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Runyan2002

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Posts posted by Runyan2002

  1. She was hoping for a Texas couple because she doubts an out-of-state couple will faithfully return to Texas for visits, and she truly wants that kind of openness as her child grows, so he and his brother can have a continuing connection throughout their lives. When I spoke with her today, though, she said she is getting scared that there may not be a family in place before the baby gets here, so she may be open to out-of-state couples if they are truly committed to open adoption.

    Ok I will contact them and let them know, see if they are ready yet. I do however know of a family that has a child already (3 yrs old) that might also be interested if she relaxation her stance on childless at all. They live in state.

    P.s.just reread my post. It wasn't supposed to be why do they have to live ib Texas...just do they have to live in Texas. I know why they would prefer that. Lol. I hate touchscreen and fat fingers.

  2. This makes me sad for Sandra because she obviously didn't know what was going on. It's not like the baby came after everything came out for her. The baby came before, and I can't imagine the heartbreak of having to hand a baby back after all she's been through. I love that she is going to adopt him as a single parent. It can work, and I hope it does. I don't see any fraud in her since she didn't know about it and many people hold dark secrets. If she had been pregnant we all would do nothing but be terribly sad for her. I think even the best homestudy worker can't be expected to get every secret out.

    It does make her act in The Blind Side that much more personal for me. Nothing like a little personal experience to help you act.

    ETA: I did see the Jesse James and the neo-nazi stuff and have to admit I was pretty shocked at that. I didn't know anything about it, hadn't heard rumors on it until after it came out. But if there were rumors the social worker should have done some digging.

    p.s. I don't think that the child will have a "better" life. I mean really, can any of us say for certain that our kids have a better life than they would have? We can't tell the future and very few of us have kids that were removed from extremely dangerous situations. So to say they would have a better life? Nope. But hopefully they will have a better life than what the birthmom had thought she could give.

  3. I do agree very much Karen - I have to find a way to accept the usage of the word. I had to do this with many things, people calling thier birthparents mom and dad, to people saying adoption is unnatural. It's hard at first but then you grow to appreciate and it doesn't hurt so much anymore when people say these things. I actually feel that way about mom and dad. I think I'd cringe less if people called M or N Mom vs Natural Parent. I'm not sure why that is?

    Maybe it's as you say - I'm seeing it as saying we are un-natural and I need to do some soul searching and tell myself that's not really the case. I guess maybe it's yet another reminder of how my family is not a natural family, and being a transracial family on top of an adoptive family I think I am constantly bombarded with reminders of that. Yup...I think that is my issue with natural parent. I understand I'm not natural, but it gets really hard to hear it all the time. I think I'm fully confident in my role as mom to these two beautiful black boys until something like this pops up and I realize just how tiring it can be. For some reason natural parent on a legal document isn't nearly as offensive as using the words every day to me...I'm not sure why that is?

    Now, that being said this is my own personal fight, my own insecurities I need to pan out. When it comes to my boys I will tell them the positive meaning natural can have, and I will supress my feelings as much as possible, especially if they choose to use this terminology.

  4. Because most of us parents, by adoption or by birth, feel like we are natural and nurtural, it's just a way to define the origins of the legal relationship. We can still feel both. One does not take away from the other.

    I agree, in the end it's about whatever you are most comfortable with. I just believe the first and most foremost opinion should be the child's. I personally don't really like nurtural either. I don't know, it makes me feel more like I'm a foster parent than just mom. I just can't imagine saying "natural mom" to my son without a big slap in the face reminder than I am not his "NATURAL" mom and that adoption is so very "unnatural". That really isn't needed IMO, where first parent you are honoring thier role in your child's lives, even birth parent...I guess I don't understand how birth parent and natural parent are different? With birth you are saying you just gave birth, with natural you are saying you are only his natural mom, assumably by birth. I just wonder how natural parent is going to make the child feel.

    Again, I respect everyone's opinion and enjoy this conversation very much.

  5. While I appreciate honest adoption language, this is about the child. Adoption is about the child, and the fact that they were once adopted...we can't make that out to be negative and I think honest adoption language is doing just that. There is a line between honest and hurt. I don't think that using some of those words are any more honest than the positive adoption language, and with positive we are telling the child that it's positive (wether or not the adoption was a negative experience or not for the birth parent, we still owe it to the child to make it out to be positive as much as we can IMO, or at least while they are young). We can't forget that positive language isn't about offending certain people, it's about the child and how they feel about it, or at least that is how I see it.

