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Everything posted by Jada

  1. Jada

    Positive Adoption Language

    I must say as a "Birth Woman" I find this very disturbing. If you call this stuff positive adoption language it is positive toward adoptive families only and very negative towards "birth parents" or first parents. First off if anybody refers to me as a "Birth Woman" I may have to literally slap them. Sorry but that's how infuriated I was when I read that. Gee this is grandma and Grandpa,and Aunt Milly and by the way this is our "BIRTH WOMAN". Are you serious? To even tell somebody else to refer to us as that is down right degrading and makes me feel like I should crawl under a rock. And to say that a reunion is not a reuinion is something I don't understand. No matter if you want to accept it or not it is a REUNION. We were however briefly with our children and loved them. It is just like a family reunion. We love them and they are still a part of our family weather adoptive parents want to aknowledge it or not. And to say they are "making contact" what is that?? Please, are we aliens? You make contact with aliens not family members. his is one of the WORST pieces I ahve ever read as far as using positive adoption language. if this is what positive adoption language is coming to no wonder first parents are looked down upon so much still.
  2. Jada

    Celebrity Adoptions

    That's funny!! I just assumed everybody knew he was gay. Sorry for the shock!! And I may need to clear up something,I don't actually know if they are adopting. After re reading the article it just says they are "expecting" twins. So maybe somebody they know has been artificially inseminated or something of that nature. Not sure. Either way, congrats to them.
  3. Jada

    Celebrity Adoptions

    Just read that Neil Patrick Harris( Doogie Howser, How I Met Your Mother) and long time partner David Burtka are expected to adopt twins this fall!!!
  4. Jada


    I love that you have 4 dogs. I'm glad I'm not the only one with "lots" of animals. I have 2 dogs although I'm not too worried about the 3 pound pomeranian,4 cats,1 parrot and 3 ducks. Hopefully our Social Worker likes animals ( a lot)
  5. Jada


    I haven't seen anything on this in awhile but I have a question. Keith and I are currently going through foster care to foster kids and to adopt eventually. My question is I have a dog(big 90 pound dog) that is old and and very temperamental. He acts like he is going to go through the door if somebody knocks etc... Also he will sometimes growl and act like he wants to eat you(pretty much just for show though)if somebody comes into the house he doesn't know. The thing is he is really a sweet and gentle dog,he has grown up with all my kids and my grandaughters etc... And if we invite you in and he has a few minutes to sit beside us(to see you arent going to hurt us etc...) and gets to warm up to you he is fine with you(adults,kids he has NO problems with). I am just wondering how this will look when we have our homestudy done etc...? He is 9 years old and I have had him since he was 6 weeks old and he is part of our family and getting rid of him is not an option. Do you think our caseworker will understand him needing to warm up to her a little bit before she can just go walking through the house? I am really afraid he is going to hurt our chances of getting approved. Anybody else out there with temperamental dogs that made it through the homestudy? Would it be ok to put him in the bedroom away from her while she is doing it? Although I would think she would want to see how he acts. But he really is fine after a few minutes,I just think his size and "bad attitude" gives people a bad impression at first. I always tell people he's not mean just misunderstood. LOL I know long post but this has really been worrying me.
  6. Jada

    Dealing with The Dad

    I honestly think it depends on what state you are in. Some states have grandparent's rights but I don't know which ones. This is a question you may want to ask Abrazo personally for the correct answer.
  7. Jada

    Positive Adoption Language

    Donna,I do not believe money is the only reason why people place their babies. Not at all.There are many women (and men) who place after thinking everything over and deciding parenting is not a good option for them at that time. And that is perfectly fine. But it seems that most people believe if you do not have money and can't give your child a life filled with lots of "stuff" and if you can find parent's who can then they are better off with the ones who have more money. Not all people think this way but many do.
  8. Jada

