Jada

This baby boy has touched mine and Keith's hearts forever. We pray everyday he finds his foever family soon.I so wish there was something we could do!!!

Tina,too bad your birthmother can't come for a vist and go to church with you one day!!! That would be a real wake up for many people there,to be able to see how open adoption is good and best for "all" involved.

It may be shocking to see that she has 6 children now with one more on the way,BUT the children appear to be happy. The man she has in her life looks like he is at least their for her and ALL her children. She appears to be very happy with her kids. Their financial status is unknown but who am I to judge? My sister-in-law has 6 children. My husband is one of 9 kids as am I. Many people look at this woman and judge her but why? Her situation does seem to have improved even if just a tiny little bit. Adorable,children!!! I wish them all the best.

I am not sure what it is called. They briefly mentioned it when we were taking our classes,I think you have to go through other courses to be able to do it. It had something to do with the adult foster care program. Most I believe may be pregnant teens also in the foster care program. Unfortunately we haven't been to any classes in awhile because my daughter had her babies and we don't have any room to foster right now. We will be retaking all of our courses once she leaves in March and maybe they will mention more on the program then.

Ok,I think I need to clarify some of my thoughts that may have been taken wrong. First of all I know that not everybody who adopts is greatly priviliged,I was saying that maybe all adoptive parents SHOULD HAVE TO BE. If somebody truly believes that money makes things better for the child,then there is always somebody with more. Not everybody places for money reasons,some do it because they just aren't ready to be parents,some have dreams of going to college and can't do that with a child(which is related to money if you look at it) some just have too much stress or abuse problems or addictions to deal with etc.... So many reasons,and that is my point. Money shouldn't be an issue but it is. My two children were placed for money reasons and money reasons ONLY!!! We were NOT on any government assistance ,we refused. Keeping my children would not have put us in a much different situation,I would have had more kids to take care of,that isn't a bad thing. Placing my two children did not improve our situation either. If anything it continued to get worse(not because of placing). If you place your child for financial reasons because you truly believe that is what is best for them then that is fine,that is your decision and nothing at all is wrong with that. What makes it wrong is if you place for financial reasons because you feel you have no other choice and don't know where to turn and there is no help to keep your family together.But it happens all the time and in that situation it is not right. I am not denying that adoption is needed and is important and a great thing. I think it is. My husband and I hope to adopt some day. Probably not an infant,maybe through foster care,or a sibling group or older child etc... Also I was not implying that I think adoptive parents should financially support BP's etc... I don't think that at all. What I was saying is there aren't many people out there willing to help a family in need stay together if they aren't going to get the baby in the end. That is the sad truth. I know there are many of you who would give your right arm for your birthparents,no doubt about it. But not many of you who would have given them financial help,found counseling for them,taxi'd them to and from work and babysat their baby for them to find a job if the baby was never going to be yours. I think the thought of this is unimaginable for most people to think of. There is a program out there that does that. Through foster care you can take in a pregnant woman,and her children and baby and help them as if they were a part of your family etc.... It keeps families together,builds and extends new families and children get to stay with their biological mothers. But that is not the main goal of our society. For the most part we still think it is easier for us to just place a baby for adoption and give it to a more privileged family than to work on trying to improve an imperfect sysytem. Ok,I digressed. Sorry,maybe I should just stop and keep my mouth shut because sometimes I feel like I am not getting my point across the way I would like.

