Stork Central

And over the Thanksgiving weekend, yet two more precious little blue-blanketed reasons to give thanks!... as another of The Mamas & The Papas (1/02) welcome their baby boy into the world, and another of Los Nueve Familias (8/02) say first hellos to their newborn son! (Both adopting couples were blessed to attend their baby's birth, and were equally fortunate to have the opportunity to get to know (and love) not just their sons' birthmoms, but birthpapas, too!) Loving wishes go out to all eight proud parents, and their oh-so-handsome little boy babies. We're happy for you all, and grateful for the bridges you have built, together, leading your sons on to secure horizons. Vaya con Dios!

Los Nueve Abrazos (8/02) have another little blessing to be thankful for this Thanksgiving, as another of their own have become proud parents, as of today! Having taken placement this morning, the happy new mom and dad are headed for home with their dear baby boy, born this past weekend. They're setting another place at the holiday table this year, and promise to keep all our other parents-in-waiting out there in their thoughts and prayers. Blessings to all those who harbor the kind of faith that moves mountains!!

Life is looking pretty in pink for our newest parents, the second of the DreamTeam '02 (May 2002) to make their pilgrimmage to Texas to meet their new little family members. Fresh out of the hospital, they're counting their lucky stars in a local hotel this evening (and they're so swept up in the preciousness of their precious newborn daughter, they probably won't even mind if Interstate Compact can't get them home before Thanksgiving this year!) As for the rest of our parents-in-waiting, we join you in counting our many blessings this year, and hoping you'll have one more to add to that list long before this time next year. Keep the faith! And Happy Turkey Day to all of our Forum friends, wherever it may find you.

Whether you are pregnant and considering adoption, terminating the pregnancy, single parenting, placing a child in the care of a relative or extended family member, or foster care placement, here is a list of things to think about, from adoption expert Sharon Kaplan-Roszia: 1) In what way is this situation a problem for me? 2) What do I already know about the option I am considering? (for example, adoption) What more do I need to know about it? 3) Do I know anyone who's been involved in adoption before? What words come to mind when I think of adoption? 4) How will those close to me feel if I place my child for adoption? Can I handle those reactions? How do my religious beliefs affect this decision? 5) Will I be able to tell others about my adoption? What does my culture have to say about adoption? Is that important to me? 6) Will I be able to forgive myself, and for what? What will I feel responsible for? 7) Will I be able to forgive my baby's other parent if I make this decision, and for what? 8) If I could have this situation turn out in an ideal way, what would that look like? What would keep this from happening? Can those things be changed? 9) What other kinds of losses have I suffered? How have I resolved them? How will this affect me? 10) What kind of ongoing contact am I thinking about? How much and how often? 11) What will placing this child for adoption do to my other relationships? 12) What will I tell my other children about this decision? Do I plan on being honest with them in the future? How would not being honest with them possibly affect our relationship? 13) Can I tolerate the idea of someone else raising my child? How do I feel about my child growing up away from me? 14) What does it mean to me to be a good parent? What does it mean to have a good parent? 15) Who will support me emotionally and financially if I choose adoption? 16) What can I bring to this experience from my prior losses in life? Are there other questions you could add to this list, that may help prepare you for whatever plan you decide is best? Abrazo's compassionate counselors are available around the clock to assist loving birthparents explore these and other concerns. If you are considering placing a child for adoption and need someone to talk to, call us day or night, at 1-800-454-5683 in TX (or call collect from out of state, M-F: 210/342-LOVE.) You talk, we'll listen... you decide, we'll respect your choice... because you & your baby both matter at Abrazo.

Well, they were dancing in the streets in Dallas last night, as yet another couple from our 1/02 weekend, The Mamas & The Papas II, welcomed their new baby boy home, bringing that orientation group just two more families from "done" (so to all our friends out in Forumland, please keep the remaining and much-deserving Mama-And-Papa-To-Bes in your prayers as they anxiously await the new sons and/or daughters who will so surely have been well worth the wait!) A special word of thanks, as well, to another wonderful pair of Parents-in-Waiting, who recently donated more than a dozen newspaper ads across Texas to help birthparents seeking quality adoption services find their way to Abrazo. Several new callers this week said they'd found Abrazo as a direct result of this couple's outreach on the agency's behalf-- a gift of love that may result in better choices and brighter futures for precious babies in need. We so appreciate your help in spreading the good word about adoption at Abrazo, and we send our heartfelt gratitude to these generous folks (you know who you are!) Bless you!

