RHSegura

Just remember how new this all for you, Mandi and for E&J! You all care for each other so much and want to spare each other's feelings so it can all feel awkward especially at first. The great thing is the lines of communication are open and probably as your relationship grows you will look back and smile about the things that felt funny at first.

I personally think it is something you just have to work out. I told our photographer ahead of time that we wanted an open adoption shoot so that was ok. When she came here and someone asked or whatever we usually just said it straightforward and no one seemed too shocked! If you are comfortable with the term "birthmom" or "birthmother" I do think it is the clearest term that everyone knows. But if you don't like it then maybe you guys can come up with something else! I think mentioning to people (like the photographer) that you are in an open adoption helps ease everyone and makes the person feel like they won't say the wrong thing. I like the answer that Judy mentioned!

I love this response too and it actually made me wonder if ya'll think that being in an open adoption and growing up looking at this big family brought together by love for love if it helps create adults that can see society as a community and not strangeers?If they have a greater sense of helping others and giving back and paying forward? i can see that happening in me already and i read how alot of ya'll are that way too so do you think that being in open adoption helps that or being in Abrazo does it? Just a random thought thanks for inspiring it Beth I agree with the above responses. I think that open adoption can mean many different things depending on the situation but at the heart of it is honesty and love. I do think that you do start to look out from yourself and see that your child can benefit not only from your family, but also from their other family! One thing that going through the adoption process has done for me is given me a lot of gratitude. I think that sense of gratitude is what makes me want to try to help others and "pay it forward." I think when the birthfamilies and adoptive families have gratitude for each other and the part we play in each other's lives then there is greater respect and committment to the child's well being. One of my biggest hopes for my boys is that they grow up never feeling competition or jealousy between families. I want them to be free to love both sides and not feel like they are going to hurt one person they love be loving another. Love definitely expands, and not divides so there is no reason for them to feel like they have to limit theirs. I think BOTH birthfamilies and adoptive families have to work hard to talk well of and respect the other family so the child feels this way.

Mandi, it amazes me how both sides get the classless comments! I think it is smart of you to try and make them rethink if they are thinking of placing for "payment" or solely financial benefit. That is one reason we went with Abrazo - so many shady agencies wouldn't think twice before working with someone doing that and even encourage it. I couldn't live with a child coming to us that way!

I think it is hard when people come demanding like that. We've had a few people (some who we don't even know but heard through someone that heard through someone that we adopted FAST) and want to know how to do what we did. We try to explain that it is a long process, and while our son came to us relatively quickly in terms of adoption that it was an exception and that it is not something that can be rushed or forced. I have had a few random people ask me where they can get "a little boy like Luke since he's so cute." We also had someone that asked me (their words not mine!) "where can we get a little Mexican baby like that, but we don't want to deal with birthparents?!?!" I also told them I didn't think Abrazo would be the right fit!

I found the poem I had in mind. I had forgotten it was written by Corrie Ten Boom (not sure if you know of her, but she helped to hide Jews during the Holocaust). Here it is: Life is But a Weaving Corrie Ten Boom (The Tapestry Poem) My life is but a weaving Between my God and me. I cannot choose the colors He weaveth steadily. Oft' times He weaveth sorrow; And I in foolish pride Forget He sees the upper And I the underside. Not 'til the loom is silent And the shuttles cease to fly Will God unroll the canvas And reveal the reason why. The dark threads are as needful In the weaver's skillful hand As the threads of gold and silver In the pattern He has planned He knows, He loves, He cares; Nothing this truth can dim. He gives the very best to those Who leave the choice to Him.

