Jump to content

waiting for a miracle

Members
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    444

  • Joined

  • Last visited

 Content Type 

Posts posted by waiting for a miracle

  7. Positive Adoption Language Primer

    in The Family Room

    Posted · Edited by waiting for a miracle

    On the subject of "positive adoption language," here's the perspective of one offended person (herself an adoptee) who shared her thoughts on this with the readers of the Dallas Morning News and who tells it like it is-- for her, personally:

    Posted by Laurel @ 5:45 AM Wed, May 27, 2009

    Yes. Letting someone else raise your child is brave and loving and responsible. That's why everyone does it. In fact, whenever I love anyone very much, I make sure to get them out of my life as quickly as possible, because to do otherwise would be selfish...not.

    Actually, I really do tend to push away those who love me. Why? I'm adopted, and I grew up hearing "Your mother loved you so much she gave you up." Think about that. Think about getting raised with the notion that love=removing yourself from the beloved's life forever. It's almost always a lie, and it damages children.

    The "reality of the adoption decision" is that your gain is someone else's loss. Adopted children also suffer loss, and we suffer unnecessarily when our adoptive parents tell us lies to spare our(or their own)feelings. There is enough secrecy in adoption. Secrecy causes shame.

    But yes, let's do embrace these women--at least until we've got what we want. It's very transparent, this "love-bombing" someone who has or had something you want badly. Something that, if you've already got it, might make you feel the tiniest bit guilty about benefiting from a "wonderful decision" very few women have ever wanted to make.

    I do agree that "terminology can make or break attitudes toward embracing adoption." That's why I loathe the term "birthmother" or any variant thereof: it reduces women like my mother to breeding machines for the convenience of the higher-class infertile. It's also often applied to women who have not even given birth yet as a means of coercion. Nobody is a "birth mother" until she has given up her child.

    Yes, my mother _gave me up_. There is no better or more accurate term. Had I been born at a time when giving birth out of wedlock was not so heavily stigmatized, I would probably not have been adopted. Now that the stigma is gone, most women keep their babies. I guess they would rather have their own family than help form someone else's. Selfish creatures! Don't they know they could be mature, selfless, courageous soopa-heroines?

    For more on this subject and the public response to it in Dallas, click here.

    I just read this, then went to the link, and it is loaded with this kind of anger.

    I'm speechless, tears welling up as I read and look down at the beautiful baby boy sleeping in my arms that I will love for an eternity.

    so tiny and perfect...I pray his first mother, bill, and I are able to ward off these feelings.

    the part that hit home is that as an infertile woman, there is a lot of guilt in taking a perfect child from a woman and causing her pain....even if she feels it "is best" as she puts it. these writings re-lit the feelings of terror that i am profiting at someones loss....which I am....but because I was asked too. although I prayed for it...

  11. INQUIRY

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    Im not the most crafty but I love decorating so Im up for it, its gonna be fun. My husband is the one with the creative mind so between the two of us Im sure we ill come up with something clever. But Im lost as to colors, is it okay to use different colors as far as the pages and text or should it be more serious? Any help is appreciated. Thanks!!

    I think everyone questions what this is supposed to look like. The chicks will send you some samples at some point. The colors are as you wish, the seriousness is as you wish, make it personal. The person who picks yours out of the pile will love it because of your touch.

    good luck and welcome!

    Lori

  13. The Catholic Corner

    in Abrazo's Chapel Potluck

    Posted

    I know, here it comes and YAY! I absolutely love Lent- Easter is my FAVORITE holiday. Yes, Christmas is a Holy Blessing, and I Love it, yet Easter is such an exclamation that our Lord loves us! I LOVE this time of year.

    As for recipes-I am anxious to see any sweet recipes any of you have. We generally eat seafood on fridays....nothing really called a "Lenten favorite" Maine seems to have plenty of options in the seafood department :) I make a great baked stuffed haddock with maine crabmeat, and scallop casserole, and haddock florentine...how about that one?

    this is not rocket science, I normally just eyeball things in the kitchen.

    fresh haddock if possible, it's so yummy, but if not, frozen at sea is pretty darn yummy too.

    thaw a package of frozen chopped spinach and drain it-really squeeze the fluids out.

    add finely chopped red onion, hmmm about a half a medium red onion-more if you love onions like me

    add a few cloves of garlic-pressed

    add ricotta, about 4-5 oz

    add 1/2 package of shredded mozzarella, or mozzarella/provalone mix

    add1/4-1/2 cup of grated parm (just enough to keep spinach stuffing from being too watery-you should be able to make mounds without puddles)

    mix this well, it should look 50%cheesy and 50% spinachy (hee hee)

    about a handful of spinach mix in the bottom of foil lined 8x11 pan top each "mound" with a piece of haddock

    place a nice slice of tomato on each "stuffed" fillet, than top them all with remainder of shredded cheese.

