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Guy & Linda

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About Guy & Linda

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    Moon Township, PA


  • Member Interest Area: choose one
    Adopting Parent
  1. Guy & Linda

    Positive Adoption Language Primer

    ummmm..... I am at a loss. I'm stunned by the bitterness on this blog - language like "adoption is living abortion," "candy coating," "lipstick on a pig" and so forth. I can see that many adoptees resent the idea that their birth parents loved them so much they gave them up/placed them/whatever wording their adopted parents used. BUT - this very idea is fundamental in Abrazo's teachings, and from our perspective it makes sense. If the concept is offensive to adoptees, what on earth are we supposed to say to our precious children when the time comes? The last thing Guy and I want is for Heath to feel abandoned or resentful. It seems like most of those bloggers resent the adoption scenario as a whole. Sure it would be a wonderful world if every birth family were financially and emotionally able to provide a stable and loving home for their children to grow up in. But we all know the sad reality that some are not. As a "higher class infertile" I feel like a guilt trip is being thrust upon me which I do not deserve. The couple who chose us to adopt Heath appeared to be happy that he is going to be raised in a stable and healthy family. They certainly did not make us feel like vultures. Neither did any of the birth mothers we spoke to on the phone before our match with Heath's bp's.
  2. Guy & Linda

    Positive Adoption Language

    Good grief, my grammar... thanks Melissa. There is a thread somewhere on here that discusses names for birthparents. I will try to find it.
  3. Guy & Linda

    Positive Adoption Language

    I bought some cute bibs at Wal-Mart that say "I love my Daddy," "I love my Mommy," and "I love my Grandma." I can't wait to see look on the face of the dear woman who chose us when she sees the little "s" I stitched on the end of the Mommy one. I think it is cute and sweet and totally natural to think the little boy will have two mommys. After all, he will also have 3 grandmas, two siblings (maybe more to come), and a whole slew of aunts, uncles and cousins on all 3 sides - mine, Guy's and his Texas family. My parents were both married twice and I have a huge extended family. That's how I see this little guy's concept of family as well. I would be interested in a discussion re. what adopted children call his or her birth parents... maybe this is a topic for a different thread.
  4. Guy & Linda

    Positive Adoption Language

    I know I said I would butt out - one should never say never, huh? Angela's comment is interesting and I think that, as well as an affectionate term, it is just plain quicker and easier to refer to someone as "our" or "my" instead of "the prospective adoptive parents/expectant mother with whom I/we have decided to match with." I kinda think that too much is being read into these terms. (helmet back on now) But really, Abrazo does a very thorough job of making sure that adoptive parents understand and buy into the concept that the birth parent(s) deserve the utmost respect and compassion. Although Guy and I have never worked with another agency, I have heard that many agencies tend to defer to the adoptive parents since they are the ones paying the bills. Abrazo is to be commended for putting the emphasis on the birth parents' side of the equation. Seems to me that any adoptive parents who are not on board with this approach would be weeded out in the application process, or after orientation. So... this should mean we are all basically on the same page here, right? I mean, I understand that sometimes we do have to speak up in the general public (around the office water cooler, etc.) and in response to unenlightened comments on other adoption message boards, but why can't we give each other the benefit of the doubt here at Abrazo?
  5. Guy & Linda

    Positive Adoption Language

    And honor her we will. I am going to gracefully exit this vocabulary session now. Thanks Heidi for putting up with me Linda
  6. Guy & Linda

    Positive Adoption Language

    Hold on everyone, I have found the solution. It came to me whilst typing a PM to Heidi, with whom I have been holding a lively discussion How about this: Dear Woman Who Chose Us To Match With But Will Not Be A Birth Mother Until She Gives Birth, And Will Not Be Our Son's Birth Mother Until We Take Placement or DWWCUTMWBWNBABMUSGBAWNBOSBMUWTP for short. (okay, I'll go put on my helmet now) Linda
  7. Guy & Linda

    Positive Adoption Language

    Oh, and after placement and during his upbringing, to me it seems natural to refer to his birth mother as his "first mom." We hope to continue the relationship with her and want to find an inclusive term for when he thinks of her and refers to her. Birth mom seems like kind of an awkward term for a child to use (?)
  8. Guy & Linda

    Positive Adoption Language

    I am sorry, we are guilty of doing just that. I know we are not supposed to use first names and I thought that saying "our birth mom" was kind of a special way of saying that we formed a bond with her. Not implying any kind of ownership or anything like that... or by any means, anything but positive connotations. During orientation and in phone calls, Abrazo consistencly uses the term "birth mother" during pregnancy. This is why my husband and I have been using the term. If using the term birthmom is offensive we would be willing to use emom instead. But it really seems like semantics to me... the underlying intention is positive and loving.
  9. Happy May Day to two very special people! May this season bring you all you have dreamed about.

  10. Guy & Linda

    What made you pick Abrazo?

    lovefaithhope, I don't have anything original to add to what others have said... but I agree that Abrazo really feels like a family. We were amazed at how much we bonded with fellow adoptive parents at the orientation session, and now that we are seeing people get matched with birth parents it's this feeling of joy. We thought we would feel competitive but it's not that at all. We are all pulling for each other. I think most of us are out-of-staters as well. Linda (not matched yet, but it's just a matter of time!!)