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suziandben

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Posts posted by suziandben

  2. Profiles: Presenting... YOU!

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    Recently Collin pulled our 2nd profile off the shelf and asked to read it. It was really neat going through it 4 years later with 4 years of getting to know Parker's family behind us now. I saw the profile in a totally different perspective. I put pictures of our cars in that profile because Ben loves cars and had sold his sports car after Collin came home. Well in the picture with my van I am wearing a superman shirt. Parker's uncle Kyle (side they are all ours in every way uncles aunts grandmas etc just making it clearer who is who in my story) anyway uncle Kyle is obsessed with super heroes. I made a comment that driving my van is like driving the bat mobile. Soooo fun to see tiny details that really spoke to their family that seemed like space fillers to me as I was putting it together. (We had 26 pages to fill for that Washington state agency.)

  16. A Birth Grandmother's Role

    in BirthGrandparents & Important Others

    Posted

    Gosh this year has flown by... We were in Vegas last year at this time visiting my baby girl #1 and it was the last day my baby girl #2 was a teen.. And today is the last day my baby girl #2 will be 20... Can't believe she will be 21 tomorrow, I thank God everyday for not taking her from me almost five years ago. -_-

    Wow time has been flying. Given that sloane and Collin are so close in age I should not be blown away but wow happy 21st birthday lauranda!!! I hope it's a wonderful day.

  18. Baby Announcements 2013

    in New Arrivals

    Posted

    I think the Midwest Meet-up group will always feel a special bond to baby Grant. Congratulations, Jen and Haukur! It was great to finally meet you in person, if only long enough for you to drop off the bratwursts for the potluck and head back down south on VERY important business! (they were delicious brats, by the way...)

    Classic!! That's awesome.

  22. How Long Did You Wait? Why Abrazo?

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    I think the abrazo chicks famous saying is that they are social workers not so much statisticians at abrazo. So they have very few statistics. Though one of the newer abrazo "chicks" did some math recently on wait times. (Sidenote: it sounds awful to call them "chicks" if you are unfamiliar - I swear I'm not a jerk - the ladies at Abrazo call themselves the Abrazo chicks so it's a name used with playful affection.) I don't know how many have failed matches with abrazo versus those that don't. I do know the journey of infertility and adoption is one that is froth with heartaches/breaks of varying magnitudes and that no one goes through that journey without heartbreak of some form or another. While some might not have had an official failed "match", perhaps they had hopes dashed, rejections upon rejections (we had many of those and they hurt dang it! lol). Parents in waiting at abrazo have documented infertility so they carry that wound as well.

    So why do it if you know you might (probably will) get hurt? When we came to abrazo I came with so many of these same questions that you have. I very much wanted some guarantees that we were going to be okay. I wanted to be protected from another heart break. I had to do some soul searching and realized that our (failed) match in Oregon before abrazo was "a chance". That's what every match is... a chance. I came to realize that if I could go back and have a "redo", I would still choose to match with the gal in oregon for the chance to be a mom. With a heap load of patience all those chances came through. We came home with Collin and then Parker. I leaned heavily on those that went before us that told us the journey would be worth it. And I was grateful to know that the abrazo chicks were going to be there for us. They were. And the journeys were worth my boys!

    In terms of long matches that is another one that you just have to let go and be willing to come in on faith. There are some very very long matches (7 months? I can't remember the maximum match time with abrazo) and some very very short matches (same day match and placement) and lots of in between. The baby/child meant for your family will find your family - short/long/medium match. I came with the SAME fears that you are expressing. I left our adoption journeys with two boys. My cup literally runneth over. :) I was able to snuggle with my boys tonight because in 2008, I moved forward despite my fears, uncertainties and wounds. I am so very sorry to hear of the passing of your grandparent by the way. Oddly it seems like a parent or grandparent passing during the adoption journey IS a very very common happening. Ben's grandma passed while we were parents in waiting with abrazo. I don't know if you are a religious person. I can't help but wonder if there is some significant link in that coincidence like grandma/grandpa are going off to help bring baby to your family. It's a nice thought anyway.