And a happy, hearty welcome to our other "new arrivals", the graduates of our latest orientation group, The Great BambinoFest, who came through this past weekend and had a special opportunity to meet an overjoyed new mom who was supposed to have attended the event until baby boy Nathan came into her life unexpectedly, just a week or two before. The Friday night session got out early (can you believe it?) but these folks stayed up talking on the hotel patio until 12:30 am, preparing themselves for those late night feedings, no doubt! Our newest moms-to-be spent part of their lunch hour on Saturday at Babies-R-Us stocking up, while the expectant dads caught the tail end of the day's big football game. (How all- American is that?!) And somewhere out there are the lucky little ones meant to join these (and all our other) wonderful and ready homes. We hope they do not IF, not WHEN but SOON! Bienvenidos, all!

An interesting dilemma... a birthmom who placed some years ago has since found Mr. Right and they are expecting a new little someone. The birthmom's mother has kept in touch with the adoptive family (and the granddaughter who was placed for adoption even served as flower girl at her birthmomma's wedding). However, the birthgrandma is now struggling with her daughter's new pregnancy (and the fact that the birthmom is hiding the news from the adoptive family because she doesn't know how to tell them). Birthgrandma is questioning her daughter's right to get pregnant again after all the last experience put them through. Both the birthmom and her mother are worried that the child who was placed may feel rejected (the why-did-they-keep-this-baby-but-not-me thing.) And both are concerned that the beloved adoptive family, who has tried to adopt again without success, may be hurt or secretly resentful that the new sibling will not be joining their home as well. Suggestions, anyone?

Can anyone offer feedback for single mothers who may feel limited to seeking adoption of girls only for fear of not knowing how to adequately meet the emotional needs of little boys? (Or vice versa?) Single adoptive parents often approach the process compelled to take placement only of a child of their own gender, which can complicate the adoption process considerably. It eliminates half of their possible placement opportunities (already limited, sadly, by the fewer numbers of birthparents willing to consider a single-parent home) and potentially deprives a baby in need of a great home just because of his or her gender. Do children in single parent homes have a stronger need to be raised only by a parent of their own gender? Are there advantages to growing up with just one parent, of the opposite sex? What challenges do those "in the ranks" find themselves facing as single parents raising kids of the same (or opposite) gender, and how do you manage to give your children the best of both worlds anyhow?

It doesn't happen all the time, but every so often, the stork gets off schedule and makes his delivery before our next available orientation weekend! and so it is that just one week before she was to have become a "Parent of Tomorrow," one of our Forum folks has had the miraculous opportunity to become a parent--yesterday! So it is that the blossom of a dream planted in a loving garden years ago and nurtured here, online, has sprouted and we send bouquets of best wishes to one precious baby boy, one very proud new mom, and all the Forum friends who helped orient her and offer the support and encouragement the Abrazo adoption community is known for!! Bless you all.

Since it seems so many prospective birthparents who visit this site are more comfortable reading than posting, let's offer them a new source of information: testimonials from those who have made loving adoption decisions on behalf of children and who live with the consequences of these decisions, secure in the certainty that as hard as it was, they did the right thing. Which is not to say that adoption is the right choice for everyone, nor does it guarantee that by giving one's child a brighter future that things turn out better for the birthparent involved. (Let's be honest... that can go either way. And in the final analysis, life is what you make it.) But for those in crisis who are new to all this and may need a reassuring word from others in-the-know, how about some short testimonials, including answers to these basic questions: 1) This is why I needed to make adoption plans when I did... 2) This is how I found Abrazo & why I chose this agency... 3) This is how my decisions have benefitted my child... 4) This is the encouragement I'd offer others in my shoes... Thank you, to both those who read and those who write. You have much to offer the world. We wish you clarity and certainty and comfort... and peace. For you and your children, whatever your choices!

If you've been hearing the sounds of lots of whooping and hollering in the air since our August orientation, it's the sound of a fiesta, celebrating the fact that another of the Los Nueve Abrazos, 8/02 have reason to party, with the arrival of a precious baby boy in SC. Yippee! Dos done, y siete to go... vamanos, familias!

