Erin and James

Thanks to all of you who have commented. In my initial post, if I implied that we were looking for a specific child (race, health, etc.), then I apologize. We did not enter this process lightly. We carefully considered a number of different options that would allow us to become parents again. We both agreed that adoption was the right course of action for us and James, being adopted himself, was in a unique position to understand a number of concerns and issues a birth parent and, then subsequently, a child, would have. Based on a number of factors, including some of the issues James faced, he was honest enough to admit that he had some limitations. Our mistake was not being clear enough on what we were open for in a child. I think all of us understand that there is always a risk when a child is born; none of us (biological or adoptive parents) can predict the future or health of the child. We are willing to take that chance. However, the other hurdle James and I face is that we have one biological child and, to be frank, it surprised me how detrimental that can be in the adoption process. For many reasons and out of respect for the work Abrazo does, I will not comment further on this issue in the forum. What I will say is that I did call today and had a very candid conversation. While the comments I heard were definitely not what I wanted to hear, I appreciated that person's honesty based on her perceptions and experience. So, now we are starting back at the beginning. Even if we changed our preferences, which is what I wanted to do, we would still not be accepted at this point by Abrazo due in part because we have a biological child; also, there are only so many families they can help at one time, which I truly do understand. If I am honest, it is a bitter pill to swallow to acknowledge we are not one of those families. Please do not take these comments as me being negative about Abrazo. These ladies have a very tough job and I don't know if I could do it! Now, I have to reflect and determine our next steps.

I agree I need to do that, but I am still concerned that race and ethnicity was only one factor in their determination. I guess I am trying to make sense of the comment in the letter that "you already have one child."

James and I got our letter today that we have not been accepted by Abrazo due to the fact that we already have a child coupled with our racial preferences. In hindsight, I should have checked the willingness to have a biracial child. If I do that now, will it make a difference? Honestly, it's not a huge issue with us; we just didn't think it all the way through when we filled out our application. I am absolutely devastated by this news. Of course, it doesn't help I am out of town on business and James had to break it to me over the phone. I really felt that Abrazo was the agency for us; it's the one agency I kept coming back during my research. I feel angry, hurt, sad, and a little betrayed. Even though everyone on this board kept assuring me that already having one child would not be a problem, I was really upset to see that it was used as one of the factors when the decision was made against us. What did we do wrong when all I kept reading about is how families with siblings would be welcome? Since you all have been helpful in the past, I thought I would ask again. What do you think we should do? What would you do in our situation? I plan on contacting Abrazo in the morning to discuss this further, but any thoughts would be much appreciated.

Thanks to all of you who responded to my question and for all of your warm wishes! We were blessed with one miracle child, but we still feel that there is at least one other child out there waiting for us. My husband was adopted, and at that time, open adoption was just a concept. Fortunately, with the assistance of his mother, he located his birthparents and developed relationships with them, so we have a very blended family! I am just excited (and nervous) about the process.

My husband and I submitted our initial inquiry a few weeks ago, so we are now anxiously awaiting a response! One of the things that I am concerned about is the fact that we already have a child. Some of the other agencies we investigated as we were making our decision indicated that we would be considered lower priority over childless couples. Based on all of the research we did (and me lurking on this forum!), Abrazo was our first choice, but I'm still worried that we will not be accepted. Am I worrying over nothing or is having children a factor?