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Jocelyn

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Posts posted by Jocelyn

  4. Try Skype!

    in The Family Room

    Posted

    I just have to "plug" Skype again especially after our experience last weekend. We Skype about one a month with Landon's birthmom Kayla and her mom Kim. But it's way less often with his birthfather's mom Gina, at maybe 3 times since he was born. Last weekend when we were in SA for orientation we spent Friday with Gina and Landon clung to us and didn't warm up to Gina right away. This is how he has been around new people the last few months. However, later that day we went to Kayla and Kim's house, and he was completely different and let them pick him up right away and even gave them hugs. I know that Skype is a big reason for this because their voices and faces were so familiar. I know not everyone has a computer or a camera to do this, but if you do I really recommend it.

  6. Who Birthmoms Are

    in Considering Adoption?

    Posted

    What an amazing story, Tina. It helps demonstrate how important it is for those of us who are adoptive parents to keep up with our promises and maintain an open adoption if that's what all parties agreed to. I never like to hear that adoptive parents go back on their promises of sending updates/photos. Yes, at times you may not want to put in the effort or wish that things were different and that you didn't have that responsibility. But I think you have to realize that adoption is not just about you, it's about the children and what is best for them. "Protecting" a child from a relationship with their birthfamily when you can't even predict what that relationship will entail or be like is not the answer. No one said that would be easy but now it puts that boy in a difficult place with both his adoptive parents and birthmom. I very much hope that she is able to make that connection with her son and find peace with this!

  7. Gender Preference?

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted · Edited by Jocelyn

    Scott and I were just talking about how we thought single mothers would possibly relate more to girls so they'd maybe be prone to parent if they have a girl even after creating an adoption plan. That is probably a bad assumption to make and I know that there would be other factors involved as well, but something we speculated about. But I didn't realize more adoptive couples sought out girls. The article talks about maybe the need to have a caregiver in the family for later in life. In my extended family we seem to talk about another factor, in if there is anyone to carry on the family name which typically would fall on the shoulders of the boys.

    Scott has two sisters that are married and their kids have their husbands last name, so Scott was the only one to carry on the Hillman last name. For that reason we liked the fact that we adopted a boy to carry on the name, but we still would have been open to either gender regardless. Another thing we've talked about is how Hillman will move on because of Landon but the gene pool has now changed because of that fact too. Actually we are ok with the gene pool being different since it's a genetic defect that ultimately led to our infertility. I don't know if we are the only ones that talk about this type of thing but just wanted to share some of the conversations we've had on gender and how having boys or girls can affect the family tree and genetics in the generations to come.

  8. Who Birthmoms Are

    in Considering Adoption?

    Posted

    Melissa, the agency she went with encouraged open adoption but it seemed that maybe she wasn't as ready for that yet as the adoptive parents were. I'm glad that the note from the adoptive parents let her know that they are there for her whenever she wants to come around. So I think there's hope that it will be open but things can change (which I think we all know how that goes, as you go through the ever evolving relationship with your child's family).

    I didn't read the additional comments below but after what you read I'm glad that I didn't. I know I'm guilty of judging people and making comments when I shouldn't from time to time but our experience with adoption has made me take a step back to re-think things before making those judgments. I wish people would take that from stories like this, to realize that there are many definitions of a mother or of family, for that matter, and we can each learn from other's experiences to make us more well rounded, caring people.

    • Upvote 1

  9. Who Birthmoms Are

    in Considering Adoption?

    Posted

    This was an interesting story. I'm glad she shared her feelings and thought process in choosing adoption. Articles like this help breakdown some stereotypes about who birthmothers are and show everyone that each situation is unique.

    And I'm angry at her now ex-husband for treating her that way. I don't understand why people can hurt the ones they supposedly love like that.

  13. Try Skype!

    in The Family Room

    Posted

    I agree that Skype is great for grandparents too. Scott's parents winter in Mesa, AZ each year and they enjoyed seeing Landon in action. Plus is it a nice way for the kids to see them so they stay familiar to them.

  23. Selecting the right family for your baby

    in Considering Adoption?

    Posted

    Monica, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on how you felt through the matching process. I think it's important for expectant parents and adoptive parents to hear. It really is about a connection and sometimes that connection happens right away with a feeling and sometimes the connection grows, and this is why the phone calls and meetings in person (if possible) are great.

    Before Landon came into our lives my husband and I weren't so sure about open adoption. To us it was hard to understand what that would mean and we were probably scared of the unknown too. But now that Landon, his birthmom and family, and his birthdad and family are in our lives we wouldn't want it any differently. We see the benefit to having an open adoption for Landon, and I love that he has such a big family that stretches from us in Minnesota to his birthfamily in Texas to even his great grandma in Alabama (who we were able to meet a month ago). I think for new APs the concept of open adoption may be hard to wrap their heads around and I think it's great that you can share feelings like this and that those of us that have found open adoption to be the right fit can also share our stories. It helps everyone open up to the wonderful world that I believe is truly best for the children!

    • Upvote 3
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