Stork Central

So far, March's Sleepless in San Antonio orientation group seems to be happily "singing the blues" as another childless couple from that weekend has taken home yet another darling baby boy! Will it be an all-male sweep for the group, or will some baby girls come along to even the score? It's the battle of the sexes! Stay tuned to see whether the checkered flag turns pink--or not! Congratulations, all!

One more beautiful baby boy placed with one more of the DuckBlind Faith families of 8/01 has officially completed that group's placement quest in full for all who continued with Abrazo. (Proving again that faith does pay off, whether one views the horizon from the duck blinds, orientation weekend seats or hospital nursery windows!) Fond congrats to all our DuckBlind alum, who achieved their adoption goals with Abrazo's help in just 8 months! But as these folks and hundreds of other successful Abrazo program grads could tell you, nothing good comes easy, and not on our own timelines, much as we wish it could. There's just a divine rhythm and reason for what happens when, and that's where the faith part comes in. For those still "in wait," know that although no pregnancy, bio or adoptive, can be rushed, your turn will come in time and then you'll know why no baby due any sooner could have been right for you. The "right" one is out there... and well worth the wait! Vaya con Dios!

Like the phoenix that rises from the ashes to a glorious transformation... an adoptive couple who heartbrokenly relinquished a placement last year when the birth resulted in complications unanticipated found their answer to prayer in the arrival this past weekend of the well baby they trust is in fact meant to be theirs for a lifetime... We wish them great joy in their new life together!

Congratulations to The Fabulous Six-Packers (November 2001), who are cheering the arrival of a much anticipated baby girl this week! She is the answer to the "when" question for a couple who've been active in sharing their experience with other Forum members, so watch for some wee hour postings from them in weeks to come, as they return home from Texas and find their days and nights reversed, as well. Hurrah! and here's to all those who keep the faith even when the road seems beset with twists and turns... for as the old Shaker song goes, "...by turning, turning, it comes out right."

And it's another boy for another lucky "Sleepless..." (3/02) couple, who'd already decorated their nursery in pink based on erroneous sono results. (Needless to say, they're overjoyed, regardless!) Congrats! And a hearty welcome, also, to our newest orientation grads, DreamTeam '02 , circa May 2002, who are hot on the trail and blazing towards parenthood.

Hurrah! A second family from our Sleepless in San Antonio (3/02) orientation group has taken placement of a newborn boy...and a B.O.G. at that!... giving them a much better reason than the Friday night group session to now be sleepless in San Antonio! And congratulations, too, to the young Minnesota couple who flew down South with only a weekend's notice to welcome their precious baby boy into their lives, as well. For those still waiting and wondering, remember those words to the wise... "to everything there is a season..." Your day will come. Keep the faith!

It's a boy! for the first baby to join a family from The Mamas & The Papas II, our January 2002 orientation grads! This handsome six pounder was welcomed home by a loving set of parents who couldn't have been more ready, having been through a "dress rehearsal" just 30 days back, the reasons for which are now clear. This match was a loving, tender "affair of the heart" (as our friend Jackie M. calls it!) and it came together all in less than one week's time, so (as the Bard himself would say) "all's well that ends well!" Better yet, for this wonderful extended family of birthparents, birthgrandparents, adopting parents and baby, this is just the beginning of a whole new fabulous chapter in the lifestory of their beloved son and grandson! So congratulations, all! And here's hope for those who wait...

One caller this week expressed dismay about the agency's open adoption practices, stating that they didn't want to "go to all the trouble of adopting a child only to feel like we're raising someone else's child-- we want it to be our own." It was a painfully honest admission of an issue many prospective adoptors struggle with, and yet, a terribly succinct summary of the problem with closed adoption. Until one comes to terms with the reality that adoption does mean "raising someone else's child" can one really prepare for the role of parent by adoption? Adopting parents do need to feel entitled to love the child they adopt, but why must love be so exclusive? And how does one overcome the "own"ership issue, for the good of the adopted child who needs to be able to become his or her "own" person, a member of two families by birth and by adoption?

It's officially spring, and the stork is flying high again! Congrats to the Minnesota mother who came south this week to meet her new baby boy, who will be able to call her by either title: "doctor" or "mom!" And with three other babes born this week and a record number of new cases and exciting matches happening, our staff is dashing about all corners of the state, so for those in the "still waiting" column, stay tuned for the buzz of activity--or the ring of a phone! Good things are coming your way.

