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kristal

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Everything posted by kristal

  1. Stephanie and all of the other people who courageously raise special needs children i applaud you. I know no one gets into a pregnancy, or adoption planning on havng a special needs baby. Im sure you dont regret one minute of it and that God brought you to the children who needed you the most.
  2. i just think that if when talking to Aps they we only open to certain things i would have kindof felt they were trying to "buy" my baby and they only want the "perfect" one and everyone has their faults but what if they adopted my child and then it didnt turn out the way they imagined? Would they not love it anymore? etc... I know when specifying what you want in an adoption abrazo will send your profiles and only connect you to BMs who fit your thing but that was just something to think about.
  3. although im not an AP id like to stress how important it is to leave your options open. the "right" baby is out there and you dont want to miss him/her because you only wanted a white baby, boy, newborn....
  4. okay i was thinking about it and i find it appropiate for angie and wade to refer to me as Colbys birthmom. when i talk about myself i just call myself his mom. i think adoption agnecies should refer to women as just plain mothers, the mothers support group, doesnt sound as demeaning and negative, and all the women are mothers of other children, or prospective birthmoms, or women who have placed, all of whom are MOTHERS.
  5. actually a lot of support sites for women who have lost their children to adoption find the term "birthmom" offensive. it points out that the mothers purpose was only in "birthing" the child. see on one hand i see this- if i had had colby, and then died in a car accident when he was 2 days old, and then my family placed him for adoption would i still be refferred to as his "birthmom" who died as so he was placed for adoption, or his mother who died so he was placed for adoption but on the other hand i understand that it would be more confusing to refer to me as his mother and angie as his mother, but then again arent we both his mother anyway? im not too sure where i stand on this, but i do know that i think it is offensive that the adoption agencys refer to women who are still pregnant as birthmothers. why are you trying to instill that sole role in their minds?
  6. well first of all my APs and i have a great relationship. i told my parents i had matched with angie shortly after it happened. my parents had met angie even before colby was born and then we were all at the hospital together. not only did angie get to met my parents, but my boyfriend (we were just friends then) and my bestfriend. but angie and wade are bringing all the boys on the 23rd. i wanted to invite some of my friends then to meet colby. And angies okay with that, she knows i want to show colby off. also though i was slightly angry at my moms involvment at first. she suddenly loved colby and was willing to be there for me. when i was first pregnant she wasnt really willing to help out because of my past behavior, and she wasnt sure if/how/when id change. i guess now im cool with it, whats done is done, and her reasoning makes sence
  7. i know that people have been ripped off by dishonest women looking for a hand out. but many people have been hurt by someone that is different from them. you can not live your life with sterotypes and expect to understood by people who are more open minded. i am white. i was raped by an asian man. just because an asian man hurt me doesnt mean i have something against asians. infact my boyfriend is asian. you can be upset about your situation and sympathetic to another persons situation without being disrespectful to a whole group of people. im sure someone else on this forum has been raped, but even if it was also by an asian man, i would not expect, or even think it was logical if someone posted back that they thought all asian men should be casterated. You have the right to judge a person by their individual actions. You do not have the right to pass that judgement on to other people that have the same qualities.
  8. WOAH!!! what are you thinking? seriously. WTF? okay, i'm a birthmom and if i had decided not to place, and was responisible for the money my AF used to provide for me, i would have been trying to parent with NO money and a huge debt. and that would have made parenting even harder, so to not have to pay this money i would have had to place my child. I placed my son because i love him. Got that? because i love him not to avoid having to reimburse the hollmans. putting something like that in place would result in all sorts of placements to avoid repaying the money and thats not right. adoption isnt just about you wanting/getting a baby, to think it is is selfish. would placing a huge debt on the would have been placing birthmoms be in the best intrest of the child? No. most birthmoms dont have much money, which is why they need financal help in the first place. besides that counds like you want to BUY a baby. if you pay for something and you dont get it you want a refund?you aren't supposed to be buying a baby. youre supposed to help keep your birthmom fed and from living on the streets and make sure she can get medical care. and if she changes her mind thats her right. infact, how about it works like this, if your birthmom decides not to place, you get your money reimbursed, but if she decides to place, she gets to be there when the baby says its first word, when the baby takes it first steps, when the baby tries to learn how to ride a bike, when the baby cries for its mom. i think the birthmoms lose a TON more than your money could ever pay for. but they decide to make that sacrifice. your comment offended me so much.
  9. yea you can use it. could you just give me credit? thanks! and may i get one of those newsletters too?
  10. honestly, i think the most important fact in open adoption that no one on either side should forget that by choosing open adoption you are willing to share your baby with the people who wanted to make the best decision for the baby. and by sharing i dont mean they get the baby on weekends or every other holiday, just that this isn't only your baby, that there is a whole other family that loves that baby just as much as you do but had to make a painful decision, once you get a child imagine knowing that you couldn't take care of it and had to entrust someone else with your baby. how much you'd want to know is probably a starting point for how much the BP in your adoption will want to know. Now sometimes, the BP find contact too hard, but that doesn't mean they dont care for that baby just as much. With open adoption you might have to see the BPs and watch them hold your child and kiss and hug your child and tell your child how much they love it. and if thats not all alright with you then a fully open adoption is probably not your best bet. the way i see it (i placed my son Colby his AMs name is Angie) When Angie talks about Colby he is her baby, when i talk about Colby he is my baby, but both of us always know that he is OUR baby.
  11. thank you. he looks so different in person though, like in the pictures he looks like his dad but in person he looks just like me. i know when angie cut his hair and i saw the pictures i was like "oh no!! i hate it" but like a week later when i visted him it was so so cute.
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