Most placing parents, like most adopting parents, come to the adoption process with a preconceived set of expectations about what would be the "right" kind of match.
For adopting parents, their initial expectations are generally defined by their hopes and desires for the "right kind of baby" (brevity of time until due date, child's age at time of placement, race, health, sometimes gender) and is heavily-influenced by their sense of whether a mother's pregnancy care choices will result in a "good" child for them.
For most birthparents, their expectations are usually defined by their thoughts about what makes the "right kind of parents" (marital history, age/vitality/life-expectancy, religion, value system) and is heavily-influenced by their sense of how the adoptive parents make them feel about their plans.
Despite most adopting parents' urgency to take placement, very rarely do we find that prospective birthparents are "in a hurry to match"-- even when the due date is fast-approaching.
Most placing parents carefully peruse profiles, scouring photos before tackling text. Some come to Abrazo to review all our profiles, then take those that interest them most home to read further, then spend more time getting their courage up for an actual phone call. Some wait for the birth to occur before contacting the agency again, feeling preliminary phone calls make it all "too real" or "too intentional."
Abrazo always encourages expectant and already-delivered moms to speak with 3 families, initially. This increases the likelihood that her needs and an adoptive family's expectations will ultimately "match up" in a complementary fashion. Sometimes, a family who looks ideal "on paper" may not come across that way over the phone... or vice versa. One then must factor in the eliminating that occurs when a prospective adoptive family elects not to match with a prospective birthmom, once the case assessment is provided and added detail creates additional "filters".
Rarely, though, is there a definable answer as to what makes one family "click" but not the others. If anything, it's less about what is actually said than what is felt. Most placing parents can tell you how they felt, after their calls with the "right" family, rather than what was said that resonated with them. (And when there is something "wrong" with a particular family, it generally has to do with something that was said that felt wrong to the prospective birthparent/s, not something that was "wrong with" the family in question.)
But with only a few exceptions, their feedback regarding the "other families" wasn't that there was anything said that was wrong or offensive-- just that it didn't "feel right."
However eager waiting adoptive parents may be to get a match made, there really is such a thing as a "match made in Heaven" and those really are worth waiting for, whether one is placing or adopting.