Amy L

Thank you all for making me feel so welcome. I understand all the points made as well in reference to "lables". In the end I suppose it really doesn't matter what we are called. Its so very clear that its all about love.

I am new to the process of adoption. I want to thank the staff from Abrazo for making and managing this forum. While I have been searching for the answers to my questions, the forum has given me great understanding of the open adoption process and its benefits and pitfalls. I can tell you with no hesitation that even though I am new here, and have only talked to a handful of people, I have felt so much love when reading these posts. I feel valued and respected even though my baby is yet unborn and has not been placed with his/her family. I have read so many horror stories about the process of open adoptions and how first families are subsequently removed from the life of the AP's and child they lovingly placed. I was scared that this would happen to me and my child. And in all reality, I suppose it still could. But I can see that with all the support and love the people who run, place, and adopt through Abrazo have to give, the odds of that here are unlikely at best. I have no hesitation that I have chosen the right agency to proceed with my adoption plan. I could not ask for more support and respect than that of the people I have read about here. Believe me, I have done my homework. I am in my early thirties and have two beautiful, wonderful children already. While I may think I am not as naive or impressionable as lets say, a 15 year old with an unplanned pregnancy, I know that I could ultimately be denied access to my child if I chose the wrong agency who does not take the time to carefully screen and educate their applicants. I have no doubt everyone here is working in the best interest of the child. The decision to place this child I now carry was gut wrenching and very, very painful. I am so happy to see that at least in this place, my grief over that decision will not go unnoticed, unheard, or uncared for. I did have a thought, and hopefully I am not going to offend anyone. I have a problem with being labeled a "birthmother". In my opinion the term "firstmother" (that I have seen used on this forum) is far more appropriate. Even though I have chosen to place my child with loving, adoptive parents who will be mom and dad, does my "motherhood" end when I give birth? I loved my baby from the first time I saw the two lines on that test, the first time I heard the heartbeat, or felt the flutter of movement in my belly. Does that love disappear when I hand my child to his/her AP's. NO. So being referred to a "birth" anything feels like my role and love is being reduced to a carrier, and stops once I have given birth. I do believe that NO ONE here thinks that way, but can it be understood why the word might be a problem for some? For me, I would much rather be called by my given name than a birthmother. I know it may seem silly to some but I bet it is in the back of others minds as they go through the adoption process. On the other side, I also have a problem with the term given to first mothers as "real mother". I think that both mothers in the adoption process are "real mothers" The AP's are just as "real" as the one who bore the child. The two mothers are just different. I hope I have made sense.