    Positive Adoption Language

    Thank you Krital! And yes adoption is really that different with other agencies. Many,many first families are coerced into relinquishing their rights because everybody around them is telling them it's the right thing to do. Nobody tells them there are other options. And no not just abortion. Just because one parent has more money does not make them better or more fit. And exiled is exactly how I felt and sometimes do still feel. And in my opinion in almost all situations(notice I say almost all) a child is better off with their first families. It may be harder on the first family and may make life harder in general or life different but that doesn't mean it's bad or wrong.it is still best for the child. No matter what. It is still best to stay with your first family whenever possible. People need to stop thinking that adoption is warm and fuzzy in the end. It's not and no matter what it always hurts,even to the few who made the choice with knowing all the options and no coercion. It still hurts.Adoption is a business.Abrazo is one of the very few who try to make it a little better. It is honestly very rare. This article made a lot of sense to me and I actually think it is a good thing. I can see where adoptive parent's would be angry but again it is something they need to see. These are "real live feelings and thoughts of MANY people. Most of these coming from bastard nation who are ADOPTED children who feel like this. It's real and it's out there. It's not pretty,it's not sugar coated it's real.
  9. Jada

    La Promesa: Special Needs Adoptions

    Some insurance companies may not cover a child or maybe an adoptive family does not have the money to pay for medical bills of a special needs child. If you give birth to a child with special needs you have no choice(except for adoption etc...) but to take on any problems and bills that you may have. Adoption is different. I can totally understand a couple turning down a child if they do not believe they can handle the time, stress and money that some of these children need. I think this is a good way of insuring that children go to the home that they are truly meant to be with. If adoptive families had no choice some children and adoptive families may not be so happy and some children may end up suffering in the end.
  10. Jada

    A Birth Grandmother's Role

    Hi,welcome to the forum. I am a birthmom to two beautiful kids. Lindsay and Charlie who are now 14 (soon to be 15) and 16 years old. I am also a grandmother of 2 little girls Emma (1) and Bianca(3).They live in Germany with my oldest daughter. I understand so much about hearing the happy things on here and not so much about the loss. Although I can say I am one of the birthmother's on here who is definitely very open and honest about my feelings and my pain.Don't ever be afraid to share your loss and pain on the forum. The people here are great and they offer so much support. I have been on the forum for almost 8 years now and it has actually helped me get through some of the toughest times. Also my birthdaughter is on the forum and has a few posts. I hope you find comfort and healing by posting on the forum and I look forward to hearing your story. If you have any questions or just want to chat feel free to send me a message.
  11. Jada

    In Memoriam

    Oh,wow. I am so sorry for your loss Bridget. I will keep you in my prayers.
  12. Jada


    Wow, "what more could she want????" As a birthmom I find this really offensive. Let's see what more could she want??? How about as many options as possible for the baby she is carrying or that may already be born who she is trying to place? If she is not comfortable with the three that are available (even if every single one is open to her situation,) if she does not like them, does that mean she is being greedy and doesn't have the right to want more of a choice??? I just totally don't understand this totally insensitive comment.
  13. Jada

    In Memoriam

    I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I am praying for you and your family.
  14. Jada

    Mind Your "B"s and Cues!

    Karen not to diminish your feelings or to say that you are not your daughter's mother because you most certainly are. I hope this doesn't come out the wrong way or offend anybody but,your post seems to hit me the wrong way. I understand completely you being upset at your co-workers comment. But to say "you" are the one who worries about your daughter every minute,"you" are the one nurturing the relationship with your daughter's birthmother etc...makes it sound like you think we as birth mothers or first mothers don't worry every minute about our children we placed. Now that I am in contact with my children I worry even more because I see the trouble they may have or that something is upsetting them and yet I can do nothing. So I worry that I am not there and that I can't do anything. I know they have parents to handle that but it doesn't make it any easier on me. I worry if they would handle it like me,or if it was my child I was parenting if I would approve etc... SO I worry every single day about them just as much and even more than my kids I am parenting. The nurturing of the relationship I think goes both ways to some extent. It is hard on your part I am sure but it has to be 10 times harder for your birthmother to be around,and leave and be around and leave etc.... And like I said I did not in any way want to offend or anything it just struck me as if you don't think we also worry just as much and the relationships aren't just as hard on us etc.... And our hearts are definitely full of love for our children also. I copied these adoption quotes from somewhere else and think they are very true. Joyce M. Pavao says: "A child, after all, clearly understands that there can be many mothers and fathers. People may have multiple grandmothers and grandfathers, a godmother, and godfather, a stepmother or stepfather--and they may also have a birthmother and birth father. In all adoptions, legal and emotional, it is the roles, not the labels, that must be most carefully defined for the child." -- From the book, The Family of Adoption Jim Gritter says: "If we carry out a system that delights adoptive parents and works for most of the children, but in the process destroys birthparents--where is the joy? Who can call that sort of outcome satisfactory? When will we learn that we are all in this together and that diminishing any one of us diminishes us all? We are never made larger by permitting others to be made smaller. The effort to elevate the status of birthparents need not in any way detract from the importance of adoptive parents."
  15. Jada