Mandi, I can only speak for myself here (I realize there are many different faiths/religious ideals represented on the forum!). I don't see myself as good or able to "earn" any religious favor with God. I think that He freely gives that to us, and that He is perfect because we are not! Then I try to live according to what I see in the Bible. For me I try to read and learn what it says, and then how I can apply that in my every day life. That being said, I fail every day and often have to ask forgiveness from others or from God and I believe He freely gives it no matter what we've done or where we've been. I think one of the best thing Christians can do is to be genuine and not feel like we have to fake being someone we are not. I think it is ok to admit where we are weak or have struggles. There are many things in my life that I can't understand why they happened. I have never had what happened to you, but we've had some sad things happen. The only thing I can put my hope in is that God is using those times to make me into the person He wants me to be and also to be able to help others who have gone through hard times. I heard someone once talk about our life being like a tapestry. Sometimes we can only see a thread here or there and it looks ugly and knotted, but at the end we'll be able to look back and see how all the bad and good was woven together to make a beautiful piece.

Clearly I have been on Pinterest wayyyy too much with this rainy, cold weather... but I liked this!

That is a great quote!

Congratulations! I just found the pictures and he is perfect and precious!

Oh, I am so sorry for your family. Pets become such a huge part of the warmth and memories in a family. I'm so sad that Lauranda will have to say goodbye to another beloved pet.

Lucky you!!! We miss Angela! She was so wonderful during our first placement!

I think this is a wonderful summary of parenthood! It's not always easy, and our children will not be happy with us all the time. It makes me nervous to think about the pre-teen/teenage years but like everything else it is one day at a time covered in lots of prayer!

Happy Anniversary!!! I love the quote!!!

LOL... I was wondering the saaaaame thing... news, Sara?? That most recent hint has us all on edge! Now I am wondering too!!!

Melissa, we moved between Luke's placement and Andrew's (as you know!) We had a regular one visit update. She did walk through the house and we had to submit new house floorplans. She just updated our address, living situation, etc. It was fairly straightforward and due to us having just a short time before we needed to get to TX for placement she really got on what she needed to do. Now it is probably different since you are in a different state - I hadn't thought about that for you guys! I'm sure you'll at the very least have to do background checks in MS. Hope you can get some good answers since your situation is a little different.

I will pray these little ones will find their forever home, and that their moms will find great matches. We are not in any position to adopt again right now, but boy, how I wish we were!

Happy Grandparent's Day, Mari!! Your granddaughter is beautiful and blessed to have you involved in her life.

That is way too cute! Ollie has such a sweet personality. Luke usually tries yelling "Amen" through the whole prayer at dinner - I think he wants to finish it sooner so he can go ahead and eat... although he usually manages to sneak a bite during the prayer anyway!!

Mandi (and anyone else please chime in) since you've been so obliging to answer questions... Maybe you will get to this in your story, but I was just wondering at what point in your pregnancy did you consider adoption? Did you think about it from when you found out or well into the pregnancy? In our situation, our son's birthmom decided at the very end of her pregnancy (we were matched about a week or so before birth). I think she had tried to work some other things out and things were just not falling into place for her, sadly. I just wonder how this affects the healing post placement. If a woman goes through the majority of her pregnancy planning to parent, then circumstances change and she chooses adoption - I wonder if that is harder mentally not to have that time to prepare? If someone chooses adoption early on then maybe mentally they are more prepared (thought it would still not be easy!) So, just thinking out loud here and wondering what your experience has been.

That is great. When it clicks, it clicks. I think sometimes it is not even something you can put your finger on but a gut feeling, like you said!! I love that you found future parents AND friends!

Mandi (or anyone else!), from an adoptive parent side I'd love to hear your take on this. What was it about the couple you chose that gave you that connected feeling with them? It is so fascinating to hear people's stories... sometimes it seems to be a personality trait, a certain thing you have in common, or something else!

Congratulations Jayson and Kelli!!! Wishing you and the first family a lifetime of happiness and connection as you watch this sweet little man grow up!

Hope you have a wonderful, refreshing vacation!!! Sometimes it just feels so good to get away for a little bit! Please let us know how it goes!

Congratulations and prayers for a hurting heart.