Many of you have asked about "A Prayer for Children" which we use as our grace before lunch at our Parents-of-Tomorrow orientation weekends. It was written by Ina Hughs, and can be found in her 1995 book by the same title, published by Simon & Schuster. A Prayer For Children We pray for children who give us sticky kisses, who hop rocks and chase butterflies, who stomp in puddles and ruin their new pants, who sneak Popsicles before supper, who erase holes in math workbooks, who can never find their shoes And we pray for those who stare at photographers from behind barbed wire, who've never squeaked across the floor in new sneakers, who've never "counted potatoes," who are born in places we wouldn't be caught dead, who never go to the circus, who live in an x-rated world. We pray for children who bring us fistfuls of dandelions and sing off-key, who have goldfish funerals, build card-table forts, who slurp their cereal on purpose, who get gum in their hair, put sugar in their milk, who spit toothpaste all over the sink, who hug us for no reason, who bless us each night. And we pray for those who never get dessert, who watch their parents watch them die, who have no safe blanket to drag behind, who can't find any bread to steal, who don't have any rooms to clean up, whose pictures aren't on anybody's dressers, whose monsters are real. We pray for children who spend all their allowance before Tuesday, who throw tantrums in the grocery store and pick at their food, who like ghost stories, who shove dirty clothes under the bed and never rinse out the tub, who get quarters from the tooth fairy, who don't like to be kissed in front of the car pool, who squirm in church and scream in the phone, whose tears we sometimes laugh at and whose smiles can make us cry. And we pray for those whose nightmares come in the daytime, who will eat anything, who have never seen a dentist, who aren't spoiled by anybody, who go to bed hungry and cry themselves to sleep, who live and move but have no being. We pray for children who want to be carried and for those who must. For those we never give up on., and for those who don't have a chance. For those we smother, and for those who will grab the hand of anybody kind enough to offer.

All hail Los Nuevo Abrazos, the nine happy and exhausted couples who are now back home, safe and sound and ready to go, after our whirlwind August 2002 orientation event this past weekend! Welcome, all... now get your profiles in and your homework done, so you'll be ready for all the wonderful changes life is about to send your way in the course of the next year or so. And our heartiest congratulations to the first of this group to find the "ifs" turned to "whens", new friends who are leaving our fair state with one more son and daughter than they came with (having taken placement of a precious sibling group, just today!) We wish them Godspeed on their Interstate Compact and safe passage on the highways, as they travel homeward with their newly-expanded and oh-so-beautiful family of six.

We are just so thankful for the Forum folk who post regularly and offer so much love and support and hardwon wisdom to each other! Before your adoptions happened, you were Clients. Those of you who stick around afterwards have become our true friends. (And those who share of themselves to help make the load lighter for those who follow are truly angels here on earth.) Bless you, all!

...And Jesus answered them, "Have faith in God. Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, 'Be taken up and cast into the sea' and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they ask will happen, it will be done for them. Therefore, I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that it will come to pass, and it will be yours." Mark 11:22-25

Don't Quit When things go wrong, as they sometimes will; When the road you're trudging seems all uphill, When the funds are low and the debts are high, And you want to smile but you have to sigh, When care is pressing you down a bit, Rest, if you must, but don't you quit! Life is strange, with its twists and turns !(As everyone of us sometimes learns) And many a failure turns about When he might have won had he stuck it out. Don't give up though the pace seems slow-- You might succeed, with another blow. Often the goal is nearer than It seems to a faint and faltering man. Often the struggler has given up When she might have captured the victor's cup. And they learned too late, when the night slipped down, How close they were to the golden crown. Success is failure turned inside out-- The silver tint of the clouds of doubt! And you never can tell how close you are, it may be near when it seems afar. So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit! It's when things seem worst that you must not quit. --Clinton Howell

Love: Variation on a Theme If I live in a house of spotless beauty with everything in its place but have not love, I am a housekeeper, not a homemaker. If I have time for waxing, polishing, and dishwashing but have not love, my children learn of cleanliness, not Godliness. Love leaves the dust in search of a child's laugh. Loves smiles at the tiny fingerprints on a newly-cleaned window. Love wipes away the tears before it wipes up the spilled milk. Love is present through the trials. Love reprimands, reproves and is responsive. Love crawls with the baby, walks with the toddler, runs with the child, then stands aside to let the youth walk into adulthood. Love is the key that opens salvation's message to a child's heart. Before I became a mother, I took glory in my house of perfection. Now I glory in God's perfection in my child. As a mother there is much I must teach my child but the greatest of all is Love. --Pennington Bend Herald Nashville, TN

The Wannababies are officially placed in full, what with yesterday's send-off of a tiny newborn boy with the last of that group, Abrazo againers and their two older children, prior adoption success stories. Congratulations to all the graduates of that orientation weekend, now home safe and sound, with darling new sons and daughters to show for all their faith and effort and patience!! (And always, our gratitude to all the loving firstparents--birthparents--who made these dreams a reality, for the childrens' sake!)