    Personal Motto

    Mine are my quotes at the bottom of my signature.I try to live by them every day!
  16. Jada

    Adoptive Grandparents Sue for Custody!

    When Keith and I took our foster parenting classes I must say I was surprised at some of the people in the class. And everybody in the class PASSED!
  17. Jada

    What I Did For Love

    I tend to agree with Sabrina. I honestly do not believe just because you have two parents you will have more money and be better off. Of course in today's society the ideal situation is to have 2 married parents,who got married then had children and stay together happily ever after. Unfortunately that isn't always the case. I think children who do not have a mother and a father do poorly because society expects them to do poorly. That is all people hear...how bad it is to come from a single parent,how disadvantaged that child is,poor boy has no father etc... How can anyone do good hearing this all the time?? Maybe if we as a society actually had better attitudes on the situation instead of looking down on it and pushing marraige etc.. these children would have a better chance. Just because you believe it to be right doesn't make it so!!! It is an opinion not a must!!!
  18. Jada

    Compulsory Adoption

    I'm not sure what the answer is to this. I worked in a Women's Prison here in Indiana for 2 years and saw many women,have to sign their rights over. Many of our women came in pregnant and delivered while still incarcerated. It made me very sad. The only thing I can say about the prison I worked at was they had a program that allows the children to come into the prison for visits in a home like setting and spend time with their mother's. The mothers are taught how to care for their children and how to deal with them in stressful situations etc... As a matter of fact other prison's come to this one for training on the family program. But it still doesn't help the situation of what to do when these children are placed for adoption at the last minute etc... Just a sad situation with very little that can be done.
  19. Jada

    Frank Talk about Open Adoption

    Great list Elizabeth. I am still waiting for Lindsay to decide when it is the "right" time for contact with us. And she will be 14 in June. And I was told exactly what you said "we are waiting for her to tell us when she is ready". UGHHH!!! It was the same with Charlie. Apparently he was ready just afraid to say anything because he was caught snooping around looking for information and found letters and pictures of us. That is how he found out he had bio brothers and sisters. What a shock that must have been. And I would of hated to have been his mother and had to "explain"it all. Also Charlie has been in a little trouble lately and it makes me wonder if it is just teenage trouble or related to emotions because of being adopted and finding out about all of this. Is he rebelling or just being a teenager? Not sure what to think at this point. Maybe if I had been in contact his whole life I would understand it more. Who can say. The past can't be changed but other AP's and BP's can surely learn from my situation as what NOT to do.
  20. Jada


    We only have 17 candles lit. And quite a few are about to go out.
  21. Jada

    "Why is it we always want more?