'Twas the luck 'o the Irish which brought them to Abrazo, and at the end of the rainbow, the last of the Lucky Leprachauns, Abrazo againers from our March 2001 orientation group, found something even better than a pot 'o gold--a precious newborn daughter, just miles from the town where they'd taken placement of their firstborn, a boy, several years back! (Their son's birthfamily, in fact, gladly pitched in to help, babysitting for him this week while the adoptive couple spent quality time at the hospital bonding with their new birthmom and baby girl.) Top 'o the mornin' to them all! Abrazo's foster parents Hugo and Gloria, meanwhile, are busy cuddling a newly-arrived newborn awaiting just the right rainbow family to shade his little world with love and nurture enough to last a lifetime. And as the Texas roadways blossom into a blaze of multi-hued wildflowers, (thanks to Lady Bird Johnson), all of us at Abrazo wish all our clients, far and wide, an Easter-colored springtide!

From your perspective, whether you're someone who's just thinking about adoption or as one who's "been there, done that," what are the top three qualities or features you look for in choosing the "right" kind of adoptive family for your child? What matters to you, and why? (If you've been through this before, what advice would you give new birthmoms about things to look for, or questions to ask?)

A hearty welcome to the newest graduates of our latest Parents of Tomorrow weekend, Sleepless in San Antonio, 3/02 and to the lucky single mom who topped off that weekend with the best possible reason to be sleepless, placement the very next day of a precious new baby son who'd been waiting in our foster care for just such a wonderful family! Congratulations, all!

Oops! Our apologies, dear readers... a flurry of new birthparent intakes with babies due this spring and a staff member out for surgery have caused us to neglect our posting duties here lately... but thank you, sugarfamily, for this opportunity to herald our February arrivals, three little ones successfully placed via Abrazo's designated adoption program, in which adoptive parents willing to be proactive meet interested birthparents via outreach efforts that include personal networking, Internet marketing and newspaper advertisements, often reducing both the waiting time and placement costs! For our parents-in-waiting, please rush those homestudies if they're still "in process" because our supply of waiting families has been somewhat shortened by a recent rash of new matches, and the birthparent demand for childless couples living in Texas continues to be particularly strong, at present. Remember, too, that for instate families, the state-required criminal and CANRIS checks are taking 6-8 weeks to process through the department in Austin, and results must be on file before matching or placements can be done, so work with us to get your files updated so you're ready when the baby is!

Why do some birthmoms wait 'til the very end to make adoption plans? For many, coming to terms with the reality of an untimely pregnancy takes both time and courage. If you or someone you know is needing help dealing with the "right now" or planning for the future, let Abrazo help! Call 1-800-454-5683 anytime, to talk with one of our caring counselors. We understand! 'Denial' Over Pregnancy Not Uncommon: Study Fri Feb 22,11:58 AM ET By Amy Norton NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Cases in which women don't realize or don't accept that they are pregnant until they are far along--or even in labor--are not as rare as commonly thought, German researchers report. And, they say, doctors may be able to do more to spot such unrecognized pregnancies. When the researchers looked at Berlin-area obstetrics hospitals and practices between 1995 and 1996, they found 62 cases in which a woman's pregnancy wasn't verified until after the 20th week. For 25 of these women, "pregnancy was diagnosed" during labor, Drs. Jens Wessel and Ulrich Buscher report in the February 23rd issue of the British Medical Journal. Wessel, of Humboldt University in Berlin, told Reuters Health that many of these women had noticed physical changes such as weight gain and loss of menstruation. "However," Wessel said, "subjectively, there was no association with a pregnant state--which, in other words, is denial." According to the researchers, their results indicate that 1 in 475 pregnancies in the study area were denied by the woman. "The common view that denied pregnancies are exotic and rare events is not valid," they write in the report. Wessel said that the reasons a woman might deny pregnancy are varied and no "typical" explanation has been found in research. In this study, many women "rationalized" pregnancy symptoms, Wessel noted. For example, some women in their 40s attributed their lost periods to menopause, while others felt their increased appetites explained their weight gain. Denial of pregnancy is a serious matter, in large part because of how it can affect the newborn, the researchers explain. The risk of prematurity, low birth weight and need for neonatal intensive care is higher in these pregnancies, Wessel said. One of the surprising findings from this study, Wessel pointed out, is that about 40% of these women had visited a doctor while their pregnancies were yet unrecognized. And, the researcher said, women often saw their doctors specifically for symptoms commonly seen in pregnancy, such as nausea, fatigue and heartburn. In nearly all cases, Wessel noted, the doctor was not an obstetrician/gynecologist. According to Wessel, this result suggests that doctors may need to suspect pregnancy more often when faced with certain symptoms--and, therefore, do more pregnancy tests. (SOURCE: British Medical Journal 2002;324:458.)

