Teena & Joe

Big congrats to all three families!!!!!! I love the new pics in the gallery!!!

Congrats, Heather and Shawn, on your baby boy!!!!!!!!!!!

that's wonderful news! congrats!!!!

Oh, that's wonderful news on the new family member!!! I can't wait to see pics of the newest member of the Rat Race Rodeo!

yes, welcome, ashleigh!!!!

hey, I have my DVR set to tape all episodes of Adoption Stories. I will definitely be watching that one tonight!

poor kid. I feel sorry for him for two reasons. first, he has a mom who is incredibly rude and, second, she's so strict that even an occasional popsicle is off limits? geez.

well, what if the birthmother drank a beverage and didn't realize it had caffeine? would that still count? or what if she ordered decaf, but starbucks gave her half-caf instead? (I'm being ridiculous on purpose. that is insane! you guys must see the strangest bunch of applications at times...)

Jenny, I'm so sorry for the sad anniversary that you and Shawn have coming up over the loss of your beautiful son. Your story was so touching. As for the original question, to answer the when to say when question as to when it's time to end infertility treatment, it's something you feel in your heart. When your body, heart and soul simply tells you to stop. At least, that's how it happened for me and I've heard that from other friends who did infertility treatments. We did six IUI's and six IVF cycles, one using donor sperm just to see if that helped (it didn't), and one FET cycle using donor embryos. All that got us was two miscarriages and a lot of heartache. So after the last IVF cycle, I was done. But then my doctor offered the option for donor embryos and, since I had the time to spare and the insurance to cover it, I did it on a whim. I ended up pregnant, but miscarried. I was the first patient she'd ever had to lose a pregnancy due to a trisomy from a donor egg from a 21-year-old. The irony didn't escape me. When I was pregnant the second time, I confessed to a friend that I was worried about losing the pregnancy again. She said that God wouldn't give me more than I could bear. I told her that losing two pregnancies, one with twins, would be all that I could bear and that if it didn't work out, I'd know He meant for us to have a child a different way. We'd already planned on adopting before the donor embryos became available, so we continued on that journey as we'd intended. The pain has eased over time. Instead of waking up and dreading this day for weeks, I realized just a little while ago that today is actually the two-year anniversary of the day that Joe and I went in for our ultrasound to see the baby's heartbeat and we found out that our baby boy had died and that we had to do a D&C immediately that day in order to have the tissue tested before I miscarried on my own. We had lost his twin a couple of weeks earlier, but my body was absorbing that tissue. We had held out such hope that we wouldn't lose this baby, too. However, it wasn't to be. I did dream of him before I knew he had died. It was a very vivid dream where I was holding him in my arms in a hospital and he was wrapped in a blue blanket. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt when I woke that I had dreamt of our baby. Sure enough, the testing revealed that he was a baby boy. Our second pregnancy was a baby girl. It does hurt more to know the gender, but I feel that knowing more about the babies that died is a way of honoring them and their memory. They were real and they are now our angels. And when it's time to stop, your heart will tell you. It might not tell you loudly, but if you listen, the answer is there. Prayer helps so much, too. I do feel that all that we went through over these past several years has led us to this point in time for a reason, so that we can parent the child we were meant to be with. I can't wait to find out who the little guy or girl will be, but, then, patience has never been one of my virtues.

Let's hope his expectations of lifelong relationships are more lasting when children are involved! yeah, what a quote! could you imagine? going into a marriage knowing it "was going to burn out at some point"????

congrats to everyone and their new little family members. what wonderful news!!!!!!!!

Congratulations, Peter and Hallye!!!

he is a beautiful little boy. his photo brought me to tears, too.

That is the first I've ever heard of it-- but knowing that agencies historically encouraged adoptive parents to raise their adopted children to believe the myth that the adoption never happened, so why should myths like the Easter Bunny and Santa or the Tooth Fairy be any damaging?!?! It is bizarre and I never questioned it as a kid. My cousins knew that that was why they weren't told about mythical Santas and Tooth Fairies. They never really questioned it, either. But I always wondered why that would matter because it didn't make sense.

oh, how beautiful. 35 candles are now glowing.

Daryn, I agree so much. One of my cousins was just a year younger than me and when we would have sleepovers, she'd lay there and whisper to me that she wondered so much about the woman who gave birth to her. She said she was going to find her as soon as she was 18. She never told anyone other than me about her desires to know about her birth family. She was afraid that telling her mom and dad would hurt their feelings. Now that she's 38, she still hasn't ever looked for her birthparents. She still worries that it will upset her family. Her brother, who is older than me, is always trying to speculate on who his Hawaiian birth family might be, but he's never officially done a search. Watching my cousins has really taught me about the need for open adoption. No secrets.

Elizabeth, that's sad to hear. two of my cousins were adopted back in the 60's and my aunt and uncle told them as soon as they were old enough to understand. it must have been very young, because I can remember my cousin as a four-year-old and she talked about it even then. but I love your recommendation to tell the child from the very beginning so that we get used to telling the story and get super comfortable with it. One of my cousins I mention above wants to adopt, too, and so she and her husband are closely watching our adoption process. Same thing with a couple of friends of ours. I think you might just have a Kentucky contingent on your hands once we have our baby! You said that's how it usually starts. With one couple. I have a question - my aunt and uncle were told by the state agencies where they adopted so many years ago to never try to get their children to believe in Santa or the Tooth Fairy or any other mythical character because when they later found out it was make-believe, it would upset them more because they were adopted. I never understood that reasoning, but it was a subject brought up many times in my family growing up. As in, "Don't tell your cousins that there is a Santa Claus" etc, etc. I haven't ever seen it mentioned in adoption books. Did the state agency simply make that up? Or is that something they used to tell families in closed adoptions?

Adam-- you must've been reading wayyyy back to pull this one up! :PBut the good news is, after searching the nation, we did find an absolutely FANTASTIC couple for these twins. They went home with a very successful Nigerian-American physician and his wife, who was a stay-at-home mom and just happened to be of-- yes! Cantonese and Irish descent, herself!! (What were the odds?!) We regretted that the girls got stuck in our foster care for the time that they did, because the twins' birthmom so wanted them to go straight from her arms to their new parents, and that didn't happen. But we have no doubt the twins ended up in exactly the right home, in the end, and we were delighted that the adoptive family even made it to Camp Abrazo 2005 to show them off, the summer following that placement. You know, i was very confused after posting as I saw it and thought, hey! where did that post go. Okay, I get to blame some sleep deprivation on this right?! If not, we'll just chalk it up to not paying attention. It all makes sense now though :lol:Glad I could add a laugh to anyone who might have been following my post. :lol:Okay, I better exit this thread before I cause any trouble. It wasn't long ago that I think I replied to an old thread and started congratulating that couple on expecting It was a bit of a shocker for them too! :PThanks Elizabeth -Adam What year are we in again :lol:THANKS! and SORRY!! :) Adam, thanks for the laugh. So this is the effect of sleep deprivation? Hey, I'll take it any day! But it is definitely entertaining!

Paris Hilton said something stupid and ignorant? I'm so surprised!

yeah, and we're in kentucky but joe goes to NASCAR in texas and we plan to visit a LOT when we have a placement. doesn't that count??? kentucky isn't that far!

I keep checking to see how these little boys are doing, too. I can't stop thinking about them and their birthfamilies.

how interesting, Elizabeth. I completely believe the "fit of rage" story because during my many years of covering celebrities for magazines, I heard my share of stories that fit that same profile. Scary stories, as a matter of fact, where people were left fearing for their safety. Apparently rage is a common emotion for TC.