RHSegura

Congratulations to both families on this precious baby... prayers for lasting connections and healing hearts.

It's called "I'n a Big Brother!" "Soy el hermano mayor" by Ronne Randall (Parragon Books) If you can't find it let me know and I'll ask my cousin where she found it. I thought of Hannah when I read it because the older brother in the story is named Luke. Someone gave us this book... perfect for us!

Congrats to everyone on the arrival of this sweet baby boy!

So happy that this precious mom found Abrazo and had the chance to choose such a wonderful family for Joshua and to see him as he grows! So happy for you Chris, Judy and big sis!! Blessings to all of you, and comfort to Joshua's birthmom during this time!

Oh wow! That does not sound right! Our update was one home visit (and we had moved!). It included resubmitting our fingerprints for all the background checks and her updating our info. The cost was less than $500. I hope you can get some answers!

Mari, I really enjoyed looking through the new photos your posted! Sloane is an absolute beauty and the pictures are priceless!

I've been thinking about this post a lot, which is good, I think! I definitely don't have all the answers either. I will be honest, in our first adoption it all seemed rather simple. Simplified because we did not meet Luke's birthmother. We did not witness her pain. We did not hear her cry. We did not see the love and raw emotion. I have no doubt it was there, but we didn't see it and she and her husband did not choose to meet us. We simply went to the hospital, our arms were filled with an incredible baby boy and we came home. Yes, I cried for her, and not a single day goes by that I do not think of L and feel an outpouring of gratitude for entrusting us with that tiny bundle that is now almost 3. But I don't have anything concrete. I don't know her. I don't know where she is today. I think of conversations in my mind of what I want to say, but I haven't had that chance. I don't know if she is at peace with her decision, or if she regrets it. I'm not sure I'll ever know even though I hope one day to meet. With our second, I feel that Elizabeth's question came into play more in the forefront: "How can people of faith clearly discern when they're being led by God, versus driven by their own desires?" We definitely knew we wanted to adopt again. We were preparing for orientation. I can honestly say (after MUCH soul searching of our motives) that we never once believed that we were entitled to another woman's baby or that we deserved a child. It always got under my skin when people told us we "deserved" a baby after all we had been through. We didn't deserve a baby. We don't deserve anything, but we are truly grateful for our blessings. We truly believe that in a perfect world there would be no need for adoption. But our world is so broken, life is hard, choices are hard and I do believe that adoption does solve a need when a woman is pregnant and not able to parent. We felt that we would start the process again and you know that we did have an opportunity much sooner than we had expected. I can say that getting to know M and knowing she was a capable parent of two made it much harder. We did match, taking her word and reasons that this was what she believed was best for A given the present circumstances. We prayed a lot about this match during the week. Rudy and I talked about how we needed to go down, be present for her and just be prepared for whatever would happen. I don't think either of us were convinced that she would place, but we did feel it was right to go and just be available. I know that we told her if her plans changed that we were ok with that and just to let us know. Did we want to adopt him? Of course! But we truly wanted it to be right. I remember praying over and over for God's will to be done, and for her to have the wisdom to make the best decision. I honestly didn't know what that was before the fact. She was firm in her conviction that this was best at the time. That is one reason we tried so hard to give her time alone with her family and that she would not feel pressured by us in any way, shape or form. I am sure we made mistakes but that truly was our heart and I felt God helped us while we were there. You know the rest of the story that she did place and it was agonizing. After later knowing how she felt about the decision after months went by, I felt my heart crumble. I did have doubts about whether God was truly in it. Now with some clarity, time and conversations we've had together, we have both agreed that our meeting and the adoption could not have just happened by chance and that God does have a purpose in it. I don't think that God "made" M relinquish to hurt her and cause her harm, but I believe from the bottom of my heart that He will use this experience in all of our lives to stretch us and make us more into who He wants us to be. I think that trials are given for our growing, and also so that we look forward more to heaven! If earth was so perfect, we'd not want to go to a better place. One thing I think of often is that we just see a glimpse right now, while God sees the bigger picture. He knows A's life from beginning to end, where we just know up until this point. Maybe all the reasons for him being placed in our family aren't even known yet. We don't even know what the next minute or hour will bring. I will add (going back to Elizabeth's original post) that I do not think we can do anything with adoption outside the law or using wrong tactics and cover that with "God told me to" or "God wants this child for my family" or anything like that. I think that is just a plain, rotten excuse for bad behavior. I don't know what that family in Utah was told or why they fought the biological father so long, but I do think we have to be careful not to excuse our own behavior. As far as signs, I think maybe it is better to think back on those rather than using them to confirm a decision. One neat thing about our adoption with Luke is that my birthday is March 9, Rudy's the 27th and Luke was born on the 18th - exactly half way between! Looking back that is kind of neat, but had he not been placed with us I don't think I could have looked back and said "it was meant to be and we must adopt him" based on that! When we were talking to M and she asked what sports we liked I mentioned about Rudy liking soccer (ok, being nuts for soccer! ) Her older daughter plays and we thought it was cool to have that in common. Did at the time that mean that she should place with us? No, I don't think so. But it still is a common tie that we have and it is nice (and she knows that Andrew will have the chance to play!) So, I guess I think it is fine to look back and see neat things but we need to be careful about using those things as subtle pressure beforehand. Does that even make sense? I personally feel that for our family we do have an extra responsibility to treat our kid's birth families with love and respect because that is what we see in the Bible and that is what we try to base our lives and actions off of (though imperfectly, of course!). I don't think we could ever (as the example mentioned above) close the adoption due to "divine direction." We see that it is taught to treat others the way we would want to be treated, and I can assure you I would not want an adoption closed if I had placed a child and the adoptive family had promised to keep in touch! So, I don't see how we could do that to another person. This got really long and hopefully at least some portion made sense! I definitely agree they are hard and good things to think through, but we may never have all the answers. I really like this quote posted above: "Yet when we find ourselves overwhelmed by challenges not of our choosing, it is God alone Who finds a way to bring redemption and joy out of some of the hardships and unimaginable sorrows that can befall us in this life. "

