Runyan2002

Ahhh praise!!!! You're words just beam out. Welcome & I can't wait to hear more from you both. Ps - now comes the need for PICTURES!!!

It's my signature...."I got lost on the way to a dream and found a better one." in the present sense so "I get lost on the way to my dreams and God gives me better ones." That plus "Life is Good." My everyday motto isn't a cool saying but more of a meditation where I forcefully sit down with God & put all of my trust in Him with in turn wipes out all of my daily stresses. Maybe "If I trust Him...and trust His plan...why am I stressing? Because I doubt...don't doubt His plan." or such. I tell ya during the worst times I swear I felt weight lifted off my shoulders.

what a gorgeous family!!! Congratulations, amazing how QUICK it all goes huh? Okay and you both look BEAMING!! Are they on the forum? Don't make me fly to Georgia...wait...they're in SA still...Dy - get em'!!

Is there any news on the mommy-to-be? I've been praying for her!

Ha ha!! I was thinking the exact same thing!! Doesn't take us long to start rallying the troops for these beautiful children & thier mommies-to-be. Even if this couple doesn't match with this expectant mommy, we have our "in" to get them on those books!! Abrazo-chicks-in-training

Me too Heidi!! PM me which couple you did...I wonder if it is the same!! I know the woman I spoke to was soooo excited, I'm glad this sweet birthmother is going to have options it looks like!

Praying for this mother-to-be & that hearts will be open & the perfect family is found!

Nothing here! (not that we are looking to apply again just yet LOL)

Wow, that made me tear up. Congratulations to Jessika, Jonathan, & Julie!!! Prayers of peace, sleep, & love!!

YAAAY Congratulations!!!!

I have lit a candle for every birthparent out there who may be hurting today. May you find peace & comfort. Love Natalie

I just join in the conversation but always refer to them as thier biological or birth parents. They normally catch it. If not, I mention it (people also just say "mom" or "dad" or "parents"). I usually am pretty nice about it. If it's someone I have many conversations with, I correct them for future use. If not, I will let them go on more before I correct them (I don't want people to feel stupid either). It's easy for US to see the offense in it, but for people who have nevr thought twice about it, they don't know. Because of this, I usually stay nice & they learn from the language i use.

Yeah I totally agree Amanda...I wasn't too fond of the wording. I already don't like people to think we adopted to save a child. I thought this was dissing the yard sale itself...I will say going public & writing an article on it is a bit much right? Plus the address in there?? I mean...wow...basically that tells me you hope people send anonymous donations. Which is sorta ewwwky (this is my pride talking too though).

I don't know...I had friends that did this, including selling pampered chef to raise money. I don't think it's all that bad. I know we thought about it this time before we realized we had the money thankfully. I don't think it's always a matter of "okay, you don't have 20,000 so do foster." Foster care is specific...it is HARD. I have many family who has adopted or fostered. We even thought about it, until we never recieved a phone call at. all. This was about a little girl who had drug issues & none of her family wanted her (poor thing), I happened to know someone who knew the foster mom is how we found out about it... Foster care isn't always an option & it can be a long very hard road dealing with the state...waiting for TPR, and some people do want an infant (like us). Selfish? Maybe...but adoption is selfish for many aparents. Anyways...I don't think the normal family has 10 - 20,000 plus laying around they can access for an adoption. It was HARD for us to save the money, but thankfully we were able to. A lot of financially successful people aren't. That's a lot of money though and some people need help to raise it. I'm not sure I would judge a family because they weren't able to find 20,000 for an infant adoption so they tried to raise the money. Now that being said I am not fond of a lot of the wording in it...like they are saving the child, but that may just be the person who wrote it.

I love these thought-provoking posts and it would be great to hear other's take on things, but I also understand that it isn't always the fun thing to go against the norm. On that note, I don't necessarily always post what I believe but rather play devil's advocate to put the less popular thought out there. I do think that we might never be able to understand why someone walks away from the placement of a child (even if they tried to explain it). I am thinking that in some of these cases, we should just be thankful that the child didn't end up in the home of those that walked away. I whole heartedly agree!! I also love others who step out & challenge a belief...it makes you look at an issue from another side. Makes you step back & think about things.

I don't know, I see it as a huge difference. A birthmother did not specifically choose to become a mother by adoption. When you take on this role...as a potential adoptive parent, you must know that the child might have problems, just as if you were to have a biological child. I believe that we as adoptive parents have a bigger responsibility to uphold. To do this to a birthmother...and a child...is heartbreaking. I know it was a struggle to walk away, but at the same time just because we are adoptive parents...do we really have the "right" to choose to walk away after the birth because of medical reasons once we are committed to a match? I of course, have the same issues with parents walking away from thier biological child because of a medical issue. If this wasn't a case of adoption...and just a case of parents walking away specifically only becaue of this child's medical issue...would we not be appalled? Maybe I am judging to harshly knowing she was pg because of IVF also.... Don't get me wrong, if she couldn't handle it then I am very glad she admitted it & walked away. But shouldn't we decide this before hand? If this is the case...we truley cannot handle it, should we only match with babies that are already born? There is always this risk in a pregnancy...

