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ElizabethAnn

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Everything posted by ElizabethAnn

  1. Good luck with that New Year's resolution... but yes, Scott, I believe Tara is correct! Since you didn't take placement of any other child in 2012, you should be able to claim the funds lost in your failed match for last year? (Where is Suzi G. when we need her accounting expertise?)
  2. The adoption tax credit is now permanent but no longer refundable: http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865569996/Adoption-tax-credit-made-permanent-by-fiscal-cliff-bill.html
  3. An interesting perspective on intrafamily adoption, by someone whose family has been deeply affected by this process: http://www.huffingto...html?ref=topbar Abrazo recently interviewed a job applicant who announced in the course of the interview that she "has adoption in the family." She proceeded to tell us that her nineteen-year-old brother was adopted as an infant but "doesn't know yet" despite the fact that the other family members do know and are keeping it a secret from him "until he's old enough to understand." We did our best to educate her about the importance of openness and the rights of adoptees to know the truth of their origins. (Suffice to say we won't be hiring her-- and her family won't be breaking the news to her brother anytime soon, unfortunately.)
  4. It's been awhile... anybody have any "baby steps" to offer for those who are brand new to the adoption universe and trying to get their bearings?
  5. I think one common misconception is that "open adoption (is supposed to) make things easier for the grown-ups." It doesn't. (Nor should it, frankly.) Open adoption can be complicated... messy, even (sometimes.) It takes work to make it work. The primary purpose of open adoption is to provide the person(s) being adopted with lifelong information and ongoing access to their family of origin, understanding that they should not have to lose who rightfully belongs to them from the beginning just to belong with the parents who adopt them for a lifetime. Roots are important, after all. They ground us. Yet roots aren't all that's needed... all growing things need nurture and sunshine and oxygen and water, those essential "extras" that make life possible. It takes the love of both birthfamilies and adoptive families to raise wholly-loved adoptees. (And that takes unending effort on the part of all the parents, who have varying and changing needs of their own.) They don't always get along. They don't always agree on everything. They don't always appreciate the other as perhaps they should. These are challenges we encounter in nearly any human relationship, after all. When open adoption relationships break down, it doesn't mean open adoption "doesn't work." It just means both parties aren't able to do what it takes to keep the relationship healthy, for whatever reason. Sometimes, they need time to work out individual problems; sometimes, they need space to recalibrate expectations or work through misunderstandings. Time-outs can sometimes be useful, if they don't result in permanent disruptions. Open adoption agreements can always be renegotiated but should never be completely abandoned, for the child's sake. Any "open adoption relationship" is based on an agreement made between parents, committing themselves to a certain standard of contact and communication. It cannot and does not obligate the child who is adopted to be "in relationship" because that is the choice of each adoptee to make, upon adulthood (whether or not they choose to be "in relationship" with their family of origin.)
  6. Troubling reports are arising out of Ethiopia, suggesting that the problems reported in Guatemala and Vietnam are impacting Ethiopian adoptions, as well: http://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2011/12/how-ethiopias-adoption-industry-dupes-families-and-bullies-activists/250296/#
  7. More info, for those interested in doing designated adoptions, as to why they are gaining popularity nowadays: http://miami.cbslocal.com/2012/10/31/how-social-media-is-changing-adoption/
  8. As the single mom of boys who will have two parents who will be card-carrying members of AARP before they graduate from high school, I can't help but worry that they are likely to become "midlife orphans" (like me) by the time they're my age. By choosing to not become a parent until I was 39, my sons reaped the benefit of having emotionally-mature parents who were also financially-secure, but the tradeoff is that their parents don't have the energy their classmates' younger parents may have, and may or may not have longevity on their side. (And being homegrown, their support system may be regrettably somewhat limited in that event.) Up until this stage of my life, I've always believed fiercely that one "cannot be too old to be a good parent" and my agency's age policies for adoptive parents have reflected that. However, I do think there are tradeoffs to every choice we make, and the downside for adoptees placed with older parents has to do with their capacity for compounded loss (ie., the reality that they may grow up suffering the loss of two sets of parents by adulthood.) This may be another, unanticipated advantage to fully-open adoptions; that in essence, the adoptee could still have access to his/her birthparents of origin, should his/her older adoptive parents have a more limited lifespan than expected? Yet we owe it to children who have had to be adopted to seek to shelter them from further losses, to whatever extent we're able, and sometimes I wonder whether working with adoptive applicants over fifty who are seeking to adopt only newborns really accomplishes that goal?
