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Jada

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Everything posted by Jada

  1. I must say that I can't wait for mine and Keith's one year anniversary to come so we can start the process of adoption. We are having a homestudy done very soon because of our foster parenting also. Every"box" will be checked for us. I can't wait.
  2. I just received this in an E-Mail today from a friend. Just thought I would share it with everybody The Price of Children This is just too good not to pass on to all. Something absolutely positive for a change. I have repeatedly seen the breakdown of the cost of raising a child, but this is the first time I have seen the rewards listed this way. It's nice. The government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to 18 to be $160,140 for a middle income family. Talk about sticker shock! That doesn't even touch college tuition. But $160,140 isn't so bad if you break it down. It translates into: * $8,896.66 a year, or * $741.38 a month, or * $171.08 a week. * That's a mere $24.24 a day! * Just over a dollar an hour. Still, you might think the best financial advice is "if you want to be 'rich', don't have children. Act ually, it is just the opposite. What do you get for your $160,140? * Naming rights. First, middle, and last! * Glimpses of God every day. * Giggles under the covers every night. * More love than your heart can hold. * Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs. * Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds, and warm cookies. * A hand to hold, usually covered with jelly or chocolate. * A partner for blowing bubbles, flying kites * Someone to laugh yourself silly with, no matter what the boss said or how your stocks performed t hat day For $160,140, you never have to grow up. You get to: * finger-paint, * carve pumpkins, * play hide-and-seek, * catch lightning bugs, and * never stop believing in Santa Claus. You have an excuse to: * keep reading "The Adventures of Piglet and Pooh" , * watch Saturday morning cartoons, * go to Disney movies, and * wish upon a star. You also get to: * frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator ma gnets, and collect: * spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, * hand prints set in clay or Mother's Day, and * cards with backward letters for Father's Day. For $160,140, there is no bigger bang for your buck. You get to be a hero just for: * retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof, * taking the training wheels off a bike, * removing a splinter, * filling a wading pool, * coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs, and * coaching a baseball team that never wins but always gets treated to ice cream regardless. You get a front row seat to history to witness history: * her first step, * his first word, * her first bra, * his first date, and * their first time behind the wheel. You get to be immortal. You get another branch added to your family tree, and if you're lucky, a long list of limbs called grandchildren and great grandchildren in your obituary You get an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications, and human sexuality that no college can match. In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there under God. You have the power to: * heal a boo-boo, * scare away the monsters under the bed, * patch a broken heart, * police a slumber party, * ground them forever, and * love them without limits... so that one day they, like you, will love without counting the cost. That is quite a deal for the price! Love & enjoy your children & grandchildren! .
  3. Here is my first post. It has been over 5 1/2 years for me. I am one of the first on here I think. I was called by Elizabeth one day and asked to check out the "New Forum". And that they needed more birthparents to post. I wasn't really nervous. Just relieved to finally be telling my story to other people. I have come so far since then. I just wish my posts were more truthful back then but I was afraid of offending anybody and afraid my husband at the time would somehow see them. Anyway here it is.
  4. As a birthmother all I can say is "Good Article!"
  5. Well my post to this is kind of strange I guess. I have had children at different times in my life and definately enjoy it more now that I am older. I have three kids who are 14 years(15 in August) 11 years and 19 months. I had my oldest when I was 17 years old and my youngest when I was 30 almost 31. I can say that I definately had more energy at 17 then I do now but at 17 I wasn't really able to enjoy my daughter and appreciate everything about her like I do my son now that I am older. At 17 everything got on my nerves alot easier. Spit up and poop seemed more disgusting then it does now. But the draw back is I realize how fast they grow up. At 17 it didn't even cross my mind. All I wanted was for my daughter to be more independent and do things on her own and now with my son the thought of him growing up brings tears to my eyes. I believe there are some advantages of being young and having more energy but I think there are more advantages of being a little older and more patient and appreciative(sp?) of just how special your kids are!
  6. Kathy, I am a birthmother. I have placed two babies for adoption. I also recommend that you call Abrazo. They will help you no matter what you decide. They are just great people to talk to! They can tell you everything you need to know about adoption. Good luck and keep us posted!