What a bittersweet story!!! I'm so glad she found the right parents for her...poor thing. I can not believe that a)someone would have in vitro while trying to adopt, they would turn the child away. What if thier child from in vitro would have the same ailment??? Would they turn away? Probably not...but alas that is why God made sure she was not this child's mother I presume...

Oh congratulations to all the new parents!!! Dy - I followed your story & I am so happy for the both of you & that special birthmommy!! Laurie - WOW! What a shock & a beautiful twist to your story! Congratulations to you & prayers sent for thier birthmom.

Aww that is too sweet!!! I love seeing that picture of all of them talking. I can see how it is a term of endearment, I just think (if you do choose to use this) it takes some getting to (as Heidi previously posted), and I just find it a little inappropriate to use before placement, when they are not even a birthparent yet, much less YOUR birthmom. Of course, not every situation is the same either! Also, I don't think it is nearly offensive when speaking of adoptive parents because of the obvious difference..plus the expectant parent hasn't made thier decision FOR SURE, as most potential adoptive parents have. Plus you are talking about a difficult loss, and a very hard decision...versus for the adoptive parents a happy decision, based mostly on gain...

I must say I fully agree with Heidi on this one...respectfully also. Although I never thought about it until someone corrected me a while back on it...so yes guilty here also! To me, claiming a birthmother OR expectant parent at any point of the relationship makes me flinch. To me when you "claim" someone you (without even knowing) automatically puts yourself "above" them...like you "own" them. Or they "owe" you something. At least...to me this is how I would take it as a birthmother. Also...I believe that while some birthmother's wear that badge with honor (as they should), it is because they are that CHILD'S birthmother. So in a way, you are taking away some of that by claiming she is "our" birthmother. I hope this is making sense. I know if Christopher's birthmom said "my adoptive parents"...well...that would just be awkward to me, and it most certainly would if she said "my parents". But by saying "My son's adoptive parents" (or just parents even, though I do believe sometimes labels are needed to clarify) to me that respects my place even more, and puts us at an equal playing field. I guess "our birthmom" makes her sound like...well...sort of a puppy or something to me! LOL I understand some people do it as a term of endearment, and as a way to welcome them as not only thier child's birthmother, but part of the family. I would say to talk to your child's birthparents about this. If they love it, go with it! I think by saying "M - my child's birthmother - and our friend & family" is better...albiet longer. LOL I actually would rather say her name more than anything, because she is so much more than just his birthmother to us, or even his first mother (even though I belive these are badges of honor) because she didn't just do one act in his life. She is and always will be his mother that placed yet is continuing to put her child first by remaining in his life & becoming a part of this beautiful open adoption relationship, even though it can hurt at times. Of course...that is WAY too long to post with. Maybe I can put Christopher's MTPYICTPHCFBRIHLNBAPOTBOARETICHAT to shorten it. Hahahaha! I especially love the term birthmommy, especially when the kids are young. Just my opinion of course, but Mommy is so much more endearing that Mom or "mother". I also think it's vitally important to watch your language before the mother has made the decision to place. When you are in a fragile or stressful state, every word can sting. When I am stressed out, or beginning a new relationship, I hold on to a person's every word. I think by not referring to them as a birthmom yet, and by reiterating to them that they are EXPECTING, you are telling them that you respect the fact that this decision hasn't been made yet, and allowing them to enjoy that time. You aren't second guessing them, or thier choices up to this point, you are just giving them that special time with that baby.. Of course, this is all my opinion & I know not every person or expectant mom feels the same. I know I am careful with wording even now after placement. When I talk to M, I don't tell her "my son" this and "my son" that. I say "our son" if I do (which she loves)...or I call him by name. When I talk about his features he is getting, or things he is doing, I ask her if A (Chris' sister) ever did that, or if she has this or that feature. I'm not saying I think this would devastate her if I said "my son" or if I didn't do it...or that I don't take ownership that he is my child. I just know that sometimes we can go a little farther to help include them even just by our words, especially at the beginning when they are having to learn to trust us & what we said before placement. LOL - okay so I was typing as you posted!! Ha! Although I think the word Mother (instead of Birth Mother)...that would shorten it too! So I would say: Dear Woman Who Chose Us To Match With But Will Not Be A Mother Until She Gives Birth, And Will Not Be Our Son's Birth Mother Until We Take Placement or DWWCUTMWBWNBAMUSGBAWNBOSBMUWTP for short. Okay there. Perfect! LOL You see? You can't make ANYONE happy!!!

Congratulations to a very special birthmom & a very special family!!

What a beautiful story!!

Congratulations to your newly extended family!!! He is beautiful!! Enjoy the life as a mother of two!

Aw your welcome!! You have so many great answers that make me reflect & think...it's great to repay you! Natalie