  9. Just wanted to welcome you to the Forum, Denise! I think of you as family, so I'm glad you're part of Abrazo's greater family on the Forum, too. You have much wisdom to share and you so belong here! Big hugs...

  10. I happened across this post today. I have my own theories about why a family with three bio-kids who only wants to adopt a girl under the age of three is finding it slow-going? But I think the ever-dropping numbers of American moms willing to consider adoption stand as a reminder of how much we should (as a society) appreciate those who do find the courage to place when doing so is in the best interests of their child/ren. http://www.chicagono...are-the-babies/
  11. Hannah posted a link to this on the private Facebook group for adoptive families, but I thought it was so remarkable, it needed to be shared here! So thank you, Hannah, and thank you, "K" (and her mom Carrie Goldman and Chicago Now), for helping to make this remarkable reflection ("I Want To Go Live With My Birthmother!") available to us all! http://www.chicagono...t-me-%E2%80%9D/
  12. NOTE: Texas homestudy requirements for updates have changed yet again! (but this time it's good news for againers)... Texas now permits homestudies to be updated on an annual basis or upon any major life change (meaning updates no longer "expire" if completed more than 30 days before placement, as before. This is great news particularly for BOG cases.) Abrazo againers in need of homestudy updates must now just have the homestudy worker make one visit to the home with all household members present, to review all the original topical categories and document any changes, and the resulting update must be written up and approved within 90 days of that visit. In most states, if the placement is being done in Texas and finalized in Texas, then the "receiving state" yields to Texas' homestudy requirements, which should alleviate out-of-state families from being trapped into doing a whole new homestudy (at the price of a whole new homestudy vs. an update!) since Texas doesn't consider an already studied-family to be able to acquire a second "original homestudy", hence the need instead for an update on the original. Obviously, there are some places that do not comply (as demonstrated by Susan's experience in Virginia) but we would still encourage againers to push the issue, and contact ICPC or state licensing officials or even your legislators to challenge this, because we think some homestudy resources are taking financial advantage of the situation, frankly, and that's akin to highway robbery in our book.
  13. Sometimes, I think, adoption planning is a knee-jerk reaction when it starts too early in pregnancy. That's not to say there aren't some moms who know from the beginning that adoption is going to be their best choice on behalf of their child, but it is to say that all expectant parents need to take time to consider all possible options so they feel secure in whatever decision they do ultimately make. Lots of things can change in the course of the 40 weeks that a pregnancy transpires. Abrazo generally advises mothers to wait until their fourth or fifth month to initiate adoption planning and consider matching, but there are other circumstances in which some parents do rightfully need to begin adoption plans in advance of that (one of those being cases in which a parent already knows that Child Protective Services will not allow them the option of parenting, for example.) Planning adoption during pregnancy is not easy because it does force expectant parents to deal with anticipatory grief, but this can ultimately be a blessing, in that longer matches do enable birthparents to feel more secure in their decisions and with their chosen adoptive families. That said, there are plenty of expectant parents who make no plans in advance because they can't deal with the psychic pain of doing so, and they just wait to call agencies like Abrazo from the hospital after the birth. That's not optimal, because it requires the planning of a child's entire future to be completed at the last minute, but Abrazo is happy to help in any circumstance, in whatever way best meets the needs of the parent/s and child involved.
  14. Hmmm... this presupposes, of course, that a mother shares your value system and has access to prenatal care, and the means to obtain it. Keep in mind that there are plenty of moms who place who do not ever see an ob-gyn in the course of a pregnancy, but are "responsible" enough to consider adoption and blessed enough to deliver loveable babies on their own. As we often remind adoptive parents at orientation weekends, open adoption is not a surrogacy arrangement, so adopting parents should not impose their own pregnancy care preferences on expectant moms considering placement. They can certainly opt to not match with someone whose lifestyle doesn't fit their expectations, but if we expect prospective birthmoms to be "responsible" enough to make good plans for their babies' futures, we need to credit them with being responsible enough to make their own best decisions for their bodies and their babies during pregnancy, too. (Just a gentle reminder...)