Most of the concerns we hear from birthparents' parents have to do with trying to understand what their role is--or should be-- when their son or daughter is participating in an open adoption. The birthgrandparents worry that if they are too encouraging, their child (the birthparent) may blame them afterwards for not shielding them from the grief and heartache that comes with the placement decision... or they feel guilty, thinking that they should offer to raise the grandchild themselves and spare their child the potential pain altogether... they worry about what the adopting couple may think of them, how the adoptive family may let the birthparent down if open adoption promises aren't kept after placement, and they have concerns about how open to be with other relatives and family members once the adoption is done-- do they put pictures of the adopted child (the birthgrandchild) out around the house with their others or hide them in a drawer? Oftentimes, birthgrandparents who didn't originally support the adoption plan come around in time, and then don't know how to mend fences and express an interest in the child's welfare without coming off as hypocritical. If their son or daughter doesn't bring up the adoption in conversation, they don't know how to ask about it. One particularly good book is "My Child is a Parent" (authored by Mary Stephenson, if we've got the name right); it's one birthgrandmother's journey through her teenage daughter's adoption decision. She was not originally comfortable with the concept of openness, but over the years that followed, found it to be an enormous blessing in her life and the birthgrandchild's, particularly years later, after her own daughter (the birthmom) had married and then succumbed to cancer. Sad as this was, the ending was happy, because the open adoption plan helped both of the adoptee's families (birth and adoptive) to support her in this loss and to maintain a sense of connection despite her birthmother's death. How about all of yous, out there? Are your child's birthgrandparents involved? What's worked best, in your experience? Any advice? Input? Perspectives from all around the adoption triad?

It's a boy for the first of the Fabulous Sixpackers (11/01), as the first couple of that orientation group has completed placement (one down and five to go!) Meanwhile, DuckBlind Faith (8/01) is moving speedily towards completion, with the placement this week of another newborn son for another of that orientation group's proud set of new parents. And three is surely the magic number for a couple in Abrazo's designated adoption program, whose networking efforts resulted in the birth of triplets (two boys and a girl) this past week here in San Antonio! (Their adoption story will soon be featured in a special on the Hallmark Channel this spring, so stay tuned.) Congratulations, all! Finally, a hearty welcome to the newest members of the Abrazo adoption community, the eight couples who completed our "Parents of Tomorrow" orientation event just this weekend, and christened their group The Mamas & The Papas II. We wish them all precious new sons and daughters before year's end! As for the faithful and few still-waiting within our program, just remember: your turn is coming, so do your "getting ready" now, and it'll happen before you know it! Cheers!

Happy New Year! Several Abrazo families have been blessed with precious new little family members with whom to celebrate the turn of the calendar page... so it is that we all send fond congrats to our Dallas-area againers (Duck blind Faith, 8/01) who added a second son to their family tree just days after Christmas, and to the Wannababies (5/01) grads who have just become proud parents of a newborn baby boy, their first child! If you're still out there waiting and hoping and waiting and longing and you need some encouragement, don't take our word for it--post an S.O.S. here on the Forum and chances are the real experts, our veterans, have just the advice it takes to recharge your batteries and renew your faith in the real-life miracle sure to come your way in the year ahead. Because all the wisest of Abrazo's alumni know that the best things in life truly are worth waiting for, and good things do come to those who wait! Take heart! Not "if?!" but "when!"

The holidays are shining just a bit brighter (okay, a whole lot brighter!) for three happy Abrazo families who are celebrating the season with some extra special houseguests this week! A Tennessee couple from our March 2001 weekend (Lucky Leprachauns) was tickled to discover they truly did "start their psychological pregnancy at orientation," since their new son was born here nine months to the day! And two Texas families from Duck Blind Faith (August 2001) both gladly rerouted Christmas travel plans to journey to San Antonio to claim their newborn miracles, a boy for one and a girl for the other. Congratulations to all, and to all, a good night!