  7. I am also a birthmother. Although I do not have contact with my children or their parents I am not sitting back waiting for them to return. It's actually quite the opposite. I know they are very much loved and taken care of. I do "Hope" that one day they will contact me. But just to meet me and say Hello. And maybe so I can answer some of there questions. But not to be there parent. I was raised by a stepfather and never met my birthfather. I always wanted to know who my birthfather was but I never wanted to go live with him and I never had any desire to leave my family to go find him. I have since found him and still have not met him but he could never take the place of my step father. He raised me since I was four years old,he took care of me he instilled his values on me. He loved me! You just can't get that from somebody who didn't raise you. I think if a child wants to contact their birthparents it's out of curiosity not to find their" long lost family". Everybody wants to know where they came from! It's just like a person who is not adopted looking up their family tree as far back as they can. It's something I think everybody wants to know not just adopted people.
  8. Well, I debated wether or not to respond to this post or not because I wasn't sure I could be totally honest with my answer.Also I don't think most people want to hear why I placed my babies for adoption. It's not exactly the story most people would think of. Well, here goes. I didn't read any of the statistics but in case anybody was wondering. I was married, 22 years old and already had two children. For me my kids were everything to me(just like most people I am sure). I found myself pregnant again after just having a baby. We had no car, my husband was paying somebody to take him to work(he had his own business) and we were buying our food every day because we never knew how much money we would have untill the end of the day(usually just enough to buy dinner for that night and something for the girls to eat the next day untill my husband came home the next day with alittle more money) Our rent was 2 months late and our electricity was going to be shut off in a couple of days and we had no phone. So I guess you could say things were pretty bad. I was one of those people who was raised to believe that no matter what you took care of your own. If you had another baby you could always make room and find enough food to feed it so I had a pretty selfish attitude. I wanted to keep the baby no matter what! I was willing to ask my parents for help or go on government assistance(something we were not on even though we were living way below the poverty level). I begged and pleaded with my husband to let me keep the baby. He refused. He said he wasn't going on assistance for the kids he had so we werent going to do it for this one either. He wanted me to get an abortion. But we could never come up with enough money to have it done(Thank God for that). So he started looking into adoption(we had a friend staying with us who had been adopted and thats how my husband got the idea). The whole time I was still begging my husband to try and find another way.I told him I would work nights whatever it took. He still refused. Finally he told me that if I was going to keep this baby I would have to do it on my own and he would fight for custody of our daughter. So I had no choice. What was I going to do? So my husband made the call and set up for somebody to come talk to us and bring pictures of prospective parents.So that was pretty much how I made my decision. It was made for me. I am very grateful for finding good parents for my son and I know he is happy but I still hold very bitter feelings toward his adoption.The day I walked out of the hospital without my son still haunts me to this day. To make matters worse the adoptive parents took a picture of me being wheeled out of the hospital in the wheel chair with this look of ...(I don't know what) but it's like it is frozen in time forever. So you can't say my decision was forced because I signed the papers and I went along with it. But it was not something I wanted to do and if I could have changed it I would have. But I felt like I had no choice. So I guess you could say I am one of those selfish women who would have placed her feelings first before her child's. Because if I could have I would have kept my baby. But not at the cost of losing my other kids because of it. So after all of these years has my attitude changed? Am I glad I did what I did? Have I come to peace with my decision? NO! Sorry but I can not accept a decision I feel like I was pressured into making. Time heals all wounds but this one was deep! Has my life been any better because of my decision?Perhaps just a little. We still struggle every day.And I have to wonder if it wouldn't be this way even if I had kept the baby. Maybe if placing my son(and my daughter a year later) had made my life better. If something improved because of it I might look at it differently. But right now I can't. The only good thing I see from it so far is my kids have wondeful parents and a great life. I am very grateful for that and would not trade that for anything. I am very happy for them! I guess my bitterness is towards my husband more than anything. Something I have to learn to deal with on my own time( it has been 9 years since I placed my son). I know deep down that it was the right thing to do for them(I hope).I guess I am just trying to say it is hard to feel good and accept a life changing decision like this when you feel like you had no choice. The decision was pretty much made for me(two times). I am still with my husband and had a bay boy last October that I actually get to parent. He is the joy of my life(along with my girls who are 14 and 10) but I think about my other two every day and wish every day that it could have been different. It has caused me alot of pain and alot of resentment. So I am not sure where I would fall into the "statistics" on this one. And as far as a decline in infants for adoption I have no idea what to say about that. And I am definately no help in trying to let teens see that adoption is a good and loving choice(of course it is for many people,Please don't take that wrong). I just feel very alone at times with this decision. Especially on this forum . There are so many people to talk to but everybody is so happy with their decision and talk about how it was the best choice they could have made. Is there anybody on here who feels differently. Or am I just the oddball? Sorry I kind of strayed from the topic a little and I am sure many people won't quite know how to respond to this one if at all(which is understandable). I feel better now that I have finally come out with how I feel but not quite sure how people will react towards me now.