So glad to hear the good report from the doctor!

Keeping the new families in our thoughts and prayers.. so bittersweet as one life is new in the world and one has passed. I am sure Gary and Monica will bring her much comfort as they all welcome a precious baby girl!

This is such great information and encouragement! We were nervous going back through knowing that our first experience was not very typical! We were nervous about taking our first calls even though we had adopted before and experiencing things that we had not the first time around. In our case, it did ring true that A's birthmother was "older" (not old of course, but older than some!) and already parenting two girls. She had a brother that she is close to and it seemed a plus for her to provide that for the son she was placing. It was a plus for her that we had gone through the process before, but a concern that our first was a more closed adoption and there were questions about how we could go from that to an open adoption. It definitely opened up a lot of great conversations and we knew we needed to give her good, thoughtful, honest answers. I have to say that I was wondering if she would choose us because Luke was still so young... I wondered if she had confidence that we could handle it. But at the same time it gave her peace of mind to see a happy toddler and that gave her hope the son she placed would be the same. I definitely appreciated her giving us a chance, even though he was not our first! I must say that in our experience, Andrew has captured our heart in different ways, learned things differently, done things differently and we love seeing the differences in personalities and love seeing the relationship between the boys growing through the weeks and months.

Congratulations and welcome baby Jayden! So thankful that the brothers will be able to grow together with so much love from each part of their family. Thinking of all of you tonight!

Congratulations to all of you on the arrival of a sweet baby boy! I hope that he grows strong and healthy and is ready to leave the hospital soon! Prayers of peace and comfort for the first family, and prayers for you as you adjust to being the parents of two!

Wow! Congratulations! Welcome baby girl!

Blessings to the entire new family on Christmas eve!

Welcome baby Cecilia!! Can't wait to see a picture!

Congratulations Grace, Nathan and Ariel! Blessings to all of you as you begin life with your new daughter and newly expanded family!

Awesome post, although it left me a little sad as it sounds like she doesn't have contact with her child. Thanks for sharing, Hannah! I know! I thought the same thing. But then I thought she wrote so well and offered a good perspective! Hopefully they will reunite some day!

A nice blog piece from a birthmother (guest post on Chocolate Hair/ Vanilla Care!) http://www.chocolatehairvanillacare.com/2012/11/guest-post-have-you-ever-wondered-about.html?m=1

Congratulations to all of you on a new, healthy baby boy. Here's to a lifetime of connection and love as your families have been forever joined!! Meagan, we are thinking of you and pray that you find peace and comfort in the days ahead. Frannie and Mark, congratulations on a precious baby boy joining your family!

Mari, it is wonderful that you are there for support for your coworker. I have often wondered why I've had to go through certain trials in my life, but it never ceases to amaze me how those very things enable me to reach people who need support and to be able to say "I've been there and know what you are going through." I;m not always happy for the hard times, but I can see how God uses it to connect us with others!

Congratulations!!! Definitely a week to feel especially grateful!!! So glad that you found each other and are now forever connected!!

Congratulations, Kim and Gip! I know this has been a bumpy road at times, but I am SO thankful you kept going!!! So happy you were just where you needed to be to welcome this sweet baby girl, and for her birthmom to know how loved and cherished they both will be by you! I am so thankful your arms are now filled!

I would add to try to connect and meet as many families in person as possible that have adopted! It helps to hear different stories and perspectives! For us, meeting a sweet Abrazo boy at a picnic was what made us truly think "this could really happen!" Seeing a success story in person gives so much inspiration and hope!!!! Also, I think meeting others (adoptees, birthparents, extended birthfamilies) and getting their view on things helps a lot too!

Birthday wishes, to you Mari! Hope you have a beautiful day with your family!!!