Ok,I'm going to go out on a limb here and disagree with everybody. Maybe it is because I have lived on both sides now,I don't know but something is wrong when we can sit back and say this woman "should" place her children for adoption because somebody else can give them more. I still totally disagree that you should place a child for adoption because of financial reasons. I still think no matter what, adoption should be a last choice. I don't care how well "open adoption" is done and works it does not replace parenting a child. In our society we believe it is easier to take this child (or children) and give them to somebody more fortunate then to help the mother learn how to earn a living and take care of these children on her own. Why are we willing to drop so much money into adoption and not into biological parents? Instead of welfare we need to develop a better situation. What I don't know,but something. Let me ask how many of you out there would be willing to place your precious children for adoption if you hit a financial hardship? HONESTLY???? If you lost everything you had,no family,friends,money or house or job? But if you could provide for those children,with a little goverment assistance so you could keep them would you still place them? Of course most of you out there can sit back and say that would never happen to me,and it probably won't....but what if?? What about all of our single mother's out there? What if somebody said "those kids deserve so much better?" "They deserve a father". Everybody can look at a situation and say they deserve better. Many of you make a good living and have alot, but there is always somebody out there who can give your child "more". Maybe adoption should only be for the very wealthy who can buy their children ponies and take them to France every summer and give them piano lessons and feed them steak and shrimp every night. If you truly believe that somebody should place their children for financial reasons you have NO IDEA what adoption and separation does to somebody. YOu may say that you know it is hard but you have no idea. Even in a so called "perfect" open adoption,it can not replace being with your biological family. People look at this woman and her grandmother and feel sorry for them,maybe at times they feel sorry for themselves. This grandmother has been raising children since she was very young and probably will do so untill she dies. I have been raising children since I was 17 and I am now raising two granchildren. It is hard and stressful and demanding and financially draining etc... But all I know is when they leave in March it is going to kill me.Do you honestly think that her placing her children for adoption will make things improve? The child or children she places will have "more stuff". The mother will have less to care for but still no money,no job, and no hope!!! And now major grief to deal with also. Why not try and help her to improve her situation? All these people who want to adopt,all they want is a possesion too!! Sorry but that is the truth. If not they would go out and adopt a disadvantaged family and help them and be a part of their lives and help them to stay together. They could sort of have a reverse open adoption. But that's not good enough!!! But that is what you expect a birthfamily to do. Give me your baby and I will give it everyting it needs and you can come visit every once in awhile and everything will be OK!!! BULL!!! I don't see many adoptive families out there willing to adopt the whole family and pay for the mother's schooling and babysit the baby while she works to help her get on her feet so her children can stay where they belong. But you are willing to turn her life upside down, and provide for the child. And now she is left to grieve and in the same situation she was in the first place. And I admit her situation may or may not improve in the future. But it may or may not improve with her children too!!! Adoption should never be a permanent solution to a temporary situation. And I am still not AGAINST adoption in the right situations. I just think that we look at it from the wrong perspective. Adoption is a HUGE business. Lots of people want babies and there are alot of poor people having them. That is the TRUTH!!! Like it or not. I am so sorry if I offended anybody but I had to say something. And one more thing,I don't think people who have nothing view their children as their only "asset". My children were my only sense of joy and hope. Totally different!!! They were the only thing that made me happy,I could escape everything when I looked at them and they smiled at me and told me they loved me. I could forget about my situation when I sat down for a tea party to play or to paly in the sprinkler during the summer etc... I did the same things with my kids as other people do,they brought me happiness. They were not my assets and never will be and I take total offense to that!!!

My husband made me hide the pregnancies because he didn't want anybody to know we were placing them for adoption. A few people at my work found out and he wanted me to tell them that when I had the baby it "died" rather than tell them the truth. :angry: I didn't of course but he never knew that. I had no one to talk to. I was alone. I had no family,no phone ,no car etc... Some people can't imagine what some people live like. Like I said it is hard to explain and hard to talk about at times even 14 years later.

All I can say is I can relate. Both of my pregnancies with Charlie and Lindsay were hidden. NOBODY knew I was pregant except my husband at the time and the adoption agency. It is a feeling hard to explain. I would NEVER abandon my babies but I know what it feels like to have to hide it and have no support.

In my opinion it should not matter wether you adopt domestic or international. It is whatever feels right to you. The fact is their are children in the US who need parents and there are children abroad who need parents. Point blank. There are advantages and disadvantages to both. Neither one is perfect or totally wrong. I don't understand why we try so hard to make one or the other look bad. It is just like every time we hear something bad about domestic adoption it is palstered ALL over the news and everybody hears about it. That is the same when we post everything bad about international adoptions. I just don't get it. It's just not right!!!! Yes domestic adoption "MAY" be better for a child in the long run IF they are in an open adoption. That isn't always the case. They still suffer loss and there are still problems. You work through your difficulties,deal with it and move on. No matter what it isn't going to be perfect. Kids are always going to have questions,doubts,fears,concerns,idenity issues etc... My biological children I am raising have these sometimes. I think we need to stop trying to make one seem better than the other and try to support it in general. It is ADOPTION and it is a GOOD THING. It is only bad if we do it illegally or for totally selfish reasons. All the bad talk about international adoption upsets me. Just like bad talk about domestic adoption upsets me. Why do we have to do it at all? It just doesn't seem right coming from an ADOPTION forum. Domestic or not. It just isn't right.

38 candles!!!

Ok I don't know if I qulify as so called "infertile". I have given birth to 5 children but I am no longer able to have any more because I had my tubes tied. My husband and I want more children and are wanting to adopt. I guess my big thing with people's comments is,when we tell them this they say." Why? Are you crazy? You already have three, isn't that enough? Besides your tubes could always come untied and you could get pregnant then." First of all I didn't know there was a limit to how many children I should have. And secondly my tubes have been tied for almost 6 years and haven't come "untied" yet. Just because I got married I don't think they are going to somehow just all go back to the way they were.

Paula,Scott and Mckenna, I am so sorry for your loss. I am praying for you all.