  9. As a birthmother I can tell you personally that I think you are just as human as any of us and your weight would not matter to me at all. As long as there are no health problems and you can keep up with a baby you should have no problems. And your birthmother will be able to tell this when you meet her(if that is what you both wish).Also I had my first child when I was 17(14 years ago in August) and decided to parent her and I am glad I did ,but I think this makes you very appealing to birthmothers. You know what we go through and how painful it is. I wouldn't worry too much about these issues ABRAZO will find you a perfect match!
  10. I also believe honesty is the best way to go. After all if you aren't honest about it what does that say about the type of person you are? Better for it to come out now and maybe have the chance to explain than for it to come out later and hurt many people in the future.
  11. Just wondering if anybody has heard from Gabbi? Her baby has had to of come by now. Hope she is doing OK! Gabbi if you are out there please let us know how you are!
  12. Smitty, So sorry we havent seen you on here. Just a suggestion, maybe join under a new name and start over?
  13. Smitty, Just wondering where you went to and how you are doing? We are all here to listen and try to understand we do not want to scare you away but try to make you understand that everybody on here has feelings and even though we can not see each other typed words still hurt! I hope that everybodies comments did not scare you away. I hope that you can come back and post so that maybe you can get past the bitterness but maybe post with a little more kinder words.
  14. For me as a birthmom who placed two babies for adoption 15 months apart I think the top three things that were important to me was 1. That my babies have a stay at home mom. I always stayed at home with my kids and it was important to me that my kids even though I was not parenting them had the same thing. That is one of the reasons why we placed them for adoption was because if we kept them I would not be able to be a stay at home mom anymore. 2. Would have to be money. As awful as that sounds it was a high priority on our list. If we had money we would not have had to place our babies in the first place. So it was very important to us that our babies would have the best of everything. Nice schools,vacations,lots of sports and activities things we would not be able to give them had we parented them 3. Age was also very important. Not really age as much as stability in their marraige and maturity. We thought if they were older they would have more patience for a small child, but they still had to be active. Also if they were older they were more likely to have been married for a longer amount of time and hopefully divorce later on would be less likely. Although there is never any guarantee on this , this was our thought process at the time. Other things that are important to me now that wasn't talked about too much when we were placing our babies was how much openess we wanted. I regret this now. Please make sure you find A.P.'s who are willing to talk about how much openess they want and match with somebody who is willing to as open as you want to be. It may not seem like a big deal at first or you may think you can ask for more later but it is very hard to do that. Or you may not want too much openess and you may get A.P.'s who are constantly trying to contact you and get you involved. You need to be very clear on this from the beginning and know what you want but still be open for change later if needed. I think the best thing to do is go into adoption with an open mind but not too open. Make sure you let everybody know what is important to you but also let them know what you are willing to be flexable about.Their alot of great A.P.'s out there and one is sure to be a perfect match for you and your baby!
  15. Smitty, I would like to ask you to read my posts in HEART TO HEART under Perspectives. Some birthparents are willing to go through agony to assure that they do not disrupt their childrens lives. We are not placing our children for adoption as an easy way out it is very difficult and heartbreaking and the pain never goes away but I am willing to do that so my children can have happy wondeful lives. I would not call that unstable. I think that comment is very selfish and heartless. I realize that you have been through a great deal and it must be very painful but so is placing a baby for adoption and untill you realize what birthparents go through to make sure our children are taken care of and happy you will never truly be able to be the adoptive family that birthmothers look for. Our children deserve the love and respect and they need to know they belong and that they are your children no matter what,and if you cant learn to come to terms with the fact that you can not give birth to a baby(as painful and heartbreaking as it is) you will never truly be the parent that you could be to a wonderful baby. No matter who the baby came from it's still an innocent child deserving of love and that means total love with no conditions or restrictions.I believe God made some woman unable to birth children for a reason. It is because he needed the best most patient and loving women to take care of the babies of the women who place them for adoption.If adoptive parents didnt go through what they do how could they ever appreciate the wonderful children that come into their lives the way they do?I am so, so sorry for the people who can not have children of their own, I could never imagine how painful it must be. But I am forever grateful to these people also because they make the most wonderful parents to my children.Hopefully you can find some kind of piece and come to terms with your situation so you can get past this and go on to be the wonderful parent you want to be. I will be praying for you and if you have any questions or want to talk please feel free to ask or send me a message!