ADOPTION AT WHAT PRICE?" The Washington Times " target="_blank">http://www.washtimes.com/culture[/i] After three years of trying to have a baby, "my husband and I decided to take a more serious look at adoption," Theresa Kwasny wrote in a 1998 e-mail message to an Internet adoption-support group. But her first packet of information about adoption contained stunning news — an estimated cost of adoption between ฝ,000 and ฤ,000. "While we have boundless love in our hearts for a child, we do not have boundless cash in our pockets," Mrs. Kwasny wrote. "Can we have hope that we can have a baby without going to the poorhouse?" Sticker shock has become a rite of passage in adoption. The most common form of adoption — of children from U.S. foster-care systems — is the least expensive, often costing a few thousand dollars. But adopting from state foster care, especially across state lines, can be time-consuming and frustrating. Moreover, not all prospective parents are willing to adopt children who are of a different race, school-age, disabled or part of a sibling group. Parents seeking infants or toddlers typically turn to domestic private adoption or international adoption. Both types carry estimated price tags of ฝ,000 to ึ,000, according to the National Council for Adoption (NCFA). Children are priceless and many adoption expenses are certainly reasonable, several adoptive families say, but some expenses are questionable. "Somehow, there's got to be a way to get this so that there's not so many people with their hands in the pot," said Tom Schwendeman, who estimates that he and his wife, Kirsten, have paid at least ไ,000 to adopt four young children with Down syndrome. The Battle Ground, Wash., couple, who have two teen-agers, adopted two children privately in the United States, and twin girls from Russia. Each adoption was more costly than projected. The twins' adoptions, for instance, originally were estimated at ภ,000. The Schwendemans estimated they paid closer to ำ,000, because of costly international paperwork, Russian-required housing payments and surprise "last-minute" fees. Expenses for the toddler they adopted from New Jersey and the baby from Pennsylvania — บ,000 and ů,000, respectively — also ran higher than expected because they were handled privately, without going through the public foster-care system. "People like us, with a single income it's almost impossible to make it. We are strapped payday to payday and that should not be," said Mr. Schwendeman, who works for an airline. "But it's the stay-at-home moms who have the time" to care for the children, said Mrs. Schwendeman. "We do it because we love the kids," she said, adding that she and her husband had long ago decided they would adopt children with Down syndrome. Stuart Mac Lean, a Virginia adoptive father, rejoices in his three foreign-born children and has no complaints about his adoption attorney or the group that has helped make the adoption happen. But he questions several expenses — like being fingerprinted repeatedly or the charge for a "green card" for a daughter who automatically becomes a U.S. citizen upon arrival here. "When you're talking about an adoption that costs over ฤ,000 and you're adding several hundred dollars more to it, it adds up. There's so much rigamarole you have to go through," said Mr. Mac Lean. NCFA President Patrick Purtill said adoption is a complex, delicate process that touches many people's lives and involves weeks of paperwork, home studies and legal counsel. One reason many domestic private adoptions are expensive is because the costs of caring for unwed mothers — including those who decide not give up their children for adoption — are shared by adoptive families, he said. The NCFA's Adoption Factbook III says "if the average cost of serving a pregnant client is Ű,000, and if one of every three clients decides on adoption, the cost per adoption is ศ,000." Birth mothers are not required to repay the costs of their care, so agencies recover some of these expenses by spreading them among adoptive families, the book said. Still, the reason for high adoption costs basically is "supply and demand," said Peter Gibbs, director of the Center for Adoption Research at the University of Massachusetts. Decades ago, religiously funded charities worked to find families for babies, usually at minimal cost to the families, said Mr. Gibbs. But with the advent of contraception, legal abortion, acceptance of single parenting and persistent biases against adoption, fewer infants now are in need of adoption. As a result, adoption charities largely have given way to independent agencies and other professionals who sell their services mostly to find babies for families, said Mr. Gibbs. Adoption reform has tended to focus on children who are in state foster care, including the 127,000 now free for adoption. Federal law now forbids blocking adoptions because of race or keeping children indefinitely in foster care. This year, Congress raised the adoption tax credit to บ,000, so taxpaying adoptive families can recoup some of their adoption costs. State tax credits also may be available. But adoption is largely state-run and filled with special-interest groups, which makes it hard to enact reforms such as universal standards, regulations or other cost controls, say adoption specialists. Some corporate and private foundations have stepped up to help adoptive families with costs. Maureen Hogan, executive director of the National Adoption Foundation, which offers low-interest loans and grants of 踰 to Ŭ,000, says she gets "hundreds" of applications from families each week. "Consumers need to rise up and demand transparency, consistency and accountability" in adoption, said Mrs. Hogan, who compared the adoption industry to the funeral-home industry in its ability to overcharge people at an emotional and vulnerable time in their lives. Meanwhile, the Kwasnys, who live in Springdale, Ark., overcame their shock at the costs of adoption, opened a "baby fund" and last year paid ย,000 to adopt a 9-month-old girl from China. "Adoption is a great thing, and we're glad there's babies out there," Mrs. Kwasny said, adding that they would like to adopt a little sister for Kate in a year or two. "But I still wonder why the costs have to be so high."