Loriahn, I agree with Elizabeth. You may not know your whole story yet. But being a birthmother(who hid 2 pregnancies from everybody except my husband), I am sure your birthmother thinks of you often and wonders how you are. She cared enough to give you life and made sure she gave you to somebody so you were safe. She cared!!!! There are many missing pieces, I am praying one day you will be able to find those missing pieces. You have done many great things in your life and many more are to come. Both of your mothers(and you) should be proud!!!!

My babies sizes were all different. Elizabeth(first) 6 lbs. 8 oz. Robin (second) 6 lbs 7 oz. Charlie(3rd) 4 lbs 14 oz(full term) Lindsay (4th) 4 lbs 5 oz(10 weeks premature would have been almost 11 pounds full term) Clayton (5th) 6 pounds 11 oz But I have heard that usually you show sooner with each one and each baby generally gets bigger. Not in my case I guess. I too believe that the men's reactions are a big reason why alot of women hide their pregnancies. I remember being afraid to tell my husband I was pregnant with Clayton at first for fear that he would make me place him for adoption too.

What a pretty little girl!!! I am praying she finds a wonderful family and also praying for her mom and dad right now. This must be so hard for them. God Bless all of them at this time.

I was very good at hiding my pregnancies. I hid my first untill almost 6 months when I finally told somebody. My second I never tried to hide I just didn't get very big. With Charlie he was a whopping 4 lbs 15 oz full term. Not too hard to hide. Lindsey was born 10 weeks premature at 4lbs 5 oz also not very hard to hide. Clayton was my biggest at 6lbs 11 oz and I didn't start showing untill about 6 months. My first pregnancy I hid for fear that my parents would kick me out if they found out,so I made sure I had a place lined up first. With Charlie and Lindsey I had my pregnancies with them because my husband at the time did not want anybody to know we were placing them for adoption. I guess it just depends on the size of the person and the circumstances they are in.

Congrats, Lance,Lisa, and Kayleigh!!! And my prayers go out to Meg . Wishing you peace at this time.

This is just so sad. What an injustice to this girl. It amazes me the differences in cultural beliefs in different countries. I am so glad to be here in the United States. I hope the mother actually serves prison time for what she did.

Since I have been in this situation I can say to all Birtmothers PLEASE don't be ashamed to call Abrazo again. When I placed my son, Elizabeth worked for another agency(it's been that long ago) and when he was only 3 motnhs old I was pregnant again. We decided to place with the family who adopted our son and go the "private" adoption route. Well it didn't work out and we immediately called the agency we thought Elizabeth worked for and found out she had moved on to another agency,ABRAZO! They tried to get us to work with them but we refused and asked for Elizabeth's new number at Abrazo. I am so glad we did. My daughter was born with many issues and lots of medical bills. They were so patient with us because it was very important to me to find somebody we liked and not just somebody to "give our baby to". It took us two weeks of searching before we found the right parents and Abrazo was with us all the way. They never questioned why it was taking so long and they just kept giving us more profiles untill we were happy. They truly do care and pass no judgement. They realize things happen and still treat you with the respect and dignity that you deserve. That is why Abrazo and all of it's people have become apart of my family and have been for almost 13 years now. And I have known Elizabeth for over 14 years now and if by some act of God( after all he is control of it all so no need to be ashamed or embarrassed if he saw fit for it to happen again) I was ever in this situation for a third time she would be the first person I called!!!

I don't think age should be a factor. Demi and Ashton have been together longer than some people I know. If they are willing and able to love the child that's all that matters. It's only confusing if somebody asks about it. I have a grandaughter who will probably be older than some of my future children. And my husband has sisters and brothers ranging from 40 down to 16 (9 kids in all, all biological) and there are neices and nephews of all ages older and younger. It's not confusing at all to us, just everybody else.LOL

Thank you so much Elizabeth. I have wanted to post these websites for so long but did not know if I should. Keith and I look at these every night and wonder if one (or two,or three) of these wonderful children will be ours soon. There are thousands of children who need a home and all you need to bring them home is love and a homestudy.We are working on ours right now. It is so sad to look at these kids pictures and see them there day after day(some have been there since we first started looking almost a year ago) and all they want is a family. How sad that people say all they want is a child to love but they put resrtictions on who they will give that love to.Not all kids in foster care come from terrible backgrounds. Not all these children are the horror stories that you might think. Just as most of you had to educate yourselves on open adoption maybe some need to educate yourselves on the joys of parenting older children too. After all that precious baby you adopt doesn't stay a baby forever they too grow into toddlers and preschoolers and as most of you know who have children this age they are more fun than you can imagine and so imprsssionable and so eager to please. I just don't understand how ANYBODY can turn down a child who NEEDS them. It really upsets me that people say they want to open their heart to adoption,but really what they are saying is "I will open my heart on my terms and an older child isn't good enough". Every day an older child or sibling group sits in foster care(that are available for adoption) is another day they are reminded that nobody wants them.How sad for them and how sad for all of you.

