it matter if the personal reference has not seen you interact with kids much (for instance, a college roommate)? What is the purpose of putting down your family physician- so they can be a personal reference, or so they can give medical records? I really don't have a family physician since all I have been seeing doctors for since moving here is infertility. Thanks!