They were already signed up with another Texas agency, but came to Abrazo's January 2002 orientation at the urging of friends who had found us first. And we're sure glad they did, because by now, both of these couples from our The Mamas & The Papas II weekend are proud parents of AbrazoBabes! Congrats to the two latest inductees into the Late Nighters & Loving It crowd--we'll watch for plenty of wee morning Forum postings from you, now. (Just remember: sleep when Baby sleeps!!)

The waiting seemed like an eternity to them, but just a couple weeks after posting that sentiment, these members of the Sleepless in San Antonio (3/02) weekend were meeting their their newborn son. They are now back home introducing him to relatives who beat insurmountable odds in order to hold him! Congrats to these proud parents (and much love to the dear birthmom who made it happen for them, how and when it did.) And for all of you P.I.W.'s (Parents In Waiting) who seek support here, don't forget to come back to share your hardwon wisdom and a dose of encouragement with those who follow you here. Because we all "get by with a little help from our friends" (and happy nuptials to the just-married chap who originally spread that message around the world-- just a couple short decades ago...!)

And S-C-O-R-E! THE CROWD GOES WILD! as they cheer for the goal...Forget the World Cup, it's a baby boy for another couple from The Fabulous Six-Packers, circa 11/01! As these folks move on from the Parents-In-Waiting column to those much-awaited Home With Baby celebrations, please know your Forum friends are all throwing cyber confetti in the air in your honor! Go, team! For those still waiting 'til for your big day, be sure to check in frequently with your local homestudy agency, to ensure that they have your study and/or all updates current and completed in accordance with Texas state standards! (This is why Abrazo sends you home from orientation with written requirements to pass on to your social worker, so he or she can ensure you are "good to go" before travelling to Texas for placement.) This is your responsibility, so stay on top of things! Es muy importante, amigos! (Comprendo? Bien, gracias!) See you soon...

The Mamas & The Papas II (Jan. 02) have another "happily-ever-after" story to tell! about another couple in their group (also active on the Forum). They reluctantly forfeited one match that just didn't seem right months ago, but have now found their faith rewarded--they matched again last week, with a new birthmom due anyday, and to everyone's surprize, there was not just one birth, but two! Congrats to all the proud parents of these precious twins (a boy and a girl) and here's wishing fairy tale endings for all!

DreamTeam 02, don your party hats, because the first of your 5/02 orientation teammates have become parents, with the homecoming of not one but two adorable new sons!! Hurrah! (As per Forum tradition and Stork Central's commitment to confidentiality, we're not spilling the beans as to who the lucky family is-- DreamTeamers will just have to burn up the phone lines or computer keys talking with each other to figure it out.) Ah, the suspense! Congrats to the happy new family and oodles of encouragement to the rest of yous who are still in the "hoping and dreaming" column... it'll happen! Just you wait!

Observation: Adoptive families often misunderstand a birthparent's motivations for not involving her family in her adoption plan. Many seem to fear that this implies a lack of intentionality about placing and increases her likelihood of changing her mind about adoption at or near the time of birth... while others genuinely regret the lack of opportunity for the child to have continued contact with extended birthrelatives after placement. Yet a number of adopting families choose to not inform their own relatives of their adoption plans until placement is imminent or completed. Do birthparents or adoptive families have a moral obligation to include their relatives in their adoption plans, or is this a matter of privacy and individual choice? What do you think?

An interesting sidenote: Kay Bailey H. and her husband have now adopted a baby boy this year, so it seems that sleep deprivation is a manageable challenge for them... but it does seem to raise the question... how old is too old, when folks at, near or over retirement age seek to adopt newborns only? (At what point does this become a child welfare issue?) Rumor has it they have adopted through an agency that still practices closed adoption, so chances are, the birthparents of these children have no idea of the advanced ages of their infant's adoptive parents... it'd be interesting to know if these aps would meet the bps' expectations if the truth were known...?)