  15. So there's this new Disney movie out, and it seems to be one of those films that people either love or hate, no in-between. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wV_i2yadQ0M .I happened across this review today (http://io9.com/59348...-than-it-sounds) and it got me thinking... On Abrazo's application, one of our essay questions asks prospective adoptive parents with infertility to consider how they have grieved the loss of their "biological dream child" and consider how the child they adopt may differ? It's a question most folks seem to struggle with, and understandably so. Having had homegrown children, I don't remember spending much time anticipating how I hoped my children would "be"... perhaps because I just assumed they'd be reasonably intelligent, with dark hair and dark eyes like their dad and I (originally) had. I hoped they'd be well-behaved. I hoped they'd be tidier than their mom. (But that was about it.) I spent a lot more time thinking about how I hoped my marriage would be, and we all know how that turned out!?! Yet I wonder if parents who adopt (not having the benefit of being able to assume--right or wrong-- that their children will be "pretty much like them") might naturally spend more time wondering how their future kids will be (and maybe sometimes worrying about this, as well)? I wonder if sometimes they might secretly wish that adopted children could just be grown in a garden according to their own specifications (ala Timothy Green)? And I wonder if it the longing for biological control is what is giving rise to the numbers of Texas adoption agencies suddenly launching pricey surrogacy programs? Share your thoughts on this, and if you go see "The Odd Life of Timothy Green", let us know what you think of it, as well!
  16. August orientation attendees-- we've launched your very own group thread under our Parents-in-Waiting section, so join us there, because that will eventually be a wonderful record of your respective adoption journeys from start to finish, just for you! (And it will be retitled with your very own special group name after this weekend, so come inspired!)
  17. Oh, my... http://www.eonline.com/news/333004/holly-madison-to-adopt-baby-to-avoid-missing-vegas-show.
  18. Tara! Is no "NO" news good news?!?! I keep watching daily for a bud-nipping post from your better half, and every day that I see none, I get more and more excited for the whole family (yours and ours!) (I promise to play it cool at Camp, but I'm potentially tickled pink at the very thought of it!)
  19. Well, gee, if you think it would help...!?!
  20. The "Millionaire Matchmaker" is trying to find her birthparents, apparently: http://www.celebuzz.com/2012-06-25/millionaire-matchmaker-patti-stanger-searching-for-biological-parents-believes-its-key-to-finding-true-love-exclusive/
  21. K&J, congratulations! Look for "Linlacor" on the Forum... they would never have found their adorable son had it not been for their involvement in the Designated program, since his birthmama was a go-getter who would never have dreamed of contacting an adoption agency had she not found a couple she adored online, first!
  22. That was so unexpectedly beautiful it brought a lump to my throat.
  23. In my experience, Jocelyn, you are correct: celebrities do get preferable treatment with certain well-known adoption attorneys and yes, some agencies, too (all proteestations to the contrary.) I said this in an interview with People magazine some years ago, and it didn't go over well, but it is the truth. One very famous actress who will remain unnamed adopted several times through a recently-closed adoption agency and the agency routinely flew staff to NY to secretly retrieve the babies she took home and then decided to quietly "change out" for others. (You can't tell me the average adoptive family could get away with that!?! But of even greater concern is how that affected the tiny newborns who were being swapped around in that fashion.) Interesting piece in HuffPost about celebrities adopting black babies... http://www.huffingto..._hp_ref=parents Your thoughts?
  24. Deb, in private adoptions, anything goes, basically, because there is no agency to set higher standards in a child's best interests, unfortunately... and in celebrity adoptions, it seems the same standard sometimes applies. This story was similarly troubling, I think... http://mom.me/fun/18.../3782-82567377/ How will the Kellys tell Addie "well, yes, we were so delighted to add you to our family, we let you sit with the nanny in coach just so the paparazzi didn't find out we'd adopted again until weeks later?"
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