  16. Smitty, think of it like Aunts and Uncles or even Grandparents. These people are a part of a childs "Family" they see the child often or even as much as they want but that does not make the parents "babysitters" because the child has other family members that see them and are a part of there lives. And just like these other family members if they were missing in the childs life that child would be missing a great deal. I hate to think what my life would have been like not knowing my grandparents or my aunts and uncles or anybody that I have had in my family. I lived many miles away from alot of them but they are still very important to me. I believe this is the same for children who are adopted and who know and have contact with their birthparents. They are a very important part of their family. Now that I have said my piece on that may I ask you some questions? Why so "bitter" about OPEN adoption and what end of adoption are you on? Are you looking to adpot or are you looking to place or are you just curious?
  17. I agree that 50's is unusual to be adopting a baby but it does not mean they will not be able to provide a good and loving home to a baby for a long time. I know many children who are being raised by grandparents who are much older than that and they are still going strong. I don't believe it is right in every situation but it some cases it may be a perfect match!I believe that Kay Bailey Hutchison has alot of energy and life left(she must think of her job that she does) and will make a wonderful mother. That is not to say that she may still have an ilness come up sooner in her life than most but any one of us could have something like that come up anyday and we would be in the same situation. I think all cases need to be considered and looked at on an individual basis!
  18. I am a birthparent and would like to comment on this if I may. I will honestly say that age can have a huge effect on SOME birthparents decisions but not all. I have placed two babies for adoption and both of there sets of parents were approaching their 40's or already in their 40's. I almost overlooked the fact that they would be wonderful parents because of their age. Mostly because I was afraid of what might happen to them while the kids were still young. Realisticly though something could happen to any of us young ,middle aged or old anyday of the week.I am very glad that I was able to overlook their ages and see what they were able to offer my babies instead. A loving stable home is much more important than age. As long as you are physically capable of keeping up with small children(and at your age that still shouldn't be a problem)and are in good health I believe many birthparents will choose you because of the people you are not your age.I hope this helps! Good luck!
  19. Elicia, Thanks for the support. Like I said I am still not planning on telling them any time real soon but I will tell them someday. I also have to tell my children that I have which is also going to be hard. Especially since they are older(13 and 9). I just hope that everybody will understand why I did it and not be angry that we decided not to tell them at the time.
  20. I just have a question for any of the Birth grandparents out there. What would you do if your son or daughter did not tell you about the adoption but told you about it several years later? What do you think your reaction would be(honest)? Would you be angry or supportive? I have not told any of my family memebers about the adoption of two of my children 7 and 8 years ago. I do not plan on telling them for awhile but know that it will have to come out someday and would appreciate any info to help me with this.
  21. Gabbi, I was just going through and reading on here again and was just wondering how you are doing? Please keep in contact here on the forum. There are many of us here who would like to continue hearing from you and know how you are getting along. If you need to talk please send me a message. You are in my prayers,
  22. Gabbi,Hello! I'm not sure if I can be much help or give you the answers you want but I can try. I am a birthmom of 2. I will be honest with you it was a very difficult decision for me and my husband. But we know it was the right choice. If you honestly believe you are not ready for a baby then adoption may be a good choice for you. Open adoption is not a guarantee that everything will go perfect but it can help reassure you that things are going good for your baby. You can stay in contact with the adoptive parents and recieve pictures and maybe even have visits. I am sure if you have an open adoption your child will not end up hating you later on. They will know that you made your decision out of love and you only wanted what was best for them.I am sorry I can not help more but I think it would be a good idea to talk to the people at Abrazo and let them know what you are looking for. They can be a great help wether you choose adoption or not. Lots of luck to you and let me know how it goes. Jada
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