Not even Santa could've loaded more-wanted surprizes on his sleigh...! It's a newborn girl for a childless couple from our 8/01 orientation group, Duck Blind Faith, while the Lucky Leprechauns of 3/01 are celebrating snails, pails and puppy dog tails upon learning that another of their own have become proud parents of a baby boy born just this past weekend. Season's Greetings to these lucky new parents and to all our parents-in-waiting, due the same wonderful little bundles when the time is right!

And the Diaperwarmers are officially done, with the happy arrival of one final couple and their beautiful baby girl! Congratulations to all the happy parents who came to the January 2001 weekend with hopes in hand and whom have now all seen their dreams come true! (And fond salutations, of course, to all the loving birthfamilies whose selfless choices made these miracles possible between January and December.)

What a lovely post from the Fogos! We all have so much for which to say thanks this year. And in just the past week or so, three more Abrazo families have been blessed with special little reasons (a bevy of beauties!) for which to be particularly grateful this holiday season!! One joyous Texas couple, from our 5/01 orientation Wannababies, recently celebrated the birth of their new baby girl, just one week after their first phone call with her birthmom (and two months after a failed placement plan in another town)... A California family who'd already adopted once before and enjoy annual visits with their daughter's birthfamily gladly added a second vacation destination to their annual itinerary with the placement of a second little girl, born in Dallas... and excited graduates of our 1/01 orientation weekend, the Diaperwarmers are tickled pink with the newborn daughter they flew down from Tennessee to meet just today. Congratulations to all, and to all those soon (and sure) to follow, as well!

We're happy to report two more happy homecomings this week! The Families on the Ground orientation group (11/00) is officially completed, with one final placement of a bouncing baby boy with a Dallas-area couple this week. (May this year's November grads move along the adoption trail just as swiftly and successfully!) And dreams came true in blue for another of our March orientation participants (Lucky Leprechauns, 3/01,) as a central Texas couple from that weekend took placement of a newborn boy just yesterday... Congrats to both these Lone Star state families (and all to follow, from Texas and beyond!) We remember, of course, that none of this progress would have occurred without the love and sacrifice of many caring and selfless birthparents. We're especially grateful to all of them this Thanksgiving season, for making so many dreams come true this year--not just for so many folks who so wanted to become parents, but most of all, for the children involved. Bless you, all!

Yippee-ai-yeah! A North Carolina couple (graduates of our Twelve Couples & a Baby orientation weekend) have found themselves at home on the range and doubly blessed for their patience--they are now the proud parents of not one but two precious 'lil cowboys, and the brothers are thriving in the care of their loving new family. Congrats, also, to another couple from Duck Blind Faith, Tennesseans from our 8/01 orientation group, who today became the happy new mom and dad of a gorgeous baby girl born just last week. And welcome to our latest Parents of Tomorrow additions, the Fabulous Six Packers (11/01) who graduated from orientation this past weekend and are already revving up their adoption engines! We love all our clients, old and new, and wish you Godspeed along the way to familyhood!

Big doings in the baby department lately! Duckblind Faith graduates, start those gift mailings, because one of your own just arrived home this week with their precious new baby girl, and she's a beauty! Kudos to the Abrazo alumni couple who came to Reunion this summer, mentioned they were ready for #2, and suddenly got called into action this week, when the agency needed a special family, well-versed in openness and able to welcome into their lives a baby boy in need of a local family. And trios of hurrahs for our Abrazo alums celebrating a recent court decision ensuring the pending homecoming of their third precious daughter, a months-old bio-sib to the two sisters already in their loving home. So for those still waiting and struggling to believe it can and will happen, keep those home lanterns lit, because you will be parents, and there is light at the end of this tunnel! Congratulations, all!