Since I am a birthmother and possibly look at things a little differently I agree with Elizabeth about "optimal" adoptive parents. I placed 2 children and I picked parents who were all around "better" than I was. They were in better shape,they had more money,they seemed to have good marraiges and could give my children what I couldn't. Now that I am on the other side and trying to adopt and foster children I am having to so called "go through the hoops". And I must be honest my opinion has not changed. And because I am also fostering I may be going through more hoops than just adoptive parents. I also had to go through many hours of classes along with now doing the homestudy,background check,fingerprinting and physicals as do my kids(physicals and background and fingerprinting for my 18 year old). Not only do I have to do this but anybody who may babysit the children I foster also have to do the background checks and fingerprinting. And I look at it as a blessing to be able to do all of this for children who may need my help and to ultimately adopt in the future.I have to take classes every year not just once. I not only have to write a birthmother letter but if we want a child to stay with us or to adopt an older child we also write letters to them. And the reason I look at all of this as a blessing is because to me it means my life is in a much better place than it was even 3 years ago. To me, to be able to even go through all of this and make it is a huge accomplishment for me, I have come a long way!!!! And now that I am unable to have any more children biologically, I am willing to do anything and everything that is asked of me to have more children in my family. And I will do it all with out complaint because the end result is what I am striving for. And in the end I also realize I may not measure up to somebody's standards and still may not be able to adopt and that is alright too because if I am not the "best" person in the eyes of a birthparent to parent their child then I shouldn't be parenting them because they deserve the BEST!!! We all also need to realize that you don't have to be the best to everybody just to one (or two)person(people) and everbody's "ideal parent" is different. Again if I offended anybody I am sorry but to me this is very important. The rules are there for a reason and I honestly think everything anybody has to go through to adopt is nessesary(sp?) and also worth it in the end.

I am sorry and I may offend some people but I do believe if the woman has mobility problems that she may not be suitable at this time to parent a child. If I was placing my child with somebody I would want to make sure that this person could get to that child if needed and could handle running after that child during its toddler years etc... The weight is not a problem for me at all, it is the mobility issue. And as far as elderly people taking care of grandchildren etc... I also think this applies. I personally had to have my aunt stop watching my son because she was not able to keep up with him anymore. It put him in danger because she could not get to him fast enough when he started to get into things. I don't think these people should be ashamed at all. I think that if they denied her simply because she was overweight without personally seeing what she was capable of THEN they should think twice. But I do not believe that is the case. Just my opinion.

Ok,that was all I needed. As most of you know I found my son on myspace awhile back. All I wanted was to see his face and know how he was doing. I never planned on contacting him,and "I" still haven't and won't. BUT my daughter's took it upon themselves to go behind my back(of course I showed them his myspace) and contact him themselves. They have had an ongoing"relationship "now for awhile. I was really scared at first and told Robin(she is the one who has the most contact with him) that she wasn't supposed to contact him that it was wrong(we talked about it when I showed them his myspace and it was understood that there was to be NO contact). Robin just looked at me and said "Why not? He's my little brother." She told me that to place him for adoption was my decision but nobody ever asked her and she chooses to talk to him. They are totally like two peas in a pod(they are only 14 months apart). They have the same interests and listen to the same music and they both play guitar and sing. But what I have learned most from this is that no matter what we as adults think is right or wrong children tend to bring out the "TRUE" right and wrong in all of us. My guilt for placing my son for adoption was very real and painful before but is even more now because I feel I have denied them this relationship they they now seem to cherish so much. I told Robin that I will have to contact his mother and tell her about this and that she needs to know. I have written the letter but have not yet sent it. I fear that this will end their relationship and things will be worse than before. But Robin has reassured me that no matter what we say they will stay in contact with each other and "We can't stop them". Apparently they are planning on trying to have a reunion to see each other. I am not sure how this is going to happen unless Charlie tells his parent's but they are talking about it. I am soooo happy that even if I can not have contact that my girl's do. I think it was great therapy for Robin(who was always kind of different from everybody in the family) to know that even though her brother is far away they still have this bond that nobody could sever and as far as she and Charlie are concerned nobody will be able to keep them apart anymore. Maybe we need to look more at what our children are trying to say to us and forget about what we as adults think is right for us. Listening to Robin talk about Charlie and how much they are alike makes me realize that their sibling bond is much stronger than I ever imagined. And who am I or anybody else to say that they have no right to be brother and sister? They never signed any papers saying they had no rights to be siblings. And my daughter has made it very clear to me(strong willed and determined that she is) that I WILL NOT take him away from her again. I think their attitudes speak much louder than anything I could ever say. Now lets just hope Charlie's mom feels the same when I tell her.

All I can say is I have so much to say but don't know if I should right now. So I need to think about this and come back later. Elizabeth? Help?