    I still hate the word natural. Telling my child that his "natural parent" is his birth parent also tells them that since they are not parenting them at the time we are an "unnatural" family. While I appreciate that adoption isn't "natural" I also believe very much that God had his hand in it, which makes it natural, just as anything God creates is. For me, I'm simply mom, or the parent. He is my son, not my adopted son, and she is thier birth or better yet FIRST parent. She is also just mom if he chooses, and I sometimes even use that, but she also is very respectful to us so that makes a huge difference in feeling threatened, etc).

    Positive adoption language isn't about making adoption appear to be this glorious love story, instead it's about making the child feel like it is a positive thing. It's about the child.

  6. First of all - when talking to our children about adoption, I don't make anything MY opinion. Like "We can give you a better life." or "they can't afford you" or "they weren't ready for you." instead add some simple words like "They wanted what they thought would be a better life for you." or "They wanted more for you than what they could give you." because it wasn't up to me, it was what they wanted for them. that is just me though...hopefully I'm not way off.

    I always laugh at what people feel is necessary. Why, for example, do we all have these big expensive homes and find them necessary? Remember what most of us grew up in? Most were half the size. And don't get me started on all the "must be new" stuff. I love hand-me-downs or consignment sales. That is just SMART! I'm also not sure I agree with that "calculator". There are a lot of things that society thinks you "need" when in actuality you don't. Kristal - I so agree with you!! While I think you should be smart about family planning (be able to afford the basics) money should not be everything. A part of me thinks that our society has become selfish, which might explain the "average size" of families decreasing more and more.

    The one thing i hate about adoption is that finances are such a huge part of it. Not ony the cost of the adoption but having a social worker look over all your finances to make sure you can afford another child "in thier opinion". Which isn't so scary for those of us with excellent social workers but I have heard some really horrid stories.

    As much as it takes financially to raise a child, a child is a gift from God, and he does provide. So we have to trust in His plan...

  7. What a minute... in some churches women who place children for adoption feel that is a sin? Like the adoption is a sin?

    I just know for Catholics, but no it is definetely NOT a sin (though I think the Catholic church needs to push adoption more of an option for mothers...not just preaching about abortion being wrong. Give these girls an option!

  8. Ha ha! Well I don't plan on having 12 kids, but my grandparents did, and then each of them had between 4 and 9 kids of thier own...and thier kids are having up to 5 kids already...I have over 100 cousins on one side! But I'm not nearly as close with them as I am my other side.

    Eh - you have the mini van now, why stop with 2? Or 3...or 4....LOL!

  9. Her arrival was welcomed with love by all who love her most, but most especially, by one proud new big brother who will forever be her defender, protector and The Boy By Whom All Others Are Measured!

    Okay that part made me cry!!!!

    Welcome Sweet Emma!! We LOOOVE our newest Sticky baby!

  10. Hello everyone, I'm new here. My husband and I are very excited to work with Abrazo and have sent in our pre-application in hopes of being invited to an orientation soon (we are childless and have very open racial preferences). Is there any word as to what weekend the April orientation might be? Thanks!

    Welcome!! Hold on tight because it's a wild ride!! :)

  11. Suzi - I know with transracial adoptions, especially AA, many parents feel comforted by a child already being in the home if they are also of the same race (for example an AA child already in the home). That is what I heard though, I'm sure Elizabeth or someone might know more.

  12. The Pope announced this week that condom use is not acceptable, even to prevent the spread of HIV/AIDS.

    Here's the BBC's report on the Pope's position and the public's response.

    Anyone who is Catholic, and studied the religion KNOWS why the church opposes the use of condoms. Wether we agree with it or not, we know, and it stands by it's position, no matter what. I'm not sure how we can say in some instances it's okay and in some it's not when the church, it's core, says it's wrong.

    Condoms are always a hot button issue with my non-Catholic friends. Again, we don't believe in it....there are many reasons why. We also don't believe in abortion, no matter what the circumstances. This is one of the reasons why I respect my church also, because thier beliefs are based on a LOT of research, and it doesn't change.

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