  23. How Long Did You Wait? Why Abrazo?

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    Hi Matt and Katie,

    Congrats on getting your application sent in. I remember what a big weight that was to get done! The first time my husband and I did a homestudy it took us about 4 months to get all our questionnaires and paperwork done, it took weeks when we sent in our abrazo application and when we did our application for our 2nd son it took me about 4 hours. lol

    Anyway my husband I spent 5 years waiting with an agency in Oregon before we came to Abrazo so it was a fairly easy decision for us. We really liked coming to orientation because we were coming from all the way across the country and wanted to get to know this agency and the people we were putting our trust in. We had two adoption heart breaks before abrazo of different magnitudes. When we came to orientation at abrazo, a couple at orientation shared their failed match story (that was part of their journey to eventually their oldest daughter) and it was sooooo reassuring... we were not alone! Whereas back in oregon we had felt alone in our failed match experiences. We did not have any failed matches with abrazo. Our son was placed with us about 6 months after we attended orientation. We went to orientation with something like 9 families - one couple took placement over orientation weekend and the last of the couples to place in our group placed 13 months after orientation. Some of the longest waits I have seen in Abrazo are like 18 months maybe... not 5 years. One thing that was very unique about our abrazo journey was that the time between birth and placement of our son very stressful. i remember those conversations with the abrazo chicks and asking them "is this normal? is this the typical placement experience to have so much uncertainly?" The answer was no it's not typical to have so much placement uncertainly. The chicks were there for us through those tough 3 days. In the end I realize what was really going on was that our son's birthmom felt very very comfortable being very very open with us about her feelings whereas sometimes other new moms experience the same doubts but are not open about it and then seem to "suddenly" choose to parent. The other unique piece of our abrazo journey is that our ICPC was over thanksgiving and was 3 weeks long. We drew the long stick of that year for sure. I'm grateful for it because we just can't get back to texas as often as others who live closer.

    Immediately after our 1st son's adoption was finalized (he was 7 months old) we began researching adopting again. We were in the process of moving to Washington state and realized it would be very difficult to go back to texas a 2nd time around with a baby in tow this time and Ben did not have the time off from work saved back up that quickly. I would very likely be stuck in a hotel by myself with two babies waiting out icpc. we researched agencies in our new location and found an agency in washington. we went to orientation 2 weeks after our oldest boy turned 1 year old. we met our 2nd son's birthmom at orientation and he was born 3 weeks later. Highly unusual.

    I appreciated the structure in abrazo. It's always very clear what the expectations are. I loved orientation. I went to orientation hoping to know the agency. I came home with a huge support group of new friends that carried us through our adoption journey (and through our journey for our 2nd son as well as it got quite rough between birth and placement as well). I have never seen another adoption agency that gives families the opportunity to know each other like abrazo (waiting families, placing families). I am the kind of person that likes to watch 15 people jump off the diving board before I can do it myself. It helped me tremendously to watch families through the forum before our time came.

    Good luck!!

  24. NEW PARENTS NEEDED!

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    We just mailed in our application today! We sent in our Inquiry almost a year ago and are finally getting ourselves together! We don't have any children yet, and while we don't live in TX, I have lots of family there so we visit fairly often. Texas has been an important part of my childhood, so it has a special place in my heart. Hopefully our application is approved and we can attend the next Orientation. The post office said it should arrive Thursday.

    Thanks!

    Katie and Matt

    Congrats on taking the plunge! Crossing our fingers for you. :)

  25. Baby Announcements 2013

    in New Arrivals

    Posted

    It's amazing how seeing so much more of the story with this placement leaves me struggling to find the right words. My love and prayers go to you Ellen and Sergio. May god guide you and hold you tight as you begin this journey from here. Tim and Leslie ... Welcome to parenthood mom and dad may you never sleep soundly again. ;)

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