    Bake them at 400 for about 20-25 min. yummy yummy

    this is so yummy that the fasting part feels funny, so I tend to eat fruit, or something wicked small for lunch and skip breakfast all together....

    oxoLori

  14. PET QUESTION ON APPLICATION

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    I think the question is probably for just what Andrea says...don't give the turtle away!!! We have a dog, and you just have to make sure that it's safe-you know, vaccinations.

    I know it can be nervewracking trying to line up all the ducks...there are no stupid questions, or feelings, here!!

    Lori

  18. Baby Announcements 2009

    in New Arrivals

    Posted

    Tiniest baby, sleeping there

    In Birthmother's arms, without a care

    May you know that you are loved,

    By all of your parents and by God above.

    Great miracles come in small packages, sometimes! Today the first couple to take placement from our November 2008 orientation, The Piggybackers, can certainly attest to that, as they have just become the proud new parents of a teeny-tiny daughter who was born this week, weighing just 2 lbs., 5 oz.

    Though her arrival came earlier than expected, she's impressing everyone with her vigor and determination already, and it's no wonder, considering her remarkable origins... because she was born to a young teen with an ageless heart, who has survived life-and-death odds to bring this baby into the world (and into the lives of the adoptive couple so carefully chosen by her birthmom and birthgrandmother.)

    We ask God's blessing on both of these little girls and their parents, that each might grow and flourish, and that their families will remain the best of friends in all the years that lie ahead of them. Welcome, littlest angel! May your days be filled with joy and laughter!

    AMEN..........Thank you Lord, Amen

  22. When Christianity & Adoption Intersect

    in Abrazo's Chapel Potluck

    Posted · Edited by waiting for a miracle

    What do you think Jesus' would say about your open adoption?

    I feel Him saying, "as I promised, trust in Me. Let me take care of it, love one another, forgive weakness in yourself and others, hold "L" close to you in these turbulant times..."

    I beleive that He is walking with me, He brought me here, and if "L" decides to change her adoption plan, this long match with us will be comfort for her...

    the journey is part of the gift, I know I keep saying that, but I am starting to believe it with all the cells in my being!

  24. In Memoriam

    in Abrazo's Chapel Potluck

    Posted · Edited by waiting for a miracle

    Elizabeth,

    I am so sorry for you and your brother. When I lost my Dad the world around me spun...I get the losing "your moorings". :( I pray for peace in your heart, and loved ones to hold you tight right now.

    oxoxLori

  25. Mind Your "B"s and Cues!

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    Prospective adoptive parents should be forewarned that it is considered politically incorrect to refer to expectant mothers contemplating placement as "birthmothers" until or unless they have actually relinquished parental rights.

    This issue came to a head two years ago at a New York adoption conference which Pamela and Elizabeth attended: A Problem With the B Word.

    While this is not offensive to all, it is very important to some that we (as an adoption community) do not presuppose the outcome of any potential placement plan by labelling women in such a way that demeans their authority as the only verified parent during pregnancy.

    Those who are pregnant cannot legally make any permanent commitment to adoption until their baby is at least 2 days old, and their right to change their mind, if need be, should never be denied through coercive use of post-adoption language.

    Likewise, the child a prospective birthmom is carrying is not and should not be referred to "our baby" by prospective adopters until or unless the legal paperwork is completed that makes this possible.

    The term "firstmother" is also coming into vogue lately, but again, wouldn't necessarily be appropriate until a subsequent mom has been recognized by the courts.

    This also explains why Abrazo also seeks to refer to parents who are adopting as just that, in an effort to affirm that adopting isn't who or what you are, but rather, how our parents-in-waiting expect to achieve parenthood.

    Abrazo's staff is split on this issue, as is much of the adoption community; for years, we've used "birthparent" and "adoptive parent" as terms of respect and those are hard habits to break? but we think it's important enough to make newcomers aware of these sensitivities, out of respect for all.

    For more on this subject, and from the perspective of actual birthparents, click here.

    I really don't want to sound silly......but here's the thing.

    I just completed my profile, (10 minutes ago HORAAAY, i think so anyway) which begins dear birthparent believe me, and as I'm sure all of you understand this-I have done this over and over again (the profile) should I be paranoid about my cover letter?

    Let the obsessing begin :(

×
×
  • Create New...