    I grew up an only child and always longed for siblings. To the point of depression at times. Granted if I had siblings I would not have been as spoiled as I was when I was a kid(I pretty much got anything and everything I wanted) but I wouldn't have known the difference if I had siblings. My girls fight like cats and dogs but I have also seen the other side of them sitting up all night watching movies and eating junk food and just talking. I think my desire to have a large family has come from being an only child. As my kids get older and Elizabeth is married and will be leaving in a couple of months I wonder how it will affect Robin and Clayton. I could not imagine having just one child,it would be way to calm for me!!! LOL
  22. Jada

    Open Adoption

    Thank you for all the support. I would like to add that I DO have contact with Charlie now. It took 14 years but I finally have that. Like I said we are planning on a visit this summer.We were going to try for spring break but their(Charlie and Robin's) spring breaks are a week apart. Charlie and Robin talk like they were never apart. They have "BIG DREAMS" of moving to New York together after they graduate etc.... Of course it is just talk but it's talk that MOST brothers and sisters so close in age talk about(thery are only 14 months apart with Robin being older,Lindsay is 14 months younger than Charlie). I hope that they actually get to move to New York and be the brother and sister that they so deserve. It is so amazing to me how close they are and yet they have only been talking for less than a year and have never met. But they are truly in seperable. Also they have no qualms about telling anybody who wants to know they are "brother and sister" it is all over their myspaces. Anyway I digressed. I just don't want people to take it the wrong way,because I do now have contact with Charlie and his mother has been great about it. We(Charlie and I) have contact whenever we want and she has NO problem with it. He does not have to have her permission when he writes me and we talk etc... Like I said she has been wonderful about it!!! I am just waiting for Lindsay now!!!
  23. Jada

    Open Adoption

    I would never be bitter towards my kids. They actually have nothing to do with this and I know that. Charlie contacted ME first,so I know it can happen. But I need to realize that with Lindsay it will have to be the same. All my prodding and asking is probably just making her parents pull away even more. So I have to wait until the day she comes to me. Hopefully that will happen some day.
  24. Jada

    Open Adoption

    I have done this own my own for years!!! Before the "never lose touch" letter was even around. My children are not babies,toddlers or even school aged. My kids are TEENAGERS. And Abrazo can attest that I have ALWAYS been here for them ALWAYS!!!! AND they can also attest that I have done my part for YEARS. Like I said I AM DONE!!!! I will send one more letter asking them to PLEASE let Charlie and Lindsay have contact. After that,it's up to them. I have sent pictures(which Lindsays mother keeps put up and doesn't show her). I send all of these through Abrazo. So yes I have done my part. I invited them to my wedding etc... I got a congrats in my yearly pictures!!! But that they were too busy to come. I knew they wouldn't come I just wanted to see what her response would be. I am sorry but I have become bitter. I love both sets of parents and Charlie's mom and I are getting better(she even talked to Robin on the phoner a couple of days ago). But there is only so much a person can take. I can only take so much rejection and let down. Maybe it comes with the territory but just like them,my life has to go on and "waiting" on them is bringing me down. I even had a friend through Abrazo who was their friend for awhile. She even tried to get them to open up. She has an open adoption with her children. But no luck!!! It is something that is going to take more than me asking. It will take Lyndsay asking and I just have to accept that. If she ever does. Because I am sure the way she has been raised she will be one "afraid" of asking in fear of hurting her parents. It's just the way it is.
  25. Jada

    Open Adoption

    I got that response from both of my kids adoptive parents."They were waiting for them to ask about me". UGGHHH!!! Well instead of Charlie asking he went snooping and found out he had a brother and sisters he never new about. I can only imagine how he really feels about that. I am still waiting for contact with Lindsay. I wrote a letter to her parents two years ago asking for contact and they said"She is just so busy with her life we don't think she is ready,but I am sure it will happen within the next year or so...." Again UGHHHH!!!! Last year I recieved pictures with no mention of any contact again. I don't even get pictures most of the time until around March or later(aren't reports due in by Jan?) They don't even "have the time" to send pictures ONCE A YEAR on time!!!! Where do adoptive parents get off saying their kids "are too busy" for their birthparents??? Maybe this is selfish but I was just "TOO BUSY" this year to send the "Never lose touch" letter that we were asked to send. I am soooo over it it isn't even funny. I gave these people MY child to raise and love and cherish forever but they are a"TOO BUSY" for me. Sorry but the more I think about it the more OUTRAGED I get. And now Charlie wants contact with Lindsay and I am afraid that they will deny him too. It just doesn't seem right.